I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it all happened naturally or easily. It never does for a woman my age. Yes.
I'm going there.
Several months ago the seed was planted, fertilized and grew as they say (such a gross term). I'm sorry I didn't talk about this sooner, but there was always the chance that something would go wrong and I just didn't want to get into a situation where I had grieve publicly.
Now, however, we're definitely past the danger zone and I am proud to present to you my best kept secret of the year. My bundle of joy.
1.1 lbs, 5 month gestation, 2 minute delivery. I named him Chip.
I accidentally grew 150 pound of potatoes.
I don't know if it was the fertilizing with compost or the automatic watering system, but whatever it was I've never produced such a big crop from so little seed.
Did you hear about that Karen? She grew 150 pounds of potatoes. For herself. Why would she do something like that do you think???
Karen? Down the street? Oh, well, she's not in her right mind. She named one of her potatoes Chip, called it her baby and then she ate it.
The gossip is all true of course.
This year on The Art of Doing Stuff we're going to learn whether I can eat more than my weight in potatoes within a 5 month period. Or possibly 2 weeks depending on how fast I can peel.
As a gardener I try to grow things I like and things that I can store throughout the winter. If they can be swaddled, all the better. Squash, cabbage, sweet potatoes, carrots, beets and of course ... potatoes. Why so many? It's not as crazy as it seems. Not for a potato lover anyway.
For french fries I need my Kennebecs. For a multipurpose potato, you need Russets. Perfect potato salad requires nothing less than the stellar red potato Chieftain and any health conscious potato lover will tell you the purple varieties like Peruvian Purple have the most health benefits. Plus you aren't a real maniacal potato lover if you don't have a section of your garden devoted to buttery yellow fingerlings like Austrian Crescent. I mean seriously. Plus there's your rare heritage varieties like Amarosa, Pink Fir, and those weird little ones with warts all over them.
Table of Contents
How to Grow Potatoes
My growing method is different than traditional potato growing. I don't hill them or add any soil after planting them.
- Add 1-2" of compost on bed in fall or spring.
- Push a 2"x2" wood stake into the soil down around 8"-10" and drop a potato into the hole.
- Fill the hole about halfway.
- When potatoes greens start to grow, use a rake to completely fill in holes.
- Wait.
- Harvest potatoes.
Austrian Crescent Potato
So. Not so crazy after all.
This is so stupid. I'm not even convincing myself.
The Austrian Crescents are dainty little fingerling potatoes that get my vote because unlike some fingerling potatoes, these stayed the size of fingerlings no matter how long I left them in the ground. I don't know if the buttery colour just fools my simple brain into thinking they actually taste buttery, but they do.
Peruvian Purple Potatoes
Or they could be Russian Blue. I'm not really sure. Some years I grow purple potatoes and the inside is completely dark purple, and other years they're like this ...
... sort of feathery. The size doesn't matter. Whether they're big or small they're like this. I thought I planted Russian Blue which I've had better luck with but these are looking mighty Peruvian Purple to me.
Like a crispy fried potato?
PURPLE SKINNED POTATOES GET CRISPIER THAN REGULAR POTATOES.
Chieftain
Red potatoes really are the best for potato salad. They don't fall apart completely when they're cooked so they'll hold their shape. I don't exclusively use red potatoes for potato salad because that would be predictable and I'm nothing of the sort.*
*please see first photo of my swaddling a potato baby.
That's scab on my red potatoes by the way. It's just cosmetic. You know, like a scab.
Russet Burbank
These are the workhorses of the potato loving kitchen. Good for fries, baked, mashed, gnocchi, potato guns and more.
Bundle. Of. Joy.
Then you have your classic yellow fleshed potatoes, the Yukon Gold another nice multipurpose with a light yellow flesh. You can see the difference between the interior of a Russet and a Yukon Gold below.
Again, I'm really not sure how this happened or what I'm going to do with them all. So far I've eaten french fries, potato pancakes, roasted potatoes, made gnocchi and looked up how to distill potatoes into vodka.
Oh! And I registered for shower presents of course. I've got a nice stroller selected if you're looking for something to get me. Maybe you could all go in on it together - it's not cheap.
It may seem weird but I'm going to walk my potatoes around the neighbourhood in a stroller because it's harder than you'd think to strap them into a car seat.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Jody
You don't need a stroller.... Drive around neighbourhoods ringing a bell. Everyone will think it's the Yummy truck but in fact it will be Karen's Chip Wagon. On the menu, fries, gnocchi, , and the special smashed POTatoes.
Angie
I planted some potatoes in our community garden plot and when I sent my husband down to harvest them I get a phone call from him double checking the plot number and where I planted because there were no potatoes (or even dead plants) in the bed. Someone took them. Husband dug all through the bed and only found part of one that had been sliced with a shovel! No potato babies for me this year. I hope Chip was delicious.
Dr. James McCleary
Where do you get the seed potatoes.
Really interesting article presentation
entertaining also
shoshana leeder
I must say I'M impressed! I tried canning the "C" size I must say I wasn't impressed. They tasted weird. Just sayin...
Linda C Johnston
You are just so damn funny! I can't wait for your emails. I get a fresh cuppa and sit down for a visit from Karen! Makes my day. BTW, that is a great potato haul. I wish I could still grow my garden. I live vicariously through you! lol
Leslie Barnard
PLEASE make vodka!!! Then invite your mom and sisters over for a tasting. I can't wait to hear about it!!!
Trish Kinnee
Talk about laughing so hard you cry! I'm glad I read this in the morning! I'll be giggling about it all day and no one will have a clue!
Congratulations on that super harvest.
jaine kunst
LOL!! You are definitely crazy and very good at growing potatoes!
Kristen
That was HILARIOUS!!! The picture, the intro, you had me totally hooked. 😂 Enjoy eating your babies this winter, crazy lady!!
Diane
Ha, ha, ha...you did it again...had me laughing out loud...thank you.
Joe
Congrats Karen! On the article I mean, very well written.
Btw just a tip, in Holland you can only grow potatoes in the same spot once every seven years, guess growing them takes a lot out of the soil. The Dutch are the premier gardeners of the world. Just saying.
Have a lovely
Joe
Karen
Thanks Joe! There's a few different theories on that actually. I follow a world renowned vegetable gardener who does not rotate his crops at all. Ever. He makes sure to feed the soil every fall or spring with loads of compost, doesn't disturb the soil and it all works out. Of course if you get a disease on one of your crops it is definitely better to rotate after that I would think. ~ karen!
Joe
That could be very well true. Only way to know i presume is to do a test plot or have a soil test done very year. An interesting suggestion would be to a email Robert Pavlis. Robert is a bio chemist, lives in Guelph On. He also has a blog and website called Garden Myths where he often writes about different topics verified with scientific data. http://www.gardenmyths.com .He also has 5 acres of private gardens called Aspen Gardens which you can tour for a small fee (no vintage train though). Saved me a ton of money, time and work. Love his work even though he is not as funny as you.
Karen
Interesting! I'll have a look at his site. Gardening is FULL of myths and people repeating those myths generation after generation. I'm on year 3 of my potatoes being in the same plots and so far there hasn't been any problem. ~ karen!
Debbie
Would that be Mr Charles Dowding? I follow his no dig method as well. As I am type 1 diabetic I have to limit my carbs and I am a great potato lover so I don't grow very many spuds, I will enjoy them vicariously thro you.
Congrats on your bundle of joy, Love your blog.
Heather
Well done! Will look forward to recipes. I got a dozen paltry potatoes from my garden. The bugs feasted; I'm pretty sure they're establishing subdivisions in my garden in preparation for next year.
Karen
Sadly, that's probably true! Time to think about eviction methods. ~ karen!
Marilyn Meagher
Those purple potatoes are beautiful!
Sandy Zelinsky
Congrats!! Where do I send my $20 contribution for the stroller? And how do I sign the card.
There will be a card, right? So happy for you. Enjoy the fruits, or should I say vegetables of your hard labour...tee hee.
Karen
Ha! Thank you. I'm not sure what everyone complains about. Labour was super easy. ~ karen!
Sandy Zelinsky
Congrats!! Where do I send my $20 contribution for the stroller? And how do I sign the card.
There will be a card, right? So happy for you. Enjoy your hard labour...tee hee.
Pamela Marshall
Very nice harvest! Do you loosen the soil before you plant? And how will you store them and what varieties store the best for you? This year I planted my potatoes in bins so I wouldn't have to dig them but I wasn't happy with the harvest. I am always planning for next year
Karen
Hi Pamela. I do not loosen the soil before planting. I try to touch my soil as little as possible. The less you mess with it, the better the soil structure becomes making it more and more friable over the years. I store them in ventilated wood crates (the waxed cardboard boxes from grocery stores would work well) in a cool, dark room. ~ karen!
Mary W
You nailed the motherly expression on your picture perfectly. I would have thrown the scabbing taters away, but you know for a fact they are edible? I grew potatoes down here in Florida under 8" of hay instead of dirt and had a whopping success and they taste so different from too young to be picked, sprayed to prevent growth during storage, and store bought. Congrats on your haul and wishing you many lovely nights of carb-ration! Those lavender blues are gorgeous! I have no ideas on storage - we just ate them every night until gone. Wonder if once mashed, buttered and otherwise doctored up and ready to eat you could freeze individual helpings? I'm going to try it since I could make a big batch then since it's only me, enjoy them for a couple weeks.
Karen
Cooked potatoes do freeze, but they don't freeze especially well. Their texture tends to go weird and watery but I freeze stew sometimes and I don't find it noticable then. And yes I know for a fact that potato scab is completely edible. It's just ugly. :) ~ karen!
Carol
Great crop! Re: scab. I've always read where adding too fresh manure to your potato patch will cause scab. I can't imagine compost doing that though.
Julie
That’s one gorgeous potato! (Not to take away from the other beauties). We didn’t grown any this year on purpose but a few “bonus” potatoes sprung up from the ones we missed.
Karen
Oh yeah, lol. There are ALWAYS volunteer potatoes. You really only need to plant them once in a lifetime. ;) ~ karen!
Carla
I just LOVE your sarcastic humor. I am an avid flower gardener and on disability at middle age (56) and so I also subscribe for the many money saving tips. Your attitude and ability to make fun of yourself keeps me coming back. Thank you for the smiles, laughs, and joy you bring to me Karen! 🙏🏻❤️
cottage 99.99
The most hilarious birth announcement ever.