If you're looking for weird, look no further than Asia. In North America we've been held hostage by the beauty industries' inane, boring notions that toothpaste should simply be mint flavoured and facials performed at spas.
Skip right to the products.
I don't mind getting old. I mean, it's O.K. ... my house is almost paid off, (relatively speaking) I can eat whatever I want for dinner and I now have the confidence to tell anyone wearing pajamas at the grocery store that they aren't appropriate attire for shopping. They're meant to be worn in the comfort of a movie theatre or a while cutting the lawn. Idiots.
What I do not like about getting old is the effort it takes just to remain relatively human looking and feeling. I itch if I don't moisturize, if I don't drink enough water I'll have pillow marks in my face for 12 hours, and somewhere along the way my feet morphed into cinder blocks. Tiny, hard as a rock, rough cinder blocks that catch and pull and rip as I pull on the most delicate of socks.
You'd think with all these concerns I'd pay more attention to taking care of my skin but I'll admit I'm pretty sporadic about it. I never go to bed with makeup on my face and I moisturize it every night and morning but that's kind of it.
My friend Andrea, on the other hand has always, always LIVED for skincare. I don't know why she even bothers with worrying about it, she's as old as the hills and her skin is perfect. Glowing, healthy, tight. Again. Idiot.
Andrea's a makeup artist and at the moment is living in Singapore. I don't know if you know this but Asia is the Mecca of weird beauty treatments. It's the land that gave us fish pedicures and bird shit facials. If you haven't seen it, read the post about when my sisters, mother and I got a fish pedicure in Thailand. Yup.
So every year I get a big box filled with some weird Asian beauty products. Like this snail mucus moisturizer I got last year.
I couldn't imagine anything topping that but ... it did. More on that later in the post.
7 Bizarre Beauty Products From Asia
(thanks to the world of Amazon *most* of these products are available in North America. If they're available, I've linked to them)
- The Face Tightener.
I'm still not sure what this is but it feels very blow up sex doll to me. I think it's for tightening your facial muscles. You chew on it a bit. I'm not sure why you couldn't just chew on gum. It's all so confusing but ... I'm not going to question the world of Asian beauty products.
This flower shaped one isn't available on Amazon, but the even more fun, MOUTH shaped one is.
2. The Wrinkle Eraser
The jade face roller. Which will simply roll away face wrinkles and improve your Chi. I don't think it'll do any of that but it feels really good rolling over your nose.
Jade face roller available on Amazon.
3. The Face Mask That Looks Like a Tasty Kid's Treat!
No idea. I had NO idea what this was. Obviously I thought it was some sort of drinkable shake. As most people would think. Except kids. They'd probably just think it's a sippy cup and ignore it. It's a rubber face mask that you mix up in the cup and squirt on your face.
From the top.
Note to parents. I'm sure I was just being stupid thinking it was some sort of drinkable shake. Your kids will never make that mistake unless they happen to be hallucinating from eating a Tide pod.
So feel free to order one up from Amazon.
4. Flavoured Toothpaste
I don't know about you but I get sick of the same old mint flavoured toothpaste. Bring on the tasty refreshing flavour of curry!
This one seems to have even been too much for Amazon. It isn't available but a litany of this toothpaste brand's other flavours are including Vanilla, White Peach, Green Tea and Pumpkin Pudding.
5. Nail Tip Only Manicures
I'm not sure what this is but I think it's a face mask for your nails. Which I suppose makes it nail masks.
Each of them fits onto the tips of each of your nails, like teeny, tiny fingertip hats.
6. Bubble Masks (also known as Cloud Masks)
One of the many popular Korean face masks out there. These became really popular in Asia around 2013. They're sheets of cotton that have moisturizers and serums already infused into them. You just rip open the package, put the preshaped mask onto your face and prepare to become Korean. Just kidding. You won't become Korean, it could be any Asian nationality. Japanese maybe.
This particular mask is a "bubble mask" or a "cloud mask". Yup. Available on Amazon.
7. Sumo Bum Face Mask
If you aren't into bubble masks you might enjoy the Sumo wrestling mask. Because there are very few things in this world that say soft supple skin, like a sumo wrestler's ass.
I had to choose one of these fun prpoducts to start with so I went with the All in One Multi Cleansing Mask. That's the one that's second from the bottom in my photos. The bubble mask. Korean Face Masks are easy to use. You just slap the cotton sheet on your face and sit.
So I did.
This is how it went ...
I know. You want one now. Here's the link again.
Things always get a little bit weird around here after Andrea sends one of these packages. I'm wilding curious about what it's going to be like to brushing my teeth after my curry dinner tonight for instance.
Have a good weekend!
Vikki
Enjoyed your video—I laughed until tears ran down my face. Still chuckling....
Jody
I don't know how I missed this one...........Too too too too too too funny!
awesomesauciness
OMG!! I laughed so hard I about peed my pants, Karen!
s
Hi Karen, disclaimer that I enjoy your blog, but I didn't enjoy this post. I think there is a way to poke fun without stigmatizing a continent for being weird and "off" somehow, and I don't think you achieved it here. I'm trying to be both gentle and direct here. Maybe think about how you could do this next time. There are plenty of crazy American products/rituals/practices too.
Karen
S ... even the people in Singapore/Asia think these are funny. This isn't the same as chastising a country for eating chicken feet or something else that we don't find culturally appropriate or desirable. There's nothing wrong with this post and if offends you that's fine, I understand, but there's nothing about it I would change. Also, I'm Canadian. ~ karen!
Karen
Sorry ... not trying to appear blunt. I'm just rushed. ~ k!
Mina
After I stopped laughing, I realized that we cannot read what they put in this stuff. Probably best we cannot. The hockey mask effect was scary to be honest. Did it do good things for your skin? You are far braver then I am....
Karen
I'm not sure what it did, lol. My skin did feel nice for a few hours afterwards if that counts for anything. ~ karen!
Benjamin
If you washed that mask off and suddenly look like Kim Jun Un, and have a tendency to poison your long lost half sister, I'm running for the hills to my nuclear bunker. Ugh.
Ardith
While the cleansing mask demonstration by the lovely model is compelling, I think I'll stick with my new Hada Labo Tokyo skincare products (I do hope there are no snail butts in them).
I predict that sex doll mouth thing will only create some serious mouth wrinkles. One can only imagine how the Sumo bum mask ingredients were procured. And I'd rather not enhance my morning yak breath with curry flavor.
Looking forward to more product demo videos, and future gifts packages from Andrea.
Heather
Thanks for making me laugh this morning. Loved the mask and the back-drop fail. LOL!
Olga
why is it foams on top layer of the sheet and not on your face? Is this mask just so you can look like a cloud lol
Cath
I. Am. Crying.
I needed a good laugh and you delivered BIG TIME!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Karen
My dry skin and I are there for you. Always. ~ karen!
Elissa
You are hilarious!! Thank you....I'm still laughing. 😂