Dear Annie: Teenagers prefer friends over parents

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Feeling Unloved,” who was considering cutting his teenage children out of his life because they don’t seem to want to spend time with him. As a high school coach, I have seen numerous teenagers navigate the divorce of their parents.

Divorced parents, you must realize that your teenagers are moving away from you at this time in their lives. It isn’t because they don’t respect or love you. It is the natural way of growing up. Your teenagers don’t want to spend a Saturday afternoon in your living room playing games. They want to be with their friends at the movies. But they still want you to notice what they do, accomplish and need.

Parents who want to stay connected to their teenagers should attend their sports, fundraising and performance events. Be an enthusiastic observer! Take pictures of your children with their friends and send them copies. If the team goes out for a meal after the competition, sit with the other parents and let your kids sit with their friends.

Finally, parents, don’t act put-upon and sad. Your teenagers don’t want to feel sorry for you. They need you to be strong and encouraging. They want to be proud of you. Let go of your ego. As soon as you recognize that it’s about your child and not about your pitiful situation, you will enjoy being a parent again.

Your children are not responsible for your divorce or your recovery, and they should not be expected to do anything to help you through this. Find other adults to help you. – Coach in Lodi, Calif.

Dear Coach: Thank you for pointing out that all teenagers, regardless of their parents’ marital status, go through a period when they’d rather be with friends than family. But it doesn’t mean they don’t still need their parents’ guidance and encouragement.