THB

ART OE CONVERSATION.
WITH

DIKECTIONS FOR SELF EDUCATION

NEW YORK
,

CarletoUy Publisher,
LONDON
:

Madison Square.

LOW, SON & CO. M DCCC LXX.

S.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1881, bj

GEO. W. CARLETON.
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Southern District of

New York.

CONTENTS.
Pagt
Preface

.7
INTRODUCTION.

Of

Conversation in Greneral.

.15

THE ART OF CONVERSATION.

Chap.

I.

Attention in Conversation.

.24
29
37
.

IL
^

Of

Inspiring Confidence in Conversation.

m.
'

Personal

Appearance.

Dress.

Orna.

ments
rV.

V.

VT.

~Vn.
Vlii.

Of Satire, Sarcasm and Teasing. Of Censure and Fault-Finding. Of Compliments. Of Egotism in Conversation.
.

.
.
.

40 46 49
57 71
81

Politeness

^Its

basis

Its Applications.

"IX.
X. XI.

Of

Stories,

Anecdotes and Puns in Con-

versation.

Of

Questioning
its

^Its

Misapplication and
.

advantages in Conversation

90
93

Taking

Liberties.

^Impudence.

Staring.

VI
Chap.

CONTENTS.
XII.
XTTT.

Of Argument in Conversation. Of Men who are " always in the right." Of the'Influence of women in Conver.

Pagf

9^

sation;

Married

Ladies.

104
Ill

XIV.

Of

Disagreeable Subjects in Conversation

XV.
XVI.

The Paradox

in Conversation.

114

Of Of Of Of

Selfishness in Trifles.Small Sacrifices

.118
.

XVII.

Conversation at Dinner-Parties
Silent

124
130 135

XVni.
XIX.

people.TimidityIts

Cui-e.

Correct Language in Conversation.

SELF EDUCATION.

XX.
XXI.

Of Of

acquiring General Knowledge.

Self Instruction in Literary
position or Writing.
.

145
149

Com,

XXn.

Of Reading
Moral and Mental Philosophy.
.

.156
165
.

XXin. XXIV.

XXV.

XXVL
XXVn.

Of Art in Conversation.^Esthetics 167 Of Studying Languages 174 Of Curious and IMiscellaneous Eaiowl.

edge

180
.

Of

Science.

184

APPENDIX.

XXVnX

Of Vulgarisms

in Conversation

i99

PREFACE.

is

often

urged against works like the

that they
profess
to

follqwing,

teach

what can only be acquired by

experience.

practical

Keflection over this objection induced

me

to write the
it

ensuing pages.

And

having borne

in

mind through every

for

chapter, I trust I

may be pardoned

dissenting from such a canon of criticism.

Conversation

b
in

like

chemistry, something which must of course result

it is

actual practice, but

as true of the one

as of the

other, that it is based on comprehensible facts

which may

be

set forth in books.

The
school,

truth

is,

that this objection

is

a relic of the old

with the
it

which jealously restricted

life to

all familiarity

elegant arts of
to create the

a favored few, whose interest

was

impression that such arts were veiled by a

JIRT
to

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
be comprehended by the multitude.

mystery never

This impression was enforced by identifying good-breeding,

accomplishments and grace, with innumerable frivolous

laws of etiquette, and by making the whole depend on
intimate acquaintance with the fleeting

mode

or fashion,

which was however attainable in perfection only in a court

circle.

It is

however worth remarking, that a very great

proportion of this elegance of the old school " which no

books can teach," was entirely derived from dancing masters

and teachers of "

style "

themselves members of

that lower class of

society

above which their pupils,

be so mysteriously exalted.

thanks to their

efforts,

were
late

to

There has been of

years a great change in the

opinions of the world regarding etiquette and elegance,

since the dancing master has been dethroned,

and the

master of ceremonies no longer takes precedence of the

school-teacher, clergyman

and

editor.

Social intercourse,

even in royal

circles, is

every day being based more and

more on the laws of common sense, of kindness and of

respect for the innate dignity of every man, than on the

accidents of rank, and on a conventional, Japanese-like

etiquette.

The laws which lend grace and a charm

more

ta

ufe are, in other words becoming

distinctly intelU

PREFACE.
gib*e,
real,

and more capable of being defined as sometLing

even in a book.
fifty years,

Not only within the past

bat actually dur

ing the present decade, have there been striking changos

in the manners of gentlemen,

and

in the tone of conversilly eti-

sation, as regards laying aside

an affected and

quette for the natural dictates of the heart, and for a social

code which treats the poorest

man

as a gentleman,
is,

so long as he behaves like one.

fact,

Republicanism

in

becoming the law among the most highly cultivated,

is,

while the worn-out frippery of the old school

oddly

enough, cherished principally by the wealthy and ambitious vulgar.

That the
is

spirit of the

conversation of the present day

in a

infinitely

more capable of being presented

book

than was that of the old school will, I imagine, be denied

by no one who
such leaders
sincere effort

is

impartially familiar with both.

And

will,

trust, give

their

sympathy

to a very will not

which the author earnestly hopes

be without

effect in disseminating

among

the

young men

of America some knowledge of the refinements of social

intercourse as based
tellectual

upon manliness, common

sense, in

culture,

and a kindly legard

for the rights of

10

^RT OF

COJVVERSATIOJV,

others, instead

of the scraps of an artificial and shallot

is

etiquette

which

rapidly- becoming a matter of ridicule.

this

I should state in connection with

additional impulse to write this

subject, that an

volume was given by ex

amination of a number of current works on society, conversation and etiquette.

The tone of nearly

and

all

seemed

60 singularly old fashioned, so frivolous

imitative of
real con-

merely superficial " manners," that

it

was with

cern I learned that such books are sold annually in incredible

numbers.

That

their effect

must be

to

make

silly fops, instead

of brave -hearted and truly cultivated

gentlemen,

is

apparent on every page.

reader of
*'

One very popular

*

work

tells its

A little
is

book entitled

The Art

of Tying the Cravat,' which

as indispensable to a gen-

tleman as an ice at twelve o'clock.'*

A very recent volall

ume

and by

far the

most pretentious of them

de-

clares that our conduct in

society should consist

of " a

happy medium between well-directed insolence,"

'*

and

the subordinating our

own vanity

to the vanity of oth-

ers."

Anothw work

of sober tone consists chiefly of

to

hackneyed moral axioms, and tends

make

the great

law of social intercourse an anxious care

to abstain

from

everything like amusement or cheerftdness

its

hero of

PREFACE.
a diary being a youth

11
had not Worked

who

regretted he
!

hard on the Fourth of July

Another deals principally

in such arts as retiring gracefully from a room, " which

can only be done by an easy side-step, accompanied by

a graceful bow "

a performance
is

which the author de-

clares is very difficult,

tice,

and requires much private pracis

but which

indispensable, " since nothing

so

rude and disgusting, as to turn your back upon any one."

The same
terms

writer, while urging the advantages of

what he

" female conversation," adds as a climax to the

disasters

which must result from neglecting such convershould you do so,

'*

sation, that

you

will certainly never

it

learn to

dress "

this dressing,

be

observed, constipoliteness.

tuting a very important part of his

manual of

I should be indeed sorry to refer in such a manner to

the writings of others were they simply harmless
;

but

such coxcomb's doctrines are not harmless, since they

make
teach

great mischief, in

common
.

with

all that
is

pretends to

young

people that true culture

a matter of bows,
;

expense, elaborate toilettes and grimaces

or on the other

hand that

it

consists of sad austerity instead of genial

kindness, intellectual culture, joyous appreciation of all

that is

merry and wise, and of

life

as

it

should be among

dither rioh or poor.

12
The

-^iRT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
book
is

object af this
is

therefore briefly as follows

to base

There

a strong tendency in the present age

the laws of social intercourse upon a standard of dignity

and of

rights

common

to all,

and

to treat

every one as a
civilly.
tacit-

gentleman and an equal, so long as he behaves

To do

this,

common

sense teaches us that

we must

ly lay aside most of that artificial

manner which a poor

man, however courteous he may be by nature, cannot be

expected to have learned.
It is

on

this

ground that I

would
ture.

establish the principles of conversation

and of

cul-

The reader

will readily understand that I

do not mean

that a gentleman should at ant/ time forget his natural

ease, grace, or correct language.

I refer simply to that

indefinable annoyance, that expressive exaction of a servile deference,

which was as marked in the gentlemen of

the old school as their shoulder-knots,

diamond buttons
in the

and swords, and which

vincial

is still

common

more pro

English nobility and their

institutions.

As
would
ly

regards the rules for self-instruction in literature, I

state that

having during
to persons

many

years pas^ f/quent

commended them

whose eduoatioR hi4 been

in sevtrt"

partly neglected,

and having witnessed

casea

PREFACE,
results

13
been induced
to

beyond

my

expectations, I have

give the hints in question a place in this volume, with

the sincere hope that' their efl&cacy, in which I have that
faith

which results from experience,

may be

generally

tested.

It

is

the application of the principle of beginning with

facts,

a few leading

of adding to

them day by day, of

constantly reviewing what has been learned, of assidu-

ously combining and working

up

into

new forms

all

tho

knowledge thus gained, and, in short, of developing the

memory

of the whole

by

association,

which forma the

method of teaching languages, so successfully followed

by the pupils of Ollendorff and of Ahn.

in these pages has
this

My

effort

been

to

indicate the plan

by which

system

may be

practically applied to the acquisition

not merely of a language, but of any other branch ox

branches of learning.
It

may have

occurred to the reader, that the manner

fault with the social
in reality

in

which foreign writers have found

of the

peculiarities

American people involves

B high compliment, since in judging of the conduct of

the mass in this country, they invariably adopt as their

standard that of the Jirst class in their

own

nation.

II

14

ART OF

COJVVERSATIOJV,
to

would be preposterous
citizens

compare tte majority of oui

to the

peasants of Europe, and a knowledge of

the facts involved proclaims that moral

and

intellectual

culture

is

constantly

making rapid advances

us.

in every dithings,

vision of society

among

Progress in

all

and
is

above

all

things in advancing the dignity of labor,

in

the United States no hackneyed axiom, but a great and

living truth, in

which most men take warmly

live

to heart,

and

which they

and have

their being.

In

this truth,

thousands, as I
it

now

write, are risking their lives,

and

for

thousands of lives will yet be offered

aU

to

advance

the

sum

total of

human

happiness.
social culture

In the great system of

which occupies so
arts of freely

prominent a place in that of progress, the

communicating our thoughts, and of acquiring knowledge,

are anything but insignificant

If

by the publication of

a few chapters, most sincerely written in the hope of doing good, and which I trust are not entirely without somo
basis of observation

and study, I

shall succeed in aiding

though but a

little,

those arts,

my

most earnest ambition

wiL be fully

realized.

The Authob.

INTRODUCTION
OF OONVEHSATICJr IN QENEBAi.

HERE
is

is

no

social

art in -vvnich

it

so generally desirable to excel, as

in Conversation.

The man
fil

or

woman who can

ful-

all

the

conditions

of talking

well, has at

command a means of
when
directed

success which,

by

common

sense, is fully equal to all

the advantages afibrded by birth

and fortune combined.

With

it

the

woman

of mod-

erate personal attractions can

draw around her ad-

mirers, while the mere beauty remains a wallflower.

Wealth and rank often

possessor,

lose their

charms

to tho

and even the exercise of accomplishments

16
at times

JIRT OF CO^rVERSATJOJ\r.
grows wearisome.

But

the pleasure

of
its

well-sustained social intercourse always retains

zest.

We

love power

and of

all

power the most

agreeable
ence.

is

that which comes from personal influ*

It is for this reason that kings

and other very and

eminent

persons so often excel in conversation,

astonish ^le world

by

their

happy faculty of adapt-

ing themselves to the most varied natures.

They

soon grow weary of the flattery addressed merely to

their rank,

and therefore devote themselves

to the

art of personally pleasing, or of

impressing those

whom
dom

they meet.

And

as they receive full encoursocial advantage,

agement and have every

fail to

they

sel-

make

rapid progress.

George the Third

has been greatly ridiculed as regarded his personal

peculiarities,

and yet

it

would be

diflScult

to point

out in any literature the report of a conversation so

happily combining sense, courtesy, tact and wit, as
that which he he.d with Doctor Johnson, as
it
"**

we

find

narrated by the latter.

But

it is

not necessary to be a king to talk well,

except so far as acquiring control over the kingdom

of our mind
is

concerned.

Every one who

it

will de-

vote himself to the art can acquire in

Bkill

a degree of

which will ensure respect in

aixy society.

By

C OJVVER SA TIOJV
practising dancing

IJV

G EJVERAL.
;

\7

you learn

to dance with ease

and

by studying

all

the

resources of conversation and

by putting them in practice as often as opportunity

occurs,

you

will

end by talking well under the most

trying circumstances, acquiring ease of manner and

Belf-possession

among

those

whose presence would

otherwise be to you oppressive.

Conversation

cannot be entirely learned

from

books, but books are quite capable of giving infor-

mation, and of making suggestions which every lady

or gentleman of ordinary intelligence can turn to

good account in this

great advantages.

art,

and thereby Acquire very

The author was acquainted with

a gentleman of wide experience in society, who was

noted for his agreeable conversation
;

and for

this

he

owed much,

as he confessed, to reading

what had

been written on the subject.

No

one will deny that

the difference between well-bred and vulgar children,

is

in a great
all

measure due

to the precepts of parents

and yet

of those precepts
If the reader
tlie

may
is

be given in black
conscious of any

and white.

who

deficiency as regards

ability to appear to advan-

tage in society, will

set

himself to work in good

earnest to

remedy

his defects,

even with no other

ieacher than a book, he

may

be confident of success

13

ART OF
to ensure
it

COJ^VERSATIOJ^.
Nil sint

But

he must labor diligently.

labor.

labore

nothing without
at all times.
is

Rules and examfol-

ples should be borne in

mind and assiduously

lowed

There
this

at least one great advantage in acquiring

very useful art

its

practice

demands no

loss
it

of time.
saves time.

On

the contrary,

when properly

applied

Those who converse correctly, invariably

induce others to talk

more

intelligibly with them,

and such people even in making bargains, come moro

distinctly to terms.
to

Every time the student speaks

his

any

one, iie

may turn

knowledge

to advantage.

The

porter at the street corner, the sailor lounging

in the sun, the elegant lady

with

whom you exchange

;

a few fleeting words in greeting

principal,
tD aid in

your servant, your

your

officer,

your

friend,

may

all

be
it

made

your mental culture and to feel

so

soon as you by pains and perseverance begin to realize that

you are acquiring

in

it.

Nay, the most powdirection

erful

minds can be led

any

you

will, as

an elephant

may

be baited here and there by a child

rice, if

with a few grains of

you choose

to

simply

introduce or lead the subjects which pertain to the

direction required.

Rules

even

rules in books

can be made of the greatest possible utility in these

respects.

cojvrER SA Tiojsr
Language
of the
life
is

ij\r

g ejveral.

19

the reflection of morals and manners.

and of the heart.

He who
it.

endeavors to

correct his conversation will also endeavor to cor

rcct the defects which control

In leaving

ofl

abusive expressions one learns to cure the^ habit of

thinking
faults

evil of others

and of gloating over their

"hypocrites" who

for

after all said, the

play such a part in old fashioned dramas

the

men

who use language

become rare in
ceiving very

to conceal their thoughts

have

this age, because

they succeed in defancy themselves

few.

Many may

adepts in the art of disguising their characters, but

the vulgar, yet expressive, word "
fails to

humbug " seldom

be commonly applied to them.

ever gave himself in earnest for any

No man

great length of time to the object of succeeding in

the art of conversation, and of thereby making himself generally acceptable in society, without ridding

himself of
at least

many

defects,

which

if

not positive vices,

had nothing in common with goodness.

well
is

To

converse

to acquire that delicate

morality

of the heart which leads on the one hand to kindness,

and

is

on the other mysteriously allied to good

life,

taste in matters of

of literature and of art.

Hence

it

will be found that in those circles

where a

20

^RT OF

COJVrERSATIOJV.
is

very high standard of social intercourse

exactedj

and "which

is

expressed and tested by excellence in

is

oonversation, genius
clogs

most readily freed from the

of prejudice, of suspicion and of vulgarity,

itself in great

Rnd quickly manifests

ents are
ple

works.

Tal-

nowhere so rapidly developed as among peoin their intercourse

who

aim

at constant eleganco
thia

and propriety in discourse or discussion, and

latter is not the result, but rather the

cause of the

development.

It has often been a matter of

won-

der that great minds are more generally developed

in groups, than singly
;

in cities than in the country.

No

one doubts

that the same

Anglo Saxon blood

exists all over

America or England, with the same

;

average of talent
countries

and in every corner of the two

may

be found highly educated men.

is

But

how much
is

greater

the proportion of genius which

developed into actual results by social intercourse

!

than by solitary reflection

iaj

The

real reason for

it
-

that

now and then a

circle is

formed whose

mem

bers cultivate the art of mutual expression and of

mutual intelligence
versation and

in other words the art

of

con-'

thereby succeed in a short time

other

in

imparting

to

each

not

merely a general
also

knowledge of what they themselves know, but

COJ^VERSATIOJ\r
what they themselves
are.

^J\r

GEJ\rERAL.

21

Among men and women

and of adventure, of per

who

consciously or unconsciously excel in conversa-

tion, experiences of travel

sonal intercourse with eminent characters, and im>

pressions of remarkable objects, are

communicated

with a vividness which no written description can

convey.

Tones,

gestures,

glances,

attitudes

and

smiles supply a color ^ so to speak, remaining indelibly

impressed upon the memory, and which no book can

ever impart.

A single reminiscence of
my mind

Lord Byron,

narrated by an accomplished " conversationalist,"

has made upon

id,

an impression far more viv-

and which seemed to give a deeper insight to the

personality of the poet, than did all of

fiington's written experiences.

Lady Bles-

It will therefore be readily understood, that people

of ability greatly increase that ability, and enable

one another to produce great works, not merely by

mutually meeting, but by cultivating the art of

versation so that they

con-

may

give and take knowled serv/

to the greatest possible advantage.

As

regards the

pleasure to be derived from the proper exercise of

the power which this art bestows,
little

need be said.

One

person, and especially

it,

any one accomplished woto cast

man, who excels in

is

enough

an

air of

22

'

-fiRT

OF COJ^VERSATIOJf.
soirSe ;
to

cheerfulness over a whole

sustain

fci

weeks a spirit of gayetj

to

at the dullest watering-place

draw together

in

any

society and then

draw out

the best qualities

of every

one to advantage, to

unite congenial minds which would otherwise have

remained unknown to each

other,, and in fact to ex-

ert a genial influence as of sunshine in all places

at all times.
tirely

and

It

is

usual to attribute such power enor

to

to
is

"disposition"

natural

"gifts."

Much

of course due in these happy instances to

ability or to

"advantages," but I

am

firmly con-

vinced from observation, that after

all it is chiefly

owing

to the expansion

which

is

given by judicious

cultivation of the art of conversation.

is

The world

full

of

men and women

of kindly feelings, and

even of excellent educations, who have indeed every

requisite to not only achieve social

eminence but

to

elevate

others with
that
is

them

"if

they only know

hotr"

to say, if they could only import

their thoughts, sentiments or moods, with ease and

tact, to others.
'

It

may

not be in the power of any writer to ren-

der every reader to this degree accomplished.

it is

But

very possible that the reader

may by

persever-

ance do as

much

for himself;

and I shall have sue-

COJ>rVERSATIOJ\r
ceeded in

LX GETTER AL,

23

my

object, should I be so fortunate as to

induce any into whose hands this book

may

fall,

and

who may be

conscious of a need of instruction as

it

regards the subject of which

treats, to strive to

remedy the

defect.

ART

OF'COJS'VERSATlOJf

CHAPTER L
A.TTENTION IN CONVERSATION.

/%^^

HE

best talkers are the best listenis

ers "

an axiom which has been

repeated, in one form or the other, in

every cultivated language.

attention to
is

"

The duty of paying

what other people say

a funda-

mental law of the social code."

You may be
your
thrill

able to startle with

wit,

move by your
all

pathos, and

with your

eloquence but

this will not

Have you from being frequently a positive annoyance

unless

you have occasionally what Sidney Smith degentleman

ired in a loquacious
silence.

a few

flashes of

The

duller tho intellect and the

more limited th

ATTE^TIOJV

IJ>r

COJ\'VERSATIOJV.

25

knowledge and experience

maj
will

be of the person with

whom you
Bclf,

talk, the

more
will

he wish to hear himlisten to

and the

less

he desire to

you,

save for applause and flattery.

Bear patiently with

such people, and content yourself with following the

example of Sir

Walter

Scott, by directing their

conversation to subjects on which they can give you

useful information.

Remember

that there are few

persons from

whom you
is

cannot learn something, and

that everything

worth knowing.

Whenever you meet with a man or woman who

seems disposed, as the French say, to defray
all

the

expenses of the conversation, you would do well to

become a

listener

and limit yourself to an occasional

remark, which you will have time to render piquant,

and which,

if

apropos, will

make the

greater impresthe
first

sion on your " subject."

social

Patience
is

is

of

all

virtues,

but Silence

her most useful hand-

maid.

And
will

though you be even a Job by nature,

take part in a conversation
in

you

seldom

which the two

may

not aid you.

I can safely

Pay, that in reviewing

tion I find that those

my own

studies of conversafavorin-

who produced the most

able impression on

all,

were men or women who

dicated the possession of great patience.

No

degree

26

^^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOSr
will

of brilliancy or of knowledge

impress

well

bred people with a sense of superiority at all comparable to that which

is

awakened by patience and

self-command.
/aire, or

It

is

the true basis of the savoir

to act correctly

"knowing how
is

under

all

circumstances," which

the whole art of being a

man
It

of the world.

would be well

if

every one would once a day

reflect

on the proverb which states that we seldom get

into trouble

by saying

too

little,

but very often by

saying too much.

There
bility in

is

an inexpressible courtesy and a true no-

deference and in attention

;

when paid by
any
to

children to parents

by young

girls or ladies to

who

are older than themselves, or

It indicates a
is

by young men

any one.

very high degree of culture

and refinement, and

in life.

an unfailing omen of success

beautiful

But

it

becomes far more

and
to-

noble

when manifested by
inferiors.

either old or

young

wards

Many

people excel in courteously

evading or getting rid of the conversation of others,

but the lady or gentleman has mastered a

higher grade in the " art of living " who can

much
listen

with interest to
ble,

all,

especially to the poor and

humoi

without manifesting impatience, indifference

affectation of interest.

ATTEJVTIOJVWhile

IJ^iT

COJVVERSATIOJV.
and while
left,

97

silent in conversation

listening,

never stare away to the right or

and be careful

to avoid all appearance of inattention or of abstractedness.

Look

steadily at the speaker

it

if

he of
to

she be a person of sense

will be

an admonition

be concise, for

it

is

not kind to compel prolonged

attention from those

who

are so courteous as to be-

stow

it.

French writer has however, ingeniously obis justifiable

served that one

in seeming to be inat-

tentive or in a reverie

when praised by
is

another,
to

or

when

a flattering allusion

in

any way made

an action, a work or a remark which does him hoOr

or.

To
at

attend to

many

persons,

or to look steadily

them may require

as well as

modifications.

I have soen

women
uttered,

men who

to whatever
lightest

mi^ht be
never
to

not

excepting the

jests,

varied from a steady stare which seemed

say,

"I

will

know

the whole truth

you

cainot de-

ceive

me."

No

rudeness was intended, but the im- /

pression which the stare gave was that of a w^ant of/

courtesy.

One may
to

look steadily and yet p\>litelyy

reader never forget

To recur
in

my

text, let the

any conversation, under any circumstances, that

28
it is

-^RT

OF

C0J\rVERSAT10J\r.

not only the best part of courtesy, but also of

Pol-

policy to be rather a listener than a speaker. liymnia,

the

muse of Eloquence

herself

is

repre

Bcnted with a fore-finger on her lip to signify that

silence if aptly

employed

sets off

language to tho

best advantage.

COJ^FIDFJ\rCE

IJ\r

COJ\rVEESATIOJV.

29

CHAPTER

n.

or INSPIBma CONFIDENCE IN GGKTEBSATIOir.

REQUISITE
restrained,

element of agreeis

able conversation

that

it

be un-

and to do

this

you

must

inspire

confidence in your

discretion.

Strive

by every means

in

your

power
a

to avoid the

reputation of
to a soul

tattler.

Never repeat

a syllable which was not intended

for repetition.

Make

it

a point of personal pride to

be reserved on this subject.

Few

persons seem to be aware of the advantages

which are to be derived from having the character of

never repeating anything that
is

told them.

Most

people in the warmth of conversation say

much which

80

-ART

OF

COJVVERSATTOJSr.
secret,

they trust will be kept

and quite as many,

it

may

be added, repeat nearly

all

of these confidences,

hoping that an injunction to secrecy will protect

them from

all

consequences.

How

can they hope

that others will be

more

truthful than themselves ?

But

those

who

are truly faithful in their reserve

enjoy an advantage, as regards making friends, which

it Is difficult to

exaggerate.

With many women, the

in a

mere conviction of such a merit

to insure intimacy

man

is

enough

and unreserved confidence.

He

who hopes

to

become a

favorite with the fair sex can-

not begin too soon, or labor too assiduously, in creat-

ing the

impression
to

that

the

most

trivial

secret,
is,

whether imparted

him or acquired by accident,

in his keeping, perfectly safe.

to

But

it

will be vain
it

attempt to gain this character unless

be foundcirculation

ed in fact.

A
to

single bit of gossip in

stamped with your name, will excite general distrust

and doubt as

your

fidelity.

If you can establish

a character with yourself for secrecy, others will

soon elevate

it

to

something remarkable.
is full

The whole world

fidence

of people craving for cona secret

is

people

to

whom

like gold in a

child's pocket,

burning to be issued.

Those who are

high in rank and blessed with every advantage are

COJSTFIDE.VLE
often tormented for

IJ>r

COJ\rVERSATIOJV.

31

want of " a true friend " mean;

ing thereby some one to

crets.

whom

they can confide sesimply take them

And

on those

who

will

and keep them, they are willing

to

bestow friendship.
it is

To

those

who would be

in

such confidence

enough that they follow the advice already given of

never being directly or indirectly the means of disseminating gossip of any kind.

In connection with

this

subject I

may

properly

advise the reader agiimst, Qjiriosity.

ple
to

There are peo-

who cannot

see a letter without craving to

know

whom

it

is

addressed, or

who cannot

find any-

thing written lying on a table, without involuntarily

picking

it

up.

The Riul Pry

is

the meanest charfeel

acter of society,

and he who would

superior in

strength and in integrity should strive vigorously

to h2^;e_nothing in
Dess.

common with such

a type of base-

Bear continually
of conversation

in

mind the

fact that in the art

kJ

the secret of

success lies not so

much

in

knowing what
,

to say, as in

what

to avoid

Baying.

Efery man or woman of ordinary

intelligence can

82

-ART

OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r.

by resolutely acquiring information and imparting

it

in correct language,

become a good
it is

talker.

But

to

become a good

conversationalist,

necessary to

influe-nce the
Jk

minds of others.

You must

esUblisb

genial and sympathetic tone between yourself and

the one with

whom you

discourse, so that in the end

your friend may retain the conviction that he haa

__said nothing which sobeir second thought

would

dis-

approve, or to which

you would recur with doubt.

It con

To do

this is

always in the power of either.

sists in

following rigorously the simple rule

^
y

^'

Xfeose^lease most

who

offend the least."

It is not

enough

to refrain in conversation

from

annoying those who are present, or from censuring

the absent.
It is extremely characteristic of a gen"to

tleman or lady

abstain from a//^ gossip whatever

or from meddling reference to other people and their

affairs.

am

aware of the very great

is,

difficulty

of

determining what

or

is not,

proper to be discuss-

ed of other people.

Many

things

must be known,

and of many others that knowledge which at one

time seems impertinent, at another proves to be proper and profitable.

The most

sensible people not un-

frequently show themselves gratified at learning that

you are not ignorant of matters

in relation

to^iem,

COJVFIDFJVCE

IJ\r

C0J>rVERSAT10.Y.
it is

33

which, strictly speaking,

to

none of your business

forw

know.

And a

knowledge of the good or Lad

encounter

tunes of those

whom you

may have

a se-

rious influence in determining the character of your

intercourse.

All of
those

this,

and much more,

may

be adduced by

who defend

the practice of gossiping.

all,

Yet

it

remains true that, after

those

who

least indulge

in such meddling meanness are the least seldom en-

tangled in troubles throuo^h io^norance.

to

To be

able

resolutely avoid listening to

affairs, intentions,

comments on the

family

or mistakes of other people,

rejjuirea not only firmness

is

hnt

tact,

and the one who

diffi-

possessed of this will seldom be involved in

culties resulting

from avoiding gossip.

The lady

or

gentleman who can successfully achieve such a

tri-

umph

will at once

assume a high position as regards

understanding and. threading the entanglements of

life

and of

society.

It

may

not be clear to the

youthful reader

why

this should

be

so,

but

if

he or

she will implicitly follow the rule of strictly avoiding

all

gossip whatever, the time will

come when the

immense advantages gained from such observance

will

be as a bright light over a whole

while on this subject I

life

time.

And

may

appropriately ob*

84
Berve
its

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.

connection with an accomplishment of very

is

great importance, which

generally regarded as be-

ing" entirely a natural gift.

I refer to tact

to that

judicious

employment of our powers just at the

is

right time, which

so useful in

life.

And

with

it

may

also

mention that happy exercise of wisdom

is

by which one

enabled to avoid those embarrassliable to

ments into which the young are especially

fall.

It

is

the want of these gifts which the inexperi-

enced in life

contemplate with most dread.

Let

them console themselves with the

reflection, that the

is

most certain means of acquiring thern^

strictly

to

very

adhere to the rule of doing as you would be

dbnQ by~at"aTl tim^s^anT on"att~occasions, firmly resisting

all

temptation to the contrary.

This, with

the cultivation of knowledge, and of such arts of society,

and accomplishments, as you can master,

will

be certain to

impart, in time, that firmness and con-

fidence which,

when

allied to grace, invariably be-

stow tact and practical wisdom.

I trust that the reader will not

regard these re-

marks as the mere commonplaces of morality.

are matters of sound

They

common

sense and their appli*

cation gives the best possible basis for forming an ele

COJVFIDEJVCE
gant
is

IJV

COJyrVERSATIOJV.

35

man

or

woman

of the world, of the type whicli

respected.

now becoming most admired and

day society
is

At

this

rapidly undergoing great changes.

Drinking and gambling and extravagance are no

longer encouraged in respectable circles as they were
in the days of the

gentlemen of the old school,

Chesterfield are

anc!

the heartless

maxims of

now

studied

only in that second

class,

which always unconscious-

ly occupies a position far behind the true leaders.

I

know

that the

young are

still

generally under the

impression that brilliancy in society, elegance

grace in

and

manner and

in conversation,

have nothing in

common with
good
I
in every

love for all

mankind, with forgiving

our enemies, and with endeavoring assiduously to do

way

to old

and young, rich and poor.

that tenderness

know

that

it is

too often believed

of heart and conscience are not to be reconciled with

the character of a

gay man or woman of the world,

with fashion and cosmopolite style.

error, so

Bat

it is

a great

very great that I know that

all

of these

latter fascinations

may

be best acquired with the aid

of a good heart.
dissipated

It is time the ridiculous error

were
less

that one must needs be more or

life

hardened and frivolous to enjoy

gant phases

in its most elei^eQ-

The

truth

is,

that the really best

86

ART OP

COJVVERSATIOJ>r,

pie in the world ought to be

among

those

who

best

know

it

and

there

is

no reason

why they

should

not occupy such a position.

I trust that the reader

who

is

desirous of excel-

ling in conversation will peruse this chapter

more

than once.

Should he or she succeed in thoroughly

it treats,

extirpating the habit of which

I might per-

haps conclude with this

that one so
life

page

so confident

am

much

purified at heart
social

would through
all

meet with every

encouragement frcm

whose good opinion would be worth having.

PERSOJ\rAL APPEARAJ^CE,

gT

CHAPTER
PERSONAL APPSABASrCB.

nr.
OBNAMESTTS.

DRES3.

a well

known French work on cou-

versation, the first three chapters are

devoted to the teeth, the mouth, and

the tongue.

To

those

who would

excel in the art, the suggestion

may

not however be amiss that as regards

personal appearance there should be
neither
striking defects nor effects.

Not only should

the teeth^ as the

neat,

French writer suggests, be kept scrupulously

and with them the minutest
details

of the entire

person, but the hair and dress should be strictly

within the average limits of the fashion of the day.

The reason

for this is manifest

there should be

nothing to distract the eye or divert the attention

S8

ART OF

COJVVERSATWJSr.
he countenance, or from the

from the expression of

words of the person conversing.

lect

The

slightest neg-

of cleanliness

is

quite enough, with the majority

of refined people, to mingle a feeling of disgust with

the most favorable impressions, even though they

may

be quite unconscious of the source of the dis-

agreeable feeling
us,

for

such defects often open to

train of offensive assoto be

we know not why, a long

Neat
toilettes

ciations.

and good clothes are

commended,
pliment to

since they are in a certain sense a

comfor a

all

with

whom you

associate.

But

man, jewelry and striking ornaments, gay colors and

all that attracts the

eye form serious drawbacks.

intel-

People of experience in the world, especially

ligent

and shrewd women, are prompt

to

form con-

clusions from foppish eccentricities of dress, which are

seldom to the credit of the wearer

and though they

may pay

a tribute of admiration to the ornaments in

it will

themselves,

always be discounted from the re-

spect due to the

mind of the one who bears them.

an old
coat,

It is far safer to trust to

than to rely

on the slightest neglect of neatness escaping observation.

Cheap

imitative elegance

is

invariably vulgar, and

indicates the

mere

fac-simile of

what

is

in itself a<

APPEABAA^CE, HRESS,

ORJ\'AMEJ\rTS.

39
It
ia

best little better than ornamental barbarism.

well set forth

by

Pimch

'

Believe

me

if all these ridiculous

charms

"Which I see on thy watch-guard to-day.

Were to-morrow locked up in the pawn-broker's arms. Some trifling advance to repay, Thou wouldst still be the snob which this moment thou Let thy vanity think what it will

art.

Jrr those shining red buttons, that breast-pin so smart. And those studs, show vulgarity still *'
!

am

perfectly aware that with

many men
is

the ten-

dency to gaudy color and display

Perhaps
it is

irrepressible.
it is

well that such

is

the case, since

matter of

some importance that the weak-minded

should be promptly

known whenever met, and we

may

therefore regard the tendency as equivalent to

ihe wise provision of

Nature by which we are ena-

bled to distinguish parrots and

macaws from the

birds

of pleasanter temper and song.

A lady being
replied
'*
:

asked what opinion she had formed

of the conversation of a certain

young gentleman,
I can remember
ball

Do
it all

not

ask

me !

nothing of

but a horrible great red coral

all
'
!

on

his cravat,

whieh rolled against

my

ideas and

knocked them down like nine-pins

40

ART OF COJVFERSATIOJV

CHAPTER

IV.

OF fATERE, SABCASM, AND TEASINO.

^EVER
when
it

saj

anything

unpleasant

can bj any possibility be

avoided.
It
is to

be regretted that witty

satire

and keen retorts are so genrelished.

to be

erally

Many

persons

seem

under the impression

that without sarcasm social inter-

course must of necessity be dull.

frequently believed that
as shine.
all

It is indeed too

wit must cut as well

to indulge in this

The temptations

form

of rudeness are consequently to many, irresistible.

They

learn that a single sarcasm or a stinging reply

promptly conceived and well expressed often establishes a reputation.

If they look into the past, they

SATIRE.
find that

SARCASM.

TEASIJS'G.

4,1

many men

of letters, statesmen and

artists,

who would

otherwise have been forgotten,

still live in

anecdotes which do credit to their heads, but very

little

to their hearts.

They

observe, too, that all

manner

of faults are corrected or punished

by

wit,

and that people who l^ould otherwise become

plagues, are frequently held in check

social

by the

fear of

pointed ridicule.

But unfortunately very few

which the abuses of
benefits.
vfitty
ali

observe the degree to

its

sarcasm out-balance

A majority of
source.
it is

quarrels and ill-feelings

spring from this

Where impertinence

is

once crushed by wit,

a hundred times goaded to

insolence and revenge.

*'

In nearly

all instances
it

of

deserved castigations " by pointed repartee,

will

bejound they might have been avoided without a

sacrifice of dignity, in

some manner

far

more cred-

itable to the intelligence of the

it

one replying.

And
who
to
fail

should be borne in mind, that very few persons

have once become notorious for keen retorts

become positive nuisances.

with a single shot some one

Having brought down

who

is

fair

game, they

end by setting up an
the wnole world.
It has

'^

infernal

machine " against

been said that by strictly avoiding the

42

-^RT

OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r.

temptation to use slang,

we end by

disco\ering not

only more correct, but even far more striking expressions as

an equivalent.

So

it

will be

found that by

refraining from satire and sarcasm, wit, far from

bomg

diminished, greatly increases

its

real

power and value.

Even when

it is

absolutely necessary to reply to in-

solence with a retort, and

when the happiest form

itself,

of

a cutting answer promptly suggests

you should

remember

that

it is

always possible to retain the wit

and administer the-^eproof in a manner which expresses

your disinclination
skill

to inflict pain.

Such

triumphs of

and kind-heartedness indicate a de-

gree of nobility which deeply impresses every one

whose admiration
It

is

worth winning.

may

be seriously doubted whether any person

famed

for frequent satirical retorts

was ever
professed

at heart

either a gentlepian or lady.

The

"wit"

grasps at his weapons as naturally as a groom in a

quarrel grasps at a stable-fork.

A man

whose head

and heart are alike cultivated may, like a gentleman,

when taken unawares,

with
is

seize the

same implement, and

it

it

defeat his foes

but he casts

aside

when

all

over, as though he regretted the necessity which com-

pelled

him

to use

it.

It is

very significant, that the

is

lower the society,, the greater

the relish for smart

r.-r^

SATIRE. SARCASM.
and
tart sayings.

TEASIJVG

43

At a certain depth

of vulgarity ^e

continually hear in conversation, efforts at satire fol-

lowed by bitter recrimination and endless quarrelling.

I trust that the yomng reader who aims at sucin

cess

conversation and at thorough accomplish-

ment, will reflect deeply on this subject.

not
fail to

He

can-

ascertain that whatever

may

be repeated

with admiration of the wits of the last generation,

or of our own, that on the whole this species of
brilliant vulgarity,

which made a reputation for a

rapidly losing ground in culti-

Douglas Jerrold,
vated society.

is

There

is

a character to be very frequently met

is

with, which

too often imitated

by those desirous of

acquiring an easy, independent tone in conversation.

I refer to both

men and women who

indulge in

" churlish

flings

and boorish slurs " at the present

or the absent in a cool, smiling, easy manner, which

they fondly believe passes for polished satire and

keen irony.

Elderly and imperfectly educated

fops,

who wish
are

to be

thought wits and

to

men

of the world,
It

much given

this style of impertinence.

abounds, however,
people,

among

all the coarser varieties of

who think by

profuse expenditure and costly

dress, to cover defects of intellect

and of early

as*

44
sociations.

'^RT

OF COJ\rVERSATIOJV.
that an elegant air
is

They think

may
which

be

put on as a garment.

Nothing

so easy indeed to
vein,
ia

assume as

this ironical

and personal

intended to only slightly annoy, without being carried so far as to give serious grounds for a quarrel.
It

proclaims unmistakably, imperfect culture or real

vulgarity

endeavoring to masquerade as elegance,

though

it is

by no means unfrequent among those

better.

whose associations should have taught them

Avoid
liberties.

at all times in conversation all

manner of

_ilTeasing "
is

is

a favorite amusement with

Yj^

jn^pj, and

not unfrequently carried, as regards

i^yJiM'^^^^Q^l

victims, to such

an extent as

to utterly ruin

dispositions
lent.

which would otherwise have been excel-

It generally leads to irritation

and

insult.

Persons who habitually tease in any manner whatever,

directly or indirectly,

may

be possessed of

many

excellent qualities, but they are not entitled

;

to true respect

nor

is

any

one,

who

fails in

respect

towards others, or in regard for their feelings.

The

incurable
is

^'

tease" who cannot refrain from

annoyances,

indeed invariably an individual whose

intellect is in

some respect

deficient or disordered,

and who

is

therefore to be avoided.

Such persona

are frequently gifted with wit, and, occasionally, with

SAITS^E

SARCASM. TEASIJVG.

45

polished (^not refined) manners, but thoy are dan-

gerous companions, as their irritating disposition

apt to communicate itself to those
the habit of attacking.

13

whom

thej are in

ART OF COjyVKRSATlOnf

CHAPTER

r.

OF CEN8UEB AND FAULT riNDIU'O.

HOSE

who would

excel in conver-

sation should beware of censuring.

There are persons who seldom

talk without blaming

some one,

or carping, grumbling and disapproving.

The

faults

of others

are as their very breath.

They
down

seem
and, to judge

to be forever looking

them by

their

own

accounts, one might

all their lives, asso-

imagine that they had never, in

ciated or

met with a decent or reputable human

being.
It is unfortunately true that a

very large propor-

tion of social conversation consiists of fault-finding,

or of remarks derogatory to the character of the

CEJ\rS UR E.
absent.

FA UL T

FIJVDIJSTG

47

Here and

there,

indeed,

we encounter a

truly noble nature, which recognizes the vileness of

abusive gossip and

avoids

it.

I would have the

fol-

reader adopt such a character as an ideal to be

lowed out at
temptation.

all risks, at all times,

and under every

Let him resolve every morning that

no needless word of censure shall during the day

pass bis lips
;

and when he shall have so long ad-

hered to the resolution as to feel quite certain that

he has cured himself of the

in the

vice,

he may indulge

proud consciousness of being at heart not

only a gentleman, but a gentleman

peers in the
first circles

who has few

of any land.

There are few persons who do not regard a man

or

woman who never

speaks

ill

of others as of truly

noble character.

Such instances of magnanimity

are rare, but they never fail to be duly honored.

In society their words meet with marked attention,

for

they are invariably truthful, and the world

will be dissolored

knows that what they say

malice
or

by no
and

uncharitableness.

Very

elegant

highly accomplished

women

of the world sometimes

accomplish this great triumph over the most insidious fault of our nature, and thereby wonderfully
increase their abilities in the art of pleasing.

48

-^RT OF COjyrERSATIOA".
It is within

the power of every

young person

to

make and keep

a resolution never to utter a word

directly or indirectly uncomplimentary to

any one
a fortune
earnestly

If such

young persons should be

upon
success
in

ojQTered

dependent

this,
!

how

would they guard every utterance

And
all

yet no

fortune would ever be of such real benefit to any

youth as a heart pure and free from

censure.

carping and

Owing

to a strange delusion, very few are really

this
]

aware of their own habit of indulgence in

vice,

though they readily remark

it

in others.

believe, indeed, that the

worst offenders would be

truth.

amazed should they learn the

If you have
thrice a
it,

any doubt on the

subject,

set

down

day

in a blank book, as nearly as you can recal

every

word which you have said of any one which you

would not repeat to his
self
will,

face, or

have said of your-

K you

occasionally review the volume

you

in all probability,

be induced to reform tha

habit

OF COMPLJMEXTS.

49

CHAPTER

VI.

OF COMPLIMENTS.

HE

spirit of a

compliment

is

the

expression of something agreeable

to another person.

It is therefore absurd to broad-

ly

condemn

it,

since the whole art

less directly

of pleasing

is

more or

that of complimenting.

The most

benevolent or generous act to an

equal, loses

much

of

its

value if utterly devoid of

compliment that

delicate

homage by which we

imply that certain excellencies or merits in another

bare made upon us a something more than superficial impression.

Women

or

men
3

who

are not familiar with

50

Ai^T

OF COJVrERSATIOJV.

the world, or skilled in conversation, invariably express,

and perhaps

feel,

a dislike to compliments.

They

are either suspicious and doubt the sincerity

is

of all praise, or, as

more frequently the

case,

they

find themselves unable to turn the

compliment with

an adroit answer or graceful reply, and are consequently rather vexed than pleased with
it.

Much

of this comes from an uneasy fear of covert ridicule, of being

'^

quizzed " or held at an advantage.

It is needless to

say that such feelings or fears never

gifted with

annoy a cultivated woman, or any one

proper self respect.
It
tion
is

true there are compliments to which objecjustly be raised.

trivial,

may

Some

are coarse, some

clumsy, others

and others worn out; bu:

they almost invariably correspond to the character

and conversation of those who utter them, and

if

we

are frequently annoyed,

it is

generally our fault.

too severely judged,

But no compliment should be

unless
sult
least
it

be manifestly a downright -sarcasm or indisguise.

in

The

flattest

flattery implies
it,

at

on the part of the one uttering

a desire to

commend himself to

favorable consideration, and haa

a more creditable f^round than scandal, satire and

OF COMPLIMENTS.

51

I have already intimated that the crownirg excellence of conversation, as a mere art,
is,

not to ac-

quire a reputation for excellency in

notoriety
well,

it,

lest

through

we

lose naturalness.

To pay compliments

especially to

young women, one should not

or, as

have the reputation of being profuse in praise,

girls

sometimes phrase

it,

of "having the hat-full

ready.'-

Yet

as every expression of congenial appreciation

is

and admiration

really a compliment,

it is

evident

that the art should be cultivated

I dare not say

studied

since a studied compliment has been deall,

clared to be none at

Sincere admiration, eleis

gantly or wittily expressed,

people, and
for a lover.
is

acceptable to most

the most effective means of persuasion

And

it

need not be directly

glances not

oral.

Ex-

pressive
adroit

and

respectful

stares,

commendation of certain qualities in other

people which are shared by the one you compliment,

all

belong to the

art.

If

we

carefully study

any

person's tastes, tendencies, accomplishments and associations, opportunities for sincere

and pleasing com-

pliments will occur continually.

Of
in

all

compliments the most agreeable are those

which the one paying them seems to be uncon-

52

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
and
is

scious of so doing, in earnest.

at the

same time warmljr

When

offered in this

manner

to a lady

she

is

doublj

gratified,

first

with the compliment,

at

and secondly, with her own penetration

having

detected a real feeling in relation to herself.

Beautiful

women are

readily convinced

by a glance

or by demeanor that their charms are appreciated.

All of them, however, who have any claims to culture,

will,

when

the

first

tribute

is

paid, be best

pleased with appreciative compliments paid to their

intelligence,

accomplishments,

''spirit,"

kindness

of heart, tastes, habits, hopes and associations.

very beautiful

woman who

believes that she has ex-

cited a deep admiration for some quality othe?^ than

her beauty

especially if

it

be one for which the

TTorld gives her little credit

is

always gratified.

"I
''

heard that you said a very good thing lately,"

is

There

an excellent remark going the rounds

which I hear attributed to you," will be found much

more gratifying

to a person

who has no
any
other.

established

reputation for wit, than to

there are very few persons

And

aa

who never say anything

worth repeating,
compliments in

it

is

an easy matter to pay such

all sincerity.
iT\or

There are few persons living who are not

OF C0MPLIME.YT8.
or
le.5S

5<,

interested in the opinion of others.

to

Men,

as a rule, are gratified

know

not merely that

women have
ttat they

praised

them

in their absence, but even

have been favorably spoken of to the

dames.

If you can inform

that

you had con-

versed with

in reference to him, as

and that the con-

versation had been such

to give

a favorable

impression of A, or had drawn a compliment from

him, you will yourself pay an agreeable compliment

by referring

to

it,

especially if

your words and manoccupy a high posifact.

ner are aptly managed.

tion,

If

will assuredly

never forget the

There

need be neither impropriety or insincerity in thus

promoting kindly feelings between people.
After
all

said

on the

subject, it is certain that to

an intelligent and cultivated mind there are few

women

of intelligence entirely devoid of personal

;

attractions

and almost every human being, though

he or she
to

may

have even relinquished

still
*'

all

claim

be
fiiitb

beautiful,

clings

to

the

very last to

in a certain

expression," which, improperraise the whole personality to

ly appreciated,

must

admiration.

And

instances are not unfrequent in

which women who were either beautiful, piquant,

pleasing or

" sympathetic," have heard so

little

of

54

-^RT.

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
first

the language of admiration, that the

report cf
thrilled

a really genial

compliment
fire.

paid

them,
is

through the heart like

case

This
all

sometimes the

when a

sister

has attracted

the admiration.

There are again instances in which a ladj may have

a good enough opinion of herself, and jet be quite
incapable of appreciating the peculiar or real reason

why

she

is

admired.

I could cite the instance of a

special admiration for the

lover of art,

who had a

singular face of a statue in the Louvre, and

the strange fortune to find
it

who had

almost identically real-

ized as a living fac simile in the features of a

girl

young

who was by no means accustomed

to

praise of

her beauty.
this will
us,

Very

often, peculiar associations like

render certain countenances charming to

is

which

the secret,

by the way, why ignorant

boys and
are

girls,

who

are without such associations,

extremely

critical

and conventional in their

judgment of personal

attractions, while

men
In

of wide

experience and knowledge are

appreciative,

far

more generally
short,

and more easily pleased.

to

where wo wish
Bv

compliment, the opportunity to do

is

with sincerity and credit to ourselves

seldom

wanting,

when our

tastes are cultivated.

Compliments

are

frequently

uttered as good

OF COMPLIMEJ^TS,
natured jokes, not to be taken
literally,

55

and yet

to

be accepted as manifesting at least politeness,

in a

Tlma

book on

Italy, a

gentleman while admiring a

surrounded by the ladies of
that

picture of Louis
his
court,
is

XIV

represented as remarking

"he

would gladly have been in that monarch's place at

that time."

To which

the painter of the picture

Frenchman

is

replied that " he certainly

filled it

knew no
credit

j^entleman

who could have

with more

to himself, or,

more agreeably
a

to the ladies.

Such

a compliment

mere

trifle,

and cannot go beyond

a laugh and a gay reply, but, as the world goes,

with

many men and women

it

would produce a bet-

ter impression

than the most elaborate wisdom.

Do

not forget, however, that in compliments aa

well as in all that

you

say, the

manner,

style, ad-

dress and tone have, in ordinary conversation, quite

as

much

to

do with

success,

as

the

sentiment.
others

Many

people smirk

when about

to speak;

have an intolerable air of preamble^ which seems to -/y

promise that something remarkable (in the opinion
of the speaker)
is

coming.

Some
is

acquire a

manner
it

of saying everything, which

not agreeable, as

betrays
effect.

consciousness of intending to produce

an

In short, there

is

but one rule,

be natural

56

ART OF COJVVERSATIOJf
By
carefully observing

and noting down soma

scores of compliments,

or of remarks which have

made an agreeable

impression, and

by studying and
to attain

comparing them, the reader will be able

proficiency
in

classifying

these butterflies of the

will learn to

social garden,

and he certainly

word

his

own compliments more

aptly.

This will be an

easy matter, since the proportion of people

cheerfully supply

who

will

you with such as have been

is

ad-

dressed to themselves,

by no means
if it is

small.

A compliment
it

is

nothing

not sincere, and

should no more be confounded with flattery, than

pride with vanity.

EGOTISM

IJV-

COJVVERSATJOJV

61

CHAPTER Vn.
OP EGOTISM IN CONVERSATION.

conversation

make

as few refer-

ences as possible to yourself.

Beware of giving
indication that

the

slightest

you habitually

realize

your own merits.

This
is,

however,

equivalent
first

to

urging you to begin with

ciples,

prin-

and

to
it

conquer the habit,

can conceal
it.

since no one

who has formed

Egotism
of merit.

is

the most insidious and effective poison

No

matter how wise, how witty, learned,

brave, or beautiful one

spoils all its effects,

may

be, self-consciousness
child,

and even a

can render the

least vanity ridiculous.

3

It is the greatest of

blem-

58

-ART

OF

C0J\rFEIlSAT10JV,

ishes in social intercourse,

and should be most scrueverj form.

pulously shunned
j

in

its

French

writer has spok-en of people in whose

'

manner could

(I be detected
i

suppressed vanity," and of different va-

rietics of

such people.

The

truth

is,

that the habit

for

it is

only a mere habit

Suppressing

must be
does
tlte

cured^ not

disguised.

egotism

not

mean

crushing self-confidence or pride, but

destroying

a silly habit of continually looking at self as another

personage parading about on the stage of

anxiously caring for what
the effects which
,

life,

and

is

said of

it,

or studying

it

produces.

The

fault is rapidly

developed

by much

indulgence in " small talk," and

above

all

by continually gossipping of other people

marriages,

of
'

families,

engagements,
is

'^

atten-

tions," fortunes,
\

and what

said by everybody of

every body

else.

Men
enough
affairs

and women who are weak and ignorant

to believe that a general

knowledge of the of others indicates familiarity with " society "

are,

and the world,

without exception, egotists of the

ridiculous stamp.

Nothing but a weak vanity can

to

induce

man

or

woman

become the " Jenkins " or

current chronicle of " the fashion " in any city, village or hamlet.

People not unfrequently encourage

EGOTISM
the
^'

IJ\r

COjYVERSATIOJ^.

59
alis

Jonkins " bj smiles and praise, but thej

in their hearts.
It

ways despise the character

very easy
thought to
to

understand

that

the

giving

much
no

little

transitory personal trifles of

value in themselves, rapidly increases the fault of

v^hallow vanity.

\He who

is

continually busy with

reflectIng~onrwGat people

think

and say of each

for

other, will be quite certain to

self with the rest.

keep a place

himvery

This

is

the reason

why

in

gossiping circles there are few efforts of genius, and

few genial and earnest minds, for

flected egotism
1 1

all is killed

by

re-

Never speak of your own

peculiarities.

/ Many
\

persons acquire a gay habit of merry boast-

ing, or of

humorous gasconading

so called from the

\Gascons, a brave and talented people,

yterly destroy
\
/

who however
by

ut-

all

respect for their real merit

their

habits

of vaunting.

He who
Self
is

,would avoid vanity

it

should have absolutely nothing to do with

not
foe,

even to burlesque

it.

our most insidious

and he who boasts

in fun will

soon find earnest

thoughts gliding into the current of his jests.

ijhort,

In

avoid everything which

may

suggest, however

remotely, to those with

picion that

whom you
effect

converse, the sus-

you think of the

you produce.

60

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJy.
in detail of them-

There are people who can speak

selves

and

their

works without vanity, and there are

tell

others

who cannot
some

you the day of the month

manifestation
of
self-

wittout

ridiculous

consciousness.
I
'

Avoid intimacy with weak minds, or

evade as

at

least

much

as possible indulging

them

in their

idle gossip, if

you would escape

vanity.

Ignorance

takes refuge in personality,

and people who care

nothing for books, or

art, or

amusements, or beautiful

subjects or great questions of general interest will talk

about one another and of themselves.

culture the less vanity,"
is

*'

The more

a rule by which one

may

accurately determine the nature of the society in

which he finds himself

If you are obliged to asso-

ciate with back-biters, gossips

to

and

egotists, intimate

them

as quietly as

you

can,

and without hurting

their feelings, that

topics.

you wish

to avoid their favorite

If

you persistently
weeks you

refrain

from such subremarka-

jects for a few

will realize to a

ble degree the benefit of such discipline.

Persons who can be aware that another

is

endeav-

oring to cure himself of a defect, and will yet ridicule

him

for

it,

deserve to be distinctly ranked as

morally

vile.

EGOTISM Lr

COJVVKRSATIOJ^r.
is

Q\
not one

Taking one vice with another there

which makes so much mischief as
'soriousness
efforts
is

caused bj cenfind vigorous

is

and

gossip, yet

we seldom
it

made

to extirpate

them, and

bat

fair to

inform the inexperienced reader that in circles where

there
is

not a high degree of culture, he will meet

with

many who regard

who

themselves as very moral

discourage his efforts to

persons

will actually

avoid gossip and vanity.

Let him, however, perseLife

all

vere and he will succeed.

wag never given

to

us that our thoughts should

trothals,

be given to the beaffairs

successes,

and private

of people, or
it

to

what figure we cut before them.

Had

been

so,

there would not have been the slightest occasion for

bestowing on us reason or

intellect.

Do

not in conversation

refer too frequently to

;

scenes in which

you have figured

;

to great

people

whom you
cesses, or

have known
to

to

your

travels,

your sucbe sup-

anything on which you

may

posed to congratulate yourself

If possible, avoid

recurring often to trains of thought and associations

connected with your " strong points," since most people,

and especially women, are very apt at detecting

vanity.

Do

not however as some do, scrupulously

avoid

all

mention whatever of your experiences and

62
fortunes.

-^J^T

OF COJVVERSATIOJ^.
this to

There are men who carry

an ah

Burd degree of affectation, and abstain

slightest

from the

reference to their travels,

or what they

have seen^ or of which they werje a part.

only vanity in a more refined form.
folk " expect

This

ia

Many

" honest

from a
is

traveller, or

any other who has

some

achieved what

to

them

at least a celebrity,

entertaining anecdotes which they themselves

cite.

may

Such excellent
for

souls can no

more comprehend

motives

reserve than

an Arab would similar

modesty in a hadji from Mecca.

Whenever you

can appropriately and modestly draw upon your experience for an illustration, do so.
that opportunities will not be wanting.

Rely upon

it

Do

not talk so as to display your wealth or your

familiarity with
it,

habitual

or with rich
is

people.
in

This disgusting form of vanity

very

common

the United States, and gives an excellent standard

for

ascertaining the real social position and culture

of

many who

are well guarded against detection in

It
is

other respects.

an insidious

fault,

and one
is

full

of temptation in circles where money-getting

chief occupation.
tion of forgetting
It displays itself in

the

the aifecta-

what some expensive article costs,

trifles,

and in speaking of expenditures ^s

when thej

EGOTISM

IJV

COJVVERSATIO.X.
It

68
ia

were really matters of serious consideration.

betrayed in the vulgar habit of never alluding to a

wealthy

man

without speaking of his riches, or to a

respectable family in modera^te circumstanceSj with-

out declaring that they are " poor as Job."

When

you are yourself well

to others,

off,

such a style of reference

those

especially before
is

who

are not so

prosperous,

truly

contemptible, even
offence

when no
is

"hints" are intended, and no

This form of vanity
is

given.

also seen in the habitual en-

deavor to create the impression that one's mind at

least
is

familiar with luxury.

Such people

talk

nothing but gems and divans, Tokay and costly

steeds,

sables

and three-pile

velvet.

Others

roll

over with a relish, the names of the millionaires of

tlie

day, and will mention with pride the having

been in company with some great Shylock's agent,

as

though there were something gilding in the very

neighborhood of a
is

man who

deals in large sums.

figures

It

shown

in a

tendency to increase

when

speaking of sums.

There are men who, in narrating

an anecdote of a wager never place the

than " ten thousand dollars
;

sum

at less

" and like them are

the women whose friend's diamonds are always said

to

be worth " thirty thousand.'*

The same vanity

ij

64

-^^2'

OF

COJVVERSATIOJSr.

displayed in volunteering to tell the price of everj

article in
ticles

your possession, or in asking that of

ar-

belonging to others

a thing which
that
itself

sliould be

done as seldom as possible^ and always with an apol-

ogy

or

at

least

with

straight-forwardnesa

which in some persons speaks of

reason, devoid of all idle curiosity.

a pressing

Avoid very frequent conversation on any subject

in

which you are notoriously interested.

politics, religion, or in

If you

have a specialty in
direction,
it

any other

will

be often enough referred to by

it.

others

without your introducing

If you

are

physically strong, or handsome, or accomplished in

any

arts,

do not make strength and beauty and your

favorite abilities, even indirectly, a frequent subject

of discussion.

Beware of a peculiar form of vanity which consists in

making confidences of your private

affairs to

many

people, and in binding every acquaintance to

to this or that

solemn secresy as

matter relative

to

yourself or friends.

Weak

people often think by

such confidence to attract intimacy, but the^jconfidedin

seldom

fail,

on

reflection, to a4;tribute

it

to

mere

vanity.

Of

all

follies,

never seek to make capital in gen

EGOTISM
eral

IJV

COJSrVERSATIOJV.

(55

conversation by communicating to any mortal

whatever, your misfortunes, grievances and losses.

Whatever momentary sympathy you may

will, in

attract

too

many

cases, be

entirely neutralized on

the fatal sober second thought of th.ose in

whom you

may

confide.

That

is

a pitiful vanity indeed, which

defeats from Fortune, than
still is

would sooner expose

not talk of self
sion of

its

More absurd
faults

the confesspecies of

your private

and vices

vanity frequent enough

people of a school which
ridiculous.

among would-be romantic

is

now becoming

generally

On

this

subject a

French writer hag

well remarked, that " you should always avoid mention

will
self,

of yourself, since, if

it

be an eulogium, people
if

regard

it

as a lie

while

you

criticise

yourit

they will take you at your word, and accept

as an article of faith."

In

short,

never allude in any way, or under any

it

circumstances, where

can be avoided, to your own

excellencies or defects.
It is very vain to use strong
tions,

and emphatic

asser-

such as "

tain,"
It is
'

" Yes

7 know," " I am positively cer- J but / happen to know all about it."

intolerably conceited, and in most instances

irritates,

without exciting the slightest respoct for

66

^RT OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r.

your declaration.
" I believe," "
It

Always

substitute

" I

tliink,'

seems to me," " Excuse mcj but

It is not

I think I have heard," &c.

limit

enough

to

your words in

this respect,

you should never

emphasize the voice too forcibly.

'

One may say

I beg your pardon. Sir," with an expression equiv-

alent to a flat and insulting contradiction.

Still

more vain and vulgar

as
it

is

the use of such ex!

pressions

"
!

H'm

"

" Pshaw

"

"

Much you
"
!

know about

" " Stuff! " and

like

''

Fiddlesticks

These expressions and others

them of a strongly
by any
are

dissentient nature, should never be uttered

one under
all
sis

any
is

circumstances whatever.

They

rude, as

indeed every word and every empha-

which directly expresses denial of any assertion.

A very improper manifestation of

in

vanity

is

shown

giving advice rather with a view to displaying

superior wisdom, than to really assist a sufferer.

very common form of such weakness consists in advising in vague

and general terms which are of no

practical significance,

and convey no new

:

idea.
!

One
be

may

repeat a hundred times

!

"be

industrious

thrifty

be enterprizing "

but

unless the advice

illustration or

be accompanied with some practical

%I)plication, its result will in

most cases be

to irritate

EGOTISM
Nevei talk simply
fect.

IJSr

COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r,

Q*l

to hear yourself talk, or for ef-

Be

especially on

your guard against

is

thia

when more than one person

listening to you, for

then the temptation will often be great to speak

merely from display.

Every time you converse with any one

your own
favorable
fault if

it

will be

you have done nothing

to create a

impression.

But

all

displays of vanity

are unfavorable.

Beware

at all times of social oratory.

The

par-

lor lecturer is a

common form

of vanity, especially

among men

of humble origin

who have unexpectedly

lit-

developed some intellectual power, and risen to a

tle

public consideration.

Small

orators, small cler-

gymen, small poets and small

en to this weakness.

politicians are all giv-

They

love the sound of their

own

voices

and are not in the habit of reflecting that

display in private
to
is silly.

all professional

Never undertake
not

lead in conversation.

Do

when you

are about to narrate something look

about and enforce silence.

the world
*'

If you say good things

out.

will soon find

it

Never try

to be a

lion," or to do all the talking.

for his
stories,

I have seen a

gentleman noted

look positively of-

fended after having monopolized the entire attention

68
of a large

-^RJ^

OF COJVVERSATIOJSr.
for
tell

company

an hour, because

anptliei

person ventured to
his

a tale of the same stamp as

own.

It is all vanity.

If

jou remember any one

distinctly after a long

absence, do not affect to have forgotten him, even

though he should be so weak as

lance
is

to do so.

Nonchaele-

at best
is

an ornament of very doubtful

rather old-fashioned.

gance, and

now

It is gen-

erally accompanied by egotism, and leads every one

who

deliberately cultivates

it

into the commission of

countless

petty falsehoods and

many

acts of real
re-

rudeness.

To
is,

affect

to forget

what you really

honesty
is

member
first

after all,

untrue

and

the

qualification of a

gentleman or lady.

I would

lay great stress on the avoiding this affectation of

indifference, since
in all
first
it is

unfortunately
If

still

prevalent

classes of society.

you

really cannot at

recal

any one, be certain

if

to speak out honestly

(and eagerly,

you

feel the slightest inclination to

cir-

do so,) as soon as you begin to remember any

cumstance
course.

in

connection with

your former

inter-

Whenever any
strikes
it

instance of vanity or affectation

it

you

in others, note

down and
If

strictly avoid

in future in

your own person.

you hear a per-

EGOTISM

JJV

COJVVERSATTOJV.

69

son outshouting an entire congregation in responses

or
*'

amens," remember that vanity seeks for

voice.

effect^

and sink your own

?rhatever
ity of
is

Nearly

all

eccentricity

in fact only shallow vanity.

Avoid odd'

every kind whatever in

your external apIf you

dili-

pearance or manners or conversation.

gently cultivate your mind and study assiduously to

please in conversation,

you

will soon

become noted

and that in the most agreeable way.

It is to be regretted that

French writers on

eti-

quette and conversation insist so strongly on vanity

as the real basis of all character.
is

In a work which

in

many

other respects excellent, I find for in-

stance these axioms

'

It is not necessary to be really modest, but at

least attempt to
*'

appear so."
is

Modesty, or that which seems to be such,

speculation on the vanity of others."

*
it is

Let the young reader rest assured that

sary to be modest as well as to appear
'

neces-

so,

and that

that virtue

may
will

be acquired by practice.

By associespecial

ating with those

merits,

who

excel

you in your own

you

improve these, and at the same time

la Conversation,

L'Art de Causer, Encyclopedie de

M. Saint Maurice, Paris 1834.

Pai

70

ART OF

COJTJrERSATIOJS'',

learn to avoid vanity.

And

remember, he who

cul-

tivates modesty does not disqualify himself for suc-

cess in the world.

In acquiring

it

you
is

also gain con-

fidence

and firmness.

Impudence

generally the

cloak of indecision and of cowardice.

POLITEJK'ESS.

ITS BASIS

7|

CHAPTER Vm,
POLITENESS.
ITS BASIS. ITS APPLICATION.

HE

basis of all true politeness is

kindness.

All politeness should be

real,

U^"

and from the heart.

If you con-

stantly strive to reason

away your
you
will
dis-

'-^''

prejudices against people,

become
likes

polite.

Most of our
little

have very

foundation.
idle gossip,

large proportion of

them spring from

from
trials of

from fancied

slights, or

our temper
it

which we

could very easily forgive, wer.e

really our

interest to do so.

But

it is

always our interest to keep on the beat

terms with every one

reputable.

who

is

not really bad or dis-

To do

this

one must maintain an un-

7:^

.iRT OF COJ>rVERSATlO.\-

ceasing watch over his or her temper, and suffer no U'

^o: opportunity
\
/

to

escape,

however

trifling,

of gratify-

ing others.
Bite

If kindness of heart be the first requiit

in politeness,

is

quite as true that assiduity

\ is not less needed.

Let memory be on the

which

alert to recal

anything

may

be agreeable or serviceable to those with

converse, and keep your eyes and eara
oflfice,

whom you

open to seize the opportunity for any friendly

no matter how
l)ered, includes

trifling.

Politeness, be

it

remem-

" polish, elegance, ease and graceful-

ness of manner, united with a desire to please others,

and a careful attention

to their

wants and wishes."

is

J\ The
j

first

step

towards achieving grace

feel at ease in

to be

quietly confident and

any

society.

/ Tf

your language be good,

y^our

knowledge creditable,
eccentricity

your personal appearance devoid of

and
'

if

you have learned

is

to avoid

making yourself

conspicuous," there

no reason

why you

should
not vex

not bo firm and

assured, anywhere.

Do

v/yourself with thoughts of inferiority, but " be yourself to yourself,"

and a

little

familiarity with the

world will soon teach you the absurdity of timidity.

Ease rapidly brings grace

if

any

effort

whatever be

made

to

say and do kindly things in a cheerful and

conciliatory way.

POLITEJVESS.

ITS BASIS.

73

Exercise your attention and your thoughts when

ir.

company.

If you find that bashfulness and emafflict

iy^

barrassment without cause occasionally

in

you
to do

society, banish

them by finding something

or say forthwith.
self but act

Do

not stop to argue with your- *^

promptly.

Ask

for

an introduction

to

any body, and

talk of the weather or the walking,

trifles, till

or the rooms, or any

something better
is

suggests

itself.

The

first

step in politeness

to

make such

efforts,

and they are a duty.

In society

you owe them

to

your host or hostess who does not

of course like to see a gloomy or embarrassed guest.

And you owe them

at all times, in all places, to

everybody, as a matter of politeness.

Do

not think

it

a matter of indifference whether

you pick up a fan

for

some humble old dame, eager^

If your

ly or indifferently.

mind be

active, {a7id

you can make

matters,)
it

it

so

by frequently thinking of such

you that a
little

will occur to

attention

of the kind with an appearance of prompt, earnest

courtesy
fore

is

very gratifying to old people

and there-

you

will probably

on such reflection show active

service with downright good will.

after,

And

if,

a minute

you have an opportunity

to render the

same

courtesy to the belle of the ball-room, you will find

4

74
that
vice.

ART OF COJVVERSATIuJV
you do
it all

the better for your previous ser*

The young of
/

either sex should

remember

that all

tho little attentions, salutations, civilities and graces

of " society " are as strictly due in the

to sisters, brothers, parents

home

circle

and others, as
begins

at a party,

and that courtesy,

like

charity,

at

home.

Boys and

girls

should be taught never to receive

anything from the hands of a servant without expressing thanks, and

all services

whatever, from

all

persons, should be acknowledged in like manner.

The higher
ety,

ladies or

gentlemen are placed

in soci-

and the more refined their

politeness, the

more

frequently do they speak courteously to servants and

to all

humble people.

French

ladies

and gentlemen

very generally salute their dependents as they would

their

acquaintances, while

it

has been remarked of

the English in the highest circles, that they never

notice the existence of those

who

minister to their

wants, and worship the same

God

with them in tho

if

same family-chapel, any more, than

they were so
discreditable
it

many

machines.

Of

late years
little

this

rudeness has been a

modified, but

is

still

very general.
If
it

should occur to you that an article which

POLITEATESS. ITS BASIS.

7ft

meets your eye in a newspaper would interest a friend,

do not neglect or forget

he
'

it,

but take measures so that

may

see

it

as soon as possible.

Remember

tht t
to
la-

to

most persons, especially to the young and

dies, gifts,

however
shell,

trifling,

are always acceptable,

and that a
lany
little

a coin, a drawing, in short almost

frequently a very gratifying com-

thing

is

[pliment indeed.

There may possibly in no one

in-

stance be a solid return for all these services.

You
your
not,

may fancy

that

you are coldly thanked, and

that

courtesy has been churlishly received.

as the vulgar do,
others.

But do

grumble over
that

it,

to yourself or to

Remember

you have

at least exercised

your heart and your manners.

attentions to every one, and

Persevere in your
will soon find the

you

reward

i?i

yourself.
it

Remember

the

Arab proverb

" do good and throw

not observe
it

into the sea.

If the fishes do

God

will."
all

By
your

remembering

the instances of true polite-

ness, devoid of a desire to display^

notice,

which

fall

under

and by applying them, you will soon

if

become graceful in manner

not in body.

The one

however leads to the other.

serving all the
offering places,
little

Begin by

strictly ob-

courtesies of thanks, salutations,

chairs,

handing

paying deserved com-

'

ART OF

COJ^VEHSATIOJSr.
by rendering
all services

pliments, and in fact

and

attentions to all people at all times, which are prop

er

and

fit.

Do

not neglect anything of the kind,

even to a person for

say to yourself:
lect it."
''

whom you
acting.

care very
.

little,

nor

he will never know

it if

I neg-

Be up and

It is a great step to-

wards politeness, grace and

skill in conversation, to

have formed habits of generosity and constant courtesy.

If you have an enemy, and an opportunity occurs

to benefit

him

in matters great or small, act like a

gentleman^ and do him good service without hesita

tion.

If you would

know what

it

is

to feel noble,

and " strong within yourself," do this secretly and

keep
it secret.

Though you have no higher

motive,

carry out the principle for the sake of pride and

dignity.

A man
artist

who can

act thus will soon feel at

ease anywhere.

It is said of Callot,

an eminent

French

and engraver of the seventeenth cen-

tury, that he

was once slandered

in a pasquinade

by

a certain nobleman of the court.

At

that time, to

have one's portrait engraved by Callot was an object

of ambition with the highest dignitaries of the king-

dom and

it

was attained by very few.

Callot*s an-

Bwar to the injury was to publish a superbly execut*

POLITEJSTESS.

ITS BASIS.

77

ed likeness of his enemy, with an inscription setting

forth his titles

and great deeds.

To

this

day the in

cident
soul.

is

cited as

an instance of proud nobility of

Callot was in the highest sense polite.

is

Politeness
foibles of

shown by passing over the

faults

and

those

whom

you. meet.

Cultivate this
is

especially towards relations.

its

The world

severe in
faults

judgment of those who expose the

of
be.

kindred, no matter what the provocation

may

Vulgar families are almost always at

polite to detail injuries

feud.

It is not

which you

may have

received

from any one, unless there exist some urgent necessity for so doing.

Politeness
I

is

manifested in courteous inquiries after

the friends and family of those

whom you

meet, and
It is

[in

manifesting a cordial
little

interest in them.

shown by devoting a
" remembrances "

space in every letter to

It is a highly gratiall
'

for friends.

fying form of politeness to write occasionally to

from

whom you
dress,

have received kindnesses which will

It is polite to

warrant you in so doing.

conform

your

and (in reason) your

habits, to the tastes

and feeling of those whose guest or associate you

may
after

be.

It

is

polite

and complimentary

to inquire'

any one of whose acquaintance your friend may

^8

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJSr
It is polite

Lave reason to be proud.

when you

are
oth-

a guest to endeavor to enjoy yourself and

ers do so.
It is polite to
to

make

those

who

are assembled

in any place,

avoid

heated argument, and all

It is po-

noisy remarks or " remarkable " conduct.

lite

to promptly ask every one to take a chair

who

enters

your house or

office,

and the more cultivated

you

are, the

more widely
people.

will

you extend such cour-

tesies to
/ /

humble

It is polite to do every-

thing for another which would gratify

him or her

and

is

not unreasonable.
to

It

is

polite to

make no

al-

J lusions

age.

It

is

polite to spare people elder!

than yourself, and

of personal
eflfort,

women

of any age, any exertion

'

even in the merest

trifles.

It is

polite to take

no notice whatever of accidents or an-

noying occurrences, unless by so doing you can be of

assistance.
sacrifices of

It

is

polite to

make ready and unstudied

to

your exertion or of your comfort

j

gratify others

as, for instance, to

always escort any

It is polite to
\

lady, or do a service for a friend.

suppress your peculiar tenets in religion or politics

before those

who

differ

with you.
in

It is polite to to punish

never take

it

upon yourself
it

any way

any person, unless

do
so.

be distinctly your business to

It is

It is polite to avoid practical jokes.

POIITEJ\rESS
jolite

ITS BASIS.
any one or hurt
it.

79
his

when you have

any way,

offended

feolings in

to apologize for

as clearly

as possible without reservation or excuse, since the

more vulgar

man

is,

the

more does he obscure and

It is po-

degrade an apologj by self-justification.

lite to

express an interest in or admiration of that

is

which

dear to others.

It is

sometimes more polite

to accept

a gift or a courtesy, especially from

;

humshow

ble people, than to refuse it

and

it is

polite to

the utmost kindness and courtesy to those

who have
something

been reduced by adversity.

And

it

is

more than

polite to interpose

and shield another per-

son from mortification, wounded self-respect and loss

of dignity.

The young reader may

which
will

practise

the politeness

advance him in the most elegant society,

in every hut

and workshop.

He may show
it

it

every

time he speaks to
act in

^ny
is

person, and test

in every

which another

concerned.

If in addition

to constant courtesy

and kindness he cultivate the

and
attire,

graces, be neat in person

make

a good

bow

is

prompt

at offering a lady his arm,

and become

otherwise personally dexterous, he will have done

much

to

qualify

himself

for

that

conversation^
inter-

which, as

meaning "familiar discourse and

80

-^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
itself

Change of sentiments," must

ified

be entirely qual

by the nature,
it.

habits,

and feelings of any one

maintaining

I trust that

if

the reader

who aims

at this accom-

plishment will carefully re-read this chapter, and

thoroughly realize the meaning and applicability of

its

rules,

he will not accuse

general remarks"

it

of being a collection of no practical use.

of

"mere

Certain minor requisites popularly connected with

*'

politeness " are indeed not to be learned from a

book.

To bow

gracefully, to hold one's head erect,

to sit properly at all times

and always at

ease, to
lit-

walk
tle

well, to avoid clownish attitudes

acts, to eat

and many

awkward

properly and conduct one's

self well in all respects at table, require either familiarity with people

who do

all

these things, or else

very great perseverance.

the great basis of
sible to all.
all

But

to form,

even unaided,
is

elegance and politeness,

pos-

It is a

duty and should be a pleasure.

STORIES, AJVECnOTHS, pujys.

81

CHAPIER

IX.

01 8TOEIE8, ANECDOTES, AND PUNS, IN CONVERSATION

is

well to be able to tell a good

story, but it is better to be able to

avoid the reputation of being a professed story-teller.

The same

is

true as regards re-

peating anecdotes, puns, quotations,

and other

illustrations of a

more

for-

mal

style of wit or of sentiment than

conversation usually affords.

He who

aims at con-

versing well, must avoid a hobby.

Yet
in the

in limiting

your

stories to

one or two, while

same party,

as high authority advises, I do

not counsel the continual repetition of only one or

two

stories.

It is very disagreeable to be expected 4

g2
to laugh at

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV

something which one has heard before^

is

and the

man who

known by repeatmg a

small

budget of the same tales to

ablj more or less imbecile.

all his friends, is invari

What

shall I say cf

men who
who

learn one story of a professor of elocution,

it

practise

frequently at home, and repeat

!

it for

years on every occasion

Do
/
/

not tell a story unless

it

you think

it

new, oi

are at least confident that

ditors.

will be

new

to

your au-

Lot

it

be m place

that

is

to say, illustra-

tive of son:)ething
tion, for

which has occurred in conversaall

a story forced in at

hazards

is

very

ridiculous.

Of such awkward

introductions the
:

jest books contain the following illustrations

"

An

Old gentleman
tell

had a story of a gun, which

he was wont to

every day at dinner.

find

As

it

was

sometimes

difficult to

an opportunity to intro-

duce
ent.
'

it,

he hit upon the following unfailing expeditable,

Stamping on the ground beneath the

he

would exclaim

^y

"'Bless me! what's that?

way, talking of gu?is
"
'

gun? By

the

And

then he told his story."

is

There

also

an instance of one who,

it

m company
necessary
to

with a celebrated theologian, thought

STORIES, AJ^ECDOTES, PUJVS.

83

display Bome Biblical knowledge, but could not, for

a long time think of anything which seemed apt.

At

last, at

a very unfit time, he cried out

" I do declare that

Samson was the

strongest

man

that ever lived."

''

Not

so,''

exclaimed one present.

"

You

your-

self are stronger

than Samson."

"

How

so? " asked the other, in amazement.

" Why, have you not just lugged him in by the

head and shoulders

"
to be

The

jest

was rude and therefore not

stories,

com-

mended.

In telling

study brevity, and good,

clear English, avoiding all " fine language,"

and yet

omitting nothing which can render them perfectly

intelligible.

If

you can

tell

them without laughing

yourself, the effect is generally thought to be thereby

improved.*

The

best story-tellers
it

seldom mimic

the voice or accent, as

savors of buffoonery and

vulgarity, unless a foreigner be described,

*

and even

Charles Lamb,

in his

delphia, 1859, p. 489,) declares the

Essays of Elia, (Edition of Philaaxiom " that a man must

to be a

not laugh at his

own joke,"

popular fallacy, and

the

severest exaction surely ever invented

human nature." ' This is," man to give a treat without partaking of it to sit esurient at his own table, and commend the flavour of his venisop upon th
;

upon the self-denial of poor he continues, " to expect a gentle-

absurd strength of his never touching

it

himself."

84

-^RT

OF C0J\rVERSAT20Jy.
by avoiding

in such a case, good taste shows itself

exaggeration.

Never vamp up an
faces.

old story with

new

dates and

It

is

a species of falsehood, and will subject

you

to

contempt when detected

I have heard one

as

you certainly

will be.

who would be indignant

at being

called other than a gentleman, tell a story

old,

hundreds of years
his

as having occurred within

own

experience, and to his neighbors.

What

is

to be

thought of a

man who would

risk his character

for veracity

and honor

for the sake of

a jest

?
is

An

effort at

dramatic acting in story telling

it

to

be avoided, since

not only leads to ''over-acting,"

but conveys an unpleasant impression of self-consciousness of humor.

I do not refer in this to any

truly natural effusion of merriment, such as

natives of Continental

many

Europe display

in narration,

but to the manifest

vanity.

effort at effect

which results from

There are men who are always the heroes of

:

their

own stories, and others who will fondly ask " Did you hear that little thing I got off the other day ? "

Some
that

will modestly preface a jest

by informing you
you have already
Others will
in-

it is
it,

their own^ but perhaps

heard

as

it is all

over the town?

STORIES, AJSTECDOTES, PUJVS.

cidentallj

85

give themselves a touch of gilding b^

casually mentioning the

name of some eminenx man

delighted "with their wit,
little

or

woman who was much

while certain persons humbly angle for a

praise

by inquiring

if it

be not good enough to print 7

Many who would

utter rank jests.
indicates

" not be guilty of an " immoral

tell

thought, do not hesitate to

coarse stories and

As

such wit or humor invariably

vulgarity^ either inherent or acquired, I

cannot too strongly warn the young reader who

would converse
stuff, lest his

well, against

even listening to such

taint.

mind should acquire a

Unclean-

liness

in

any form, unpleasant

details of personal

neglect, anecdotes founded on the secrets or the articles of. the

toilette,

instances of gross appetite, or

;

indeed of any sensual excesses

of being disgusted,

and incidents of

ill-health, are all utterly unfit sub-

jects for pleasantry,

and should never be used as such.

No

prefacing or apology can render them excusable,

or remove the stain of nastiness

from the mind

which entertains them.

It is

worth remarking, that

while the merely "witty and

wicked"

jest general-

ly

flits

away

into forgetfulness, the coarse joke re-

mains

to be too

often

permanently fixed in the

memory.

But young minds which are contaminated

SQ

ART OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r.

with coarseness are the readiest receptacles for

vice.
tricts,

all

It

is

not at

all

unusual to hear, in rural

class, "who

dis-

even pious men, of the ruder

would

not for the world

make

the faintest allusion to anystill

thing savoring of " immorality,"

indulge in

many

varieties

of verbal

filth

which would cause

cities to feel

some of the wickedest worldlings of the

unpleasantly.

Those who have carefully studied

children's minds, will agree with

me when I

attribute

the .development of
after

much

of that impropriety which

(and sometimes before) the age of puberty,

;

results in vice

not to inherent appetite, but rather

to familiarity with the coarseness disguised as hu-

mor, which

is

never reprobated as wicked, though

it

may

be frequently reproved as " vulgar."

it,

Let the reader rely upon

there

is

nothing

manly or

spirited in

any manifestation of coarseness

vulgar wit and humor simply

whatever, and that

all

excites the silent contempt of the well-bred

man

or

woman

of the world,
all

Anecdotes should by
are little insulta

means be new

old ones

A French

author has said that

in using even the best,

we should be very economical

as they form a sort of small change, of which a man

STOHIES, AJSTECDOTES, PUJfS.

87

cf wit and taste will avail himself only on very great

occasions.

A good anecdote,

aptly told,
;

is,

however,

a powerful aid in conversation

serving,

it

may

be,

for a very brilliant illustration.

tells

A
;

man who

never

an anecdote

is

generally dull
is

one who does

little else

in conversation

frequently described as
I/'

being in his anec-dotage.

I do not agree with a writer on conversation*

who

exhorts his readers to invariably attribute the paternity of puns and conundrums to some other person,

adding, "if they have a success in the world,

you
not

can always reclaim them.

necessary, neither
is it

But

it

certainly

is

in good taste, to begin or end

by informing the hearers

effort

that

such an elaborate

of wit, as a
it,

pun often
that if

seetris to be, is

your own.

Depend upon

you originate many plays

upon words, you

will acquire quite as

much
desire,

reputa-

tion as a punster as

any man need

in

though

you conceal your share

pulous care.

them with the most scru-

Genial humor or brilliant wit, far

from injuring real dignity in the eyes of cultivated

people, increase
it
;

but there

is

something petty

in

the continual torture of language for the sake of

St Meurice.

gg

-ART

OF COJSrVERSATIOJV.
is

extracting forced resemblances, wliich

well understood^

generally

and

indicates the cause

of,

why

the

professional punster is never spoken

as such, with

much

respect.

It has been thought that as people

in the olden time hired their cap-and-bell punsters,

while

modern

society gets its

;

own

for nothing, that

is

they are on the increase

but there

certainly no

corresponding increase in the degree of respect which

they

elicit.

Good puns

are, however, not to be despised.

illustrate a character,

They

may
force

point a moral,

and give

and elegance to a compliment.

A pun on the
When
Charles

incident of the day

may have

a vast influence, and

pass into history as a curious fact.

the Fifth boasted that he could put Paris into his

glove (alluding to Ghent,\pr Gand, which was pro-

nounced

like

(/a7i(j

a glove), he made,

it

is

true, a

poor pun, but illustrated, with characteristic force,

not only his power, but also the prosperity of Flanders.

It

is

well to learn, from jest-books

facetious

and other
are

sources, what puns and

anecdotes

already current in the world.

If the reader has

any aptitude whatever

for

such matters, he

mH

thug

STORIES, JIJVECDOTES, PUJVS.

gfj

be soon sufficiently well-informed to be on his guard

against those
of wit for
writer, "
its

who would impose on kim

broadcloth.
'

the shoddy
a

Every man," says

ought to read the jest-books, that he

disagreeable

mny
'

not

make himself
'

by repeating

old

Joes

as the very last good thing."

90

ART OF COJSrVERSATW^t

CHAPTER
r QUESTIONING.

X.

ITS MISAPPLICATION,

AND

ITS

ADVANTAGES Ul

CONVEBSATION.

EVER
pated.

ask a question to which a

reluctant

answer

may

be antici-

I do not here refer to questions

put to satisfy prying curiosity, but

rather to a form in which

some

persons shape
versation.

much

of their con;
is

The

habit

one which

incessantly involves those

ficulties.
fine,

who

are questioned, in difis

Instead of remarking that the weather

if

the questioner asks

the weather be not fine

which can be answered only with a commonplace

affirmative.

Without meaning

it,

he either puta

another in the position of one unable to say any-

OF
thing, or compels

QUESTIOJVlJsrO,

91

an unusual amount of thought and

evasion.

The

questioner asks at a party, "

What

do you
all

tliink of

Miss A's dress

" thereby casting

the

responsibility of saying anything unfavorable on the

other, or at least safely leading

him, or her, into

the temptation.
able,

Many show

a great, but not credit-

ingenuity, in employing questions in such a

as to

manner

make

others appear to discredit, and

yet seem very

there

little in

the wrong themselves.

If

be a manifest unwillingness to answer the

it

query, the one putting

will smile significantly,

and

say: ''Oh

see;"

or,

"Ah! a

friend?

bog pardon."

Women
''

of a certain grade of vul-

garity seem to think this form of speech very arch,

and shrewd, or
It
is,

cunning," and employ

it

freely.

in fact, a species of

" teasing," and

is

resorted

to as giving the querist a position of ease

and supe-

riority.*

Most of
sons

my
"

readers have met, or will meet, peror oftener in a conversation inquire,

who once
:

vaguely
*

What do you

think of A., or B.

" ex-

in his novel

Mr. Chakles Dickens has in the character of '* Rosa Dartle,** David Copperfieldy set forth, with great skill, manj

of the annoying traits of the habitual questioner in coDYersation,

92

-^RT

OF COJVTERSATIOJyr

pecting no news, but hoping for a display of weakness or dislike on your part.
serpents of society.
It is

Such persons are the

an art to evade them, and

meddling, and foolish

with them
questions.

all

impertinent,

The
it

self-possessed "conversationalist will,

however, find

an easy matter

to

answer with a

calm, steady, prolonged gaze, before entering a polite

demurrer against being thus witness-boxed.

Questioning may, however, at times be made a

medium

of true kindness and courtesy.

People are

often willing, nay, anxious to communicate information,

but- are unable to do so unless adroitly ques-

tioned.

modest man, who will not speak of his

own
is

exploits,

may

be induced to impart
will frequently,

much

that

interesting,

and he

and perhaps

very properly, think he has been entertaining others,

and conversing in a highly creditable manner.

It is necessary to learn the art of asking questions skilfully, but it should not be forgotten that

they ought, in most cases, to be prefaced with an

excuse or some slight apology.

T^KIJVG LIBERTIES.

98

CHAPTER
TAKDIO LIBERTIES.

Xli^: i

IMPUDENCE.

8TABIK0.

HOSE
spired
tf^^^viil jISXs

whose conversation

is

in-

by courtesy and

refined

by

culture, are the last to indulge in

the violations of etiquette

as taking liberties.

known

There are
entirely
gar,

circles,

and those not

so-called vul-

among the
liberties

where

are continuis

ally taken,

and where there

even

an impression that

social intercourse without

them

would be dull and

spiritless.

This belief

is is

encour-

aged by axioms to the

like a little
''

effect that

" there

nothing

impudence

to succeed

with the women,"

nothing venture nothing have,"

is

" brass

is

better

than gold," and nothing

given without asking."

94

-ART
practical

OF

COJSrVERSATlOJV.
it all is

The

meaning of

that the modesty

of others

may

be invaded, and the ordinary observanit

ces of society freely violated, whenever

suits the

pleasure of any one to do

so,

especially if he can

by

tact or luck escape punishment.

Let the young reader determine from the beginning that anything which
dence
is to

be obtained by impugreater advantage

may

be secured to

much

by
all

modesty, or at least by a careful observance of

the forms of good breeding, and
ness and
confidence, enterprize

by

respect.

Firmitself,

and boldness

have nothing in common with impudence, and the

most daring deeds are best accomplished when the

most scrupulous regard to the feelings #f othera

which circumstances permit,
is

observed.
in a piiblio

There are men who cannot take a seat

vehicle,

who cannot

give an order at a hotel table, in

a word who can do nothing while observed by others,

without displaying the miserable vanity of impudence.

They ask
fidence

the simplest questions with the air of " conpitiable

men," and read a newspaper with a

expression of conceit and insolence.

to take Dfience, for

They are quick

fre-

they are aware that they are

quently observed and understood by their superiors

TAKIJ^TG

LIBERTIES
whom

95
they treat
irri-

in

good breeding, even among those

as inferiors,
table.

and the consciousness makes them

this

To remedy

they take

liberties

apd defy

the consequences.

A very common
staring at ladies.

form of vulgar impudence

is

the
ia

To do

so in

any public place

ungentlemanly, but to avail oneself of a vicinity

which circumstances render unavoidable,

tible.

is

contemp-

The man who

will stare continually at a lady

across a hotel-table, or in an omnibus, deserves to be

arrested.

Ignorant young

men
it is

frequently do this

under the impression that

not really disagree-

able to the other sex and that they are in fact pay-

ing a species of compliment.

vexation and annoyance which

Could they know the

is

often

masked under
is

the air of calmness with which their insolence

ceived, they

re-

would think

differently.

I have heard

at a hotel, of instances in which ladies delayed their

meals for hours

subjected themselves to
left

many

an-

noyances and even

the presence of

the house in order to avoid

some conceited puppy who possibly

imagined that he was recommending himself to their

good graces.
I have

known a man who moved "

in the first cir-

96

ART OF

COJVVERSATIOJV.
and take a

cleSj" to intrude into a private opera-box

front seat accidentally left vacant,

which he was per-

mitted to retain, since each of the two parties in the

box supposed he was a friend of the other, when in

fact

none of them were acquainted with the fellow.

It is difficult to
vantafire

comprehend that the temporary ad-

derived from such conduct could counterbal-

ance the permanent contempt excited when the full

nature of his impudence was finally understood by
all.

Yet a

liberty of this nature

is

of the kind

which

many

persons regard as rather funny and par-

donable.

Never
lation

infringe
it

on any properly established regumay.

be

what

it

A young

lady

may

be aa

dashing a Di Vernon as ever lived,

and a

girl of the

utmost

spirit, originality

and independence, without

it

plucking flowers in public places where

bidden, or asking questions which she

is

for-

knows

will
is

be reluctantly answered, or intruding where she

not wanted, and young

men may
all

in correspond

mg

manner behave themselves with

regard to the

feel-

ings of other people without incurring the slightest

suspicion of

''

slowness."
in others

Always discourage forwardness

and bo

TJiRlJ\rG

LIBERTIES.

.ireluctant to
i

grant favors or patronage to impudent

all

/people.

For

creditable employments they are

1/ less fitted
//

than the well bred and firm, while their

honesty

is

always questionable.

Insolence

is

of

it-

self a lack of conscience

I

as regards the rights of

others

9H

ART OF

noj\rvEBsaTT:)jr.

CHAPTER Xn.
Of JLXGUMSirr in CONTEBSATION.
IN TDE

of

who ABE

**

ALTTATI

Riam

ARNEST argument should be avoided in society or before a third person.

is

To prove yourself in
show that another
It is ill-bred to

the right
is

to

in

the

wrong.

do

this be-

fore witnesses,

and

it is

courteous to

avoid
time.

it,

so far as

is

possible, at

any

Men
It
is

are

much more

given to " argument " than

women, and are

far less sensible of its absurdity.

well to reason with oneself as

much

as possiis

ble, but. little,

beyond a display of vanity,

gained

in debating a point with another.

For a man or woman of

intellect to seriously ar-

AR G UMEJ>rT

IJ\r

COJVVER SA TIOJST.
inferior

99

gue a point with one of

or culture,
is

mind, experience,

ridiculous.

If you are

known

to hold firmly established views

it,

on any subject, beware of conversing much on

except with those

who

perfectly agree with you.

dlspiit-

You

will not aid

it.

your cause or yourself by

ing over

If you are boldly attacked, respectable

people will give you

much more

credit for gracefully

evading a
it.

strife

of opinions, than for entering upon

to the

Ladies who have a true claim

name,

in-

variably appreciate and admire such conduct in a

man.

Much more

skill

and sagacity may be shown

;

in refusing to argue, than in so doing

the one

who

Becks to escape having the great advantage of being

able to

make

his adversary appear

determined to

be disagreeable and discourteous.

The inconvenience

of having a guest given to ar-

gument, and one who continually proves himself to

be in the right,
is

well illustrated

by a French story
les'soL

which I

translate,

and which may serve as a

for all conceited

*'

and disputative men.

of the

The author

poem Des Saisons

The

treasons

the Marquis do

Saint Lambert, intro-

duced one day to the celebrated

Madame
men

Geoffrin,

who assembled

at her house the first

of letters

iOO

-^^^

OF COJVVERSATlOJr.
man
9f learning,

of her time^ an estimable

known

dj

many
"

excellent works which he had written on

political

economy.
Geoffrin received

Madame

him kindly,

as she

did every one,

and

then the recommendation of

the Marquis de Saint Lambert was, with her, of

great influence.

" For three months the poet's

protegd

never

failed to be present at the lady's receptions,

and no

one complained of his company, since he was a man,

not only of learning, but of taste.
ever,

One

day, how-

when about

to enter,

a servant stopped him at

:

the door, and said with great gravity

*'
'

Madame

cannot see you to-day.'

is

'' ^

How
is

she

gone out

But I

see

Monsieur

Morellet
there

enter ^ and Monsieur Thomas.

Why,
at the
!

the

Abbe
!

Delille,

humming an
1'

air

window.
is

Ha
is

good day, Monsieur

?

Abbe

How

our dear lady to-day

I'm sure she's at home.'

"

'

Madame,

sir,

cannot see you.'

" 'But

she

ill,

then?

Of

course not, since I

if

hear Diderot's Ipud laugh, and

were not in health

"
I
'

Madame

Geoffrin

Sir, I

beg your pardon a thousand times, but

have simply to say that madame cannot see you.*

ARGUMEJVT
''

IJ^

COJVVERSATIOjyT.

IQl

This argument was

to the servant

irresistible,

and the authoi

bowed
lite to

for a true philosopher is po-

every one - - and went next day

to his patron

to tell

him of the event

could

of yesterday.
his strange

"
tion.

He

make nothing of

recep-

Had he committed some blunder?

The author endeavored, but

Had he
or in vain,

permitted himself to say something indiscreet

inconvenient ?
to

show that he had been in the wrong,

in order to

prove that

Madame

Geoffrin was in the right.

Saint

Lambert

listened to the end,

and only interrupted

'

the eloquent pleading with the words, the right,

you are

in

my

friend

a thousand times in the right.'

When
seal,

he had concluded, Saint Lambert took from

the chimney-piece a letter, of which he broke the

and presented
it.

it

to his protege, inviting

him

to

read

The

latter

urged a few scruples, but finally

It

opened the
frin,

letter.

was signed by Madame Geof-

and, addressed to the Marquis de Saint

:

Lam-

bert, contained the following lines

"

'

I close

my

door,
;

my

dear marquis, on your

learned

M.

should I see him often, I should

and, thank heaven, I

bo vexed to death
little

am

still a

attached to

life^

thanks to your friendship and

to that of a few of the faithful

who resemble you

102

-^RT

OF coj^vehsatiojv.
is,

Your M.

in short, intolerable
'

he

is al-

ways in
*'

the right

These few words at once explained every thing

to the learned

man, and Saint Lambert, as wo are

assured, gave

him a long

lecture on the danger of

being always in the right, and on the necessity of

being sometimes in the wrong.

risks a

A man who never

mere opinion, who always bases himself on a

foundation, on reason, and truth, must.be

logical

very annoying.

" The learned author at once changed his system

of tactics, and soon re-entered the good graces of

Madame

Geoffrin.

M.

B
;

kept his word.

He
circle

became one of the most amusing men of the

whence he had been exiled

bristling with paradoxes

and

his conversation,

and odd caprices of wit and

humor, ensured him many successes.

one of the most perfect

He

became

men

of the world of his time,

politi-

without in the least losing his reputation as a

cal economist."

In France the manifestation of a fixed determination to argue^

is

very properly regarded as rude.

Even

in inferiol* society
:

we may hear
il

uttered, as a

reproach
''

" Tiens

veut avoir

du raison
in

''

Ah

he wishes to prove himself to be

the

AR G UME ATT
right
!

JJV COJ^-VER SJl TIOJV

103

"

Those who have seen a whole dinner-

party made uncomfortable by two desperate debaters

or

who have

heard, in a party, voices loud in dispute^

while the hostess, seriously annoyed or grieved, al-

most struggled with tears at the interruption to the

harmony of the meeting

argument
to be

will agree with

me

that

in society

is

indeed misplaced.

It is

wrong

always in the right.

104

ART OF

COJ^VERSATIOJf.

CHAPTER XHL
Of IHB ETPLUEKCB 0? WOMEN OK CONTERSATIOK.

MARBTtn

HE

most celebrated groups of ge-

nius which the world has ever seen,

may have

consisted exclusively of

men, but they have always been

formed around a woman.

From
tellect

the days

when

all

the in

of Greece gathered about

Aspasia,

down

to the

French

sa-

lons of the last century, each with

its

beautiful or witty cnryphcba, or

centre of the
at

chorus,

we

find that

when conversation has

any

period been raised to a high degree of culture, and

exerted a decided influence on the spirit of the age,

it

has owed

its

development in a great degree to wo-

men.

THE LYFLUEJ^CE OF WOMEJV.

The
ability displayed

105

by Dr. Johnson and Oliver

Goldsmith in conversation was due to their own ge

nius,

but their

many

defects of rudeness, or of eccen-

tricity,

may
The

be fairly attributed to a want of famil-

iarity in early life with

women
Lord

of culture and refineChesterfield's wit

tells us,

ment.
polish,

best part of

and

was derived as he himself

from assid-

uously frequenting the society of ladies.

Every well educated, amiable and witty woman

who has
in her
ity,

fully acquired " the art of society,"

has

it

power

to exercise, in connection with hospital-

a very great influence on the world around her,

to

and

do

much

good.

It

is

not enough for the

to

scholar, the

artist,

and others of retired habits

meet with friends among women

they

also require

intercourse with cultivated society where they

may

rub off the rust of retirement, and realize with pleasure that they are really in the world, and of
it.

When drawn

together around an accomplished hos-

tess their thoughts are

more readily

refined,

and the

rough diamonds of their knowledge are cut and polished into the most attractive forms.

Such women
sion,

intuitively
its

comprehend their mischief duty

is

and recognize that

all^

to be agree-

able to

and

to elicit
6

from each a display of hia

106

ART OF

COJVVERSATIOJV,

best qualities.
attentive to
all

They are consequently courteona and

who
are presented to them.

The

young

collegian or clerk, the retiring youth

who has
is

seldom attracted notice from other women,

often

astonished and gratified to find himself an object of

kind interest to some far-famed belle or brilliant ladyleader of society,

whom

he had supposed far too ele-

vated by adulation to bestow on

him more than

ordi-

nary

civilities.

He

does not

know

that

it

is

her

pride to

make something

graceful out of such

raw

material as his mind presents, and that the more a

woman

is

elevated

by her own
all.

abilities,

the more

widely do her rays shine on

It is

under the auspices of such women that con;

versation

the art which of all others conduces to

;

make

social intercourse agreeable

is

most

p(?i'fectly

developed.
ert
is

The

beneficial influence

which they ex-

in consequence incalculable.

The eminent

statesman, the great clergyman, the celebrated poet,

may

imagine that the evenings spent in chatting

with an accomplished lady and her friends have been

passed in mere amusement, but they aie mistaken

Genial influences are the most conducive to fresh exertions of genius.

Original ideas are more rapidly

cultivated society than

developed in the

summer of

in the winter of solitude.

THE IJVFLUEA^CE OF WOMEJ^.

It is a

IQ?
to

duty -which every one owes to himself

is it

seek the society of such women, nor

less the

duty of every lady who

ability, to exert it so as to

is

conscious of possessing

assemble those

who may

be thereby benefitted

Let her endeavor by reading,

to qualify herself to converse intelligently with every

one, and banish

from her manner

all

vanity, and

every tendency to say anything disagreeable, so that

only pleasant impressions do this successfully, she

does not live in vain.
It
is

may

be

left in all.

If she

may

rest assured that she

to be regretted that in

England and

in

Amer-

ica " the world" seems to think that refined social

intercourse can only exist

when favored by

wealth.
be,
.

To pass an evening pleasantly there must

many, a supper, expensive
dresses,

for

and the costly

preparations which give a festival air to such assemblages.

Many women who

are personally in every

way

well qualified to do incalculable good, exclude

themselves, in consequence of limited means, from

society,
circle.

and confine their influences to the domestic

The
their

result

is

that ladies

when married, and

in culture

when

minds are expanding

too

and ex
out

perience, find themselves

frequently shut

from their proper sphere, while mere boys and miss-

108
es, in

-^RT OF COjYVERSATIOJST.
certain circles, constitute

and control society

head
to the heels,

Intellect is transferred from the

and

when we ask what

priate answer

is

discussed at parties, the approbe,

'

would

people dance."

This will be remedied, and conversation will be-

come what
tation
is

it

should,

when

the silly spirit of ostenit is

subdued, and people learn that

possi-

ble to receive friends without turning their

into restaurants.

homes

A lady who receives

company has

enough

to

do in attending to her guests, and in pro-

moting conversation among them, without the additional anxiety lest a supper be well served,

and

lest

servants should blunder.

dies complain,

Our American married

la-

and justly, that they

the wedding

lose social influ-

ence when they gain

their

ring, but it is in

own power

to

remedy the

evil.

Let them

re-

ceive their friends freely without feeding them.

In

our large

cities,

receptions without " refreshments,"

or with very

little,

are already doing

much

good, but
''

through the country the old-fashioned ideas of

ties

par-

" and what they should be, are

for their part should

still

prevalent.
that

Young men

remember

excellence in conversation, and refined manners, arc

most readily acquired by the " temperate," and

the

that

man

is

to be pitied

who cannot enjoy

social in-

THE LNFLUEJ^CE OF WOMEJV,

tcrcourse

109

without eating and drinking.

He whc
influ-

would influence others, must not himself be

enced by appetite.

The lowest

orders,

it is

true, can-

not imagine a cheerful assembly without the attrac

tions of the table,
all

and

this reflection should induce

who aim

at intellectual culture to endeavor to

life

avoid placing the choicest phases of social

on

such a

basis.

It is almost needless to advise

young men
is

to cul-

tivate the society of ladies.

This counsel

every
that^

where given.
to use a

But the reader should remember

'

French expression,
or,

there are

women and

women,"

that there are very great differences in

" the sex."

A young

woman who never

is

cultivates

her mind, whose reading

novels,

confined to second-rate

whose conversation runs principally on other

people's affairs, and whose remarks have for the most

part a tone of jeering flippancy

and depreciation
is

may

be a subject for occasional amusement, but

utterly unfit to be a friend or companion to

tional

any rasteadily

man, and

least of all to a

man who

is

determined to improve in every way his heart and

intellect,

and

to rise in the world.

Fortunately

it is

seldom needful to choose between such female friends

or none.

He who

reads much,

who

expresses him-

110
self well,

-ART

OF COJVVERSATIOM,
will, if

and who talks no scandal,

he make

every

effort,

soon find congenial society.

Conversation with intelligent married ladies of any

age,

who have

seen

much

of the world,
to all

is

therefore

to be strongly

commended

who would improve

their minds and manners.

To

gain a good wife one

should study good wives.

daughli;jKiiL,."

"He who
Ey

would the
"rauaj;^

says an excellent proverb,

first

with t he mojher
cial intercourse
is far

begin."

beginning in so-

from above instead of from below, one

to

more likely

meet with young

ladies

who

are

really worth knowing, than if he devote his leisure

hours to idle chat with girls who take no interest in

any

object of real intellectual value.

DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS.

Ill

CHAPTER

XIV.

OF DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS IN CONVEESATION.

HE

reader will frequently be re-

minded in society of the remark,

attributed I believe to Dr.

Samuel

Johnson, that " nice persons have

frequently

nasty ideas."

I do

not refer to immoral or indecent,

but to disagreeable subjects, or at

least to such as it is well to avoid
if possible.

To be scrupulously

cleanly in every respect should,

with a well bred man, be so

much

a matter of habit

as to seldom occupy his thoughts

in its duties.

when not engaged

But

there are people so self conscious

of their neatness as to
their

make

a constant parade of

customs in this respect.

They

will talk in any

112

JlRT OF COJVVERSATIOK.

society of the details of their toilette, and descant on

the

advantages to be derived from cold water as

it

though

were a new invention.

Others are fond of

will describe a dysto almost

discussing their

own

ailings,

and

^P^sia or liver-complaint
body.

at

any time

any

Some

will enter

upon such unpleasant perstill

sonal details with an apology, while others with

greater caution contrive under the guise of an ex-

cuse for not fulfilling an engagement, to give the full

particulars of the maladies which prevented attend-

ance.

Can

it

really interest

any one

to

know

that a per-

son has an excellent or an indifferent appetite, and

does
^

it

never occur to others that

it is

seldom agree-

able to a guest to be informed before

company

that
it

he

is

eating very

little ?
''

Is it less polite than

would be
ing
!

to exclaim,

why, how much you are eat-

"

When
who

a lady carefully informs all present

that she seldom requires

to those

much

food, does

it

suggest

are even slightly acquainted with phyassociations,

siology,

any agreeable

and does

it

prove

anything except that she neglects to exercise and to

otherwise take proper care of her health ?

We

all

know

that dental operations, the sufferings

endured from tight boots, the offensive conduct of

DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS,
bad servants, children's teethings, the
cines, casualties
effects

US
of medi-

and deaths, must not onlj occur, but

less discussed.

also be

more or

But many people

fastidious naturally

who

are

bj no means absurdly

avoid all such subjects of annoyance in conversation,

while others, in proportion to the vulgarity of their

minds, introduce them and dwell upon them.
is

There

of course nothing so easy as to prove the neces-

sity of talking

on such matters, but

it is

very cer-

tain that refined people instinctively avoid a griev-

ance, or a personal detail,

and experience no incon-

venience from so doing.

I trust that the hints given in this chapter will

be borne in mind by the young reader not merely

*'

in society," but

among

his

most familiar

associ

ates.

The

habit of talking on disagreeable and peris

sonal topics
panions,
all times.

generally formed
is

among

intimate com-

and when formed

apt to betray itself at

As

with

all subjects for

reform,

it

should

be attended to in the root, and not in the branches.

114

ART OF

COJSrVERSATIOJSf

CHAPTER XV
XHB PARADOX IN CONVEESATION.

OMMON -PLACE,
talking

steady men,

among

themselves,

may

be very well amused with " regular

stories,"

perhaps with long

ones, and with old-fashioned jokes.

But with

women,

and

volatile

men

of the world, such formal

little favor.

fun finds

Again, an

anecdote which would set the table in a roar at the

Club, will be but indifferently

received at a " reception," even though whispered

to

dames who are anything but prudes, and though

the jest in itself be anything but improper.

"
that

Why

is this ?

"

Has

the reader never observed

as pleases

women who enjoy humor such

men

THE PARADOX.
invariably resemble
habits of thought ?

115

men

in other respects, as regards

I

Let him therefore think twice

before he ventures to offer to ladies the

same fun

which has already had a

male friends.

brilliant success

among

his
>

Compliments in a witty or droll form

have
said,

are, as I

always acceptable to every one.

A para-

dox

is also

almost invariably sure to at least pass as

It is something which, while con
is

worth hearing.

trary to received opinion, or seemingly absurdj

true in
all to

fact,

and of a truth which

it is

is

at once felt

by

whom

addressed.

To

say, for instance, of

it

a la dy's face in a picture gallery that

eith

represents

^the

ugliest of all

t he

beauties, or the
is

mo^t

^^arming of alLthe
may
contain

plain

women,

a paradox which

much

truth relative to the character of

one of those peculiar countenances which attract us

we know not why.

ing
lies so

It is a

paradox to say that nothit

much

as facts, unless

be figures, since

these,

while acknowledged to be the most accurjjte

truths, are also very extensively

means of presenting

used in reports to falsify them.

like a wise fool,"

" There

is

no

fool

"

Men who

are willing to die in

the last ditch for their country, are generally careful to avoid the first,"

are all tolerable paradoxes

116

-ART

OF COJ^VERSATIOJS".

Sometimes a paradox occurs in the form of an an

swer.

" Did you ever see such a diamond?"

in-

quired a lady, referring to an enormous

brilliant in
visited

imitatii

a jeweller's window.

"Not

since I

a glass-factory," was the reply.

"I

can

read you like a book," said an illiterate person,

rudely to a
replied.

girl.

''

I should think so," she quietly

The paradox
on a topic

is

easily cultivated,
is

and when made

of any importance,

not unfrcqucntly

very suggestive of sound

reflections.

The mind
pun
;

may be
it

trained to form

it

as readily as the

but

has this great advantage over the

latter, that it

may
pun

involve almost any thought whatever, while the

is

a mere play upon words and sound.

is*

The paradox

not an element of

first class

im-

portance in conversation.

It should not be very fre-

quently repeated, and

it

cannot be sustained for any

length of time, save in humorous argument.

But

it

should be cultivated as a means of presenting, in a

spirited form, thoughts

which would otherwise sound

very commonplace.

There are

those, however,
;

who abuse
as,

this

form of

thought and of expression

for instance,

men

who, having satisfied themselves by

much

special

THE PARADOX.
studj and research that some
opinion
is false,

117

generally received

or that some popular idol had his se-

cret faults, frequently, in

mixed

society, startle

and

confound people of very ordinary attainments, with

their novel views.
is

When

the paradox in this form

ability,

launched at a person of equal

no objec-

tion can be raised, save the proviso that there shall

be no heated argument, unbecoming general society.

But

it is

unkind and cowardly to unsettle or demol-

ish the perfectly harmless faith or opinions of those

who

are inadequately provided with powers of re-

partee.

The urging of paradoxes

especially

in this extreme form,

among

those

who

are not accustomed to

them, not unfrequently

effect anticipated.

fails entirely to

produce the

may

quote, for example, a gen-

tleman who spent an evening in astonishing a circle

of

young

ladies

by abusing General Washington.

he had created a sensation
as to

He

flattered himself that

the only
his sanity

result

was a very natural suspicion

118

ART OF C0JWERSTIOJ>r

CHAPTER XVL
01 SELFISHNESS IN TRITLES.

SMALL SACBIFIGEB.

MAN can
world,

go well through the

succeed in society, or be-

come an adept in conversation, unless

he learn to
little

sacrifice selfishness

in

many

things to the com-

fort of others.

It is true that accomplished

men
the

of the world are

selfish beings.

often intensely

But they have

shrewd

tact to yield in trifles, while

will,

some of the

most generous people

through mere inertness

and moral laziness, never think of giving up or

making way,

for the convenience of others.

With many women

erosity,

not
all

great acts of gen-

and noble deeds are regarded as obvious du-

SELFISHJV'ESS
tics,

IJST

TRIFLES.
trivial

119
courtesies

while

little

sacrifices

and

have that sweetest of aromas

the
it

incense of vol-

untary active homage.

Hence

comes that men

who are known

and

to be cruel, unprincipled, depraved

heartless, are often greatly liked

by

^'

very nice"

girls

to the

great astonishment of male friends

who, having exposed the character of " the villain,"

expect to see him at once detested.
persons

These excellent

do not know that to superficial women,

education
little

whatever their moral

may

have been,

great virtues are always a

below the heroic

standard in value,
great.

while

small virtues are very

It

is

the old story of the two sexes

the

one dealing only in large notes and paying heavy

bills,

so that he

expects every one to recognize the

value of money, and the other familiar with nothing

but the constant rattle of small change.

But however good and

virtuous and great a

man

may

be,

he

is

very far from being excused on that

efibrt to excel in little

account from making every

virtues,

and in those small

sacrifices

of comfort
If bad

which are really oifered to urbanity.

men

make themselves
them
son
at their

attractive,

good

men

should beat
is is

own weapons, and

should not.

there

no rearapidly

why they

The world

120

-^^r

OF COJ\rVERSATIOj\
and uncouth

losing all its respect for that ungainly

Puritanism which in

its

excess of zeal for grace, lost

all sight of the graces.

No

degree of moral purity

can afford the slightest excuse for a man's feeding to

gross excess at a table, displaying meanwhile in hia

conversation

little

save conceited boorishness, snub-

bing his hostess ^t intervals, insulting his fellow

guests in the style of Dr. Johnson and other emi-

nent Englishmen, and finally rolling off to an easy

chair to ruminate at leisure until the hour arrived to
deliver his evening discourse.

Yet such

is

the pic-

ture which

is

drawn of one of the most popular

it

English preachers of the present day, and

apply to

would

many

others of less note.

effect

Such examples

have the worst possible

on the young who

is,

are shrewd enough to feel that there

be, a connection
all

and should

between refinement, courtesy, and

true goodness, and that selfishness

and boor-

ishness are as wicked in their ultimate effects on others, as

the breaking

any precept
far

in the Decalogue.

The man of

talent,

from being excused from

is

cultivating courtesy and small unselfish traits,

the

very one who should lead in such accomplishments.

Jn

the

first place, as

I have already intimated,

all

ability is

most perfectly matured and develcpcd b^

SELFISHJV'ESS
intercourse with society.

IJV

TRIFLES.

125

And

in the second place,

is

the

man
he

of great intellectual power

excel in

the one of all

others

who should

making himself and those

whom

may

meet, mutually agreeable.

Some of

the most brilliant

men who

ever trod the floor of

a parlor, have been " mere scholars," and members

of a class which
is

habitually spoken of
its

among

those

who

are ignorant of

" highest types as " pedantic

and ignorant of the world.

One

of the

most agreeable of small

sacrifices

which can be made at an evening party, for the sake

of the hostess and for the promotion of gayety,
distribute the conversation.
It is doubtless
is to

very com-

fortable to get in1;o a quiet corner with a brilliant

beauty, or

"a

lady-comrade of established liking,"

and

flirt

or laugh

away with her

so,

till

supper time.

But

if

one does

all

must

with

somebody.

Hence the establishment of "barricades"

settled

'those

groups,

which cannot be broken up, and

all

which are the horror of

who
till

detest a stiff party.

They gather

chair

by chair

the whole

room beis

comes impenetrable, and any person who

in the

charmed
stars."

circle

is

to you as " unattainable as the

In such a fixed condition appeal to the

friend with

whom you

are conversing, or call jcrar

122

-^RT

OF

COJ>>rVERSATIOJ\r.

hostess to counsel, and

you

will soon

thaw the frozen

of society will

stream.

No

lady

who knows much

think that weariness of her conversation induces a

gentleman who knows his duties

to the world, to take

leave of her after a prolonged interview, nor will

any gentleman

suffer his vanity to be

piqued should

she manifest a willingness to converse with others,

K you have very few acquaintances, make others.

This

may

be readily done by exercising a

little tact.

It is well to ascertain

who

are present, from some

friend

the doing so will afford an opportunity to in-

timate that some one of them interests you, in which

case courtesy will suggest an introduction.
It
is

needless to say that

when

it

devolves on

you

to

make
dis-

strangers acquainted,
cretion,
it

you should exercise some

least consider,

and ascertain, or at

whether

would be mutually agreeable.

Those who intro-

duce much

are good Samaritans in society, those

who

do so injudiciously are marauders who rush upon

travelers

and bind them

captive,

two by two.

If you

know anything

of music,

you may properany lady who

ly enough ask for an introduction to

has favored those present with a vocal or instrumental performance.

Few

singers are sorry to learn that

they have made an impression.

If there be a

maa

SBLFISHJVESS
or

IJ\r

TRIFLES,
it

123

woman

of celebrity, present,
to desire

will be but natu-

ral for

you

an acquaintance.

If you are

in

any degree intimate with your

entertainer,

you

would show a kindness which

will be appreciated,

by

intimating a desire to be introduced to any present

especially to neglected.

any

ladies

who seem

to be silent

and

In the

social

garden wall-flowers are

require a
little

weeds, but like

many weeds they only

cult are to take place with the choicer blooms.

If you are invited to pass an evening at any place

never be one of those who are absent on account of

unfavorable
weather.

Then,

if

ever,

you should

make every

exertion to fulfil the promise given in

your acceptance.

A sacrifice

of this nature

is al-

ways appreciated.
ate,

If your circumstances be moder-

and

it
ill

should be the occasion of expense which

afibrd,

you can
must be
ture.

regard
it

it

as a debt of honor

which

paid,

and save

out of some other expendi-

Remember
so

that in
as
it

any

case

it

will not

have
to

cost

you

much

will the lady or

invitation.

gentleman

whose kindness you owe the

124

ART OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJr

CHAPTER XVn.
OF CONVERSATION AT DINNER -PARTIEB,

HEN
each
is

guests are strangers tc

other,

dinner-party

the severest test as to the

ability possessed

by each

to

converse well.

Sometimes we may know

from the character of the host
or hostess, or of "the house,"
that of those
there.

who assemble

It may be " ultra-fashionable," " moderately

','

fashionable," or
*'

rather fashionable."
''

It

may

be

extremely conservative,"

highly respectable, or
it

very respectable," and again

crosses of

may

be one of the
It

numerous

two or more of

these.

may

be based on rising wealth with new affiliations through

DIJVJSrER-PARTIES.
the younger branches, or

125
to the respect-

by marriage,
it

able and

fashionable,

and

may

consist of nice;
island,

quiet people, forming a sort of

unknown

which

maintains very

little

communication with the great

It

continent of society.
political,

may

be diplomatic, or only

and

it

may

be sectarian.

The lady

of the

house

may have been

deeply steeped in Parisian

is

French, while her husband

in Pennsylvania

as decidedly

immersed

German.

It

may

be the party of

a rising
is

young

professional. man, or that of one

;

who

firmly established in the world

or of a real es,

tate auctioneer, or

prominent editor

or

it

may

be

military, or naval, or rural.

If you

know thus much of your

entertainer,

you

may

probably conjecture something as to the general

character of those

Of one

thing you

whom you are invited to meet. may be certain, that the more
inter-

highly cultivated the guests, and the more decided

their cosmopolitanism, the easier will be the

course,

and the

less

apparent any want of previous

acquaintance

among them.

There

is

a freemasonry

among men and women of the world which renders

a dull dinner impossible.

Much

tact is often dis-

played by the entertainer in seating togethei persona

126

-^I^T

OF COJVVERSATIOJV
who
will readily engage
to

of a congenial disposition,
in animated conversation,
all

which acts as a stimulus

it

around, and

is all

the more effective since

ren-

ers occasional silence less liable to observation.

If you are seated by a lady

who seems

reserved,

plunge into ge neralsubje cts and current topics^ tak-

ing care, however, to

to

make your beginning apropos

itself

some

trifle

which the dinner

cannot

fail to

suggest.

On

such occasions, general information on

small matters will be of great assistance.

Lead your

neighbor to speak on some subject with which you

may happen

to be familiar,

and as soon as she

dis-

plays any familiarity with

it,

encourage her by courIf she say but

little,

teous questions to proceed.

talk all the more.

There
it

is

no

soil in

which some-

thing will not grow if

be properly cultivated, and

If there

no woman who

will not converse in time.

be a lion of any degree of celebrity whatever, present,

though he be only the local clergyman, you

may

appropriately enough ask for information relative to

him, or bestow

it.

Much may

be done in ascertain-

ing where your fellow guest has travelled, and in in-

ducing her to speak of the celebrated persons

she has seen or met.

whom

Avoid

all

egotism whatever,

DLYJSrER'PARlIES.
direct or implied.

127

Many
it

persons seem to think that

to

among

strangers

is

necessary

give auto-bio-

graphic hints sufficient to show that they are entitled

tc consideration.

Rely upon

it,

if

you converse well

enough

to excite interest, the

world will soon know

everything about you.

I have presumed an extreme case, and the most

trying -which can happen at a dinner, to be seated

by a

diffident

woman,

or,

what

is

the same thing, by

an over-cautious person, who

for a long time casts

on

others the burden of the conversation.

serve,

Absolute reis

from any one, under such circumstances,

unpardonable
tainer,

it is

a lack of courtesy to the enter-

and a reproach to the quality of the guests.

is

With any person who

enjoy conversation.
slightest general

not reserved you should

If you are possessed of the

knowledge of men and things, of

the current topics of the dayToFbooks, or of places,

it

will be

your own fault

if

you cannot
it

find someto

thing to say, and gradually expand

narrative or discussion.

animated

Be always on

the alert to

suppress yourself when you see that your companion

is

beginning to listen with interest to his own voice

and when others also begin to

listen or to take part

128

-ART

OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r.
them every

in the conversation, be prompt to show

courtesy and deference.

Never

forget that at a dinner, as on all occasions

it is

of hospitality,

your chief duty

to relieve the

hostess from every annoyance or care.

It

would be well
;

if those

who give

dinners

aa

well as their guests

would bear in mind the follow-

ing remarks of a French writer

" It must not be imagined that the diuDcr to

which you are invited,

is

simply given for the pur;

pose of giving a gross and purely material pleasure

no,
it is

to

put you in company with persons of con-

sideration,

and

to give

you an opportunity
your good

to display

your

intelligence, or cause

qualities to be

appreciated in the species of demi-intimacy which

may

result from it."

To which may be added

parties,
*'

these remarks on dinner

and other

social meetings, at the present day:

If you have no accurate ideas as to any of the

trifles

thousand

which

rise

up

at every instant

when

one has entered a

tate

saloji,

observe in silence, and imi-

what you

see done

by well-bred

persons.

The

aristocratic

element being that which now prevails at

the tables of all respectable families, and in every

DIJVJVER-PARTIES
parlor where good

129
it

company assembles,

will be

easy to do this simply and adroitly, without aiming

at 'prodiicing
It has

an

effect, ^^

*
is

been said that the table

lie

the touch-stone

of a gentleman.
vulgarity in

who may

successfully conceal
life,

every other phase of

is

sure to

betray
*

it

almost immediately at dinner.

Elegant

La

Viti

BoiHSE.

Paris, 1858.

ISO

dRT OF COJVVERSATIOM

CHAPTER XVIIL
Cr KLBSn PEOPLE.
TIMIDITY.
ITS

CUWL

jHERE

are

men

"who carry tacitur

nity to

rudeness.

Speech

it

is

said is golden

and

silence is silver,
it

but such persons turn

to brass.

Many young men

this

encourage in
defect of

manner a natural

moodiness and surliness, thinking

that
it

gives

them an

air of digni-

fied reserve.

There could be no

greater mistake.

When

a person has given you no

positive cause for desiring to drop his acquaintance

you are guilty of great rudeness

to bear the entire

in compelling

him
an
in-

burden of conversation.

It is

ill-bred assumption of superiority,

and of cynical

difference to others, such as can find

no place either

DJJVJVER'PARTIES,

131
perfectly

m the heart or manners of

acquire the

him who would

humane art of

conversation.

To endeav*
silence
is

or to create an impression of dignity

is

by mere

a confession that the outward appearance

not

sustained

by the intellect.

There are however, many

persons, and singularly enough the majority of

them

are women,

who are

silent in society

and

avail

them-

selves of every art to create the impression that their

silence is the result of courteous attention,
fact

when

in

they have nothing to say.

Among weak
and

and

shallow persons of their

own

calibre their tongues

es-

will fly rapidly enough, but with strangers

pecially with all

who

are out of their

own "set*'

they
ness,
''

re

afflicted

with a most disagreeable dumb-

varied

by

little

" flurries " of mere shallow

talk."

It is remarkable that people of this kind

find their tongues, are extreme-

when they eventually

ly apt to

employ them

in sustaining differences of

opinion and " arguments," which leave on the whole

an unpleasant impression.

With such persons an

accomplished conversationalist

may

at least practice

patience and display good temper.

He

will often

make a highly

favorable impression on them, and be

it,

afterward astonished to learn

when no word

at the

132

-ART

OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJ>f.

time indicated his success.

Should he persistently
fail to

return to the charge he cannot

plete victory.

achieve a com-

There are occasional instances of young persona

of excellent dispositions and even of high intellectual culture^ vrho are afflicted with reserve and bash-

fulness to such a degree that

species of mental disease.

it

actually becomes a

Parents say of this that

it

"

it

will

wear

off,"

and frequently leave

to cure

itself

It

may

indeed outwardly pass away, or be

transformed to an affectation of assurance or of impudence, but

its

evil effects
life,

are too generally felt

even to the end of

in the

want of that calm

confidence and well balanced presence of mind, so

requisite in all intercourse with our fellow beings.

In such cases a study of the art of conversation, with

efforts to

put into practice

its

rules in

company with

a few intimate friends, will be found amply sufficient

to effect a cure.

He

alone can become a truly accomplished con-

versationalist

who

is

gifted with a kind heart,

and

such a person will always take pleasure in conquering the painful diffidence of others, and in breaking

away the

limits

which separate them from

^*

life."

TIMIDITY. ITS CURE.

.

I33

Many

persons suffer most unjustly under the im-

putation of having nothing to say,

is,

when

the truth

that few comparative strangers have ever con-

versed
that,
*'

much with them.

most
cases,

I believe " silent

it

will be

found

in

these

women " and

dumb youths "

are far better worth knowing than

trifles.

the majority of chatterers of common-place

If you are so unfortunate as to feel a tremor at the thought of encountering strangers in society, re-

member
sons,

that they simply form a collection of per-

with

whom you would

have no

difficulty in

conversing singly.

If you are conscious of possess-

ing general information equal to that of those

whom

you expect to meet, and are yourself respectable

as regards personal appearance, venture confidently

and calmly on the ordeal.

is like

You

will soon find

is

it

learning to swim, and that there

first

no

diffiis

culty or danger, even in the

plunge, which

not entirely imaginary.

Let nothing deter you,

come what may.

people

If in certain circles you meet with

who

are unkind enough to be indifferent, or

directly, take

annoy you more

all,

no notice of

it

above

do nothing to revenge yourself, and console your

truth, that if

mind with the indubitable

you a^oid

134

-ART

OF

COJSrVERSATIOJSr.

acting as they have done, the time will come

when

you

will be far their superior as regards the practice

of all in " the art of society " which can

truly esteemed.

make you

Every evening spent

if turned to advantage,

in society is a lesson which,

may

aid

your success in

life.

CORRECT LAJVGUAGE.

186

CHAPTER

XIX.

OF GOBKEGT LANGUAOB IN CONVEBSATIOIT.

SPEAK
correctly,
is

your own language

to secure the most

important aid to success in society.

Study the grammar and

dic-

tionary carefully and continually,

but avoid unusual words and highflown phrases.

If you have a welf educated

f^fiend,

ask him, in confidence, to

If

observe and correct your faults of language.

your own education has been

defective,

and your

opportunities for mingling with cultivated persons,

limited,

you

will

probably use

many

expressions

which, you will be surprised to learn, are, if not incorrect, at least to be avoided.

Do not

suppose them

136
to be trifles.

^R'J^

OF COJVVERSATJOjY.
sosiet^z^^ilifiu-slightfist

In good

inacc^^

racj in language will be greatly to your disadvan-

tage.

1N"6 advantages of person or of fortune, can

"entirely

counterbalance the effect of a phrase, or

in

of a

peculiarity

pronunciation
if

which

betrays

early ignorance.

But

you converse

correctlyy

you

certainly possess an accomplishment which will

enable you to sustain a position in any society.

When

it

is

once acquired, you need experience no

talking

timidity

in

with any person whatever

ex-

your language
ous reception.

will of itself entitle

you

to

a courte-

The number of persons whose

pressions are entirely free from mistakes, or improprieties, is so small,

that one belonging to

it is

sure

of respect.

You would

do well to form a class with a few

friends, for the purpose of reading aloud

by turns

some well written works.

termine,

Select a chapter, and dedictionary, the proper

by the aid of your

pronunciation and accent of every word.

In the be-

ginning, read the separate chapters over at least six

times, or oftener, if

you are not confident of having

perfectly mastered every difficulty which each presents.

If there be added to this, practice in writing

short " compositions" or essays, to be submittt(d to

CORRECT LAJSTGUAGE^

137

the criticism and correction of the whole class, your

progress will be rapid.

It is

very

difficult to

make young persons of cither

impropriety of using

sex comprehend the

slang.
Its

positive

words and phrases are, for the most part,

expressive,

and occasionally humorous.

When we

experience difficulty in expressing a thought concisely

and with point/ a new application of some

it

cant word not unfrequently settles

very promptly.

And

this latter is indeed the great

impediment with

which those who would converse correctly, expressively,

and

fluently,

have to contend.

vA^jglan^

_phraseia^redlx J^^J[iftJorJbh^
trouble in

Jhinkin^ But

for this

very reason

it

should be avoided.

Endeavor

to exert

your inge-

nuity in forming some correct equivalent for the

slang expression.

Determine what your thought

is,

and express

it

in good grammatical language.

Re-

member
purity,

that those
at the

who

converse with the greatest

and

same time most impressively, never

employ slang.

Q The

young man who converses readily in^implo

language, possesses an accomplishment
fail to

arid correct

N
\

which cannot

aid

him materially

in the pur-

suit of fortune or of honors.

The

first

indication

X38

-^^^ O^ COJ^VERSATIOJ>r.

of genius in

Henry Clay which

led to his advance-

ment, was his constant endeavor, while yet a mere

l>oy, to

express himself with purity and accuracy.

is

Such a habit

generally received by the world aa

indicative of strength of character, while slang,

bad

grammar, and

provincial phrases, are often thought

to betray the weakness of self-contented vulgarity.

Ladies frequently use slang phrases, with a slight

pause or smile to serve as marks of quotation, or

rather as an apology.
to

But

to

modify a fault

is

not

remove

it.

Resolve

that

you

will never use

an incorrect, an inelegant, or a vulgar phrase or

word, in any society whatever.^
If yoii are gifted
it is

with wit, you will soon find that

far better

easy to give

it

point and force in pure

English, than

through any other medium, and that brilliant thoughts

make

the deepest impression

it

when well worded.

is

However great
which earns
for

may

be,

the labor

never

lost

you the reputation of one who

habit-

ually uses the language of a gentleman, or of a lady.

It
is

difficult

for

those

who have not frequent

well

opportunities for

conversation with

educated

people, to avoid using expressions which are not cur-

rent in society, although they

may

be of

common

oc-

currence in books.

As

they are often learned from

CORRECT LAJVGUAGE,
Lovels,
it

139

will be well for the reader to

remember

that even in the best of such works, dialogues are

seldom sustained in a tone which would not appear

affected in ordinary
is
life.

This fault in conversation

it is

the most difficult of all to amend, and

unfor-

tunately the one to which those

who

strive to express
liable.

themselves correctly, are peculiarly

is

Its effect

bad, for though

it

is

not like slang, vulgar in

It

itself, it

betrays an effort to conceal vulgarity.

may

generally be remedied by avoiding any word or

phrase which you

may

suspect yourself of using

effect.

foi:

the purpose of creating an

Whenever you

imagine that the employment of any mere word or

sentence will convey the impression that
well informed, substitute for
sion.
)

you

are!

it

some simple expres-

^^f

you are not

positively certain as to the pronun-

ciation of a w^ord, never use it/> If the temptation

be great, resist

it

for rely

upon

it,

if

there be in

your mind the

will certainly

slightest doubt

on the

subject,

you

make a

mistake.
its

Never use a foreign word when

meaning can
it

be given in English, and remember that

is

both

rude and
possibly

silly to

say anything to any person who

it.

may

not understand

But never

attempt,

140

-^-Rr

OF

coj\rvER8ATioj\r,

under any circumstances whatever, to utter a foreign

word, unless you have learned to pronounce correctly the language to which
it

belongs.

If

you have

not been able to acquire the tongue, remember that

*'

French without a Master," or any similar work,

enable any one, with a few hours of careful

will

study, to pronounce at least tolerably.

Many young men

that the theatre
is

are so ignorant as to believe

for elegant

not only a school

manners, but also for language, and that expressions

picked from "genteel

comedy" may be properly

I regret that
is
it is

used in ordinary conversation.

not entirely needless to say, that this

a very vul-

gar error.

Neither in England nor in America does

the stage at the present day present anything

much

better than a gross caricature of good society and of

its

manners.

I would not forbid the theatre, by any

means, as a place of amusement, any more than I

would a Punch and Judy show

but after

many

years of familiarity with the drama, as set forth by

its

best artists, I can say conscientiously that I re-

gard the youth as one to be pitied who derives from

it

his lessons of life or language.

However

cornectly
fails to

an actor
fall into

may pronounce

English, he seldom

a strained and exaggerated style of empha-

CORRECT
BIS
life,

LAJSTGUAGE.

141

and of

action,

which, if introduced into daily

would be simply ridiculous.

is

His business
life,
it.

is to

intensify all that

extravagant in
is to

while tb

province of good breeding

subdue

Do

not, however,

aim at acquiring a great reputausing elegant language.

to

tion, or rather notoriety, for

II Should you do
sustain
to
it

so,

you would probably endeavor

and could not

for the sake of display,

affected.

fail

become
is

The
and

great
this is

charm of conversaunavoidably
lost to

tion

to be natural,
is

every one who

rior

conscious of exhibiting in a supe-

manner the medium through which he expresses

his thoughts

Eemember

that

wHen according
orator:

to

Whately,

we exclaim of an

"how
exists.

elo-

quent

" the true eloquence no longer

SELF EDUCATIOIJ,

QEA^ERAL KJVOWLEDGE

145

CHAPTER XX.
OF ACQUIRINQ GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.

NE
still
is

may

converse well at

times

without displaying knowledge, but

a certain amount of learning
to
all

essential

who

would

excel in conversation.

The

literary information

which

enables one to maintain a creditable position in social intercourse,

is

two-fold

that which results

is

from a regular education, and that which

derived

from the casual reading of current literature or

through occasional study.
It
is

possible for almost every one

whose educa-

tion has been neglected, to repair the loss to such a

degree that
lar plan
site.

it

will be unnoticed.

To do

this,
is

a regu

and steady application are

all that

requi

Knowledge

increases knowledge very rapidly

to his stock,

Tie

who every day adds

and also reviews

46

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV,

something already learned, will find in time that ha

knows more than he has read,

awakened observation and thought.

for

he

will

have

THE STUDY OP GEOGRAPHY.

I will suppose that the reader

who
least

is

desirous of

becoming well informed, has at

mastered the

most ordinary branches of a common school education.

Let him, then, review his geography with

Ignorance of the situation of coununpardonable, and such blun-

scrupulous care.
tries

and their

cities is

ders in conversation are ridiculous.

I have heard a
five

University man, who spoke four or

ask
if

languages,

Sumatra were not

in America.

In connec-

tion with the careful study of geography, one should

gather from books of travel, and from history, and

from reviews,
each country.

all

the latest information relative tc

I have already spoken of the advantage to be derived from the association together, in a club, of per-

sons for improvement in reading.

If such a club

were
rate

also to take

up geography, discussing a sepa-

nation at a meeting, each communicating all

that he

had read or heard on the

little

subject,
it.

there

would be

danger of gross ignorance of

Aa

QEJVERAL KJ\rOWLEDGE.

I47

soon as one nation or country shall have been well

discussed, its

name should be
it

legibly written on a
illus-

large sheet, and with

a few leading facts

trating its population, language, history,

and gov-

ernment, ^"IheT^tylo "of the short articles in a

gazetteer,

which should hang up in the place of

meeting

till it

may

be presumed that

all are familiar

the'

with them.

very extensive knowledge of

world

may

be easily gathered, by adhering to the

simple rule, whenever you learn anything in refer-

ence

to

subject,

review

what
it.

knowledge

you

already have in reference to

THE STUDY OF GRAMMAR.

The grammar of your
native language, as I have

already intimated, should be carefully studied.

A
to

good, full-sized dictionary should be in your possession

it it

the best that

money can buy

though
Bible.

obtain

you should be obliged

to sell

every book

you own except your grammar and your

fer

Re-

to

continually.
it

Let no day pass without

determining from
ciation of

the meaning and proper pronun-

words with which you are not familiar.

lest,

But beware,
ary

as

many

do,

you

suffer the diction*

to take the place of

memory.

148

JlRT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
grammar, that joui

Bear in mind
object
is

in studying the

not simply to commit rules bj heart, and to

parse, but to converse

and write correctly.

If you can associate with you, in studying the

grammar, one or more

friends, it is not impossible

that your progress in learning will be

much

greater

than

if

you were directed by an

indifferent teacher.

After becoming somewhat familiar with the general principles of the language, it will be time to be-

gin to read aloud from authors noted for their purity

of style.

For

this

purpose, I

recommend Gold-

smith's " Vicar of Wakefield," Washington Irving'

writings,
''

The Spectator/' and Macaulay's "EsObserve, while

says," and " History of England."

reading,

the

agreement of the precepts of your

sentences which

grammar with the

member,
that

you

follow.

Re-

by devoting regular hours

to study,

and by frequently reviewing and

understanding

thoroughly every page, before you undertake a single

new paragraph, you must

inevitably succeed.

Having done
tc

this for a short time,

you may begin

write according to the rules laid

down

in

the

ensuing chapter.

Your study of grammar

will

now
daj

begin in earnest, and you cannot

fail to realize,

by day,

its

great practical utility.

LITERARY COMPOSITIOM

149

CHAPTER XXI.
Of SELF-INSTRUCTION IN LITERARY COMPOSITION, OR WRITING.

T HAS
added,
gantly,

been said that whoever can

can write.
It

talk well,

might be

that if one can

it

write ele-

will be

sure to exert a

favorable influence on his conversation.

If a young

man

has had absolutely

no practice whatever in committing

his thoughts to paper,

he would do

well to obtain some simple

and well written work

and
sion

copij

from

it

until the general forms of expresto him.

become familiar

Letters are excellent

subjects for such practice.

Having done
let

this

till

he has

filled

a few quires,

him form a few

reflections of as natural a character as though he

150
were

-^^^
telling

OF COJVVERSATIOJ^l.

something to a friend, and note them on

these he should write a letter
;

a slate.

From
of

and,
re-

what
write

is
it,

greater

importance,

should then

with the utmost care, at least once.

that

have observed

unpractised letter-writers are

first efibrt.

always perfectly satisfied with the

Epistolary writing
vates the mind.
is

an art which rapidly

culti-

It is said that during the

Revolu-

tionary war,

men who were

at its beginning very

ignorant of composition, yet

ces

who were

raised to

offi-

which obliged them to correspond extensively,

writers.

became excellent

It has the advantage of

being the easiest road to ready expression.

By

writing on a great variety of -subjects, and by

the occasional introduction of

tion, the

humor

into

composi-

student will rapidly improve in the managehis

letters will be received

ment of language, and

and read with pleasure.

It will be found well worth

the while to enter into a book, from time to time,

subjects to introduce into correspondence.

When

confident that

you can write a good

letter,

correctly, (and not before,)

you may begin

to

com-

mit your thoughts to paper in the form of " compoBitions."

*

Do

not begin by selecting

"Love,"

or

Ambition, "^^as a subject.

Rather describe, as ao

LITERARY COMPOSITION.
cttrateiy as possible,

\^\

scenes which yoa^Jia^fewit^

nessecl7~and events which have_come under your

observation.
ple,

Let your language be plain and sim-

such as you would like to hear from a friend in

conversation,

and endeavor
it is

to

use

short

words.

" Fine writing,'' as

called, is rapidly

going out

of fashion, and " sensational "

the vulgar.

efforts are peculiar to

So

far as it is possible, write as

you

should talk, and talk as you would write.

Read aloud what you have

will then be perceived

written.

Many

defects

which had before escaped your

observation.

If you have a literary friend

efforts,
;

who

will

kindly correct your

submit without argu-

ment

to his revision

and be certain that in asking

not, like

him

for advice

you do

most young writers,

it

merely mean admiration.

Rely upon

that

it

will

be long enough before you deserve the

latter.

If

you

can, after

months of constant

labor, avoid errors

in writing,

you may congratulate yourself on having

advanced rapidly.
Literary composition
is

of all arts the one best

adapted to bring our thoughts and our knowledge

into a useful form,

and

to

improve our language.

dislike to spending
to care-

Yet most persons have a great

time in steady labor over
it,

and especially

152

-^RT

OF

COJ\rVEBSATIOJ)r.

fullj correcting with the

grammar and

dictionary

what thej have written.

Many

of those

who have

made a crude beginning, which has

admired by a few
friends,

possibly been
into

must needs " rush

print," and editors are in consequence seriously an-

noyed by entreaties

for

encouragement from thoso

whose manuscripts would not bear the revision of

any'governess who
is

qualified for her calling.

I would however encourage every one to cultivate the art of writing so far as to be able to " pen

an
to

article for the press "

when

there

is

an occasion

do

so.

Such opportunities continually present

America,

themselves in

and

may

frequently be

turned to advantage.
to be

Every young man may expect

on a committee where his services as secretary

will entitle

him

to esteem.

No

one knows but that

the time
to

may come when he

will be glad to be able

prepare a petition, a report, or a series of resolu^

tions.

The student should by

all

means obtain some

ele-

mentary work teaching the principles of English

composition, and study
it

carefully.

It is better to

do

this,

however, after he shall have made some

progress in mere copying and corresponding, lest he

be embarrassed at the same time by the labor of

LITERARY COMPOSITION".
writing,

153
Parker's

and of forming his thoughts.

is

Exercises
if it is

to be

commended

for this purposCj

but

not to be procured, anj schoolmaster or book-

seller will doubtless aid the

student to obtain some

other work on the same subject.

Khetoric, by Professor
phia, E.

The Elements
The

of

Henry Coppde,

(Philadel-

H. Butler &

Co.,) and

Scholar's

Com-

panion, by R.
to be excellent

W.

Baily, will at this stage be found

and most useful works.

Whately's
Lectures on
to

Elements of Rhetoric,

and Blair's

Rhetoric and Belles Lettres

may

next be studied

very great advantage.

in this study,

Those who would go further

facilities

and who have

for obtaining

books, will derive great advantage

from perusing

the Essays on the Nature and Principles of Taste

by the Rev. Archibald Alison, Burke's Philosophical

Enquiry

into

the Origin of our Ideas on the

Sublime and Beautiful, Campbell's Philosophy of

Rhetoric, and the Elements of Criticism, by Lord

Kames.
I can not too earnestly
insist

on a steady adher-

ence, in writing, to the principle of observing regular hours for study,

and of assiduously reviewmg

everything learned from the beginning.

To keep

up these reviews with the

least possible labor is of

154
itself

-^RT
an
art,

OF COJVVERSATIOJ^,
i

though far from being one which

difficult

of application.

Geography, which must

al^

ways be kept up as a study, should,

frequently
position.

for instance, bo

made

to furnish subjects for literary

com-

As

the student advances in the separate

department of the studj^ of literature, he will find

that

geography embraces, or leads

to,

the

read-

ing of books of travel, of history, and of science.

Thus the two become

at every step

more

identified.

In pursuing literary composition,

all
is

he will

find that

three studies continually present material which

to each,

common

and

that,

in consequence,
it

the

acquisition of
gresses.

knowledge becomes easier as

pro-

The student need be under no apprehension

that

confusion will result from this growing affinity be-

tween the

difibrent branches

of study.

Let him
here laid

perfectly master

the

first

principles as

down^ continually acquiring fresh

facility in their

management and
more

application,

and he

will see his

way

clearly as he advances.

He

will

however be

materially aided in this by observing the practice of

forming groups of

facts,

and of constantly adding

to

them, of which I have spoken more fully in another

place.

Every man, during the course of

his

life,

LITERARY COMPOSITIOJV.
acquires,
tion

Ifg

and rapidly

loses,

a vast amount of informa*

which he would

retain,
it

were he in the habit

to his

of
to

referring each item, as

comes

knowledge,

some group of

facts

which he has formed and

fre-

quently reviewed.
It is wonderful

how

rapidly the

mind gathers
it is

knowledge, and with what tenacity

after

retained,
in this

steadily persevering for

some months

practice of noting

down

certain facts, of adding to

them

at

intervals,

and of carefully learning the

reviewing.
Its

whole by occasional
strengthening the
with the young.

results

in

memory

are incredible, especially

156

-^^T

OF COA'VERSATIOJ^

CHAPTER XXn.
OP EEADINQ.

F IT
ton

be within your means, obtain a

good Cyclopaedia.
is

That of Appleon the whole, the

it

at present,

cheapest and best in English, and

is

to be

recommended
relative

as containing
to

information

America

which
work.

is

to be

found in no other

When,

in the course of

your

conversation, or reading, a
is

subject

introduced of which you are not well informed,

consult the Cyclopaedia as a guide to further knowledge,

and as

far as

is

possible, impress the facts

on

your memory.

The student

will

derive

great advantage

from

keeping common-place books.

Let them be stoutly

OF READIJVG.
bound blank books, with a wide margin.

157

On

refer-

ring to any subject, enter

its

name and

definition in

your book

adding to

it,

from time to time, notes of

the additional information which

it.

may be

acquired :n

I have found volumes of ordinary sized letter

paper the most convenient for this purpose.

Write

down

the

name

of every work which you read, with

pages.
is

extracts from

its

author has said that

to.

read withoutwriting,

to be guilty of

downrighl

Make

out a

list

of the best authors in the English

language in both prose and poetry, giving the preference to those of long established reputation, and

read them carefully as opportunities

may

occur to

do
it

so.

Read

aloud, at times, from all of them, as

in understanding each

will assist

you materially

author's style.
It will be well in

many

cases if the student begin

by reading
travel,

essays, biographies,

standard books of
;

and other works of light literature

convinced that this
is

since

am

the surest

means of

acquiring a taste for reading, and of awakening a

desire to

become familiar with more

solid literature.

Young men

desirous of cultivating their minds, often

begin by reading works which, owing to a want of

158

ART OF

COJ>rVERSATIOJV.
I

geiieral knowledge, they find intolerably heavy.

have frequently known one ignorant of very common

facts,

and of well known books,

to devote .himself

to

months of reading of

first class

historians.

For

want of a few associations of

thus read
is

interest,

everything
almost

apt to vanish from the

memory

as soon as perused.

For

this reason I

would recomare

mend a

careful perusal of

many works which

not generally regarded as "educational;"

instance, Bulwer's " Last

as, for

Days

of Pompeii," which

has been correctly described as the best introduction

to
it

Roman
in

Antiquities.

Let the reader always bear

mind that every

the

fact acquired should be either to

made

centre

around which

group further

information on the same subject, or else be added to

some group already formed, and

the

set

down

either in

memory or

the common-place book.

If this habit

of collecting and classifying knowledge be for a

short time vigorously pursued and rigorously ad-

hered

to,

the results will be both remarkable and

gratifying.

Every newspaper

will be

found to con-

tain paragraphs

worth dipping out and preserving.

If a club or society be formed with a view to culit

tivating knowledge,

will be wdll for its

members
these

to obtain

a few works for reference.

AmoAg

OF READlJVa
the following

159
"

may

find

place

Lippincott's

Gen

eral Gazetteer," Brande's

" Dictionarj of Science,

Literature, and Art,"

port,

The American Census Re-

Chamher's " Cyclopaedia of English Litera*'

ture," and Allibone's

lish Literature

Critical Dictionary of

Eng-

and British and American Authors."

Useful manuals of general literature in the form of

catalogues have been published

by the Appletong

and G. P. Putnam, of

New

York.

To

these

may
of

be added Mills's " Literature and Literary

men

Great Britain," D'Israeli's " Curiosities of Literature," Cleveland's. " ture,"

Compendium of English

Litera-

andHallam's ''Introduction

to the Literature

of Europe in the 15th, 16th and 17th

*'

Centuries."

Lectures on English Literature, from Chaucer to

is

Tennyson," by Henry Reed, of Philadelphia,

id be commended, as also the "

also

Handbook of Gen-

eral Literature,"

by Mrs. Botta.
should

Every American

make himself
its

tho-

roughly conversant with the literature of his oivn

country.

Let

this

be borne in mind, and

object

pursued with eagerness.

There

is

no more

infallible

means of awakening and sustaining national pride

and patriotism than a knowledge of the genius of
your native land, and
its

results.

Shakespeare

is

60

>ART

OF COJ^VERSATIOJ^.
Make
it

half the glory of England.

a matter of
of every

conscience to be able to recal the

name
to

American writer of any eminence, and

have some-

thing more than a superficial knowledge of his writings.

In these days, everything which contributea

very great substanit

to create a national feeling is of

tial value,

and you can materially aid

by teaching
a.

yourself and others what

we have

contributed, as

country, to the history of intellectual culture.

this

If

work should have impressed nothing more than

on your mind,
it

this fact

will not

have been written

in vain.

The reader

will find in Dr.

Gris wold's

" Prose

Writers of America," and in " The Poets and Poetry

of America," {latest editioti) information which will

enable him to
of which
it

make a good beginning on

treats.

the subject

Triibner's

" Bibliographical
in

Guide

to

American Literature," published

Lon-

don, presents, in the form of a catalogue, the titles

of all American works printed previous to the year

1859.

It is

extremely useful, since

it

gives,

under

separate headings, the titles of books published on

different subjects,

and also contains, in the form of

an introduction, an excellent and concise history of

American

literature.

OF READIJVG.
The study of general
literature

161

may

be advanta-

geously pursued in the following manner.

Let tha

student obtain, for example, " The Poets and Poetry

of Europe
;

with

Introductions

and Biographical
Beginning

Notices,"
"with

by Henry W. Longfellow.
is

what

written of the literature of each lanit

guage, he should not merely master

by frequent
it

perusal, but, so far as he is able, follow

up by ob-

taining and reading the works referred to in the

volume.

He

will at least thereby

make

beginnings,

or groups, to which all the subsequent information

on the subject which

is

met with, may be attached.

He

will find something relating to these groups in

almost every good literary magazine, and very fre-

quently indeed in newspapers.

lected.

Let

it

all

be col-

Copy and
circle
all

clip assiduously.

Bring

into

your

reading

facts

thus acquired, and discuss

them

freely.

In connection with
rive great

this study, the reader will de-

advantage from carefully perusing, as ho

advances, the "Historical Views of the Literature

of the South of Europe," by J. C. L. Simonde de

Sismondi, (Bohn's

Standard Library
' ;
'

to be

ob-

tained through most booksellers)

ers of

The Prose Writ-

Germany," by Frederic H. Hedge, (Phila-

162
delphia,

-^^T
1848)

OF
*'

COJS-VERSATIOJSr.

History of Spanish Literature/

;

bj George Ticknor

Hallam's " Introduction to the

(Boston,

Literature of Europe,"

Sheldon

&

'Co.

1863);

Max
to the

Miiller's

"German

Classics from the

Xiy.
*'

XIX. Century," (London, 1858);

Sketches of the Poetical Literature of the Past

Half Century," by D. M. Moir, (Edinburgh, 1851);

*'

The History of English Poetry," by Thomas War(London, 1840)

;

ton,

''The Poets and Poetry of

the Ancient Greeks,"

by Abraham

Mills,

(Boston,
Litera-

1854)
ture,"

" Specimens of Foreign Standard

edited by George Ripley, (Boston, 1838-9),

and " Specimens of the Greek and

Poets," translated
into English
:

Roman

Classic

verse

by Charles

Abraham

Elton, (Philadelphia

F- Bell, 1854.)

very extensive series of the works of the English

poets has been issued by Little

& Brown,

of Boston,

and many useful selections may be made from the

publications of

Henry G. Bohn,

in London.

These

books

a catalogue of which
;

may

be obtained from

every bookseller

comprise several hundred volumes

literature,

of excellent works of general

for

which are
at a

sale

in

our

principal

American

cities,

very moderate price.

For a knowledge of the

shortei

current poems of the English language, the student

OF
may
consult the
''

REAJDIJVG.

163
col-

Household Book of Poetry,"

lected and edited

by Charles A. Dana, (New York

3358.)
This
list

might be greatly extended, but the readei

he can have care-

may

rest assured that long before

fully read so

many

of these works as he will proba-

bly be able to buy, hire, or borrow, no difficulty will

be experienced in continuing the course of literary

study for himself

est is

As he

progresses,

and

his inter-

awakened, he

may

take up standard works of

relish.

history,

and peruse them with real

From
easily

history he will derive intellectual strength, and its

study should be continued through

life.

As an

mastered and purely elementary work, the excellent

''

Landmarks of History," by Miss Yonge, (3

vol-

umes, Philadelphia, F. Leypoldt, 1864),

may

be

commended

to

young

readers.

Let the student avoid second-class novels, and,

indeed, a very large proportion of the light works

constantly poured forth from the press.

To peruse

them not only wastes time,

ens the mind.
perly
If
it

but,

what

is

worse, weak-

be convenient, one

may

pro-

know what

is

being published, and acquire a

its

general knowledge of

character, without injury

but the greater part of your reading should be de-

154

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r.
It is mel-

voted to books of established reputation.

ancholy to think of the amount of trash over which

many men
intellects.

and many more women, debase their

Never
Its

let

your reading betray you into pedantry.

to

main object should be

make your

conversation

not only sensible, but also agreeable and varied.

MORAL

AJSTD

MEJ^TAL PHILOSOPHY,

165

CHAPTER XXm.
HOBAL AND MENTAL FHILOSOPHT.

ONE
even

can have made himself

familiar

partially

with

the

course of general literature which

has heen commended to him

these
pages,

in

without feeling the

need of knowledge on the subject

of mental and moral
or,

philosophy,

as

it

is

generally, though not

very correctly termed,

physics.

of

meta-

Erudition
as

is

most rapidly acquired by learning

much

as is possible of every subject at a time,

or in

making a "thorough beginning, by reviewing

it.

our knowledge, and by adding to

a good

To make
" The

beginning

in

general

literature,

166
History of

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
by Dr.
0.
S.

Philosophy,"

Henry,

(New York, Harper

to be

Brothers,)

may

be commended,

followed by the

" Biographical History of

Philosophy," by G. H. Lewes,
ton,

(New York, Appleby Rev. Arthur

these

1859,) and Tenriemann's " Manual of the HisPhilosophy,"

translated

tory of

Johnson, (Oxford, 1832.)

sulted

With

may

be con-

" Fleming's

Vocabulary
list

of

Philosophy,"

containing a valuable
of which
it

of writers on the subject

treats,

edited

by Rev.

C.

P. Krauth,

(Philadelphia,
*'

Smith

&

English,

I860,)

and

Scliwegler's History of Philosophy,"

(New York,
sources

Appleton

&

Co.)
find

From
his

these works the student

to the

will readily

way
I

original

of which they treat.

commend a
it

careful study
is

of this branch of learning, since

unquestion-

ably true that those whose minds readily incline to

it,

find the least difficulty in acquiring

and

classi-

fying general knowledge.

tered all the principal

man who

has mas-

formulas and methods of

thought which history presents, has acquired the

sterns^
art.

so to speak, of all literature,

science,

and

JESTHETICS.

167

CHAPTER XXIV
01 ART IN CONVERSATION.
^STHEIICS.

ART

in

some

form

is

fre-

quently made a subject of conversation in all circles,

visable
it

is

ad-

that

every one should

possess

some sound information

it.

regarding

After a certain progress has

been made in

literature, a

know-

ledge of art becomes indispensable, to enlighten

much

of our reading.

If this be

deliberately undertaken on fixed principles, a few

weeks of systematic reading

than years
^{)ent

will be of

more

real avail

in irregular

"dilettantism,''

or

looking at pictures and other works by mere chance.

There are very few persons indeed who are en

168

-^^2"

OF COjYVERSATIOJST

gaged in manufactures or mechanical occupations of

any kind,
art

to

whom

the historical knowledge alone of

profit.

would not prove of very great

of art in all
its

The study

branches

may

be ad-

vantageously pursued,
general history

first,

in books devoted to its

and

principles,

and secondly,

in

detail, as opportunities for study

and observation

present themselves.

I at any rate advise the reader

who would be a
at least the

proficient in conversation, to learn

names and

characteristics of the- princi;

pal painters, and their schools

V

to

become familiar

(from engravings) with the difierent orders and styles

architecture,

4of

and the principal buildings of the

of sculpture.

l.'world,

and
is

to

know something

Archi-

tecture

very intimately connected with history,

and

is,

of all branches of study, the one most easily

mastered so far as the general details are concerned.

Let the reader remember that every period of

tory produced
its

his-

peculiar language, philosophy oi

songs, style of painting, sculp

religion, literature,

ture, dress, ral tastes.

manners and customs, music, and geneThese were

all allied to

each other,

and/

grew out of one

common

national feeling.

All of

them were most characteristically

architecture.

reflected in their

As

soon as a

new

style of architecture

mSTHETICS.
spread over Europe,
it

169

was promptly modified by

its

each nation into a sub-style, in accordance with

other arts and habits.

If you learn what these dif-

ferent stages of art were,

into

you

will

have advanced

"the study of

aesthetics,'" or

"the theory and

^philosophy of taste, the science of the beautiful, or

that which treats of the principles of the belles
\tres
let-

and

fine arts."

Do

not undertake to talk of pictures or of any

works of art whatever, until you have acquired, from

reading the history of the subject, some accurate
ideas.

Unless you do
is

so,

you

will chatter nonsense,

despite all that

said of there being no disputing on

" mere matters of taste."

as a "

There

is

no such thing

mere matter of

taste."

A beginning may be made in the study of art from

the works of Mrs.

Anna Jameson,

especially in her

" Memoirs of the Early Italian Painters," (Boston,

Ticknor

Fields, 1859,) "

Memoirs and Essays on

Artj Literature, and Social Morals," (1846.) and

" Sacred and Legendary Art," (1857.)

Also, for

general reference, the " Anecdotes of Painters, Engravers,

Sculptors,

Architects, and Curiosities of

Art," by Shearjashub Spooner,

(New York, 1853,)

and a " Handbook of Literature and the Fine Arts,'

8

l70

-^^T OF COJVVERSATIOJS,
Eipley and Bayard Tayloi^

compiled by George

(New
sible

York, 1852,) which are the most easily accegkind.

American works of the

Por reading.

would recommend " Lanzi's History of Painting,'*

translated

by Thomas Roscoe, (London, H. G. Bohn,

1847,) Vasari's "Lives of the Painters," Kugler'a

''Handbook of the History of Painting,"

"The

Philosophy of the Beautiful," by Victor Cousin,

(New York, 1854,)

"

Ten Centuries of Art," by

H. Noel Humphries, (1852,) " Lectures on Ancient

Art," by Eaoul Rochette, (London, 1854,)

"Artist Life," by H. T. Tuckerman,

(New York,

1847,) "

Works

of Art and Artists in England,"

by G. F. Waagen, " Lectures on Painting, by the

Royal Academicians," (London, H. G, Bohn, 1848,)
C.

0. Miiller's

" Ancient Art," "Materials for a

History of Oil Painting," by Charles L. Eastlake,

Schlegel's ^Esthetic works, (Bohn's Library, London, 1847,)

"Art

Hints, "

also

"Art

Studies,"

by James Jackson Jarves, (New York, 1862,) "The

History of the Art of Painting," and " Sculpture

and the Plastic Art," (Boston, J. P. Jewett, 1850,)

Dunlap's "History of the Arts of Design in the

United States,
ble,

(New York, 1834,)

and, if accessivols., Paris,

D'Agincourt's " History of Art, (6

JESTHETWS.
1823.) and
''

171

Reflections on the Painting and Sculp-

ture of the Greeks, &c.,"

bj Winkelmann.

I do not advise the reader to touch the works of

Ruskin until he shalh bj previous study of good

authors, have formed settled and correct views of
xA.rt.

In Ruskin there

is

much

real information sub-

jected to the treatment of the rhapsodic, chaotic

mind of a man who was,

as he boasts, totally igno-

rant of all that had been written on the subject of

Esthetics by
reputation
is

its

greatest masters, the Germans.

fine

His
writ-

principally derived from "

ing" and bold dogmatism.

I by no means enjoin this course of reading aa
indispensable.
It is

simply given that those who

have

the ambition to qualify themselves for very

accomplished conversationalists by acquiring a wido

range of general knowledge,

may know what

books

may

be safely read.

For ordinary purposes,

to sim-

ply "pass well" when

such subjects are introduced, a

suffice.

very few of these books will

"Whatever

is

read

at all, should, however, be read very thoroughly.

Let the reader beware of finding fault with worka

of art^ unless he
is

very positive from previous study

that he is quite in the right.

Those who are igno-

rant of drawing and coloring, are generally the most

172

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
Having " been
art,

arrogant in their criticisms.

to
it

Euhas
-who

rope "

is

no proof of a knoivledge of

unless

been accompanied bj careful study, and a

Yijs

man

never seen a great picture, but who has read

much, and studied some good engravings of great

works, will indubitably

know

far

more on the

subject
all

than an idle person

who has run through

the

great galleries abroad.

Beware,
country
artists,
is

too, of indiscriminate
prolific

admiration.

This

in

self-taught,

very

ignorant

whose works are lauded in the newspapers

a3 being equal to anything ever produced

hy the

old masters.

Become a

scholar,

and they will not

dazzle you.

Never imagine
tures,"

that

any one

is

''

a judge of pic-

or an

authority in art, unless

its

you know
is

that he has carefully read

history,

and

also a

person of literary attainments, or of

.

much

general

knowledge.

If his " taste " has

been acquired sim-

ply by looking at paintings, he picked

dealer's
is

may

indeed have
*'

up many

details,

and possess

a picture-

knowledge of art," but

allied to

little else.

Painting

so nearly

poetry and history, that an

fam'^iar

ignorant

man who

has become
is

with the

works of the great masters,

a pamful incongruity.

JES THE TICS

\VTien he
is,

173

however, a collector, and the owner of

of the blind

a gallerjj

we may be reminded

man

of

the Spanish proverb, whose beautiful wife was adorned

for the admiration of his friends.

Avoid the frequently repeated and vulgar

error,

that the old masters were inferior to the modern,

and remember that

,

it is

only very ignorant persona

wlio sneer indiscriminately at all ''old pictures.''

A few centuries ago,

most of the genius of Europe,

instead of being given, as at present, in a great measure, to practically useful pursuits,

was devoted
efforts,

to

art

and

it is

absurd to assume that such

by

the world's most intelligent races, did not produce

great results.

The

great lesson of history, and the

is

basis of all true criticism,

to fully

understand that

every age, and

tially a

all that it

brought forth, form essen;

whole with other eras

that the past was

it is

the basis of the present,

and

that

as unrea-

sonable to underrate
ent, as
it

it

by comparison with the preson the relative mer'ta

would be

to decide
fruit.

of the blossom and the

174

ART OF

COJ\^VERSATIOJV:

CHAPTER XXV

OP STUDTINQ LiLNaUAGES.

LEARN
tice

a language

is

to prac-

an art

to study the general

principles of languages
aflSnities

in their

and
;

history,

known

as

philology
ence.

is

to investigate a sci-

In his excellent " Lectures

Professor
]\Jax

on

Language,"

Miiller claims that Philology has

been raised to the rank of an

exact science, with a physical basis.

I
all

commend a

careful reading of these Lectures to

who would study language thoroughly

In con-

nection with them, the reader will derive great ad-

vantage from "

An

Outline of the Elements of the

English Language," by Prof N.

Clark,

(New

STUDYIJVG LAJVGUAGES.

I75

York. Charles Scribner,) ''Modern Philosophy," by

Benjamin D. Dwight, (New York, A. S. BarneSj

1859,)

"Marsh's Lectures," and

of

"The

Philoso-

phy of Life and the Philosophy

Frederic von Schlegel.

Language," by

Should he find the study

congenial to his tastes, he may, after mastering these

works, venture to attack the great " Comparative

Grammar "
With

of Bopp, translated by Lieut. Eastwick.

fail to

these he can hardly

guide himself through

the different branches of this fascinating science, of

which

it

may

be truly said that few tend so

its

much

to cultivate

and enlarge the mind in

pursuit of

knowledge.
I would advise the reader to master his

own
to

lan-

guage so that he may not merely be able

read

Chaucer, Gower, Lydgate, and other old English

and Scottish poets with

can derive

ease,

in doing

which he

much

aid from Chaucer's " Legende of

Goode Women." edited with a valuable introduction

and
notes,

by Iliram Corson, (Philadelphia, F. Leyalso to obtain

poldt,)

but

something more than a

merely superficial knowledge of Anglo-Saxon, which

may

be done from the "

Grammar

" and " Analecta

Anglo-Saxonica" of Louis Klipstein, (New York,

G. P. Putnam.)

To

learn Greek with

its

dialects,

176

-^RT

OF CO.rVERSATIOJV.
to
dcA^

and even Latin, as our collegians are expected

before acquiring the slightest knowledge of our

own

noble language in

its earlier

forms,

is

one of the

absurdities which will at a future

plicable to a

day seem inexscholars.

more thorough generation of

With

the works of Klipstein

may

be also studied

"The Hand Books

Derivations."

of Anglo-Saxon Orthography;

of Anglo-Saxon Root-Words;

and of Anglo-Saxon

(New

York, 1854.)
Spanish, Italian and German,

To study French,

and Latin, an easy beginning may be made with

Monteith's "Languages Without a Master," which

work may be had

seller at a
let

in separate

numbers of any book-

very moderate price.

Having mastered,

us say, " French Without a Master," the student

would do well to procure from the Bible Society in

New

York, or of any of

its

agencies, a

French

New

Testament.
vides the

This excellent institution not only pro-

New Testament in many

modern languages,

with the English version on a parallel column, but

is

also

according to

my experience
its

extremely cour-

teous and obliging, through

for scholars,

agents, in obtaining

and others, such translations which are

Bold at very low prices.

Having read the Testament with

careful and fre-

STrDYIA'G LAJVGUAGES.
quent reference to the grammar, the student
translate
ary.

177

may
many

some easy work, with the aid of a

diction-

The

Testi'imen't will have supplied so

it

words and expressions, that

ter

will be

found a mat-

of no difficulty.

He

should then write exer-

cises,

which he may do

to advantage

from " Ollen-

dorff's

Method/' a very thorough work.

is

For the student of French who

vanced, I

thus far ad-

commend

the excellent "

in

New

Guide

to

Modern Conversation

French and English, by

Whitcomb and Bellenger," Philadelphia, (F. Leypoldt,

1863,

''

Trois Soirees Litter aires a V Hotel

(an admirable book) by

d' Avranches^^^

Mme.
^^

C. R.

Corson; and for reading,

Lam^

Fleury's

Histoire

de France^-

and " Trois Mois sous

la Neigej'^

by

Jacques Porchat, a work crowned by the French Acad-

emy,

(Philadelphia,

F.

Leypoldt.

New

York,

Carle ton.)

The same system may be pursued with

languages.

the other
readily

German may, however, be more

by
substituting
for

acquired

the

''

Ollendorff"

(which^ as arranged for this language

cult,)

is

very

diffi*

a work of the same

character,

according to

the method of

Ahn, by

Fiillborn,

(Philadelphia^

B. Lippincott.)

178

ART OF

COJSrrEBSATIOJSr.
lest the

Let none be afraid

prove too
indolence.
difficult.

study of languages

Let him rather dread his own

It should never be forgotten that everj

is

step in learning

easier than the one preceding,

and that

to a

man

or

woman who
to deserve a

has any real claim

to be intelligent,

and

rank above the in-

curably ignorant and incapable, I have not advised

in these pages a single object of study, or a single

book, which can not be acquired or understood by

means of steady reading and occasional reviewing.

Having made an advance

or Italian, (and not
the easiest step
till

in

French and Spanish,

it is

then, since

best to take

first,)

the student should attempt to

acquire a knowledge of the Latin classics in the original,

beginning with Caesar's "Commentaries," and

" Cornelius Nepos."

For

this purpose,

I suggest the

aid of literal translations.

Very
it

great scholars have

commended

this

method, and

was generally purits

sued when the study of classic literature was at

height in Europe.

As

has been well

said, literal

translations direct the student immediately to the

order in which words are to be taken, and at the

same time at once supply him with

their meaning.

Experience teaches that words thus learned are more

readily

remembered than

in

any other way.

The

STUDYIJVa LAJSTGUAGES
grammar siouTd however be
if it

IJS

carefully studied, and,

be possible, " exercises " in the language should

be frequently written.

In studying Latin, a Latin

Bible

is

invaluable.

I have, since writing the above,

tion to the effect that

met with an

asser-

no one ever learned a language

;

well without a master

and

that,

with very rare

exceptions, no progress of
studies
is

any

real value in such

ever made, except in the countries where

the languages are spoken.

The author can within

his experience point out a score of instances of per-

sons of not more than

average intelligence, who

have, without instruction, mastered one or more lan-

guages to such an extent, that only a short residence

m the respective
bered,

countries would have given

them

perfect fluency in conversation.

Let

it

be

remem-

however, that 'perfection in a foreign lanis

guage

rarely attained, and that one has opened

the gate to a vast

amount of information when ha

can simply read another tongue.

180

JRT OF

C0J>rVERSJlTJOJV

CHAPTEE XXVL
OF CUBIOUS AND MISCELLANEOUS KNOWLEDGE.

HERE
no

are certain

little

topics of
it
is,

(/reat value,

on which

however, agreeable to be well informed, since the opportunities for

imparting

information

on

them

very frequently occur in society,

and they furnish innumerable

lustrations for " small talk."

il-

When
a lady, you

discussing jewelry with

may

entertain her with a few trifles

drawn from "

The History and Poetry

of Finger

Rings," by Charles T. Edwards,

(New York, 1855,)

^^

or from that very agreeable book

Lithiaka

or

Gems and
istry,

Jewels, their History, Geography,

Chem-

and Ana," by Madame de Barrera, (New

MISCELLAJVEOUS KJVOWLEDGE,

181

York, Harpers, 1859,) or from " Jewelry and Precious Stones," (Philadelphia*, J. Pennington, 1856.)

At

the table, remarks on old China or Sdvres

'

may

be reinforced from Joseph

Mary att's

"Collections

Towards a History of Pottery and Porcelain," from

" Pallissy, the Potter," or from " The Curiosities
of

Glass Making," by Apsley

Pallatt,

(London,

1849.)

Sewing may suggest something from " The

Earliest Ages,"

Handbook of Needlework, from the

by the Countess of Wilton, j^London, 1840,) or Misa

Latnbert's " Church Needlework," (London, 1854.)

Perfumes

may

be studied in the interesting

"Art

of

Perfumery," by G. W. Septimus Piesse, (Philadelphia, 1856,) or in. his "

*'

Odors of Flowers," or

in

Perfumery," by Campbell Morfit, (Philadelphia,

1853.)

At

dinners, Doran's " Table Traits,

with

Something on Them," Brillat Savarin's "Physiology

of Taste,''

Simmond's " Curiosities of Food," and

Sayer's " Pantropheon," will suggest

many amusing

anecdotes of food^ and even confectionery affords a

number of curious

facts,

which

may

be gleaned from
Pettigrew'a

the books of Gunter and of Parkinson.

"Medical
''

Superstitions,"

and Cordy Jeafferson's

Book about Doctors," may amuse when remedies

" Redding on Wines " contains infor-

are discussed.

182

'^RT OF COJVVERSATIOA",

mation for a convivial friend, and the "Anecdotes

of Animals," (London, 1861,) is useful for an occaBional

appropriate

storj.

"

Arthur on
of

Family Family

Names,"

and

Lower's

" Dictionary

Names," are

excellent works

when

that very com-

mon
of

subject

is

discussed

while Bishop's " History

American Manufactures " may be almost daily

is

quoted, and, what

more, studied to real advantage.

Fairholdt's " History of Tobacco " contains

that
is

much

interesting to smokers.

Among

other works

which will be found useful, are " Hogarth's History

of Music,"
translated

"Musical Sketches," by Elise Polko,

by Fanny Fuller, and " Mendelshon'a

translated

Letters,"

phia, F. Leypoldt,) "

lor

by Lady Wallace, (PhiladelThe Percy Anecdotes," " Par-

Charades <and Proverbs," by S. Annie Frost,

(Philadelphia, J. B. Lippincott,)
for social entertainment,

" The Floral

''

an amusing work
Lexicon,"
in

" Salad for the Solitary,"

Costume

England,"

by F.
"

W.

Fairholt, (1846,)

Hone's "Year Book,"

New

Curiosities of Literature,"

by George Soane,
Lazy,"

"The Pocket Lacon," "

York,

Lift for the

(New

1849,)

Bohn's "Handbook of Proverbs,"

its

"The

Rose;

History,

Poetry, &c.," by S. B.

Parsons,

(New

York,

1847,)

" I'lowers for the

MISCELLAJ^EOUS KJ^OWLEDGE,

\%Z

Parlor and Garden," by E. S. Rand, (Boston, J.

E. Tilton

&

Co.,

1863,)

''

Opportunities for Indus-

try," (Philadelphia, 1859,) a

work containing much

curious and valuable information on a great variety

of topics,

''The

Sea,"

{La Mer) by
Hoyle's
*'

Michelet,

(New York,
''

Carleton,)

Games," and

The Book of Chess

Literature,"

by D. W. Fiske.

(New York,

Carleton.)

Let th reader remember that I by no means urge

the reading of any of these works as
absolutely

essential to culture, but as simply supplying

some

of that agreeable general information, without which

mere erudition
sive,

is

apt to appear heavy, if not repulin ordinary society.

when advanced

184

ART OF COJSrVERSATWM.

CHAPTER XXVn.
OF SCIENCE.

HAVE,
traced

in

the

preceding chapters,
of

the

studies

geography,

grammar, literary composition, and

general
literature

from their

first

principles,

and shown the

reader

how

it is

possible to pursue

them

to

their

higher

developments,

where

they

may

be said, in a certain sense,

to blend into one.

I have not as yet, however, spoken of acquiring

the
practical
is

knowledge

that

leads

to

Science,

which

far

more accurate and searching than tho

In
fact,

pursuits of literature and of art.

I do not

recommend any
h'"anches,

to follow these studies to their higher

even under the influence of a knowledge

sciJEj>rvE.

135
unless they be
science.

of moral aD'J
qualified

mental

philosophy,

by seme acquaintance with

and
artistic

The

merely

literary

mind

is

not adapted to

the present age, and its habits of thought lack preciseness and strength.

The area
that
it is

of scientific study

is

however

so vast

with reluctance I venture to indicate the

possibility of

mastering even

its

principles without

the aid of others.

The reader who has acquired

history, possesses, I will as-

some acquaintance with

sume, the power to comprehend a general history of

science,

from Bacon

to

Comte.

If he has mastered

to

any considerable degree the works which I have

indicated in the chapters "

Of Acquiring General

Knowledge," and of " Moral and Mental Philosophy," he will readily appreciate the outlines of the
great growth of practical and positive philosophy.
If,

for instance, while

studying geography, he should

have read the " Comparative Physical and Historical

Geography " of Arnold Guyot, (Boston, Gould

&

Lincoln,) or " The Earth and Man," by the same

author, he

can not have failed to acquire some

knowledge of the advance of science.

popular work, such as " Knowledge

A simple and
is

Power," by

Charles Knight, Well's " Familiar Science," (Phila-

186
delphia, G.

-^I^T

OF

COJSrVERSATIOJ\r.

W.

Childs,) or Whewell's " Influence of

the History of Science upon Intellectual Education/'

will

now be found

useful in preparing the

mind

for

perusing the history of science,

biographies of the great

and especially those

philosophers in

physical

which

it is

most accurately written.

NATURAL PHIJiOSOPHT.
Algebra, and Geometry, and Plane and Spherical

Trigonometry should be studied by

(jareful

all

who

find

on

examination, that elementary works on these

subjects present no invincible difficulties.

Prom

this

point the general knowledge of science becomes, in a

great measure, possible or impossible, according to the power of application possessed by the student.

The " Primary Lessons

in

Natural Philosophy," by Natural Phi-

J. L. Comstock, the " Introduction to

losophy," by D. Olmstead, Draper's " Text Book,"

and " Gray's Elements," are works generally used

in schools,

and being easy to obtain,

may

be com-

mended
pcience.

as forming a good introduction to practical

Bouvier's

''

Familiar Astronomy," (Phila-

delphia, G.

W.

Childs,) has been

commended by the

most competent authority in

England and America,

as an excellent introduction to the science of which

it treats.

SCIEJVCE.

187

For the study of general mechanics, the " Elements of Mechanics," by

charlat's
*'

W. H.

C. Bartlett, Bou-

Elementary Treatise on Mechanics, '^ and

will furnish a beginning

Ren wick's " Mechanics,"

out a teacher.

not beyond the grasp of a practical mind, even withIt is needless to say, that to every

intelligent person pursuing this study with avidity,

opportunities for improvement are to be found in

mills

all

and

factories.

In connection with

this subject,

I would earnestly impress upon the mind of the

reader the advice, that he never allow the opportunity of examining

any mechanism, or other

practical

application of science to the useful arts, to escape

his notice,

and

if it

be possible, never to relinquish

its details.

the object

till

he shall have fully mastered

The

opportunities for deriving profit from such

life,

knowever

ledge occur so frequently in

that no

man

acquired

it

without finding

it

a capital capable of

returning a large per centage.

It

would be impossible, within the limits of a

sin-

gle volume, to give the details of every department of

science,

and

to

commend
I

the best elementary works on

each subject.
this

am

the more unwilling to attempt

since every year

in
this

now

witnesses such great ad*

vances

department of human knowledge

188

^RT OF

COJSrVERSATIOJSr.
is

while book after book

cast like a fresh

wave on the

beach of learning.
that if he has for

I can however assure the reader,

some months thoroughly followed

out the plan of self-education which I have thus far

laid

down, with such assistance as most town-libraries

afford,

can

and

if

he continues at evfirv step to review

fail,

what he has alreadyjearned, he can hardlj

after

mastering one or more elementary books on natural

science (aided
ral ingenuity

by such experiments as

his

own natu-

may

suggest,) to ascertain

by inquiry,

what works may be obtained on the special subdivisions of mechanics or

mechanism.

GEOLOGY.

Among

primary works on Geology are the " Ele-

ments," (with an Introduction to Mineralogy,) by

John L. Comstock, " Elements of Geology," by

Gray and Adams, " Elementary Geology," by E.

Hitchcock, Loomis's " Elements of Geology,"
ther's

Ma-

''Elements," Prof J. D. Dana's ''Manual

of Geology,"

(New York,

T.

Bliss
St.

&

Co., 1863,)

Trimmer's " Practical Geology,"

John's " Ele-

ments," and the " Outlines of Mineralogy, Geology.

and Mineral Analysis," by T. Thompson, and the

**

Geology" by Sanborn Tenney

an

excellent work

sciEJ\rcE.
for private students.

189

To

these

may

be added Sir
Geological

Charles Lyell's " Antiquity of

man from

Evidences," (Philadelphia, G.

W.

Childs.)

One

or

the otha* of these can hardly fail to be within

the

reach of the reader, and will serve as an introduce

tion to the

study in

its

higher branches.

And

while

on this subject, I would specially advise every ont

who has

hitherto devoted no attention to geology, to

resolve that
line shall

some acquaintance with

all

its

general out-

by

means enter into

Geology
is

his

scheme of gen-

eral knowledge.

to Science,

what archior in

tecture
art
;

may

be assumed to be in

aesthetics,

a practical basis for associating the facts of

other branches of science, and a record of the his-

tory of creation, as architecture

is

the history of

mankind.

CHEMISTRY.
Notwithstanding the rapid advances constantly
being made in chemistry, the following works
still

may

be commended as useful for the beginner in that

Stockhardt's " Principles of Chemistry,'

science.

translated

by

C.

H.

Pierce,

(Philadelphia, E. II

Butler,)

Silliman's

" First Principles of Chemis-

try," Regnault's ''Elements of

Chemistry," Fos-

190
ter's
''

-^RT

OF

COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r,

" First Principles of Chemistry," Gardner's

Medical Chemistry," Murphy's " Review of Che''

mistry for Students," Porter's

mistry,"

First

Book of Che-

Lehmann's

''

Manual of Chemical. Physi*'

ology," translated by J. C. Morris, and the

Class

Book of Chemistry and Chemical Atlas," by E. L.

Youmanns.

To

these

may

be added for the more

advanced student, Lehmann's " Physiological Chemistry,"

translated

by George E. Day, Booth's

" Encyclopaedia of Chemistry," the " General Notions of Chemistry,"

by Pelouze and Frdmy, and

Will's " Outlines of Chemical Analysis."

Chemistry

is

the most practical of sciences, and

cannot, therefore, be pursued beyond a certain point

without the aid of experiments.

is

Fortunately, there

perhaps no city in the United States where access

experiments
is

to such

may

not be obtained

by every
It
is

one who

sincerely desirous of knowledge.

one of the most fascinating of studies, and, perhaps,

the most useful of
all,

so far as its technology, or

life is

application to the wants of

concerned

there

being few trades in which some skill in

directly profitable.
If,

it

is

not

in the comparative table of

positive knowledge, geology

may

be said to corresits infi-

pond to architecture, chemistry may, from

SCIEjYCE.
nitely ductile
painting.

191
to

and delicate nature, be compared

NATURAL HISTORY
The study
of

Natural History can hardly ho

regarded as optional to

any one who aims

at being

well informed, since without some general knowledge

of animal nature, even geography can be only imperfectly

learned.

Fortunately,

it

is

extremely

entertaining,

and presents the great advantage of

easy
introduction
to

affording

an

several

other

branches of science.

Among

the books to be used

are the " Introduction to the Study of Natural History,"

by Louis Agassiz, Roschenbergef's "Natural

Smellie's " Philosophy of Natural His-

History,"
tory,''

and. the

"American Natural History," by

For
collateral

John D. Godman.
useful information

reading,

much

may

be drawn from the volumes

of the
*'

" Boston Journal of Natural History," the

Journal of the Academy of Natural Sciences of

Philadelphia," and from the

"Annals of
York."

the Lyce-

um

of Natural History of

New

The " Stray

Leaves from the Book of Nature," and John D,

Godman' s

" Rambles of a Naturalist," are

inci-

dentally worth reading.

192

-ART

OF

COA''VERSATIOJ\r.

BOTANY.

The

utility of a

knowledge of Botany
it

is

so gen-

eiallj recognized, that

forms a branch of study in

class.

nearly

all

colleges,

and schools of a high

Those who
of
it,

live in the country,

and yet are ignorant

may

be said to bo half-blind, since they see

life

nothing of the real

world around them.

or nature of the vegetable

Among

the

many works on

the

subject in general use, are Mrs. Lincoln's " Familiar

Letters on Botany,"
the

Comstock's " Introduction

to

Study of Botany,"

"The

Plant," and " The

Principles of Botany as illustrated in the Crypto-

gamia," by H. Coultas,

(Philadelphia,

1853 and
(a

1855,)

Gray's " Botanical Text Book,"

work

of special merit,) Gray's " First Lessons in Bota-

ny," Gray's " Manual of the Botany of the Northern United States," Hovey's "Fruits of America,"

Torrey and Gray's " Flora of North America,"

*'

the most extensive local Flora ever undertaken,"

Wood's
*

"Class

Book

of

Botany," Torrey's

Compendium," Darby's "Botany of the SouthStates,"

ern

and Downing's "Fruits

and

Fruit

Trees of America."

SCIEJ^CE.

193

PHYSIOLOGY.
It has

been said bj more than one advocate of

physical culture, that to

know

the structure of our

own

bodies

is

as essential as
It is

any branch of education

very certain that there

or learning whatever.
is

positively no subject so frequently discussed,

is

on

which so much ignorance

success of quacks
is

displayed, as this.

The

owing, in a great measure, to

the general want of knowledge of the conditions on

which health
if

is

based

and

it

is

very certain that

digest-

the

many

invalid

women, and badly

ing,

overworked men of America knew themselves

physically, better than they do,

we should soon

see

an improvement in the health of the nation.

" The Physiology " of Dr. John Dal ton
is

un-

questionably the best work of the kind as yet written.

For elementary study, the reader may take

" Outlines of Physiology,"

Comstock's
*'

Coming's

Class
of

Book of Physiology,"
Anatomy."

or Cutter's " First

Book

Among

other works published

in this country, are Lambert's "

Human Anatomy,
''

Physiology, and Hygiene,"

and C. A. Lee's " Hu-

man
olgy,

Physiology," J.

W. Draper's

Human

Physi-

and that of Robley Dunglison

9

work of

194

-^^T OF COJVVERSATIOJS'.
Magendie's "
J.

decided merit.
translated

Human

Physiology/
" Treatise on

by

Eevere, Lowget's

Physiology," translated by F. G. Smith, S. G. Morton's

"Illustrated

System of

Human

Anatomy,''

Reese's "Analysis of Physiology," Sdquard's " Experimental Researches," Carpenter's " Principles of

Human
eral

Physiolo^, (Philadelphia, 1853,) Smith's

''Anatomical Atlas," Steele's "Elements of GenPathology," Tracy's

" Mother

and hor

Off-

spring," and, finally,

Yelpeau's " Elements of Ope-

rative Surgery," translated

this,

by P.

S.

Townsend.

If

and several other works which I have men-

tioned, should be regarded as

beyond the reach of

most readers without instruction, I can only urge

what I believe

to be true, that those

who have

care-

fully read any elementary and introductory works of

physiology,

may

at least gather

much

valuable infor-

mation from

all that
is

I have mentioned, even where

entire proficiency

impossible.

JURISPRUDENCE.
I recommend every one who
is

resolved to become

truly well-informed, to acquire some knowledge of

the general principles of English

Law, upon which

our

own

is

founded.

With

this intention, the reader

8CIEJVCE,
would do well
to peruse very carefully
;

195
'
'

Blackstone^a

Commentaries

"

to

become

familiar

with

legal

forms as laid down in Grajdon, and to at least look

over, with

some

attention, the

work on the

practice

of law which
state, the

may

be most applicable to his own

name

of which work

may

be obtained from

any lawyer of
to

his acquaintance.

Should he desire

go further, he

may

read "Kent's Commentaries

on American Law/' " Story on the

tracts," or Parsons
*'

Law

of Con-

on the same subject, and Smith's

All of the works of

Elements of the Laws."

Ge*o. T. Curtis,

whether on copyright, conveyancing,

States, or Patent

the Constitution of the United

Laws, or on American jurisprudence, are of a kind

as well adapted to the use of the general reader, as
to that of the professional student,

a merit due

to

their clearness of conception

sion.

and admirable expres-

I would say, in this connection, that a more

general knowledge of industrial jurisprudence, or of

laws relating to patents and copyrights, might very

well be disseminated in
this

country,

among

the

many

people

who

are practically interested in such

matters.

The works on Medical Jurisprudence by Beck, by

Wharton and
Stills,

and by Dean, as well as Whar-

196

'

^I^T

OF COJVVERSATIOJ^,
on the Criminal

ton's " Treatise

Law

of the

[Iritctl

States/' with Butler and Heard's "Leading Cases,"

should be read by every

man who may

Having

expect to

serve at any time on a jury.

tested the

valuo of *snch knowledge, I would beg the reader to

pay attention

to this remark.

We

continually read

in the newspapers of sentences or acquittals, especially in lower courts,

and before ignorant magis-

trates or juries,

which could never have been award-

ed had

tiiose

concerned possessed simply that amount

of merely common-sensible information which any

person of ordinary intelligence

is

capable of extract-

ing from a perusal of the books above mentioned.

APPENDIX

trULGARISMS

IJ\

C0JVVERSAT10J)r.

|.99

CHAPTER XXVra.
or TULGAXUMg IS OONTEBSATIOK.

ARE

should be

taken to avoid

writing, as

m conversation, all Ameribe ascertained by refer-

can, as well as English, vulgarisms.

These

may

ence either to Webster's or Worcester's Dictionaries, to Bartlett's

''

Dic-

tionary of Americanisms," to

''

Live

and Learn," &c., a work " containing

examples o^ one thousand mistakes of

fre-

quent occurrence in speaking, writing, and pronunciation,"

(New York,

Garrett

&

Co.,

1856,) or

to

the

article

on "Americanisms"

in

"Appleton'a

Cyclopaedia."

200

-^-R^

OF COJ^VERSATIOJ>r.
strictly

Among

the

words or expressiona to be

avoided, are the following, for which I

am

princi-

pally indebted to the works above mentioned

Advantage^ {to) used as a verb, instead of

profit.

About

rights instead of well, or correct.

Action^ instead of proceeding, or decision.

Antiquarian, instead of antiquary.

According

to

Gunter, instead of accurately dene.

J

Accountability instead of accountableness.

Above

my

bent, instead of out of

my

power.

Acknowledge the corn,

the charge.

{to)

instead of to admit

Across

lots,

instead of in the quickest manner.

(^to)

Aggravate,

instead of to irritate, or to insult.

All-fired, instead of enormous.

All sorts of, instead of excellent, or expert.

All to pieces

smash, Entirely

destroyed.

Allot upon, {to) instead of to intend.

Allow, {to) instead of to declare, or assert.

Along.

To

get along, instead of to get on.

Among
Among^

the m^issing, {to be) instead of absent

instead of between.
is

Aint, instead of

not.

Anything

else.

vulgar affirmative.

VULGARISMS
JLny

IJV

COJSTVERSATIOX,

201

how you can fix

a.

it.

Approbate.

A word obsolete in England.

Ary^ instead of ever

As

gaod^ instead of as well.

wellj instead of also.

As

I was angry as well as he.

At, instead of by, or in.

auction, not at auction
;

We

should say, sales by

and in the North, not at

the North.

At

that.

And

poor at that, instead of also, or

as well.

Avails, instead of profits, or proceeds

as,

the avails

of their

own

industry.
difficult,

Awful, instead of ugly,

Axe, instead of ask.

or very.

become

obsolete.

An old English word; now "And Pilate axide him, 'Art

And
seist.'

thou King of Jewis?'

Jhesus answeride

and seide
ble, cited

to him,

'

Thou

"

Wicliflf's

Bi-

by Bartlett.

Back and forth,

Back down Back
promise

instead of backward and forwards.

Back, instead of ago.

A little while back.

{to) instead of to recant.

out, instead of to retreat, or to fail to fulfil a

;

equivalent

expressions

are

to

back

water, to take the back track.

202

-^RT

OF

coj\rvERSATioj)r.

Backing and filling.

Backward^
Baggage,

Advancing and

retreating.

instead of bashful, or modest.

" The English," sajs Bartlett, " ap-

pear to have discarded the word altogether, for the

less appropriate

term

luggage.''^

I confess I do

not see

why

it is

less appropriate to the

heavy

trunks of which modern luggage chiefly consists.

Beast, instead of horse.
Obsolete.

Beat the beat

ofi instead of superior.

Beat out

instead of tired, or fatigued.

j

Beautiful^ instead of excellent

as beautiful butter.

Beef^ {a) instead of an ox.

Belongings^ instead of attributes, garments, associations, or property.

Bestowment and Bestowal.

words.

Obsolete theological

Betterment^ instead of improvement.

Bettermost^ instead of the best.

Biddable^ instead of manageable.

Big figure^ {on the)

instead of on a large scale.

;

Biggestj instead of greatest, or finest

biggest kind of a singer.

as, she's the

BloWj {to) instead of to

boast.

Blow out
,

at, instead

of to abuse.
deter, to put

Bluff off {to).

To

down, or

repel.

VULGARISMS

lA"

COJ^VERSATIOJV.

203

8o?iej (^to) instead of to steal.

Doiind^ instead of determined

or resolved.

I'm

bound

to go.

Brown

{to do up).

To do anything

to perfection.

Bubf bubhy.

Applied to small boys.

From

the

German

Biibe.

Build, instead of to establish.

Bidger, instead of something extremely large.

Bully, instead of
fine,

or capital.

Burned

uj),

instead of burned down.

By the name of. A man "An Englishman would

the name of Smith.' "

by the name of Smith.

say
'of the
:

name of

Smith,' except in such phrases as

'He went by

Bartlett.
I feel bad.

Bad,

instead of

ill

as,

Done

bad.

Balance, instead of remainder.

Back

02it,

{to) instead of to retreat.

Bogus, instead of counterfeit.

Baiiter, {to) instead of challenge.
Belittle, {to) instead of to

make

smaller.

Cannot, instead of can

not.

Captivate, {to) instead of to take captive.

Conclude, instead of determine.

Connection,

In

this

connection, instead of in cott

nection with this subject.

204
County.

-^^T

OF COJ\rVERSATIOJV
we shculd

Instead of Westchester County

say the County of Westchester.

Clea7' out, {to) instead of depart, or leave.

Clever does not mean good natured or well disposed,

but dexterous,

skilful, quick-witted, or intelligent.

Clip^ instead of a sudden blow.

Cloud upj

{to) instead of to

grow cloudy.
instead of as well

Common.
as usual.

As

well as

common,

Conduct, {to) instead of to conduct oneself

vulgar expression has, with
sanctioned

*'

This
been

many

others,

by Webster."

Bartlett's

Die-

tionary of Americanisms.
Considerable, instead of much, or considerably.

Contemplate, {to) instead of to consider, to have in

view, or to intend.

Corner, {to) instead of to get the advantage of any

one.

Count, {to) instead of to reckon, suppose, or think.

Crowd,

instead of company.

Cry, {to) instead of to publish the banns of

riage.

mar-

Cupalo, instead of cupola.

Converse together, {to) instead of to converse.

Cut round,
display.

{to) instead of to

run about, or make a

VULGARISMS
Come^

JJV

COJSTVERSATIO^N;

20ri

{to) instead of to go.

J

Cut under

{to) instead of to undersell.

;

Corporeal means having a body

or relating to the bodj.

corporal, belcnging

We

should say, corporal

punishment, and,

God

is

an incorporeal being.

Peclension, or declination, instead of a refusal to

accept.

Deed,

{^to)

instead of to transfer

by

deed.

Deputize, (to) instead of to depute, to empower to

act for another.

Dessert.

This word

is

applicable to the fruits and

other delicacies brought on the table after the puddings and pies, but not to the puddings and pies
themselves.

Dicker, {to) instead of to barter.

Difficulted, instead of perplexed.

Directly, instead of when, or as soon

Dirt.

as.

This word

is

used in a too extended sense

instead of earth, clay, or dust.

Dissipate

{to).

To

live idly or irregularly.

!

Do

tell !

instead of really

or indeed

Donation, instead of present.

Done, instead of

did.

Don't, instead of does not.

for

DorCt

is

a contraction

do

not.

206

-ART

OF COJ^VERSATIOJSr,

Dove, instead of dived.

Doion upon.
DoxDn
cellar
J

Used

to express

enmitj or

dislike.

instead of

down in the

cellar.

Dragged

out^ instead of fatigued, or exhausted.

Dreadful^ instead of verj.

" This, and the worda

awful, terrible, desperate, monstrous, are used

by

uneducated people

for the

purpose of giving em-

phasis to an expression."

Bartlett.
man."
at ? instead of
?

Drinking.

Never say

'^

he's a drinking

Driving

at.

What

are

you driving

what object have you in view

Dumpj

instead of unload.

Egg

instead of to pelt with eggs.

J

Elect

instead of to prefer, to choose, to determine

;

in favor of

as,

they elected to submit

travellers

will elect to

go by the Northern route.

Elegantj for excellent, as applied, for instance, to

articles of food
;

as,

elegant pies.

Emptyings^

for lees, or leaven.

Endorse^ {to) instead of

to approve, or confirm.
in.

Eventuate, {to) instead of to happen, or to result

Erperience.

Vulgarly used without an adjective;

to describe religious trials

and their
instead

result.

Experience religion,
verted.

{to,)

of to be con-

VULGARISMS
Expect, {to)
is

IJV

COJ^VERSATIOJ\r.

207

only applicable to the anticipation

It is vulgarly used for think,

of future events.
believe, or

know.

Fair^ instead of real, or genuine.

Fall {to) instead of to

J

fell

tree.

Fancy.
jective

This word
to

is

too generally used as

fantastic,

an ad-

signify ornamental,

stylish,

extraordinary, or choice; as, fancy prices, fancy

houses, fancy

women.
Vulgarly used as a verb.

Fellowship

{to).

Female.

Incorrectly used to denote a person of the

female sex.
female,
is

To speak

of a

woman simply

as a

ridiculous.
to halt suddenly.

Fetch up, {to) instead of

Fire away, instead of

to begin.

First instead of one, or single.

the word, as
first

-An absurd use of

''

when one

says,

I will not pay the

cent."

First rate, instead of superior.

Fix, {to) means to fasten, or make firm.

fix

One may

a residence at
;

New York
fix

some men have no

a line to a hook
;

fixed opinions

you may
fix

preacher

may

the attention of his audience

is

and in chemistry, gold

a fixed body.

Fixed fact, instead of a

positive or well established

208
fact.

-f^RT^

OF COJ^VERSATIOJV.
phrase, according to

The invention of the

Bartlett, is attributed to Caleb Gushing.

Fizzle, (io) instead of to

fectly.

fail,

or to perform imper-

Forever^ instead of for ever.

Flat broke, instead of entirely out of money.

Floor, {to have the)
is

the American term for to

have possession of the house.

Flunk, instead of to

fail,

to retreat

as, to

flunk out.

Flier, instead of a venture.

Fl^.

To

fly

around, instead of to

stir about,

or be

active.

Folks, instead of people, or persons.

For, before the

vulgar
;

infinite particle to,

has become very

as, I'd

have you for to know.

Fore handed,
Foreigner.

instead of to be in good circumstances.

call all other

"Virginians

Americana

foreigners?"^

Eartlett.
instead of to pay.
flood,

Fork

oner

or up,

Found,

instead of fined.

Freshet, instead of

was once used in England,

but

is

now

confined as a word to the United States.

Funeralize, instead of to perform the clerical duties

preparatory to a funeral

VULGARISMS
Funk,
Funkf

IJV COJSTVERSATIOJST.

209

instead of an offensive smoke, smell, or dust.

{to) instead of to retreat, to resign, or to

alarm.

Gale, instead of a state of excitement.

Garrison, instead of

fort.

Gather, instead of

to take up.

One may

gather

apples, but not a stick.

Get, instead of to have

as,

I have got no money.

Inelegantly used to prevail on, or induce, or persuade.

is

To get religion,
So

instead of to become pious,

vulgar.

are, to get one's

back up, get

ou*.

and

to get round, instead of to get the better of.

Given name,

instead of Christian name.

Go

by,

{to) instead of to call or stop at.

A Iott

Southern expression.

Go for, Go it.
to

or

go in for,

{to) instead of to be in favor of.

to

As, to go
it

it blind,

go

it

with a looseness,

go

strong, to go one's death, to go the big

figure, or the

whole figure.

Go Go

off,

^to) instead of to expire.

to acquire ex-

through the mill, {to) instead of

perience.

Go

under, {to) instead of to perish.

;

Going, instead of travelling

it is

as

the going

is

bad

bad going.

210

-^RT

OF COJSrVERSATIOX,

Gone, as in gone coon, gone goose.

Goiier, instead of one

who

is lost.
of.

Gone
Good.
in,

with, instead of become

As, what

is

gone

with him ?

An

incorrect use of this

;

word may be heard

he reads good
is

it

does not run good.

it is

Very

vulgar indeed

the phrase, "

to cheat.

no

good.''

Gouge, instead of

Governmental, instead of relating

Grain, (a) instead of a
little.

to

government.

Grand,

instead of very good, or excellent

as, it ia

a grand day.

Grant, {to) instead of

hear us.

to vouchsafe; as,

grant to

Grass widow.
it

Vulgar

in

any

sense.

In England
a

means an unmarried woman who has had

child.

American

editors,

and even American

ladies
its

sometimes use this word unconscious of

real meaning.

Great, instead of distinguished^ or excellent. Thus,

he

is

a great Christian
big, instead of

she

is

great at the piano.

Great

very large.

Green, instead of uncouth, raw, or inexperienced.

It
is,

for example, vulgar to say, a

green Fresh.

man.

VULGARISMS

IJV

COJVVERSATIOJ^.

211

Grist^ instead of a large number.

Guess

{to)

means

to conjecturej

and not
It

to believe,

know, suppose, think, or imagine.

was once

used by English writers in this positive sense, but

is

now vulgar and

obselete.

tlack^ instead of hackney coach.

A hack is a livHad we have

ery stable horse.

Had

have.
this.

A very low expression.

to,

known

Had not
Hand,

ought

instead of ought not to.

Haintj instead of have not.

instead of adept, or proficient
;

as,

you are a

great hand at running.

Hand running,
rectly.

instead of consecutively.
carefully, steadily, or cor-

Handsomely, instead of

Hang.

To

get the hang of a thing, instead of beit.

coming familiar with

of the game."

" He hadn't got the hang

Hang fire, instead of to delay, Hang around, instead of loiter Hang out, instead of dwell.
Happen
in, {to) instead of to

or to be impeded.
about.

happen

tc Cfll in.

Hard

case.
is

Used

to indicate a worthless fellow, or

one who

hard to deal with.

212

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV,
nm, hard upj
instead of hard

Hard
Haze,

pushed^ hard

pressed.

instead of to riot, to frolic, to urge or drive

severely, to torment, or to annoy.

Head off^ instead of to intercept. Heap instead of many or much.

J

Hefty instead of weight, or to weigh.

Help, instead of servants.

Hide, instead of to

beat.

High falutin,
Hire,
house.

instead of high flown.

" Often improperly applied to renting a

In good English, a house
is

is

rented, while

a vehicle

hired."

Bartlett.

Hitch, instead of entanglement or impediment.

Hold

on, instead of to wait, or stop.

{to) instead of to steal.

Hook,

Hook, {on his own)

Hooter.

instead of on his
;

own

account.

corruption of iota
.

as,

I don't care a

hooter for him.

Hopping mad,

instead of very angry.

Horn

(in a).

Expressing dissent.
spirits.

Horrors, instead of to be in low

It is also

used to indicate the peculiar state of mind whick

succeeds an attack of delirium tremens.

Horse, instead of man.

Old

boss.

VULGARISMS

IJ\r

C OUTERS ATlOJf,

218

Hove, instead of heaved.

How?
*

instead of what ? or
accents in
tlie

what did you say ?

Do put your

proper spot
? for

Don't

let

me

beg you

don't say How

how came
it

what ?

**

0.
instead of
?

W. Holmes.

How

come ?

how

did

it

happen?

Human,
Hung.

instead of

human

heing.
is

Very

low.

" In England, beef

hung, gates are hung,

-

and curtaina are hung, but felons are hanged^

Rev. a. C. Geikib.

Hunk,

instead of a large piece.

Hush

up,

dry up, and shut up, instead of

to be

silent.

Homely, instead of plain-featured or ugly.

lUy.

silly amplification

of

ill

as,

I have been

illy entreated.

In, instead of into

as, to

get in the stage, to come

in town.

Independent fortune.

A man may be rendered inpossessor.

dependent by a fortune, but the fortune can hardly

become independent of a
Institution.

A word

vaguely applied to any preva*

lent practice or thing.

Item, instead of information.

214

'ART

OF

coj\rvERSATioj\r.

Johj instead of thrust.

Jag,

Used

to express a parcel,

or load
is

also a
;

habit adopted for a time, as he

also for intoxication.

on a moral jag

Japonicadom, instead of the

societj.

fashionable

class

of

JeWj {to) instead of to cheat.

Jessie, {to give) instead of to treat severely.

Jump (Jrom
J

the) instead of from the beginning.

Keel

over, instead of to be prostrated, or die.

food, subsistence, keeping.
lip,

Keep^ instead of

Keep a

stiff

upper

instead of to keep

up

one's

courage, to continue firm.

Keep company,
love.

{to)

instead of to court, or

make

Keeping-room, instead of the sitting-room or parlor.

Kesouse, keswap, keswack, to express dipping, or
falling into water.

Kerslap.

Used

to indicate a flat fall.

Kick up a row,
turbance.

or dust^ instead of to create a dis-

Kill, {to) instead of to defeat, in politics.

Kind

of, instead

of in a manner, or as

it

were.

Kink, instead of an accidental knot or

used incorrectly for a fanciful notion.

twist.

Also

VULGARISMS
Knock, instead of
knocks me.

IJV

COJSTVERSATWJV',
or overwhelm
as

21b
that

|,stonish

Knock

about, or round, (to,) instead of to go about.

LaiTup, instead of

beat.

Lather, instead of beat.

Law,

{to) instead of to go to law.

;

Lai/, instead of to lie

as,

he

laid

down, instead cf

he lay down
Lai/.

to sleep;

or,

" the land lays well"

price.

Terms of a bargain,

Also, the occu-

pation or

employment of any

one.
;

Lengthy, lengthily, instead of having length, long

as,

a lengthy oration.
of to let alone
;

Let

be, {to) instead

as, let

me

be

Let on, instead of Let Let

to mention, to disclose.

out, instead of to begin narrating.

slide,

rip,

went,

travel,

circulate,

agitate^

drive, fly, instead of to let go.

Let up, instead of a release or

Levee,
''

relief.

in the United States

is

often applied to cerofficial

emonious receptions given by

personages,

whether in the morning or evening.

the

In England

word

is

restricted to

morning receptions."

of

Appleton's
French

Cyclopcedia.

As

the

word

is

origin,

from levir, to

rise,

and was at

first

216

ART OF

COJSrVERSATIOJSr,

applied to the concourse of people

the rising of a prince from bed,
that the
it

who attended
will

be seen
to

American application of the word

reception
is

an

evenmg
J

very absurd.
or exertion.
fast.

Licks instead of
^

efforts, strokes,

LAckety split instead of headlong, very

Liefer, liever,
or rather.
Liftj. instead of aid, help, or assistance.
liefs^ lieves^ instead

of more willingly,

Also, im-

properly used for a ride.

Like, instead of

as,

or as

if,

or as though.
expression.

A very
alit.

vulgar and very

common

Like I
to

ways

do.

He

drank like he was used

Likely, instead of intelligent,

promising, or able.

Also used

to signify beauty.

Limb.

A silly and affected

end
o-

expression for leg.

Liquor, liquor up, instead of to take a dram.

Little

the horn.

Applied, like the Italian

word fiasco, (or bottle) to a failure.

Loafer.
Originally applied to a pilferer, and sub-

sequently to a vagabond.

Loan, {to) instead of to lend.

Locate^
{to')

instead of to settle

in.

Looseness^ instead of freedom.

A perfect looseness.
^'

Love, {to) instead of to

like.

I love apple pie,*'

VULGARISMS
83,1(1

^JV COJVVERSATIOJV,

217

a lad J.

"

You

could say no more for jour

replied an old bachelor

child or husband,"

who

was present.

hummocks^

instead of a hcavj, stupid fellow.

Alad^ instead of very angry.

"

low word."

Pickering.
Mail^ instead of which the
post.

Mail

is

properly the bag in

letters are carried.

Make a raise, {to) instead of to obtain. Make tracks, instead of to go or to run. Marm, or Ma'am, instead of Mamma, or

mother.

My

Ma'am

says so.

Mate, or match.
gloves, for fellow.

Used

in speaking of

shoes or

Mean,

instead of means.

Mean^

instead of poor, base, or worthless.

Meeting, meeting-house, instead of a place of worship, or church.

Middling, instead of tolerably.

Middling
Midst.
is,

intei^est, instead

of the middle class.

us.

In our midst, instead of among

There
expres-

properly, no such
is

noun

as midst.

The
i3

sion

used by eminent authors, but

become

vulgar.

218

-^RT OF COJSrVERSATIOJT.
;

Mighty^ instead of verj

as,

mighty

nice.

Mind^

{to) instead of to recollect,

remember. Abo,

instead of to watch, or take care of

Missing.
Mistake.

Among the missing, instead of absent. And no mistake, instead of sure.

Mixed

up^ instead of confused, promiscuous.

Monstrous^ instead of very, or exceedingly.

More, most instead of the regular comparative and

J

superlative terminations.

"

A more

full

vocabu-

lary."

See

the preface to

Worcester's Dio
cards.

tionary^ 1856.

More fond of

Most^ instead of almost.

MovCj

instead of to remove, or to change one'a re^ir

dence.

Much.

Used

in praise

or dispraise.

I d

is

not

much
Muss,

of a man.

Ailing, instead of false or feigned.

From

" r .ongrel,^

instead of a quarrel.
{to) instead of to disarrange, to disorder.

Muss,

Nary, instead of ne'er

fcr in Paris ?

a.

" Did you see Ary SchefSchefFer," was the reply

"

"

Nary

Narrate.

Used by good
Noi^ate
is

authority, but of doubtful

certainly vulgar.

excellence.

Nigh

unto, u^

m,

instead of nearly'^

o^lmost.

VULGARISMS

IJV COJ^VERSATIOJST.

219

Necessitate, instead of to be obliged, or compelled.

Nimshi, instead of a

foolish fellow.

Nip and

tuck, instead of equal.

No

not.

Some
as,

people absurdly use double negait

tives;

I wont no-how;

aint,

neither;

aint got none.

No-account, instead of worthless.

fellow.

no-account

No'hoWj instead of by no means. Nothing

ing
else.

A vulgar

affirmation.

It aint noth-

else.
trifles.

Notions, instead of small wares, or

Notional, instead of whimsical.

Nub, instead of

point, or significance.

Obliged

to be, instead of

must

be.

Obligated, instead of to compel.

Odd
Of.

stick, or

odd fish, instead of

eccentric person
feel,

Many
it.

people in using the verbs tc smell,

to taste,

supply the preposition of;

as, to

smell

of

Off the handle.

to fly

To

fly

off"

the handle, instead of

off the

into a

passion.

To go

handle^

instead of to die.
Offish^ instead of distant.

220

-^^"^

OF CO A" VERSA no

Off-set, {to) instead of set-oft.

Ob/ioxloiis, instead of offensive

Older-eitj instoad of elder, eldest.

Old mail, old gentleifnan,

On.

instead of father.
,

He
it,

lives

on a

street, instead of in

a street

passage on a steamboat.

On
9^^

instead of implicated, interested in

it.

it,

or be-

lieving in

handj instead of

at hand, present.

Ojice

and again^
J

instead of occasionally.

On

the coast instead of near, close at hand.

Oncet, (pronounced
for once

wunst^ and

twicet, or twisty

and twice.

A
to.

Saxon form.

Onto, instead of on, or

On

yesterday, instead of yesterday.

Ought.
to,

Wrongly used

in hadn't ought,

had ought

don't ought.

Oiirn, instead of ours.

Over, instead of under, (or sometimes above)

aa,

he writes over the signature of Caius.

Over-run, instead of to run over.

Overture, instead of to propose.

Owdacious, instead of audacious.

Partly, instead of nearly, or almost.

partly opposite to mine.

His house

is

VULGARISMS

IJV

CO.YVERSATIOJST,

221

Patentable^ instead of that

may

be patented.

Peaked

instead of thin, or emaciated.

Peg

out^ instead of die.

Pending^ instead of during.

Pending the conversation.

A common affectation
Pending the
session.

Pesky

peskily^ instead of annoying.

Pile^ instead of

money amassed,

or fortune.

Place, instead of to identify with one's birth-place

or home.

I can't place him.

sight, instead of very, extremely,

Plaguy, plaguy
or very much.

Plank, instead of

to lay, or

put down.

Play

actor, instead of actor.

out, instead of exhausted.

Played

Plead, instead of pleaded.

Plum,
plum

instead of direct, or straight.

in the face.

He

looked

me

Poke fun,

(to) instead of to joke, to ridicule.

frightful, or fearful.

Pokerish, instead of

Poky, instead of
Pond.
''

stupid.

Used

in

America

to signify a

body of wa-

ter smaller than a lake, with

artificial

either natural or

banks.

In England the word pond imis

plies

that the water

confined

by an

artificial

bank." Appleton's

Cyclopcedia.

22

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJS,

Pony

up^ instead of to pay over.

itp^ instead

Posted

of fully informed.

Powerful, instead of very, or exceedingly

Prayerful and prayerfully^ instead of devoat

devoutly
;

CI

using prayer, or disposed to pray.

y

Pray erfIllness

Prayerlessness.

The use or neg-

lect of prayer,

Predicated upon, instead of founded upon basis or

data.

A word of

very doubtful purity.

tolerable.

Pretty considerable, iniddling, instead of

Preventative, instead of preventive.

Primp

up.

Dressed up stylishly.
English writers generally use the word

Profanity.

profaneness.

Professor, instead of one

gious.

who

is

professedly reliincorrectly apcol-

As

title,

the word

is

plied except to a teacher in

lege.

an university or

Proper, instead of very

as,

proper frightened.
is

Proud,

instead of glad.

He

proud to know.

Proud, instead of honor.

Sir,

you do me proud.

Pucker

{in a).
it,

Fright, agitation.
instead of to walk fast, or run.
instead of to remain in order.
off.

Pull foot pull

Ptit.

Stay put,

Put, put out, put

To decamp.

VULGARISMS
Pvi
the licks in.

Ijy

COJVVERSATIO.Y,

223

To

exert oneself.

Put

through, instead of to accomplish, or conclude.

Quite, instead of very

as> it is quite cold.

Rail, {to) instead of to travel by

rail.

Raise a racket, raise Cain,

a noise.

{to^ instead of to

make

Rake down.

To

reduce, to mortify.
to think or imagine.

Reckon, instead of

Reliable, instead of trustworthy.

Rehash, instead of

repetition.

Remind,

instead of remember.

Renewedly, instead of anew, again, once more.

Rendition, instead of rendering.

Reropen.
rectness.

To open

again.

A word of

doubtful cor-

Result, {to) instead of to decree, or to decide.

Resurrect, instead of

to

reanimate.

Retiracy, instead of retirement, or a competency.

Rich, instead of entertaininor or

amusinf]^.

Ride, instead of to carry or transport.

the

In England

word

is

restricted

by writers of the present

day, to going on horseback.

Rights

{to), right

aioay, right

off,

instead of

di-

rectly, or at once.

224

-^RT OF COJSrVERSATIO.W,
large, or great.

Right smarts instead of

Rile,
J

To make angry.

Provincial in England.

Rise rising^ instead of more.

rise.

A thousand and the

Rising a thousand dollars.

stones.

Rocks, instead of money, or

Roo7?i, instead of to occupy a room, or to lodge.

Rope

in,

instead of to decoy, or to inveigle.

Rounds.

Going the rounds of the papers

is

called

an Americanism in England.

Rowdy,

instead of a riotous, turbulent fellow.

Row

up,

instead of to punish with words, or to

rebuke.

Ruu, run upon,

instead of to quiz.

Run Run

one's face, instead of to get credit by a good

personal appearance.
to the

ground, instead of

to carry to excess.

Rush,
River,

instead of spirit, or energy.

English say
'*

''

the river Thames."

Ameri-

cans say,

the Ohio river."

Safe, instead of sure, certain.

Sauce, instead of culinary vegetables and

Save, instead of to

roots.

make

sure, or to kill.

Saw

instead of jokc^ or trick.

To run

a saw on

him

Scallawag, instead of

vile fellow, or

scamp.

VULGARISMS
Scare
tip,

IJV

COJYVERSATIOJV.

225

instead of to find.

Scary, instead of easily scared.

School Ma'am, instead of school mistress or teacher

Scooped him

in, instead of inveigled.

Scoot, instead of to walk fast.

Scratch, {no great) instead of value.

Scraiojiy, instead of spare, cr bony.

Scrimp, instead of scanty.

Scroiige, instead of to crowd.

Of

doubtful propriety

Scrumptions^ instead of scrupulous.

Sciip, instead of swing.

Scnrry, instead of to scour, to run in haste.

Scurse, Scuss, instead of scarce.
Seen, instead of saw.
Serious, instead of religious.

Serve np, {to) instead of to expose

Set, instead of obstinate
Set, instead of to
fix,
;

to ridicule.

as,

a set man.

or to obstruct, or to stop.

Settle, {to) instead of ordained.

He

settled in the

ministry very young.

Shack, instead of a vagabond.

Shake a

stick at.

A vulgar comparative.
fop.
1

Shanghai, instead of

Shew, (pronounced shoo)^ instead of showed.

shew him the
difierence.
10*

A very vulgar error.

226

-^^2^

OF COJVVERSATIOJV

Shimmy

instead of chemise.

^hin round.
S/ii?idi/,

To

flj about.

instead of a riot, a liking, or fancy.

Shi?ie.

Show, display.

She cut a

shine.

Also, tc

succeed with.
y

He

shines

up

to her.
/

^ Shingle instead of

sign.

Shinplaster,
Shote.

small bank-note.

Shyster.

A worthless fellow. A low lawyer. A

and utterly unfit
is

word of
to use.

filthy

Ger-

man
Sick.

origin,

Sickness

only applicable to nausea, or sickIt is the

ness at the stomach.

common Ameri-

can word for

Sight.

ill.

A great many,

a deal.

Skeary., instead of scary.

Skedaddle^ [to) instead of

to escape, or to

depart

Skimped^

instead of scanty.

Slantendictdar.

Aslant.
fine.

Slick upy {to) instead of to make

Slimsy, instead of flimsy.

Slink.
Slipe,

A sneaking fellow. A distance.

To run away,
to evade.
is

Slop*.

Smart.

In America, smart

used as signifying
it

quick, or shrewd.

In England,

usttally has the

meaning of showy.

VULGARISMS
Smart chance^
it,

IJS"

COJSTVERSATIOJST.

22T
Like

instead of a good opportunity.

piece,

we have a smart

and a smart sprinkle.

Smouch,
land
is

{to) instead of to cheat.

A Jew,

in

Eng-

vulgarly called a smouch.

Snake

{to).

To crawl

like a snake.

To cunningly

advance towards one.

Snarl, instead of an entangled quarrel.

Snippy, snippish, instead of

So, instead of such.
''

finical,

or conceited.
,

Prof.

who has

ac-

quired so high distinction."

^ockdolloger.

Bartlett.

final

argument, or blow.

Sock.

Sock down.

To pay money down.

Flattery, soft persuasion.

Soft sodder, soap.

Some.

Of some

account, famous.

Of

the same

application,

some pumpkins.
Sooner, very soon, instead

Soon^ instead of early.

of at once, or directly, or soon.

'

Sozzle.

To immerse.
the goose.
horses.

To move

whi^e dipping.

Sound on

True, staunch.

Span of
pair,

An

Americanism applied

to

and always implies resembance.

"The word

signifies, properly, the

same as yoke, when applied

to

hcrned cattle."
{to).

Bartlett.

Spark
Spat.

To

court.

slap, a quarrel.

228

-^^^ OF COJKTERSATIOJV.
Specie
is

Specie, instead of species.

/Spell.

hard mDncy.
interval.

turn of work.

A time,

an

iSpit curl.

lock of hair curled upon the temple

dissension.

Split.

A division,

Also, a rapid pace

as, full split.

To inform

on.

Splurge.
dash.

A blustering demonstration,
A
Mud,
silly fellow.

a swagger, a

Spoopsy
Sposh.

or snow and water.

(to).

Spread oneself
Spread
eagle.

To make

great

efforts.

Applied to vulgar rant and bombast:

It is rapidly

becoming a very contemptuous term.

riot,

Spree

{to).

To

and get drunk.

Sprouts {a course of).

severe initiation.

The

term

is

derived from the Thompsonian practice.

" Vegetable.''
Spry.
Lively, active.

Provincial in England.

Spunk.

Spirit, vivacity.

A very vulgar word.

Spiaivk, instead of a failure.

Squiggle.
Squirt.

To

wriggle.

A coxcomb. A vulgar word.

To
crush.

Squush.
Stag.

Where only male

persons are assembled.

stag party.

Stamping ground.
of resort.

A favorite

aud familiar pUce

VULGARISMS
Stand.

J,V

COJ^VERSATIOJW

229

The

situation ot a place of business.

Stand

treat {to).

To pay

for a treat.

Stave along.
Steamboat.
Steepj or
tall.

To hurry onward.

A dashing,

go-ahead character.

Great, magnificent.

Stick

{to).

To impose upon,

to render liable.

Stopj {to) instead of to stay for a time.

Stoiitj instead of obstinate.

Straight out.

Downright, candid.
*

Strapped.

Wanting money.
^

Streaked^ streaky instead of alarmed.

Streak

it {to).

To run

fast.

Stretch {on a).

String.
Stripe.

Continuously.

row, a number.

Pattern, sort.

Stuffy.

Angry,
{to).

obstinate, sulky.

Stump
Suck
Sucker.

To

challenge.

To confound
One who

in {to).

To deceive. A low word. A mean fellow. A drunkard.

imposes or preys on others.

Susjjicion^ {to) instead of to suspect.

Swap,

sivop, instead of barter, or exchange.

{to)

Systemize,

instead of

to

systematize.

"

word rarely used by good writers."

Worcest Eii

230

-^-^2^

OF COJVVERSATIOJSr,
To
it is

Take
'

to
J

do

(to).

take to task.
not.

To

T^prove.

Taint instead of

Take
Take

the back track {to).

To

recede.

the rag
{to).

Take on

of To

{to).

To

surpass.

grieve,

mourn.

Talk^ (a) instead of conversation, or discussion.

Tall^ instead of fine, splendid, or grand.

Tavern.
lodging,

In England, only food or drink, and

is

noft

provided at a tavern.

Tax, instead of charge.

What

do you tax us for

it ?

Team.

A person of
.,

energy.

He

is

a whole team.

Teetotally

Entirely, totally.
report.

Tell^ instead of
tell for

A compliment

as, I've

you.

Tell on {to).

To

tell of, to tell about.

Tend, instead of attend, or wait.

The.
as,

Vulgarly used before the names of diseases

he died of the cholera.

Many

persons say, he

speaks the French, or the German.

The

correct

mode of

expression would be, he speaks French,

or the French language.

There.

Used

for the future tense with I

am

as,

I'm

there.

This

here, and that there, for this, and that.

Those

sort

of things, instead of that

sort of things.

VULGARISMS
Throw
Tie
in.

IJST

COJVVERSATIOJS'

231

To

contribute.

Thundering, instead of very.

to.

instead of to trust, to rely on.

Tight, instead of tipsy.

Tight place

squeeze, instead of a
in,

diflSculty.

To, instead of

or at.

He

is to

home.

Toe the mark

{to).

To

fulfil obligations.

Top

notch.

The

highest point.

Tote, instead of to carry.

Touch.

No

touch to

it.

Not

to be

compared to

it.

Trainers, trabiing.
for exercise.

The

militia

when assembled

Travel, instead of to depart.

Try

on, instead of to try.

out.

Tuckered
Tuck,

Fatigued, exhausted.

for took.

Transient.

A transient boarder.

Not used

in this

sense in England.

Transpire, instead of

to happen, or to be done.

Uncommon,

instead of

uncommonly.

Up

to the hub.

To

the extreme.
[the).

Upper ten-thousand

A silly slang term foi

the higher circles of society.

Use up,

(Jo) instead of to exhaust.

282
Vamose.

-^RT

OF COJVVERSATIOJV.
go.

(Let us
off.

Spanish.)

Used

instead of

depart, be

To vamose

the ranch.

Vum, (/)

instead of I vow, or declare.

Wake up
Walk Walk

the

wrong passenger

{to).

To make

mistake as to an individual.
chalk.
into

To walk
{to).

straight.

To

take the advantage

of.

To

punish, or treat severely.

Walking papers.

Orders to leave
beat.
;

dismissal.

Wallop

{to).

To

Wamble
Wa^nt,

cropt.

Depressed

humiliated.
not.

instead of
to

was

not,

and were

Want
Ways,

know

Do

tell 7

Very vulgar

inter-

jections.

Way,

distance, space.

Ways.
is

No
do

tivo

ways about

it,

instead of the fact

just so.
to

Well

to live^ instead of well

off.

We?it.

You

should have went, instead of you

should have gone.

Whap

over {to).

To knock

over.
largo.
vt

Whapper, whopper.

Anything uncommonly
for a
is

What for

a.

What

man

is

that ?

instead

what kind of a man

that ?

VULGARISMS
IVhichj instead
of'

JJV

COJVVERSATIOJT.

233

what, who, he, they.

Also very

vulgarly used as a pleonasm.

Mr. Brown which

he said he would go.

While, instead of
till,

or until.

Stay while I come

Whittled down

to.

Reduced.
all,

Whole heap.
Whole
soided.

Many,

several,
''

much.

Noble minded.

A phrase in great

favor with persons fond of fine talking."

Bart-

LETT.

Whole team.
possession of

A general compliment,
many
To
powers.
instead of on the alert.

implying tho

Wide awake,
Wilt down

{to).

depress.
;

Wind up,
Wire
strip

instead of to silence

to settle.

edge.

The edge removed

a tool.

in the form of a
It
is

when sharpening

incorrectly

used to signify a sharp, or fine edge.

Wool

over the eyes {to

draw

the).

To impose

on.

Worryment.

Trouble, anxiety.
of,

Worst kind
manner.
Wi^ath.

instead of in the worst or severest

Like

all

wrath, instead of violently.

Wrathy, instead of angry.

Yank.

A jerk.

To yank,

to bring forth

pull out

manipulate.

234

-^RT

OF

C0JVVERSAT10J>r,
to

Yellow cover.

Applied
first

cheap and vulgar

litera-

ture; so called

in 1840, from che twentj-five

cent editions ^f Paul de Kock's novels, and similar

works.

Younij instead of yours, or your own.

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"Bow
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