Front Porch: Warning: The Halloween curmudgeon is about to appear

I have no quarrel about Halloween itself. I love the excitement the kids have, the dressing up, the going out in pursuit of candy from the neighbors.

But why does it have to be associated with truly scary stuff?

I’ve never been a fan of being deliberately scared. Someone hiding in a closet and jumping out at me receives an instantaneous from-my-lizard-brain reaction of a fist headed straight for the face – unless I can stop it in time once recognizing the prankster.

I used to see Ellen DeGeneres do surprise gotcha bits wherein someone leaps out of a bush or something near a guest on her talk show to scare them. Everyone laughs. I growl. Yes, I am a fright curmudgeon.

Same feeling for a lot of the movies associated with today’s holiday – grotesquely scary. I’m not talking about murder mysteries or people in danger as part of the plot. I mean everything from demonic possession to slime spewing from the orifices of never-before-seen creatures with the intent on doing scarily wicked things to mankind. Nopety, nope, nope. Don’t care for it.

Now, sometimes the scary is campy and silly, which is not so offensive, but I can’t see the delight and pleasure in scaring the bejesus out of people for the fun of it, or, for that matter, intentionally putting yourself in a place where that happens. And then, associating that with a holiday now celebrated largely by the giving of candy and wearing costumes.

You know, fun stuff.

I know, tradition. Halloween as we know it evolved from the Festival of Samhain, created by the Celts a couple of thousand years ago to scare away ghosts and spirits, and is associated with witchcraft, magic, fortunetelling and the like. There are other roots as well, and I know there is religious controversy about it (which I’ll leave alone here).

So, yes, I understand the historical connection with ghouls and all. I’m just not a fan of creepy, especially for kids. I’m not trying to ban anything here. Knock yourself out with the creepy if you like. I will (and do) enjoy my right to opt out. I just don’t understand it.

To me, Halloween is buying or making costumes for your kids and taking them out to gather candy, even when it’s a cold and rainy (sometimes snowy or sleeting) evening at the end of October, and enjoying their glee. Or taking them to Halloween parties at school or someone’s home. Sometimes we adults would dress up, too. Even did the bobbing for apples thing, which is always a lovely mess, and I still wonder how anyone can ever sink their teeth into a floating stemless apple.

I particularly love the costumes. Especially the homemade ones. Some people can be so clever with just a large black garbage bag and some ingenuity. I think my favorite one was worn by a friend to a party. She used fabric scraps sewn onto a potato sack, and when she held her arms out, there was a single bedside table created on the front.

“I’m a one-night stand,” she said. It was great.

So are the decorations. Sure, bring on the spiders and webs and friendly ghosts. Halloween is arts and crafts heaven.

As Halloween is upon us again, do have fun and be sure to have candy on hand, including enough for leftovers.

And, personal request, try not to be too creepy.

Voices correspondent Stefanie Pettit can be reached by email at [email protected].