do yourself a

favor...​
forgive

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DoYourselfFavo_HCtext3P.indd ii 12/26/11 12:42:12 PM
do yourself a
favor...​
forgive
Learn How to Take
Control of Your Life
Through Forgiveness

Joyce Meyer

New York Boston Nashville

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Copyright 2012 by Joyce Meyer

In accordance with the US Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and
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is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like
to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written
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.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scriptures are taken from the Amplified® Bible. Copy‑
right © 1954, 1962, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scriptures noted NKJV are taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copy‑
right © 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

FaithWords
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www.faithwords.com

Printed in the United States of America

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First Edition: April 2012

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2011939590

ISBN: 9780446547277

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Introduction

Jesus came that our sins might be forgiven and we would be

restored to an intimate relationship with God through Him.
His free gift of forgiveness is beautiful and beyond comparison.
What God gives us freely He expects us to also give freely to
others. Because we have received God’s forgiveness we can for‑
give others who sin against us or harm us in any way.
If we don’t forgive we will be miserable and our soul will be
poisoned with the malignancy of bitterness. I have learned that
when I forgive someone who has hurt me, I am actually doing
myself a favor, and that knowledge makes it much easier for me
to forgive quickly and completely. I would like to be able to say
that I learned this principle early in my life and have not wasted
precious time in unforgiveness, but I can’t. It has taken me
decades to learn what I desire to share with you in this book.
Unfortunately, we won’t go through life and never get hurt,
wounded, or offended. Experience tells us that life is filled
with injustices. However, we can be free from the pain of these
wounds by letting them go and trusting God to be our Vindica‑
tor and bring justice into our lives.
The roots of unforgiveness are very dangerous. They grow
deep below the surface and take hold deep within us. They are
insidious because they convince us that because we have been
wronged, someone must be punished and that we cannot and

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viii Introduction

will not be happy until they are. We want to be paid back for
the pain we have endured, but only God can pay us back, and
He will if we trust Him and forgive our enemies as He has told
us to do.
I am sure that many who read this book will begin with anger
in their hearts. Someone has hurt them or life has disappointed
them. My prayer is that their hearts will be opened to God and
they will see the urgent importance of living free from any kind
of bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, or offense.
I believe that we have opportunities every week to be offended
and become angry, but proper knowledge of God’s will gives us
the courage to move beyond anger and enjoy the life God has
given us. Staying angry at someone who has hurt you is like tak‑
ing poison hoping that your enemy will die. Our unforgiveness
hurts us more than it does anyone else. God never asks us to do
anything unless it is going to ultimately be good for us, so we
should trust Him and learn to freely forgive.
It is my prayer that as you read this book, you will learn that
when you process anger in a healthy manner and when you for‑
give, the person you’re doing a favor for is yourself.

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do yourself a
favor...​
forgive

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C H A P TER

1
It Isn’t Fair!

Susanna is a ­forty-​­eight-​­year-​­old woman who grew up on a

remote farm in a tiny Texas town. Her parents were extremely
poor, with little income and half a dozen children.
Susanna was the youngest, and her sunny disposition, pretty
features, and unusual intelligence served her well from early
on. She finished high school and went on to be one of the best
salespeople where she worked in a small company that man‑
ufactured clothing. Eventually, she started her own business,
manufacturing women’s apparel. She loved her business; it gave
her a sense of accomplishment and value, and she gave her‑
self to it wholeheartedly. She met and married the man of her
dreams, and they had two children. As the years progressed, so
did her business, and by the time she was in her early forties,
she and her husband were running a ­multimillion-​­dollar com‑
pany together.
Susanna and her husband enjoyed all that wealth could pro‑
vide: a magnificent home, cars, boats, and a summer cottage.
Their vacations took them around the world. Their two daugh‑
ters attended the best schools and enjoyed the most prominent

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2 D o Y o u r s e l f A Fav o r . . .  F o r g i v e

social circles. They grew up and enjoyed successful careers and

families of their own. Life could not have been any better, or
so they thought. Although the couple attended church occa‑
sionally out of a sense of duty, their relationship with God was
not personal, nor did they genuinely consider God’s will when
making decisions. Even the family relationships were more
surface ones rather than deep, honest, and intimate.
One day, suddenly and without warning, Susanna learned that
her husband was having an affair and that it wasn’t the first time.
She was shocked and deeply hurt. Not only was he unfaithful,
but she also learned he had plunged the company into debt and
a tremendous amount of the corporate money was unaccounted
for. He had been taking money from the business she started and
using it to entertain his girlfriends and live a secret life.
The marriage dissolved quickly, and Susanna was left with
a business that was deep in debt and on the verge of collapse.
Then the economy tanked and retail sales plunged downward,
which resulted in Susanna’s company going under. Her anger
and bitterness toward her ex‑husband, whom she blamed for
everything, was increasing daily.
Susanna turned to her children for understanding and com‑
fort, but they resented her for the years she had worked so hard
and failed to spend much time with them. They also felt that
part of their father’s infidelity was due to their mother loving
her business more than anything else in the world. They were
busy with their own lives and ignored their mother’s needs
and problems just as they felt she had ignored theirs when they
needed her. Susanna needed support, but there was none.
She turned to her sister, but believe it or not she seemed to
revel in Susanna’s distress. She felt that her years of success
and “easy living” had made her selfish and inconsiderate. The

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I t I s n ’ t Fai r ! 3

rift that ensued between them was massive, and they still don’t
speak to this day after eight years.
Her children, while polite, don’t call often or invite her to
visit. Susanna has become increasingly bitter and blames every‑
one else for her unhappiness. Not once has she considered that
some of the problems could have been her fault, and not once
has she even considered forgiving and asking for forgiveness.
She is angry with her ex‑husband. She is angry with herself
for not having seen that her marriage and business were fall‑
ing apart right before her eyes. She is angry that her children
haven’t done more for her, and she is angry at God because her
life has turned out to be so disappointing.

Who Wouldn’t Be Angry?

Most people in this situation would be angry, but they wouldn’t

have to be if they understood the love of God and knew that He
has already provided a way out of this kind of misery. The num‑
ber of lives that are ruined through anger and unforgiveness
is astonishing. Some of them don’t know any better, but many
of them are Christians who do know better but are unwilling
to make the right choice. They live according to their feelings,
rather than moving beyond them to do the better thing. They
lock themselves in a prison of negative emotions and limp
along in life rather than living it fully and vibrantly.
Yes, most people would be angry, but there is a better way:
they could do themselves a favor and forgive. They could shake
off their disappointment and get reappointed in God. They
could look to the future instead of the past. They could learn
from their mistakes and endeavor to not make them again.

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4 D o Y o u r s e l f A Fav o r . . .  F o r g i v e

Although most of us don’t find ourselves in such dire cir‑

cumstances as Susanna was in, there is certainly no end of
things to be angry about . . . ​the neighbor’s dog, the government,
taxes, not getting the pay increase that was expected, traffic,
a husband who leaves his socks and underwear on the bath‑
room floor, or the kids showing no appreciation for all you do
for them. Then there are the people who say unkind things to
us and never apologize, parents who never showed affection,
siblings who were favored, false accusations, and on and on the
list goes in a ­never-​­ending cascade of opportunities to either be
angry or forgive and move on.
Our natural reaction is upset, offense, bitterness, anger, and
unforgiveness.
But who are we hurting by nursing these negative emotions?
The person who committed the offense? Sometimes it does hurt
people if we shut them out of our lives through anger, but quite
often they don’t even know or care that we are angry! We walk
around preoccupied with our upset, replaying the offense over
and over again in our minds. How much time have you spent
imagining what you want to tell the person who made you
angry, all the while upsetting yourself more? When we allow
ourselves to do this, we actually hurt ourselves much more
than the offender.
Medical studies have shown that anger can cause everything
from ulcers to a bad attitude. At the very least it is a waste of
precious time. Every hour that we stay angry is an hour we
have used and will never get back. In Susanna’s and her family’s
case, they wasted years. Think of the times they missed in fel‑
lowship because of all the anger among them. Life is unpredict‑
able; we don’t know how much time we have left with our loved
ones. What a shame it is to deprive ourselves of good memories

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I t I s n ’ t Fai r ! 5

and relationships because of anger. I also wasted a lot of years

being angry and bitter because of injustices done to me early in
life. My attitude affected me in many negative ways, and it over‑
flowed onto my family. Angry people always take their anger
out on someone because what is in us does come out of us. We
may think we have our anger hidden from everyone, but it finds
a way to express itself eventually.
The things that happen to us are often not fair, but God will
recompense us if we trust and obey Him. Wanting revenge is
a normal desire, but it is not one we can indulge in. We want
to be paid back for damage done, and God promises to do just
that.

For we know Him Who said, Vengeance is Mine [retribu‑

tion and the meting out of full justice rest with Me]; I will
repay [I will exact the compensation], says the Lord. And
again, The Lord will judge and determine and solve and
settle the cause and the cases of His people.
Hebrews 10:30

This Scripture and others like it have encouraged me to let

go of my anger and bitterness and trust God to repay me in His
own way. I strongly encourage you to take the same leap of faith
anytime you feel you have been treated unfairly.
The people we need to forgive usually don’t deserve it and
sometimes don’t even want it. They may not know they offended
us, or might not care, yet God asks us to forgive them. It would
seem outrageously unfair except for the fact that God does
the same things for us that He is asking us to do for others.
He ­forgives us over and over again and continues loving us
unconditionally.

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6 D o Y o u r s e l f A Fav o r . . .  F o r g i v e

It helps me to forgive if I take the time to remember all the

mistakes I have made and needed not only God’s forgiveness,
but people’s as well. My husband was very gracious and merci‑
ful toward me during many years while I was working through
a healing process from the trauma of child abuse. My belief is
that “hurting people hurt people.” I know that I hurt my family
and was unable to build healthy relationships, but I certainly
did not do it purposely. It was the result of my own pain and
ignorance. I had been hurt, and all I thought about was myself.
I was hurting, so I hurt others. I really needed understanding,
confrontation at the right time, and loads of forgiveness, and God
worked through Dave to give me that. I try to remember now
that God often wants to work through me to do the same things
for someone else.
Have you ever needed ­forgiveness—​­from people as well as
from God? I am sure you have. Remember those times, and it
will enable you to forgive when you need to.

Please Check Your Anger at the Door

Have you ever watched an old western movie where the cow‑
boys were required to check their weapons at the door before
entering a saloon? I have, and it is a good example to use when
we think of anger. Anger is like a weapon we carry with us
so we can lash out at people who appear to be on the verge
of hurting us. Just like the cowboys would pull their pistols to
defend themselves unless they checked them at the door, we
pull our anger in defense on a regular basis. Let’s form a habit
of consciously leaving our anger at the door before we enter
anyplace. Let’s refuse to take it with us when we go out for the

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I t I s n ’ t Fai r ! 7

day. Consciously say, “I am going out today without anger. I am

taking love, mercy, and forgiveness with me and will use them
generously when needed.”
I have found that talking to myself is a big help. I can talk
myself into things and out of things. I can talk myself into get‑
ting angry and into getting over being angry. Learn to reason
with yourself. Say to yourself, “It is a waste of time to stay angry
and it is displeasing to God, so I am going to purposely let it
go.” I remind myself that I am doing myself a favor by choosing
peace and refusing anger.
We may not feel like doing the right thing, but we can either
live to please God or to please ourselves. If we choose pleasing
God, then we will do many things that will be the opposite of
what we might feel like doing. We all have feelings, but we are
more than our feelings. We also have a free will and can choose
what we know will be the best for us.

Anger Is Strong and Destructive

Anger is indignation, vengeance, and wrath. It begins as a feel‑

ing and progresses to expression in words and actions if it is not
checked. It is one of the strongest passions and is very destruc‑
tive. God’s Word teaches us to control anger because it never
produces the righteousness that He desires (James 1:20).
We are instructed by God to be slow to anger. When we feel
ourselves starting to boil over with anger, we need to put a lid
on it. We can stir ourselves up and make our problems worse by
thinking about and talking about them, which equates to feed‑
ing them . . . ​or . . . ​the minute our feelings start to rise up we can
do something about them. Be aggressive against the emotion of

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8 D o Y o u r s e l f A Fav o r . . .  F o r g i v e

anger and say, “I refuse to stay angry. I refuse to take offense.

God has given me ­self-​­control, and I will use it.”
I was told a story about a pastor who invited a guest speaker
to his church. The pastor was sitting in the front row of the
church listening to the speaker, when without using wisdom
the speaker began to say some negative things about the way the
pastor handled some of his church business. He was making a
general comment and I am sure not intending to offend anyone,
but his words were critical and cutting. While the speaker was
speaking, the pastor softly repeated in a whisper, “I will not be
offended, I will not be offended.” He was an older minister who
had more wisdom than his speaker. He recognized the zeal of
his guest but also knew that the speaker lacked knowledge. The
pastor refused to let his guest’s words offend him.
I know what this is like because I am on television sharing
the Gospel message, and I hear other people in ministry who
are not on television make negative statements about “televan‑
gelists,” which is what they un‑lovingly call those of us who are
called to the media ministry.
It is very easy to judge someone if we have not walked in their
shoes, and when I hear people make unkind comments, I try
to remember that they are talking about something they know
nothing about. People say things like “Those televangelists are
just trying to get people’s money.” “Those televangelists don’t
do anything to build the church; they are just out for them‑
selves and are not kingdom-of-God minded.” Of course, there
are some people in every profession who have impure motives,
but to lump everyone into that category is totally wrong and
not in agreement with Scripture. When I hear things like this
or am told that someone said these things, I decide not to be

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I t I s n ’ t Fai r ! 9

offended, because it won’t change anything and certainly won’t

do me any good.
When I invite people to receive Jesus Christ on television, our
ministry receives an overwhelming response. We send them a
book that instructs them to get involved in a good local church,
but that might be something that a critic does not know. I am
committed to doing what I know God has called me to do and
not to worry about my critics, because I won’t answer to them
at the end of my life but to God alone.
It is easy to judge others, thinking we know “the whole
story.” But very few of us do; that’s reserved for God. I am sure
you have examples of your own, and the best thing to do is
to pray for the person whose words brought offense, make a
decision not to take the offense, and choose to believe the best
of them. We should all pray that we don’t hurt others or give
offense with our own words.

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