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Perturbing Stories
Authored by Robin Kaczmarczyk

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1
I am the fellow who pays for the black suits of the Men in
Black. I am the guy who runs the Agency’s top Agents. I
have toppled governments, assassinated heroes, built
nations, declared wars…
I own nothing. I own everything. Nobody knows me and
yet, my acts have affected the whole world.
Allow me to explain to you, mere mortals, how I managed
to do this.
It started with an idea. What if my pennies were made out
of gold? At the time, I was working a 9-5 for Federal
Express. That was back in the 80s, so, my paycheck was
around 850 dollars a month. Not really much, but for me,
it was enough to begin to conquer the world.

THE CLEANERS Jason M. Yessick was a money launderer. I met him while
delivering five 50 lbs packages to his gorgeous Beverly Hills
Nobody knows me. I walk around, dressed like a homeless mansion. He lived with his family in the lap of luxury, with
person, going from bank to bank, withdrawing the little a bentley on his driveway, a huge 9 bedroom 4 bathroom
money I receive from social security, and nobody mansion right off Rodeo Drive with all the amenities,
understands. Nobody knows. Nobody suspects. including chef, butler and two maids, indoor pool, private
jacuzzi, and a two million dollar yacht docked on the
I launder money.
Marina del Rey.
A lot of money. In fact, I launder the money of a certain
His wife and twin girls were basically perfect, blonde-blue-
government’s agency of a very large first world country.
eyed, all Americans who looked like something out of
We’re talking about billions of dollars. Every month.
Norman Rockwell meets the Kardashians. Long story short,
This money is to finance a secret army, a kind of military- Jason and I became friends thanks to our mutual addiction
outside-the military of this particular country, which to sci-fi writer Piers Anthony. Jason invited me to a series
serves, specifically, private interests associated directly to of very interesting Hollywood VIP parties hosted by a
me. In fact, this military is mine. I control it. I own it. I pay variety of sci-fi personalities like William Shatner, Wesley
for it. That is why I launder money. I launder money to Snipes and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.
control this army.
Jason at first told me he was a simple bank manager with
I am the man with no name. You can call me Mr. Nobody. Wells Fargo for the Beverly Hills branch. But as the years

2 3
passed and we became more intimate as friends, he It was back in ‘99, right around the end of the millennium
eventually decided to invite me into his real business: that I came up with the perfect idea. I would buy gold with
money laundering. my money, and mint it in coins that would appear to be
simple pennies. Then I would paint those pennies with a
It was not a coincidence that I was a Federal Express
paint that made it almost impossible to distinguish
Delivery Person. He had decided to check me out in order
between my gold pennies and ordinary pennies. Presto.
to expand his business. Jason need somebody inside the
The perfect hidden currency.
Federal Express delivery system in order to insure that his
enormous shipments of cash from Bogota, Colombia Of course, all that happened before Bitcoin and all the
would arrive to his doorstep without hiccups. He was other crypto currencies. Back then, money laundering in
willing to pay me a huge amount of money to make sure Hollywood was done the old fashioned way: making
customs officials and such other pesky government agents movies.
would never question the validity of his shipments.
You see, movies in Hollywood all count with three
I was the right man for the job. different budgets. The inflated “bank” budget, which is the
official budget that is given to the government in order to
But then, the 90s came around, and many of the jobs that I
play with taxes, hide money and make things look larger
could do for Jason were suddenly out of my hands,
than life on the billboards. Then there is the “producer’s”
automated and totally dependent upon computer systems
budget, which is more or less that investors and other
that made it impossible for me to continue doing what I
money-launderers know to be the cost of the production.
was doing.
Finally there is the “real” budget, which is what the Line-
By now, I had to hide my own wealth from the authorities. Producer uses to pay the crew that films the movie.
My dealings with Jason Yessick had earned me over a
Ever wonder why there are so many bad movies made that
million dollars, and all that money was in cash, which I
cost so much money?
kept, literally, under my bed. Jason had made it very clear
that a deposit of such a large amount of money from a Now you know.
puny Federal Express employee would attract the police
When the IRS began to investigate Jason, he got arrested
attention. Keeping it under the bed was his idea. He also
and his assets were confiscated. Thankfully, he managed
told me that I should not spend a penny without
to give me the heads-up a few hours before his arrest, and
consulting him. Having a Porsche or taking a European
I was able to escape Hollywood and move to the tiny
Vacation was too dangerous. I had to figure out how to
island nation of Antigua Barbuda, an independent island
micro-wash my money before I used it. Oddly enough,
state in the Caribbean with less than 80 thousand people.
laundering 100 million dollars was somehow easier than
laundering one million. Antigua was first settled by archaic age hunter-gatherer
Amerindians called the Siboney or Ciboney. Carbon dating

4 5
has established the earliest settlements started around Some historians believe that the psychological stress of
3100 BC. They were succeeded by the ceramic age pre- slavery may also have played a part in the massive number
Columbian Arawak-speaking Saladoid people who of deaths amongst enslaved natives. Others believe the
migrated from the lower Orinoco River. reportedly abundant but starchy, low-protein diet may
have contributed to their severe malnutrition as they were
The Arawaks introduced agriculture, raising, among other
used to a diet fortified with protein from the sea.
crops, the famous Antigua black pineapple (Moris cultivar
of Ananas comosus), corn, sweet potatoes (white with The Spaniards did not colonise Antigua because it lacked
firmer flesh than the bright orange "sweet potato" most fresh water but not aggressive Caribs. The English settled
often used in the United States), chiles, guava, tobacco, on Antigua in 1632; Sir Christopher Codrington settled on
and cotton. Barbuda in 1684. Slavery, established to run sugar
plantations around 1684, was abolished in 1834. The
The indigenous West Indians made excellent seagoing
British ruled from 1632 to 1981, with a brief French
vessels which they used to sail around on the Atlantic and
interlude in 1666.
the Caribbean. As a result, Caribs and Arawaks were able
to colonise much of South America and the Caribbean The islands became an independent state within the
Islands. Their descendants still live there, notably in Brazil, Commonwealth of Nations on 1 November 1981, with
Venezuela, and Colombia. Elizabeth II as the first Queen of Antigua and Barbuda. The
Right Honourable Vere Cornwall Bird Sr became the first
Most Arawaks left Antigua around 1100 AD; those who
Prime Minister.
remained were later raided by the Caribs. According to the
Catholic Encyclopedia, the Caribs' superior weapons and Basically, an island owned a bunch of bank-swavy english
seafaring prowess allowed them to defeat most of the modern-day pirates.
West Indian Arawak nations, enslaving some and possibly
I was right at home.
cannibalising others.
And with my gold pennies hidden in an old sock, I was also
The Catholic Encyclopedia makes it clear that the European
the wealthiest man in Barbados besides the Queen
invaders had difficulty differentiating between the various
Herself.
groups of the native peoples they encountered. As a
result, the number and types of ethnic/tribal groups in But I had learned my lesson. I would not let anybody know
existence at that time may have been much more varied that I was rich. I took a small little apartment, bought a VW
and numerous than just the two mentioned in this article. Bug and basically dedicated my life to drinking margaritas,
eating fresh seafood and sunbathing by the beach. I had
European and African diseases, malnutrition, and slavery
nothing to worry about.
eventually killed most of the Caribbean's native
population. Smallpox was probably the greatest killer. Until 9-11.

6 7
I realized that a big game was afoot. My confidential origin) were huge in drugs, human traffic and weapons.
sources and private investigations (which took a great deal But banking was their soft spot, since most of the bankers
of my wealth) made me realize that a dark, underground were part of the New World Order.
government was trying to create a new world order where
But we did manage to get certain bankers on our side, and
all the money would be useless and wealth would be
these bankers were the key to my principal operations…
measured by electronic means. The infamous “micro-chip”
was on it’s way. Allow me to explain.
My gold pennies would be worthless in a world where all I became a kind of “marker” for all interactions between,
the money was stored in a tiny microchip under our skin. I for instance, colombian cocaine cartels and arms dealers in
had inside information. I had paid huge sums for it. So I Japan. It worked in the following manner: The Axis
knew, I understood perfectly what was coming. deposited a set small amount in my account. Let's say 20
thousand dollars. I would then spend this money on pre-
Forget for a minute that the microchip was actually very
arranged products such as renting an apartment, traveling
probably the “mark of the beast” mentioned in the bible.
to Japan or buying a dog. Except that all these interactions
The fact was that ordinary wealth, like my gold-coins,
were not really what they appeared to be.
would not be worth anything and identities like mine,
which were perfectly fictitious, would quickly be found First of all, my 20 thousand dollars was actually 20
out, anywhere on earth. thousand dollars based on the current gold-penny value.
Remember my gold pennies? Well, now every cent I spent
The great paranoia of Big Brother took over my heart and
was accounted for in gold pennies, which meant that every
soul, and I decided to fight tooth and nail against it.
penny I spent was actually worth one ounce of gold.
So I made a deal… with the devil, so to speak. Roughly 2 thousand dollars.
The group trying to create the new cashless world had When I paid 2 dollars for a cup of coffee and a doughnut, I
powerful enemies. Among them, a breakoff government was actually spending 200 ounces of gold, or roughly
agency that was quite interested in my ability to move 40,000 dollars.
money without being noticed. In fact, a real hidden war
Every cent I spent was recorded carefully by the hidden
was going on inside the USA since 9-11, and my allies were
agents of the axis powers, and used as a marker for the
the tip of the spear of this global effort to liberate
huge billion dollar transactions between them and their
mankind from the clutches of the hidden cabal that was
allies. And everything I bought was specific to a certain
going to get rid of cash.
underground product, such as riding in a taxi or a bus
The “axis” as they called themselves (and yes, the name which was a standin for transport of drugs or weapons.
did have to do with the axis powers of WWII… be it no Food meant drugs. Clothing meant weapons.
surprize that most of my allies were of german or japanese

8 9
It was the perfect scheme. And it depended on the fact
that I did not really enjoy living in the lap of luxury. I could
care less. I was in it for the long run, and what I was trying
to do was to stop the New World Order at any cost.
Pretty soon, my life became a perfectly ordinary life. I
returned to the USA, where I took a “job” as a pizza
delivery man. My name was changed. So was my
appearance. I was nobody. I was invisible.
And yet, all around me, I could always perceive the frantic
spying of every single purchase I ever made. Secret armies
moved around me unseen. Huge arms sales, drugs deals
and smuggling efforts happened thanks to acts as innocent
as me buying a new pair of shoes.
President Obama came and went. And then Donald Trump
became president and Vladimir Putin swore to bring down
the NWO. The future looked very optimistic, and I knew…
We had won.
The Recipe of Sexual
But nobody would ever find out. Violence.
Karl Johnson Rickett, sitting with his hands cuffed on the
accused’s chair, looked at the judge, and at the jury, and
he looked at the plaintiff's chair, where John Strom and his
wife, Becky smiled with an evil, triumphant grin. He sighed.
There was a certain sense of finality in all the legal
procedures. It had not been a long trial. Karl had
confessed after all. And all that was left of the trial was this
final phase: his last words. His testimony. His truth.

For the Storms, these last words about to be spoken by

Karl before final sentencing were something like a
delicious dessert of a particularly satisfying meal. Their
morbid joy was too easily seen in their eager faces. They
were waiting for Karl’s words with relish. He had

1 1
confessed, so they knew he was doomed. Now, their “Becky and John had come to visit mom on her birthday.
vengeance would be complete. Daisy tagged along, as usual, the star of the show, and like
always, I was given the job of taking care of her. You see,
“So, Mr. Trent, you really want to know when exactly I she loved me. She loved me as the fun-guy her daddy
decided to leave behind all kindness and dedicate my life would never be. She loved me for all the crazy stuff I was
to sexual violence against children? Might I give you my willing to do that her own parents never did. She had just
answer with all the grim details?” Karl had to smile. The turned nine, and let me tell you, she was a handful. She
word “violence” was a legal aberration, but how could he was mischievous, precocious, flirty, and whenever her
explain that to his jury? parents were not looking, devious. Was she innocent?
Yeah, sure, as innocent as any child can be in our modern
After all, he knew he was doomed. He had been doomed world. Just look at what kids watch on t.v. The music they
from the start. This mob of “justice seekers” would bury like to listen to. How can any of them be innocent
him alive. He was a confessed child-molester. anymore? But Daisy was innocent, sure. She was only
nine years old.”
“By all means, Mr. Rickett. By all means.” replied the
District Attorney, Jack Trent. “Daisy told me stuff she never told her parents. That’s how
we rolled. You see, your honor, I did something her
“It was on my birthday. Shortly after I went back to visit parents never did. I listened to her. I was willing to try to
with my mother in Oregon. It was the night of my 32nd understand her. She would do anything for us to spend
birthday. It was then. I remember it exactly. That day, that time together outside of earshot of her parents. She really
very day I decided to leave behind all kindness in my heart enjoyed my company. She actually came to look for me all
and become the conscious monster you are about to send the time. She liked to complain about her mom and dad to
to the gallows in a few moments.” me. I was the person she came to for advice, not them.
Never them.”
“Go on Mr. Rickett.” Jack Trent prodded.
“She told me she had found some of her dad’s porno on
“Up until that moment, all I had been looking for in my life the computer. So she had learned to masturbate, and she
was love. You might not believe me, but I did know love was worried about it. She was worried that she was turning
once. I loved Daisy so much, she was pretty much all I into some kind of weirdo, and I tried to explain to her that it
cared about. I had watch her from the moment she was was all natural, that there was nothing wrong with it. But
born, a little bundle of joy for my sister and her husband. Becky and John… They couldn’t find out about it. Their
But after my 32nd birthday, my new quest in life became damn christian fundamentalist values, they would never let
oblivion, and the enjoyment of all the things I had enjoyed me see her if they found out we were talking about those
before became agony. The sad loss of Mr. and Mrs. Storm things. After all, I was the weirdo… I was the freak. I had
is a direct result of that choice, that day. It was my voted for Hillary Clinton, even though Becky told me all
profound discovery that Thanatos, the God of Death was about Pizza Gate. It was hard, your honor. It was hard.”
superior to Eros, the God of Love… and it was also the “But you see, your honor, during that time, when Daisy
end of my own innocence.” confessed to me about her nine-year old perversions,
something happened to me. I got turned on by her. She…

1 1
She seduced me. Maybe she wasn’t trying to do it, to actually just kept going, and she asked me if I liked to
seduce me. But… her intimacy, her deepest secrets… watch. I told her that I did. And she asked me to touch her.
Now they were mine as well. And we had to keep it all One part of me wanted to say not to her, but… I couldn’t.
secret from her mom and dad. A bond had been made So I went to her, and we… and I… started to touch her.
between us, a special kind of secret code.” And then I couldn’t stop.”

“Then, I lost my job in San Francisco, and I moved back in “So I took her. But I wasn’t ready for what came next,
with my mother in Oregon, and I didn’t have a job, so because… well… she was just a little girl. She was a
Becky hired me out to babysit my niece. That’s when it all virgin, so she bled. And it hurt her… to do it… you know?
went to shit. I fell in love with Daisy, your Honor. How could To do it… But I couldn’t stop… I couldn’t. So she started
I do anything less? She was perfect. She was not just a crying and she started to scream at me that… That I raped
little girl, she was…. Like a tiny woman. Seductive. her. That she would tell Becky and John. And so… I
Beautiful. And yes, somehow innocent. We spent all our panicked. So I grabbed her by the neck, to make her shut
time together. We played games. We went out. We talked up… And then… And then… I grabbed her neck too
about everything. She liked boys, and she was very hard… I didn’t… Want to… I really did love her. You have
curious about them. She told me about it all…” to believe that. I loved her.”

“And she confessed her love for me. She said I was the Karl Johnson Rickett was found guilty and condemned to
man of her dreams. She told me she loved me. I was life in prison. He cut his own wrists one week later and
confused about my own feelings about her. She was just a although efforts were made to save his life, he died.
little girl, but she was very beautiful… I have to say it: she
was sexy. She always chose to dress sexy, and she acted
like all those sexy movie stars. She would jump on me and
kiss me, try to kiss me on the mouth. She would act out all
those sexy scenes from the soap-operas and t.v. shows.”

“Your honor, I was a 32 year old virgin. Oh, when I was 19,
I had gone to rent a hooker, and to get laid. But I didn’t
have any idea about these things. She had taken my
money and I didn’t even got to penetrate her. I always had
a problem with girls on account of my deformity. I am ugly.
I know that. But Daisy didn’t care. She loved me just how I
am. She loved me.”

“And then it happened. I walked in on her when she was

masturbating. She had taken her dad’s laptop and she was
watching a porno and masturbating. It was weird. Very
embarrassing, but also totally erotic. I don’t know what
happened to me at that moment. But she didn’t stop. She

1 1
two grandchildren who kept running from one mechanical game
monstrosity to another; drinking too much coffee; and an artery
clogging breakfast that included two eggs, steak, biscuit and
grits. It was way too much butter, way too much grease, all of it
shoveled way too fast. My heart couldn’t keep up with it all. The
heart attack came at the table, and I died sitting down. My face
fell on what remained of grits in my plate and the surprize I
caused was epic.
My daughter handled the situation brilliantly. She told her kids
that I had fallen asleep, and not to bother me. Then she took
out fifty dollars and told them to wait for us at the
arcade. Then, calmly, she called for a police officer who was
just walking nearby, and the officer called an ambulance on his
rado. By the time the paramedics declared me officially dead,
my coffee was already cold.
I watched it all happen.

My Other Family It was weird. First, I felt the heart attack and I passed out. A few
moments of absolute darkness followed by a bright light, and
then, I was standing… ney, I was “flying” over my dead body,
At the moment of death, we share a common bond with all
still sitting there, on the chair, with my face full of grits. I saw as
those who die at the same place as we do. This is what I call “my
my two grandchildren grabbed the fifty dollars and ran,
other family”. These persons share a bond with us which is
squealing with delight to the arcade.
based more on the geographical location of their death, and
eventually, after hundreds, maybe even thousands of years, I saw as the paramedics arrived, trying a variety of ways to bring
they become our family... me back to life while my daughter watched. My daughter was
crying, and then my two grandchildren returned to the
My name is Winston Coral and I just died. This is my story.
restaurant, intrigued by the ambulance that had parked just
My death was nothing special. I died with my daughter and two outside.
grandchildren eating breakfast at the Santa Monica Pier in Los
Mayhem. Chaos. And somehow, I was at the center of it, but
Angeles, California one sunny afternoon. I don’t remember the
there was nothing I could do. The paramedics were trying to
year very well, but I think John F. Kennedy was president. And
resuscitate me with defibrillators. The shock was too much for
the USA got to the moon.
my family, and my daughter’s ex-husband arrived and took the
My death was a preventable one, but I didn’t prevent it. It came kids away.
courtesy of my overweight and a massive heart attack due to a
combination of over-exertion from trying to keep up with my

1 1
“There’s nothing we can do, he’s dead, ma’am.” Said the “Yeah.”
paramedic after the sixth electroshock, directly into my heart.
“Wish them into existence.”
Emily wailed like a banshee and fell on me, hugging my dead
body and kissing my face. The moment Joffrey said that, and quite unconsciously,
everybody who had disappeared form the restaurant
And then, the paramedics picked up my body, put me in the reappeared. I wasn’t sure how it happened, and I thought
ambulance and I watched as they drove away with me and my maybe the guy with the moustache was responsible, but then, I
daughter. I was puzzled. Why were they driving away with my “felt” that somehow, Joffrey had it right: I had wished to see the
body if I was still in the restaurant? living, so here they were. What else could I wish for?
I went outside to follow the paramedics, but I realized And suddenly, I was no longer inside the restaurant. I was at my
something very peculiar: The entire Santa Monica Pier was ex-son in law’s house, watching my two grandchildren playing
empty. I went back into the restaurant and I was shocked to video games on the huge plasma screen over the fireplace. I
find out that somehow, between the time I went out of the could read their minds, which were concerned principally with
door and went right back in, it too, had emptied completely, their advancement on the game, but the moment I saw them,
except for a very curious man, dressed in the style of the the younger, Mary, who was only five, suddenly turned around
1920’s. He had a great waxed moustache, a top hat, elegant and saw me.
suit and he was ridiculously thin, like some kind of performer,
perhaps a street magician. “Granddaddy? Daddy said you were sick.”

“You are dead, friend.” He said, smiling and drinking a cup of I was a little surprised. How could she see me? Wasn’t I dead?
coffee. “Who are you talking to?” Asked her brother Jonas.
“How…?” I started to ask. “Granddaddy, he was just standing there, but you scared him.”
“You had a heart attack.” I was flying. Flying over my grandchildren’s house, flying over
“Who are you? Where is everybody?” Wilshire Boulevard, then La Brea Tar Pits… I was flying over the
entire city.
“My name is Joffrey Lucas, and in death, you have to will
yourself to see the living or you can only see the dead.”. “Still with me, old man?” Asked Joffrey. He was flying next to
me, looking bored.
“You are dead?”
“Shouldn’t we… Shouldn’t I go to heaven or something? Why
“Of course! So are you, that’s why you can see me. I was here haven’t I met any of my… Mom? Dad?”
before, when you had your heart attack, and I saw all of it.”
“Well, that’s because you are a ghost, friend. And your parents
“And the others?” have already gone on to wherever they had to go on to…”
“You mean the living?” “A ghost?”

1 1
Suddenly we were back in the Santa Monica Pier, and once ranchers, forcing the Tongva to culturally assimilate. Three decades
again, it was empty, except for about two dozen strange later, California was ceded to the United States following the
individuals, each dressed more peculiar than the other. They Mexican–American War. The US government signed treaties with the
seemed to be a medley of time-travelers, spanish sailors, native Tongva, promising 8.5 million acres of land for reservations, but these
treaties were never ratified. By the turn of the 20th century, the Island
americans, people from the early colonial days up to the
Tongva had disappeared and the mainland communities were also
modern age passing through each of the important moments in nearing extinction.”
history.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“It is time you met your new family, Winston.”
“Milton S. Burroughs, at your service. History Chair at UCLA. A
I looked at the motley group and found that many of them were pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. Welcome to our
smiling at me, as if waiting for me to say or do something. A family.” He replied.
little native american girl was the first one to approach me.
Suddenly, a powerfully built native woman wearing an amazing
“Hello, Mr. Winston, I am Chapei. I am the oldest here.” She ornate feather headdress put her hand over Milton and smiled,
said, in a beautiful voice like a wind-chime. She had a fairy-like pointing a cruel spear at his neck.
quality and if she had been alive, she would have been mistaken
for something utterly non-human, because she didn’t seem at “You do like to talk about me, Milton. I am Toypurina, Mr.
all like anybody who even vaguely resembled a real human Winston. Welcome to our family.” She said.
being.
I looked back. I realized that suddenly, there were far more
“Hello, Chapei. Nice to meet you.” people here than just the two dozen who had appeared at first.
There were hundreds, maybe even thousands. And each was
“My people, the Tongva were the original inhabitants of these more peculiar than the last.
lands before the spanish came and killed us. I am the oldest of
my people. But we lived here even when the great hairy “How is all this possible?”
elephants lived here too.” She explained.
“We are all the ghosts of the people who died in these lands
“Oh.” and for some reason, did not get a chance to be re-born in some
other land. We are ghosts, Winston.” Said Joffrey.
A balding, bearded and bespectacled man wearing a tweed sweater Suddenly one who was not even human, but a kind of strange
and bell-bottom blue jeans came forward from the crowd and said: humanoid-reptilian being came and smiled at me. His skin was
“Initial Spanish exploration of the Los Angeles area occurred in 1542, scaly and green, and his eyes looked like the eyes of a cat.
but sustained contact with the Tongva came only after Mission San
Gabriel Arcángel was constructed in 1771. This marked the beginning “Wow… are you a dinosaur, mister?” I asked, hardly able to
of an era of forced relocation and exposure to Old World diseases, keep my surprize.
leading to the rapid collapse of the Tongva population. At times the
Tongva violently resisted Spanish rule, such as the 1785 rebellion led “My name is Pthiss, and I am from what you call your future.”
by the female chief Toypurina. In 1821, Mexico gained its He said. “But like you, I am a ghost, and what you see is only the
independence from Spain and the government sold mission lands to remembrance of my own body.”

2 2
“You are not even human! And how can you be from my own tell the story of the whole book. But until it does, we simply
future?” I asked. read our page over and over, expecting to understand what it
means.” Joffrey explained.
“Time has no meaning to a ghost. Only spirit. You will come to
understand that our existence is another dream and that in “So, what am I supposed to do?” I asked.
order to wake up, you have to abandon that which you consider
yourself and become what you can’t even imagine at this time. But the answer never came.
If it was so easy, we would not be here, any of us, but we are, How long has it been? How to tell time if you are a ghost? What
and we are… in a sense, trapped.” Said Joffrey. do I need to do to be something other than a ghost on the Santa
“Trapped?” I asked. Monica Pier?

“By the very concept of your continued existence, friend. You I know the answer to none of these questions. But I do know
did see yourself die, didn’t you? And yet, here you are, standing nobody of “my other family” know these answers either.
on the Santa Monica Pier. Do you even know what year it is?”
“I… I…”
“There is no time. Time is over. You are the only measure of
time. You and your identity as Wiston. What is Winston? What
was Winston. What will Winston be over the centuries, over the
millennia that you might continue to exist. You just met the
first person who died here, a little girl. Do you think she sees the
same Santa Monica Pier you do? She doesn’t. She sees the
beach as it was before.. in the prehistory of this place. She died
before any of us. She drowned over 35,000 years ago. And that
reptilian fellow? He died over 200 years after you did. Do you
think he is in the same pier as are you? Or even me… Do you
think I see the pier as you see it?” Joffrey continued.
“I don’t know…” I confessed.
“It is exactly that confusion that keeps your spirit on this plane
of existance, friend. Your body is no more, but your mind...your
mind continues as part of a collective of minds, these minds,
here, mine, everybody here… We are all trapped in what we
understood to be reality in life, and now, that reality is all we
have. Once we can transcend this mind, we will be free, but it is
as if our reality was the single page of a large book that is still
being written. Each page has a story to tell which will eventually

2 2
Melanie. She was perfect. She was the most beautiful
girl I had ever seen. And… She cared for me. She
genuinely thought of me as her hero. But I was older
than her. And her parents did not approve. And
maybe, there was a part of me that didn’t approve
either. I wanted Melanie to be happy, to be joyous.
How could she be joyous with an unemployed, bipolar
nutcase who basically didn’t really have a chance of
taking care of himself, much less a young girl half his
age.

But I was in love. Obsessed. So I did what any lost

soul would have done in my case: I sold my soul to
Lucifer.

How to Die Again It wasn’t really hard. There’s lots of texts, ancient and
new that give you clear instructions on how to do it.
Hells, even this story, which is probably the last I am
I am the antichrist. Or at least for a little time. Soon, I going to write is a perfectly good formula for losing
will be dead again, and that will be a way to be free of your soul. All you have to do is write a contract. Sign it
being who I am. I am now walking up Pike’s Peak, in blood. And then…. Wait… Did I burn it? Did I bury
6,000 feet of pure snowy death. My death shall be it? I forget. Lucifer works that way. Makes you forget
perfect. Glorious. It is the death I need to be really, just what you need to forget to get his way with you.
really dead. Being “undead” is no fun. You live in two Everything else you remember clearly, especially if it
worlds, the living and the dead, and no clarity comes causes you great pain.
to you. Destiny, present, past and future are open to
you, but there is nothing you can do to change them. Pain. It’s all about pain. And I don’t mean the
“physical” ordinary pain. I mean spiritual pain. I mean
I wrote numerous novels to explain myself. I tried, losing hope. I mean that profound realization that you
really hard, to stop myself too. But God is relentless, are lost in a universe that ends, not with a bang, but in
and when your job is to bring on the end of times, the cold, in the darkness… The darkness of
there is little left to do but to die… again. separation.

You see, I am not really a bad guy. Oh, I took some Originally, Lucifer was a friend to man. She was
bad decisions in my past. For instance, I sold my sold known as Venus, and she was the goddess of Love,
to Lucifer to … get laid. What can I say? I loved but love you see, is all about attachment to life, and

2 2
life, it seems, requires death to exist. Small
philosophical points in the understanding of reality I am not sure how I got her pregnant. I can’t hardly
that when you begin to explore them completely might remember, but the undeniable fact is that when we
drive you mad. Certainly, once you understand the came back home to Colorado Springs, she was
Ocean of Samsara, or the profound realization that pregnant, and I was the father. I had made my sister
life causes pain, you begin to see the importance of Melanie pregnant. I was really damned now.
Lucifer to us all.
That same day, Melanie, the one I wanted, married
Being with God means being in unity begin with devil some guy from Minnesota. She also called me and
is just being separate. The universe is expanding, so told me I was an asshole and she hoped I would rot in
separation is inevitable. As is darkness and cold. hell. She found some of my old “Lolita Magazines”
which I got from the black market. What can I say? I
It is only logical my ending would come from the cold. was a collector of vintage porn, and the Lolita
My feet carry me through the snow. My boots feel Magazines from Holland were worth thousands of
heavy, but as soon as I find the place where I must dollars. My bad.
die, I will take them off. Or maybe I won’t have to. I
am pretty tired already. Hypothermia is a wonderful, But that wasn’t the worst part.
peaceful way to die. There is no need to worry. You
can die happy. My sister Melanie went into a Buddhist Monastery and
decided never to speak to me again. I was utterly
But I digress. alone. She had been my best friend. Now… I was
really alone. When they found out about the peyote
Lucifer tricked me. It was all in the small print. I didn’t orgy, Mom and dad decided I was evil incarnate and
write Melanie's last name. Oh, I specified that I wrote me off. So did all my friends. I lost my work.
wanted to be with her and have her children. But you And now, the police was looking for me because
see, I have a sister named Melanie too. So, old Lucy Melanie, the one I lost my soul for, called the cops on
… me and decided that I was dangerous to society. I had
to run into the hills to avoid capture.
We had gone to Arizona, my sister and I. We spent a
wonderful weekend of pure joy, smoking pot and But that was not the worst.
eating peyote. I had been a hippie since childhood.
My parents had been hippies too, and my sister and I The worst was that I began to get superpowers.
had always been curious about peyote. We had read
all the Castañeda books, and we had seen enough Wait. What?
Hunter S. Thompson and Timothy Leary
documentaries. What’s wrong with superpowers, you might ask.

2 2
“Right.” She smiled even wider.
Well, it began with not being able to die. At my lowest
moment, when I realized I was fucked, I decided to “You sold your soul to me for love. Not money, no
die by hiking in the mountain and freezing to death. power. Love. So I can use you. You are exactly what I
Hypothermia appealed to me as a form of suicide. So need. We have work to do.”
I climbed up Pike’s Peak and tried to freeze to death.
And failed. “Work?” I asked.

I decided to cut my wrists. I bled a whole lot. But “Now, you bring in the end of times for me. You will
failed to die again. write a best-seller that will change the way people
think. Then, You will become a famous politician. You
I jumped from a building. And found myself on top will even be President of the United States when you
again. are old, and bring in a time of peace and prosperity
for all as they have never seen before. You will stop a
I drank drano. Opened my guts with the acid and terrible war. You will be loved by all.” She said.
made my guts spill all over the kitchen. And here I
was again. There was no blood. No guts. No evidence “Eh?”
of what I had done. As if it never had happened.
“Your acts as President will cause the world to bring
It was about that time that Lucifer showed up. She down all borders. The world will be as one. You will
came to my door dressed in red. Beautiful. Sexy. also end religion. You will close all the banks. You will
Totally oriental. Like the perfect Mandarin Chinese die and then your child will become the next
Queen. I got a hardon just by being close to her. President.” Her smiled seemed to swallow up the
whole earth.
I fell immediately in love with her. She smiled.
“I see.” Suddenly I realized everything.
“You belong to me now. Why are you trying to end it
all? I fulfilled my part of the bargain, and now it’s your When she left, I prayed to God.
turn.” She said.
To Jesus.
“Lucifer?” I asked timid.
And I had a vision. I COULD die. All I had to do was
“Yes.” She smiled. to ask God for it. And God showed me how to die. So
I went back to Pikes Peak. And here I am looking for
“I can’t die.” I cried. the tree where I died the first time. Then maybe I can
die again.

2 2
I had a good life. I lost three wives, two fortunes and most
of my dignity. But I rose to the heights, coming from the
worst possible white trash childhood. I’ve bled for this
town. I have given it my all, and I have few regrets.

Some say that to rise to the top in this town, you have to
sell your soul to the devil. Who knows? Maybe they are
right. I rose and fell. Like the ocean, I came and went. Now
I am old, and nobody wants to work with old farts, right?
I’ve been close to homelessness several times. I have
even been to jail. But when things were good, they were
really good, and now, I do believe that things are going to
turn around for me. Finally, I have found something worth
You are all Demons while. That gold-mine everybody is looking for. But the
question is: what must I do to make it happen?

and this is Hell My writer?

He is an asshole. The worst possible kind. Never has any

The soul goes through various stages in it’s journey to the money. Hates to work. Spends his time smoking dope,
source. I am a film producer, and I live in Hollywood during eating pancakes at his mom’s and watching television.
the Harvey Weinstein debacle. So you could say that you Fucking asshole.
are all demons and I am living in Development Hell. Oh, the little cock knows he’s good. He learns quick. He
knows.. How to seduce, even the most mature minds. I am
Some call it Bardo. But I am an honest man, and I like to beginning to suspect he is the devil. He has come here to
call a spade a spade. Hollywood has been, is, and will be tempt me one last time. To give me that damned false
the place where none of our dreams come true. James hope which has kept this town afloat since it began long
Cameron wanted to do Spiderman. There was never an ago. I don’t trust the motherfucker.
Austin Powers 4, or Bill and Ted 3. You know the drill. A
deal is never struck. Stars pull out. The writer dies. But I am stuck with him. I know he desperately needs the
break, and I am actually not a bad sort, once you get
I have spent most of my adult life trying to make movies. through the hard exterior. Oh, I’ve hard-balled my way to
Now I am old. I have a heart condition, children who don’t the top more than once. Some folks remember me for me
understand me or care to spend much time with me. I live hard nose, my foul temper and my ability to get things
with my ex-wife out of her kindness and I have nothing to done that nobody else can do. So, I do believe I can
look forward to but death. Except perhaps for a horror book handle this schmuck.
that I am trying to auction for this foolish, drug addled
asshole. I just need more time.

3 3
on a drinking and LSD binge and they just found his ass
It’s my health, you see. It’s my heart. It’s been broken so naked near an elementary school masturbating.
many times, I doubt if I can fix it again. First by my mother. Motherfucker.
My father. Then my three wives. My three children. Every
single “so called” friend in this damned town who turned Fuck em all. I am in hell. And you all are demons here to
their backs on me when I most needed them. Every broken torture me for all eternity.
promise. Every eviction notice. Every “pass” on a movie God Jesus, help me!
deal. They have sunk me into this purgatory… I sit here in
my diminutive room. I was once a guest of honor at the
Gsstad Hotel in Switzerland and the Waldorf in New York.
Now look at me. Fussing at an asshole of a writer who
wants to make me go crazy. I must be a fool.

Every single person in my life. The same. I can’t take them

anymore. Even my so called “enlightened” friends, in the
end, what is it all about? They can’t beat the reaper. They
can’t even get through their marriages without divorcing or
worse. Bah humbug.

I am really in hell. It’s so fucking weird. It’s like time and

logic and reason took a vacation, and my life is now this
weird kaleidoscopic cacophony of mixed interests, lost
opportunities and general disgust at life. My ex-wife is
always shouting at me. I live day to day. My children… my
oldest boy is now a travesti goth who gets fucked in the
ass for money on the Sunset Strip. The worst of it all, my
body aches all the time. My middle daughter won't’ talk to
me for backing the goth on his determined march to
oblivion, and my youngest can’t stand any of us, so she
has gone as far as possible, to work in a gas-pipeline in
Alaska.

But the guy who really gets me riled up, the guy who is
really at the top of my shitlist and the person most likely to
be murdered by me before the year is over is that fucking
writer. His mom caught his watching kiddie porn. If this shit
comes out, we’re gonna lose the only chance I have at
really getting a last ditch movie deal. I’m told Spielberg and
Cameron both want the book. But the motherfucker went

3 3
“Hey, you gotta watch out for the slingshots.” He tells me.
What slingshots?
Suddenly his head explodes in gore and blood and brains. His
shaved head breaks like a watermelon, right in front of me. It
splatters on the brick Wall.
Those slingshots.
I scream loudly and run off into one of the many quaint little
homes with manicured gardens. The Wall has no end, but I must
find a refuge.
A Young black woman, my sweetheart, the love of my heart. My

49 DAYS
sister, my goddess. My best friend. She is there, waiting next to
one of the generic homes. The door is opened behind her.
Why didn’t I see her before? I have known her all my life and I
can’t think of her name. I must be losing my mind. She smiles at
me, utterly ignoring the headless skinhead on the floor by my
Day One. The Brick Wall. feet. I wonder if she is the one who killed him. She is dressed in
blue jeans, dress blouse and her huge afro has been braided, so
It’s hot. Too hot. It seems like I have been walking along this it runs down her spine. I remember her hair loose, almost as big
brick for days. I am sweating, and my head feels hot. My feet as she is.
ache and my clothing are all sticky. Does it ever end? I can see
the Street to my side, and there are no cars, no people. Just this “You took to long to come, Donald. They’ve already started the
brick Wall on one side and these endless suburban homes with meeting without you.” She tells me.
their manicured lawns and parked cars on the other.
“What meeting?” I say, crossing the Street over to her. The Wall
I don’t know this neighborhood, but it’s eerily familiar. These is forgotten. The dead is skinhead also forgotten. Was there
suburban homes are like so many others in so many cities of even a Wall there before?
America, they are generic, ordinary, common. I don’t know
She takes my hand and we go to the back of the house. It’s a
them, but I also know them very well. I have lived around them
pretty little garden with many children’s toys scattered around.
my whole life.
She opens the back door and shoves me in.
Somebody is following me. A Young skinhead, with doc martin
Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and four Nazi generals sit there,
shoes, White t-shirt and blue jeans. I don’t know his name, but
drinking beer. My angel has left me alone with them. They look
somehow, I feel we are on the same quest. We want to find the
up at me, annoyed.
end of the Wall and get to where we need to be.

3 3
“Can’t you see we are doing important things here? We don’t I find myself driving down Mulholland drive with my beautiful
have time for your childish games.” Says Hitler. angel riding shotgun at my side.
He speaks to me in German, but I have no problem “The opera house is new, on that Cliff, we could park here.” She
understanding him. tells me, smiling. She is dressed beautifully, with a black satin
night gown fit for a queen. Her beautiful black body leaves
“I am sorry, Herr Hitler, I did not mean to disturb your meeting.” nothing to the imagination. She is absolutely the most beautiful
I reply in German. woman on the planet.

DAY 2. Mama Rosa’s Garden The opera house is on a Cliff and looks, strangely, like a cartoon.
One could almost imagine Bugs Bunny coming out wearing a
Pancakes. tuxedo. But instead of Bugs Bunny, what I see is a huge crowd
of neo-Nazis all dressed exactly alike with their jackboots, blue
I go out the back way, but it’s now a different garden. A jeans and White t-shirts. There is not one single hair in any of
beautiful one, full of flowers, butterflies and humming birds. A their heads, which shine in the moonlight.
large woman is planting pancakes nearby. She is dressed with a I hear the ocean behind the hills. What the hell? Mulholland
flowery dress and wears a large flowery hat. She is big, black drive is very far away from the beach!
and beautiful. It’s aunt Jemaima.
We park the car and I am about to open the door for my angel
“What are you doing?” I ask. when all hell breaks loose. We are suddenly in a great urban
“Planting pancakes.” She says with laughter in her eyes. battle in the middle of a dangerous fall. I don’t really know who
is fighting who, but there is a lot of screaming, and suddenly
“Where am I?” everybody was throwing punches, kicks and people were falling
“You are in Hitler’s brains, boy. Here, take this…” into the sea. It looked like a scene from a war movie, but it
didn’t make sense. My angel and I went inside the theater to
She reaches inside her huge bosom and pulls out a red tin can. I stay out of the fighting.
take it and look at it. It has a portrait of Hitler eating spaghetti
and it reads: Hitler’s Brains. I open the can, and out of it pour a Inside, a huge crowd was laughing, having a wonderful time.
handful of worms. I drop the can, disgusted. There was a great screen, and in front of it, an elegantly clad
host was talking about stuff that I didn’t really understand. His
“You can’t stay here, boy. You have to go to the opera. They will frases were awkward… stuff like “Ducks cannot understand
be there for you.” She says. physics, so dry your clothes on the sun.” It was too random and
it made me profoundly uncomfortable.
DAY 3. Mulholland Opera “Let’s go home.” I said. I didn’t remember that “home” was a
house-boat. My angel and I made sweet love all that night.
House.
DAY 4. Carolina Ghost House.

3 3
Now I am somewhere down south. The Carolinas, or maybe Curious as to why a cat can talk, I put him down, and he walks
Georgia. There were huge, lovely trees and a long road, but on his way. Suddenly, I hear bubbling water on the lake and I
nothing else. It was autumn and the trees seemed to swing on see a great serpentine neck emerging from it. It is huge, a great
their own with the wind. I look to my left and I see an old house, monster, with a neck as long as a bus and a mouth like a
looking abandoned. crocodile.

Now I am inside the house, and it’s definitively abandoned. Frightened, I hide behind the porch. But it’s too late. The
There is white cloth covering the furniture, and I am in a monster has sniffed me out, and he comes out of the water. His
carpeted bedroom with a great window, looking at the trees body is a bit like a huge hippo but he has a great tail. I’ve never
outside. To my side there is a little girl, maybe six or seven years seen anything like him. He looks more like a dragon than a
old, sitting on her knees. She has long black hair and very pale dinosaur. He starts walking towards the great house and I go
skin. She is wearing a white nightgown and nothing else. She is inside, terrified.
crying desperately. I feel great concern for her, and I kneel next
I find myself in the hallway, and there are some stairs. I climb
to her. She climbs over me and hugs me tightly. She keeps
them to get away from the monster. I open a door and find
crying.
myself inside a little girl’s room, full of stuffed animals and frizzy
I turn around and look at the bedroom door where two women pink decorations. I look out the window of the room, and the
and a man are looking at me with hatred. They are dead. I know monster is outside of the house. He sees me inside the room,
they are dead because they have blank eyes, but their and he crashes the window. I barely can get out of the room
expressions are full of hatred. They look like farmers of long before his great neck enters through the window, tearing up
ago, maybe pilgrims or settlers. everything.

I have to get her out of there… I jump down the stairs and try to find another door out. I feel
the monster is close, but I don’t care, I keep running.
I grab her and jump into the window, shattering it into a million
pieces, and then I start running… but the little girl is gone. She
has vanished from my arms. DAY 6. Golfing Meteorites.
Now I am back in Los Angeles. And it’s getting darker. It’s a
DAY 5. The Lake Monster. street I know well, with well-manicured lawns and Spanish-style
homes with large separate car-garages. My friend George is
I keep running until I reach a lake, and next to the lake, another there. He is a fat, bald magician and actor. He calls himself a
house, but this one is far bigger and much more elegant. It looks warlock and it’s not the first time he’s entered into my dreams.
like the residence of some rich people, and it has a great porch
and two stories. On the lake there is a pontoon boat anchored “Figured you would come sooner or later.” He smiles.
to a dock. A little black and white cat comes up to my leg and I
“Hi, George… What’s going on?”
pick him up.
“Look!” He points.
“You should watch out for the dinosaurs. There are dinosaurs
on that lake.” He says to me.

3 3
On one of the homes, there is an opened garage, and inside the And then I see her again. My angel. She is dressed like Robin
garage there’s about a dozen kids, mostly in their teens, making Hood, with green tights and those funny medieval shoes. She
out. Some are undressed, and some are partly dressed, and even has a longbow and a quiver with arrows strapped to her
they seem to be having some kind of weird, zonked out orgy. back. She is the same black girl as before, but now her color is
They look drugged, or half-asleep. The youngest of them, who is light brown. Her features more Mexican than before. But it’s
probably no older than twelve or thirteen, is completely naked her. I know it’s her.
and his pale body is full of nasty sores, some kind of dreadful
skin-disease. “I know the way out of the maze.” She tells me with that
magnificent smile of hers.
“What’s wrong with them?” I ask George.
We are in a very anonymous street with many warehouses. The
“They are just being themselves. Here, I got this for you. You are largest of the warehouses is opened and she goes in.
going to need it.”
And now, we are inside the hedge-maze of the Overlook Hotel,
He hands me a golf-club. but it’s green, and not frozen, like in the one in the movie “the
Shinning”. She is running through the hedges and I can’t keep
Suddenly, the stars in the heavens begin to fall out of the night up with her. She is too fast. I lose her. But I find a door.
sky. But when they reach the earth, they are like tiny fiery golf-
balls. There’s millions of them… Dozens fall in front of me. I I come out into downtown Manhattan. I am outside a great
begin to hit them out of the way with the golf club. hotel, near Central Park. There´s lot of construction going on,
and my angel is nowhere to be seen.
DAY 7. The Whore House. Ridiculously, I start to jump on the wooden ledges of the
construction side of the hotel, much as one would in a game of
Later, I am in a brothel room. I can tell it’s a brothel room Mario Brothers. Even more ridiculously, the special sound
because it looks like something out of a cowboy movie, with effects of the game occur with each jump, giving little doubt
satin drapes, oil lamps and old furniture. I am naked, on a big that I am dreaming about a videogame.
old wooden bed. Three gorgeous naked girls come in, a
redhead, an Asian and a black. Is the redhead my angel? I can’t I finally reach the top and go inside a large dining room full of
tell. I can’t remember. Yeah, she must be the redhead. But people. There is an airline counter there, much like the counter
wasn’t she black before? at the airport where folks are checking in their luggage, and a
line of folks checking in luggage.
The girls fall upon me as if I were a lollipop.
I go up to the line and I am received by the ticket girl.
“Destination?”
DAY 8. The Maze. “Frankfurt.”
It’s dark. I don’t understand what is going on. I keep going from
“We have only one left, a 6:30 p.m. Will that be cash or credit?”
place to place, with no sense, no memory of why. It’s as if I
were lost in a huge maze of places where things make no sense.

4 4
I look into my wallet, and it’s empty. But I must go.
“Can you please wait? I think I left my cash at home.” So I look for her in the mirror, and there she is. Long black
disheveled hair. White nightgown. Eyes blacker than outer
“You must buy the ticket in the next hour or you won’t be able space. Her face is angry, but I don’t turn away. I don’t dare turn
to get a seat, sir.” away from her. She has to know I am looking at her.
I smile weakly and run back out of the place. I come to an Now I run to her bedroom and find her in the closet. There she
elevator and push the button. Behind me are quite a few is, and she is crying.
people, but they are in a fancy restaurant, not a hotel or an
airport. It looks like the fancy restaurant of a fancy hotel, just She hides again. But she is not free and I know I will face her
like before. I need to pee. I wake up. again. I think about her killer. He… where is he? Who is he? She
comes back and suddenly, she is liberated. She was angry
because she wanted justice.
DAY 9. The Haunted Apartment. She left the doorway to hell opened? I can’t tell.
This is a haunted apartment, and I know it. I’ve been here
before. Many times. And I know when ghosts are around. It DAY 10. The Return of the
reminds me of my aunt’s apartment in Paris, but it is not. It is in
some American city, and I’m supposed to not know it. A man Ghosts and Demons.
murdered a little girl here, and both their spirits are still here.
Different house, same ghosts. Now it’s a gorgeous lakefront
The little girl, particularly, is scary. She is so angry that she has
house again. Very modern. Very beautiful. Dome crystal ceiling.
not left this place, nor will she leave it although she is already
Circular, couch under it. Lake view. Large, outdoor porch with
dead. She is in danger of turning from ghost to demon.
pool. But I know where there is a basement, and I know that in
Long hallway. At the end of the hallway, the master bedroom. that basement hides the little murdered girl. So that’s a
There she can be found in the mirror. I know I have to go look doorway to hell.
for her. It would be silly to let her run the place and I not see
I must go find her.
her. But I am scared. There is nothing to fear in the guest rooms
or the kitchen. However, the master bedroom, which was the I must go find that doorway.
room of her parents, and her room, she is always there. In the
closet, where she tried to hide. I remember that horrible things happen if I don’t find the
doorway. It’s always like that. Fear drives me, but fear of what?
She is calling, and yet, I know those places are now gateways to The ghosts? The little murdered girl? Is it guilt?
hell. I know gateways to hell too well. Hell is suffering and she
has suffered terribly in both those places before dying. Now There it is!
that she is dead, she clings to that space and that suffering and
she won’t let go of it, instead, finding pleasure in dragging
others into her pain, as demons do most of the time.

4 4
The basement doorway. It’s dark, and white-washed walls, with “Ananta Sesa.”
a deep stair and a door at the end of it. That’s the real gateway
to hell. Been there. Seen it before. Many times, maybe. I look at mom and she has become a kind of rainbow-dragon.
She has a multi colored huge scaly looking collar, like some of
I have to go and vanquish my fear of it. I must open that door. those lizards that walk on water. I feel dizzy. I have to lie down
on the bed. The little Chihuahua dog lies down on my chest and
Obscene, horrid noises come out of the door. Clicking’s. Licking becomes a sphinx.
things. Chomping on bones. The sounds of animals feeding.
“Mom, you look like a dragon.”
I wished I had a weapon in my hand before I opened that damn
door, but there is nothing nearby. “It’s the mushrooms, dear. You are beginning to see things as
they really are. Flow into it. If it gets too intense, take a shower.
Except suddenly, I see an axe. There is one of those “in case of Water is always good on shrooms.”
emergency” glass containers with an axe inside. I break the glass
and grab the axe. I will go down those stairs and face whatever A little frightened by the vision, I try to cover my head with my
might come at me. blanket, but instead of going into a dark space, my vision fills
with psychedelic tentacles and snakes. I can’t take it. I throw the
The little murdered girl ghost is behind me. She tells me not to blankets off me and rush into the bathroom.
open the door. She tells me I can’t handle it.
I strip naked, jump into the shower and all the psychedelic
I have to agree with her. I drop the axe and climb back. tentacles wash off me.
The door opens and a huge black dog jumps out. But he actually Later, mom and I are walking near a small pond.
goes past me, ignoring me entirely. Where is he going?
“Feeling better?” She asks.
DAY 11. Mushroom Trip with “Wonderful.” I say.

Mother I look at the water and it’s moving like gelatin.

My mother and I are in a little wood cabin in some forest. I am “Look. The water is alive.” I point out.
eating mushroom quesadillas and her little dog is yapping at my
feet. DAY 12. The Old Van.
“What’s it like, mom?” I am sitting with my dad having dinner at his plush Mid-Wilshire
“Well, you’ll want to take a bath. Water always helps.” apartment.

The walls begin to breathe, as if they were made out of “I got a new van.” I explain.
snakeskin instead of wood. “Oh? Is it like the last one?” He says sarcastically.
“Wow, I think I can feel it now, mom. The walls are breathing.” “Cheaper.” I shrug my shoulders.

4 4
“Let’s go see it.” I do so, and suddenly, I reach the top of a ten foot palm-tree in
one jump.
We take the elevator and arrive at the parking lot. There sits my
new van. It’s a 1965 Ford Van, red from rust and neglect. I then jump from that palm tree to the next palm tree. And then
the next, and the next. Finally, there are no more palm trees to
“Let’s take it for a ride.” Says dad. jump into, so I reach a building rooftop.
“No da, I don’t have the right papers, and I’m not sure if it’ll
make it. I wouldn’t drive it on the highways.” I say, nervous. DAY 14. Jumping Child Goes
“Come on.” He demands.
Higher.
He gets behind the wheel and starts the van. I sit on the
passenger’s seat, and put on my seatbelt. I’ve put a bed and I am still a child, jumping from rooftop to rooftop in Mexico
most of my stuff on the back. I’ve decorated the inside quite City, feeling like spider-man. With each jump, I try to go higher
homey. and higher, but there is a limit to how high I can jump, and
gravity eventually pulls me back down to the floor.
“I hope we don’t get pulled over by any cops. I don’t have any
license plates.” I say nervously. Suddenly, I see a weird flying object, part-zeppelin, part house,
part music box. A rope-ladder hangs down from it. So I jump up,
We drive from Fairfax and Wilshire to Santa Monica and Wilton. thinking that I will be able to jump even higher.
There, behind an abandoned donut shop, there is a new tent-
city. I reach the ladder, and instead of jumping again, I climb it. It’s
really cold, and ice forms around the edges of the rope.
“This is your new home.” Says dad, and parks the van on an
abandoned parking lot full of homeless shelter tents. It’s I open a little trap door, and suddenly I am inside the
actually quite nice, with trees and homeless families making unidentified flying object. The inside looks a bit like a French
bonfires to cook. middle-school locker room. Various children are there, taking
off their snow-gear and putting it aside in wooden shelves.
DAY 13. Jumping Palm Trees A little French girl turns to me.

Child. “There is no time, and it’s difficult to tell which moments are
real and which are dreams. All are connected but the
Once again, I am a child. I am walking with my mom down connections are not what you understand them to be.” She
Avenida Revolucion in Mexico City before they took out the says, cryptically.
huge palm-trees to build a super-highway. It’s a beautiful place, “Am I dreaming?” I ask.
with great palm-trees almost as big as the buildings behind
them. “Yes and no.” She says.
“Jump, son.” Mom says. “You can jump real high if you want.” “Is this the way to heaven?”

4 4
“Yes. You are climbing higher and higher.” like I know this place. I’ve been here before, but I don’t
remember when.
“Will you show me the way?”
I go inside. It looks like a bookstore, with numerous bookshelves
“Yes. Follow me.” everywhere, a couch, a loveseat and a great lazy-boy chair. At
I follow her. We go through a few classrooms, bedrooms and the end of the room there is a friendly looking old man sitting
playrooms. Then we come out and we are on the outside of a behind a desk. I go over and sit in front of him.
Himalayan Mountain Village. “I knew you would come. All my prophecies are coming true,
“You have to go that way.” She says. finally. So I fear my end is near.” He tells me in the friendliest
voice. “Why don’t you go outside, see if the black-rider is
And she points out a mountain monastery in the distance. there?”
Colorful people of all kinds are dancing and playing happily in
the cold-rocky desert-like landscape. I get up and walk back out. I look outside at the park and I see
Lady Death, in her traditional black robe, standing across the
DAY 15. History Channel Giants. street, holding the reins of a great black horse. The old man gets
up and follows me to the door, but when he reaches me, the
I am inside a television, inside History Channel. Behind me is a black rider is gone.
medieval Viking Village. “She was there, wasn’t she?”
“Today we are going to examine giants, their habits, their “Yes.”
private lives and their history.” I say, as if I were the announcer
for the show. “Go on boy, look for her. It’s what you’ve come here to do.
There’s nothing more you can do for me now.”
Suddenly, we see a family of Viking looking giants sitting around
a huge wooden table, with tiny little goats, the size of mice I walk outside and cross the street. He walks outside beside me,
living around their feet on the dirt-floor, and a large chimney but he stays on his side of the street.
with a boiling cauldron. They are huge, but basically just I walk around a little on the park, and I see Lady Death once
ordinary Vikings. A smaller human suddenly runs through the again, but this time without her horse. She stands near some
floor and they get up to chase it. trees. Instead of a horse, she stands next to a black dog.

DAY 16. Lady Death. “Hey, wait!” I shout at her.

But she walks quickly with her dog behind her heels and I lose
I am in Mexico City, on the other side of the street of a large her again.
park with a children’s playground. There is a small, cute store
front next to me, looking almost like a private home but with a
sign that reads “tarot” on the window and the door open. It’s Day 17. Ghost Girl Again!

4 4
I am standing in front of an old fashioned plantation house with “It is not surprising that Jinn are captured inside bottles.” I tell
a huge empty field on top of a hill facing it. them.
A family is living there.
Next to me, there is also a little ghost girl (boy am I ever
Day 18. Arthur Explains What’s
plagued by little ghost girls!) in a white dress which reaches just
barely above the knees and has puffy lace short sleeves. She
Happening
wears two pig tails to each side of her head. She is clearly a I sit with my friend Arthur in a diner in Fargo, North Dakota.
ghost, because she is all white and her expression is unlike the
expression of the living. “So, I dreamed that the government has a way to hack into
dreams. And US Marshall's can arrest you for dreams you have,
We walk to the house and enter through the back door. We are even though you might not have done anything in real life.” I
now at the kitchen, and she appears to a group of people and to tell him, drinking coffee.
me together.
“You’ve gone bonkers. You are dreaming this right now.” Arthur
“I have to take her back into her room.” I tell the family sitting smiles.
at the dinner table.
“Even though it's the government that gave you the dream in
We walk to her room, which is carpeted and has a large window the first place!” I reclaim.
looking out into the field. There, I grab her.
“In fact, it's not that hard to make folks dream shit. All you have
“I want to be born again, as your child.” She tells me with an to do is sit next to them and suggest them stuff while they are
eerie voice. dreaming.” He adds, smiling wider.
Then, she transforms into a hideous goblin, right on my arms. “But imagine a world where the government can determine
I drop the weird looking goblin on the bed and hold it down. The your dreams!” I say.
same little girl, before being a goblin, appears behind me and “You know, it’s all propaganda. The television, the cell-phones,
drops a book on the bed where I'm holding the goblin down. internet. It’s all controlled. It’s all a great conspiracy.” He eats
The book has a cowhide cover, and inside the cover an old his fruit pensive.
picture of her and under the picture a date written in stylized
script: “July 1817.” There are other two other people with her “Yeah, but, we should be free to dream whatever we want to
in the picture, a married couple in civil-war clothes. dream.” I say, outraged.
The rest of the folks in the family come into the room, crying: “Oh, I know what YOU like to dream, Rob. And yeah, it’s pretty
"Daemon in a Jar, Demon in a Jar". illegal.” Arthur smiles.
I realize that a demon in a jar might very well think he is master
of the universe. But he is master only of the illusions inside the “How can dreams be illegal, Arthur? How can reality be illegal?”
jar. Furthermore, the only way to 'release' the demon in the jar.. I despair.
Is to either open it or shatter it.

5 5
“Stranger danger! Stranger danger!” He replies.

DAY 19. Childhood Monsters.

I am back in my childhood home in Mexico City, in my room,
decorated with posters of psychedelic dinosaurs from the 60’s.
On the floor, a zebra-tile rubber carpet. The wall is painted pink-
panther pink. Toys of every kind, almost the whole collection of
original star-wars figurines, and a stuffed green dragon decorate
the room.
I lie in my bed, in my pajamas, looking out my second-story
bedroom window at a “red sword tree” outside. My bedroom
door, which is decorated with a large purple octopus, opens.
“Mom?” I ask timid. Suddenly the most hideous procession of
childhood monsters imaginable begin to enter the room in a
threatening manner. There are quite a few, and all are
unimaginably terrifying. One looks like a weird E.T. giraffe,
another like an obscene fat man with testicles for cheeks, a
vampire, a werewolf and other hideous creatures too strange to
I’ll Kill You in my Dreams
remember correctly. Can’t even seem to be able to count how
I am deeply aware of my own power, so don’t fuck with me.
many.
I can see you before you are even inside the coffee shop,
fools. Two cops, coming in to “drink some coffee”.
Terrified, I jump out of bed and go to jump out of the window.
But I am in a second floor, and I am afraid to jump. The little Yeah, right.
French girl is downstairs.
I am warning you. Don’t even go there. Don’t. I can’t help
“Robin, Remember the palm-trees!” She says. myself. I know what will happen if you do. After all, it’s not
hard. It’s not hard at all. All I have to do is… dream.
My courage restored, I jump out of the window and begin to
fly. But I won’t tell you about the rest of my 49 Days. You don’t I’ll kill you in my dreams. I swear I will.
really need to know.
I remember when I found out. I went to look for George.
But he was dead, wasn’t he. I had killed him the night
before, in a dream. I couldn’t help it. He attacked me in the
dream, and I just turned around and bit him. I was a wolf, I
think. I was a wolf in that dream. Or a man with a wolf’s

5 5
mouth. It’s hard to tell. Dreams are … dreamy. Strange. But what they don’t know is that… I can just make it
Otherworldly. There are actually no words to describe. happen with a thought.

But in the dream, it was George, and George had attacked I have been practicing. Usually, I look for victims who need
me. He had a knife in the dream, and he was going to use killing. The man who kicked the dog. The woman who spat
it. Of course I bit him. Bit his neck right off. And I saw… at a homeless person. The clerk who cheated a customer.
how he died. He died in the dream. Then, I visualize them. I see them dying. If I look for it, I
can see how they will die before they die. I can “read” their
The next day, I went to visit him. And he was dead. Right? death in their faces. Associate something that comes to my
It was the next day. I remember that. The day after I mind that could happen to them. And sure as clockwork,
dreamed I was killing him. The girl who worked in the store they will die. They all die. The dock kicker by poisoned
he managed told me. He had died during the night. He had food, the spitting woman from an aneurysm, the clerk will
died of a heart attack. He had never woken up. He must be shot to death by his wife.
have had a nightmare because the cleaning lady who
found him on his bed reported to me that he had a face full All I gotta do is look for the obituaries. It don’t take long.
of horror.
I am good at what I do.
A nightmare.
Maybe I am the angel of death. Who knows?
How many more? I dream of earthquakes. I dream of
floods. Fires. And then, I look on the news… An But these cops… They are watching me. I can tell.
Earthquake in Oregon. A flood in New Orleans. A fire in
Pasadena. That was me, folks. That was all me. I know it. I They laugh. They must be laughing at me. Maybe they
know it all too well. know they will make the arrest soon. I am so fucked. I will
certainly get the lethal injection. Or maybe it’s the gas
I don’t know how I got this power. This curse. But if I dream chamber? Who knows? Who cares… I know they came for
it, it happens shortly after. Time and time again… I dream. me.

Mrs. MacReady died of a stroke. Mr. Bundy died in a car So… Here it goes, young ones. I will murder you, one by
accident. The Olsen boy was run over by a snow plough. one. I’ll start with you, baldie. You are the youngest, but
But I knew. I dreamed it before. I knew, and somehow, I you will die first…
know that I am responsible.
I close my eyes. Let his face come to me in the darkness.
They are here for me. Surely, they have been watching
me. Maybe they are finally going to arrest me. I am, after Yeah, his green eyes. Start there. He has cruel, green
all, a serial killer. I have lost count of how many have died. eyes. The eyes of someone who gets a kick out of
My dreams… all in my damn dreams. Nightmares. shooting squirrels with bb guns and watching brutal boxing
matches. He's probably not very smart. Probably got as far
as high school, and then decided to go to police academy

5 5
so he wouldn't have to apply for collage. I know his kind. They laugh.
They live short, brutish lives. They cause a lot of pain to a
lot of people and call it ¨doing their job¨, but in fact, they I feel bad. Frank is going for number three. And his wife is
get off the power they get over people. not even thirty years old yet. I know police departments
give pretty good pensions to wives of cops who lost their
His bald head. His body-builder body, tight fitting blue lives in the line of duty, but I also feel that children should
uniform with a utility belt like batman and a big microphone be raised by both their parents. Too many single moms out
on his shoulder. Now I got you. You are in my mind´s eye, there.
fool. You are basically dead…
They drink their coffee, eat a doughnut and get ready to
How will you die? leave. They weren’t here for me after all. Just two cops
eating a doughnut. And they are going to die. Very soon,
Oh, yeah, on your patrol car. I see it clearly. You are in hot they are going to go on a call and they will rush through a
pursuit, crossing red lights at high velocity and thinking red light. A mother taking her daughter to ballet class and
your wailing siren will save you. It won´t. Right there, on her nine year old daughter will also die today. I am killing
Slawson and 87th, you get sideswinded. You don’t die all four of them with my vision. I am the angel of death.
alone, fool. You kill a family. Soccer mom is late for her That’s what I do. I kill people.
daughter’s ballet class, and she’s just not paying attention.
You didn’t think about that, did you? You didn’t think she My vision.
would it could happen to you. All those clases about safe
driving mean nothing to you. Code 10-32. A man with gun. Maybe I can do something. Maybe I can change this.
Your time to be a hero. You’ve been praying for this. But
the red lights mean nothing to you. You are a cop. You Can I?
have a siren. You don’t need to follow basic safety rules
during a Code 10-32. I never tried before. I just assumed people need to die and
I am just here to see their deaths before they happen. My
You’ll never make it. Karma. Or my destiny. Besides, why should I save these
two? What is special about them? Or about anybody?
See? I just killed you, and you don’t even know it, sitting
there, drinking your coffee. “Excuse me, officer?” I walk up to the burly cop. He stands
back, a little afraid. They are always afraid of people. They
“You know, Bob, my wife is pregnant again. She’s going for live in fear. It’s their job.
number three and she’s not even thirty yet.” he tells his
partner. “Can I help you, sir?” His voice is not friendly at all.

“Didn’t they tell you that small families eat better, Frank?” “My name is Justin MacAlister, I am a psychic. I need to
Bob replies, taking off his police hat and putting it on the share something with you, please.”
table.

5 5
“Go on.” he says, now curious.

“I just had a vision of you and your partner. You are going
to get a call. A 10-32, I belive you call it? The call will take
you to a crossroads between Slawson and 82nd. Please
remember to slow down when you cross Slawson and
82nd, sir. Please. Remember. 10-32 on Slawson and
82nd.” I say.

“Oooookay…. Thank you Mr. MacAlister. Anything else?”

He looks at me as if I am crazy.

Maybe dangerous even. He just does not understand. I

wonder if he will remember. If I could just help him to THE DUNGEON
remember my words… Maybe… Maybe…
I was arrested by mistake. Oh, I knew they were on to me,
“Congratulations on your third little girl. I know you wanted but I had been so careful, I thought I was inmune. After all,
a boy, but she is going to be quite wonderful.” I had managed to escape, justice right? Nobody should
have known.

My crime?

Rape.

Oh, I didn’t really never “raped” anybody, mind you. There

was no cohesion, or violence or anything like that. Just a
stupid mistake. A very stupid mistake.

She was young. Much younger than me, for sure. They call
them “jailbait” for a reason. Rebecca didn’t want to have
me arrested, but she should have kept her big mouth shut
about us. When she blabbed off to one of her school
friends about our affair, her friend told the math teacher,
and the math teacher went to the police.

I was picked up a few hours later. Two cops came up to

the door of my house, asked my name, and then
proceeded to throw me to the floor on my front porch.

5 5
“James Brownsville, we have a warrant for your arrest! “There’s gotta be a mistake.” I said, knowing full well why I
Stay on the floor! Stay on the floor!” the larger of the two was being arrested, but hoping that they didn’t.
cops shouted.
“Oh, shut up.” He replied.
Before I could ask anything, I had been handcuffed and
dragged to the back of a patrol car. There were actually They had tied my hands behind my back with very strong
two cop cars in my driveway. My front door had been left plastic ties, the kind of plastic ties used to tie garbage
open, and since I live alone, I was briefly concerned that bags, but much stronger. The plastic was cutting my
somebody would come in and steal my stuff. Weird how circulation, and I was breathing heavily. I am well over fifty
such things occupy the mind when one is under such years old and a bit overweight, so all this activity was not
stressful situations. easy on me.

“What am I being arrested for?” I asked once inside the We went inside the hall, which had a yellow line on which I
car, as they drove off. was told to stay. We passed a number of small offices with
thick glass partitions and finally got to the processing
“You have the right to remain silent. And I suggest you do, center, which was swarming with people, cops, inmates in
Mr. Brownsville.” the burly officer who took me down orange jumpsuits and ordinary people, some of them in
barked from the passenger seat of the patrol car. He was handcuffs or with the plastic garbage bag ties on their
like most cops, clean shaven, right down to his scalp. He wrists.
had a huge body, pure muscle and meanness.
There was two female cops behind a large desk,
I was taken to the infamous “Twin Towers” in Van Nuys. registering offenders. But we didn’t bother with them,
I’ve heard horror stories about this building since I moved instead, the burly cop took me to a small 2x2 room with a
into the Valley two decades ago. They say people go in desk and two folding chairs. The room had only a door and
and never come back out of that building. They say they no windows.
have ritual sacrifices to Moloch inside. That the Van Nuys
police department is in league with the devil. He proceeded to cut my plastic tie with an exacto knife and
then handcuff me to one of the metal chairs. The chair was
“They” say. bolted to the floor.

The police car drove into an underground parking lot. “You just wait here.” He said.
Nothing but police vans and sedans were parked there.
But it was dark. No lights, except for the ones coming out And so, I waited.
of a long hallway at the end of the lot.
There was a single light bulb on the ceiling, and it was very
“Okay, watch your head.” The burly cop said, as he helped bright. The chair were I sat was extremely uncomfortable,
me out of the back seat. and the cop had handcuffed my left wrist to the chair
through a loop specially made for handcuffs. But I was not
able to shift my body in any way to make waiting more

6 6
bearable. I was beginning to get a strong pain on my left I felt like I was passing out. Maybe I did. Blackness
shoulder, where my arm was twisted and unmoving. overtook me. Then I woke back up, sweating, a terrible
pain in my left arm where I had fallen off the chair and
There is no way to tell time in such a place. It could have pulled it.
been an hour, or four… or ten hours. Or a whole day. My
arm went numb and soon, I felt myself sweating in pain. “Help!!” I shouted.
There was nothing I could do to move my body to a more
agreeable position. I felt like a fly on flypaper. And the Might have been shouting to the moon.
room was cold. Outside, it had been a sunny day in Los
Angeles, but inside, the room felt refrigerated. All I was “Help! Somebody! Help me!” I cried.
wearing were my blue jeans and a t-shirt. I was shivering
with the cold. Goosebumps on the skin of my arms. I was really desperate now. Pulling on my chair, trying to
rip off the chair from the floor. But it was impossible and I
Then the thirst. God… The thirst. hurt my arm really bad trying to do it. The handcuff cut into
my flesh and blood came out.
I had a cup of coffee that morning, and that was it. Not
even a glass of water before the cops arrived at my door. “Help! Help me damn it! I’m bleeding!”
So, although I don’t know how long I was in that horrible
room, I do remember the thirst I felt. My whole mouth felt The door opened. A little ogre of a man, dressed in civilian
like it was full of cotton balls. My throat was raspy and my clothes with a big badge tied to his neck with a silver chain
lips cracked. I swallowed saliva various times, trying to grinned at me. He was fat, balding and short. I thought he
make the discomfort inside my mouth better, but I ran out was too short to be a cop, but what did I know?
of saliva pretty soon.
“Mr. Brownsville, why are you trying to rip your arm off?
I called out. Are you stupid or something?”
“Hello?” “Get me out of here!” I screamed.
Nothing. “I can’t do that.” He replied.
“Somebody, hello! I need a glass of water please! I’m “You can’t do this to me! I have rights! Don’t I have a right
thirsty!” to call an attorney or something?”
More time passed. I was running out of strength. My arm He laughed. It was a cruel, sarcastic laugh, almost a
was totally numb. The bright light burned my eyes. I tried cough.
closing them and sleeping but it was impossible sitting with
my arm handcuffed to that chair.
And he went back outside, shutting the door. I wailed. I
shouted. I cursed. I cried.

6 6
“Get up.” he said.
But nothing. No answer. Nobody even showed up again.
Just me, the desk, the two chairs and the damned I did, and I saw that the blood on my wrist had dried. How
handcuffs. long had I been sleeping? I felt awful.

My mind began to wonder. I layed on the floor, it was the “So, what am I charged with?” I asked, tired.
most comfortable position I could handle. Blood… My
blood lubricated the handcuffs enough for me to be able to “Shut up.” He un cuffed me from the chair and put the
shift a little and find some comfort on the floor. I was handcuffs in front of me. Then, he cuffed the chain to the
staring at the lightbulb. It burned my eyes, so I covered handcuffs and handcuffed my legs together, in the typical
them with my free hand. “chain-gang” style.

And I dreamed. “Move!” He said, and shoved me out the door.

I dreamed of Rebecca, her lovely child face kissing my lips. We walked down another long corridor with a yellow line
Her curvy body pressing against mine. I had known her on the floor. I had to shuffle in front of the troll, not really
parents from work. Ed, her father had become my friend able to walk very fast. But he kept shoving me forward, and
after I helped him during a difficult time when Ed was going I was afraid I would fall any moment.
to get his auto repossessed, and he asked me for a
personal loan for twelve hundred dollars to catch up on his We finally came to a part of the hallway with a long service
payments. elevator.

Ed had invited me over many times after that. He and “Officer, I really want to know what the charges against me
Becca lived alone, renting a small apartment in North are. Don’t I have the right to a phone call?”
Hollywood. Becca was a bit of a wild child, and she was
still in highschool. Ed could barely keep her indoors, and WHAM! He gave me a full-fisted sucker punch in the
she used to hang out with some pretty nasty characters, stomach which took out all the air from my lungs and
but when we met, she changed her tune. I think she bowled me over. I fell, gasping. But before I could catch my
actually liked me. We started to hang out together a whole breath, he pulled me up with surprising strength and
lot. It helped that Ed asked me often to keep an eye on shoved me against a wall, choking me with his forearm on
her, his new sales job took him out of town often, and we my neck.
wanted somebody to watch out for Becca since her mom
had died. “I said to shut the fuck up!” He screamed in my face,
causing his spittle to splatter all over me.
Talk about letting the fox into the henhouse.
He pushed the elevator open and shoved me in roughly. I
The little troll of a cop came back into the room. He carried thought he would come in after me, but he didn’t. He just
a large chain that ended in handcuffs. stood there, smiling with glee in his eyes. The elevator

6 6
door closed and I was plunged in a kind of darkness. cries for help assaulted my ears, along with the sound of
There was only one little light on the elevator, and it was flesh burning, electric saws, bone snapping, and worse.
red and didn’t really illuminate the space very well.
I managed to pull myself up as the elevator started to go Two gigantic cops, the ugliest, nastiest cops I had ever
down, wondering, what the fuck had just happened. Why seen in my life came into the elevator box and roughly
had the pudgy cop just shoved me into the elevator just dragged me out, grabbing me by the hair and my sore arm.
like that? I didn’t understand. There was something wrong with these cops. They didn’t
look right somehow. The larger of the two had this really
The elevator went down, and down… Curious, I looked for dry, blistered skin, as if he had been in a fire. The other
some kind of control panel for the elevator, but there was was greasy and smells like rotten eggs.
none. Where the hell was it taking me? Still, it kept
descending, as if I was inside a great tower which went “I want to call my lawyer!” I shouted. But it fell on deaf ears.
down instead of up. It was really weird, and more than a
little nightmarish. And then I looked into the eyes of the larger cop. They
were black, pupiless, like two holes in his face.
Suddenly, the entire elevator box smashed into something,
on the sides, and for a few seconds, it plunged, at “What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?” I cried from
breakneck speed, downwards. Had the elevator just the depths of my soul.
broken, and was I plummeting to my death?
“Didn’t anybody tell you, buddy? You died in sin and with
I thought for sure I was dead, but I was not really sure what no love of God!” Replied the demon.
was going on. It felt like the elevator fell for a long, long
time. The next moment, the elevator jerked roughly, The “cops” dragged me to a place which looked
sending me sprawling into the floor again. But I wasn’t mysteriously like my own bathroom, but in the open, facing
dead, just bruised. THen the elevator continued the huge cavern. There was a bathtub that looked just like
descending, more slowly now. mine. Roughly, they shoved me in the tub, which was full
of scalding hot water. I screamed and shouted, and they
Finally, it reached the bottom. pushed me into the water, drowning me.

I could have never prepared for what I saw when the door Then the smaller of the two, the one who smelled like
finally opened. rotten eggs and had skin that looked almost rotted in the
dim firelight, took out a radio, which was plugged into a
It was a dungeon. But it was no ordinary dungeon. It was wall on the cavern and threw it into the tub. Instantly,
actually a gigantic cavern, illuminated by notorious little electric current shot through my entire body, causing my
fires all around the place. And inside this great cavern skin to sizzle, like a steak inside a microwave and a pain
hundreds… maybe thousands of people were being that I have no way to describe to you.
tortured by a variety of cops in LAPD uniforms. Here and
there, horrible shouts of anguish, wretched screaming and And suddenly I knew… I remembered.

6 6
The night before… I had been taking a bath. I had my
radio on a little table, next to the tub, and my cell phone
rang. I reached to grab it, but the radio fell into the tub,
electrocuting me. A freak accident. A simple mistake. But I
had died. I was dead. I was really dead.

The Heavy Soul

I am mighty.

It was I who broke the back of the terrible tyrannosaurus,

fired to his flank by a terrible volcano, the place of my birth.
And he, the last of his kind.

It was I who brought down Goliath. Oh, I was revered for a

while, by friends of King David, but eventually, after
enough rides and loots, I was forgotten, and my fame went
the way of the nails in the cross. There are only so many
relics around, you know? And prettier rocks than I are just
as valid relics in some parts, especially in crowns and
scepters.

Doomed by a bungled theft, where my value and

importance were forgotten by the thieves, who had no clue
and no interest in me or my history. So many secrets I
could have told them. So many.

6 6
proportions, I had shrunk considerably and I was nice and
But we are all stardust, after all. And somehow, forgotten, smooth. Just the right size for David to use me against
just like rocks. What matters any history when enough time Goliath to become King of Israel.
has passed?
That was probably my greatest achievement. Slaying
I could talk to you about my very early past, when I was Goliath. I’d do it again, if given the chance. This old rock
actually not a rock, but just stardust, recently arrived to the has soul, baby.
planet from the great beyond. There, I got denser and
denser with time, a time that you could barely understand, But today? I am a pet rock. And someday… in a long, long,
much less measure. And from there, to a huge mountain, long time… I will be dust again.
which once again, in the density of planet earth, was
pounded and compounded by heat and cold in all manner
of extremes.

Or I could talk to you about my life during my stay in the

garden of Malcolm MacAlister, a poor single dad who had
so many kids that he could not really feed them all. He
threw me into his neighbors windshield when Malcolm had
a bout after an incident regarding the neighbor’s dog. The
police were called out. And do you really want to know how
I made it from Jerusalem 4,000 b.c. to Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania?

There is an explanation.

Rocks like me tend to spend a long time in the same place

and don’t much complaint about it. Some of us, however,
get tossed around like miniature meteorites of destiny and
circumstance.

My age shows. Originally, I had been a sharp, blackish

sliver, almost a dagger of sorts. That was me, the
genocide, murdering the last of the great T-Rex. I was
huge then. Well over three foot long. That was me, stuck
there after the volcano for ages, slowly drifting and
shrinking. Until the water arrived. Gods I hate the water.

By the time H2O was done with me, and I surfaced once
again during a dry season that came to biblical

7 7
“Captain, you are not going to believe what I found down
there…” he said watching intently his computer screen
readout.

Instead of asking Orlando “What”, I decided to get up from

my Captain’s chair and take a look at the images myself. I
took Orlando’s place at the com-screen and I was entirely
bewildered by what could be seen there, for indeed, I was
looking at the Eiffel Tower.

“What the hell is that?” I asked, mostly to myself.

POODLE PLANET “The friggin Eiffel Tower, Captain!” Orlando volunteered.

“And there, that looks like the Louvre, and those trees look
Our mission was simple. In and out. We were to go to the the Luxembourg Gardens.”
Planet M89U7KLM, a beautiful little Earth-Type planet
orbiting a yellow sun near the outskirts of the Constellation “Paris.” I mumbled mostly to myself.
of Piscis, gather data and report back to Huston Control.
Ever since the discovery of the stargate technology that “Somebody built Paris in the middle of an alien planet,
allowed large ships to go from one point of the galaxy to Captain.” Orlando’s eyes were wider than two dinner plates
another almost instantaneously, the United Worlds in surprize. And he was human!
Federation had sent ships all across the Milky Way in
exploratory missions to all the inhabitable planets detected “Lieutenant McNamara, do you detect any humans or
by the powerful monitoring devices and long distance humanoids in the surface?” I asked my science officer.
probes sent to every nook and cranny of our home galaxy.
It was a surprize to many scientists back home the sheer “Negative, captain. Just animal life down there. Lots of K-
abundance of Earth like planets with life similar to our own 9s.”
all across space. It was almost as if every planet out there
was inhabited and full of intelligent, dynamic civilizations. “Alright, gentlemen, prepare a shuttle and a landing party. I
will go investigate myself. Commander Orlando, you have
M89U7KLM was one of these. As we approached, our the conn.”
scanners detected a large human-like city in the middle of
the largest continental mass, dissected in two sections by “Aye, aye, Captain.”
a huge river.
We could not really tell much about the city from our orbit We went down in our shuttlecraft “Albert Einstein”. We
around the planet, but something down there took us all by landed about 200 yards away from that iconic french tourist
surprize. The discovery was made by my First Mate,
Commander Orlando Lilly.

7 7
attraction, the “Musee du Louvre”. My best squadron came us, appearing almost out of nowhere. We were disarmed
along, but I was the one in charge. and place behind bars. After about half and hour, we were
met by the “Mayor” of Paris. He was a well dressed,
The first thing we noted was that the entire city was full of greying poodle, smaller, fatter, and far more relaxed than
dogs. Beautifully groomed French Poodles. They came in all the other officious looking dogs we had seen before.
all sizes and colors, but mostly, they were huge, much
larger than the earth-type variety. There must have been “I am Frufru Framboise, ze mayor of dis wonerful city. You
thousands of them, and oddly enough, they seemed are aliens, oui? Are you coming here to invade our world?”
perfectly civilized, strolling around the city as if they owned
it. There was almost no barking, no growling, and “Not at all, sir. I am Captain John W. Nicholson of the
incredibly, no shitting on the sidewalk. Although, there was Starship….” I started to protest.
a huge line to use the fire-hydrant to pee.
“Oui, oui… I know all that. But are you humans?” he
Our craft landed on a large avenue, and the dogs avoided interrupted me, impatient.
it completely, but once we walked out, one particular large
black dog, dressed as a Paris Policeman came up to us… “Well, yes! Yes, we are. All of us, except that blue-skinned
fellow over there. Lieutenant Xan Pthiss, He is venusian.
“Arretez!, who are you, messieur?” the police dog said in Humans don’t have antenna.” I confirmed.
thickly accented english.
“I was raised by Humans, Captain.” Lieutenant Pthiss
“Eh.. I am Captain John W. Nicholson of the United Worlds reminded me.
Federation Starship Conquistador. Huh… We come in
peace…” I stammered, surprised. “Not now, Pthiss.” I scolded.

Now, here I must first explain the United Worlds Federation “Humans are considered ze worst villains in our galaxy,
policy on first contact with other planetary intelligent they are even a little worse than leeches and mosquitoes.
species: First Contact, meaning the first time the people of Captain Nicholson, What exactly guarantees me that you
a new planet are contacted by us, is a very delicate are not part of an invasion force?” Frufru accused.
negotiation, one which usually takes years of spying on
said people before it occurs. I had been thinking that the k- “Why, you have my word on it.” I replied, indignated.
9s in the planet were just.. Dogs. They were actually the
“intelligent species” our our first contact was utterly, and, “Your word!? Your race is responsible for most of ze
for my career as a Starship Captain, devastatingly massive extinctions around ze galaxy, it was your race that
unplanned. Now, I had to make the best of it. did away with ze rhinos, ze whales, ze giraffes, and even
ze spotted owl. It was your race that declared war on
“Ve will see about zat.” the Police Dog barked. nature and destroyed Mars. It was your race that made
Jupiter an inhospitable sea of acid. What good is ze word
My squadron was “escorted” to the local police station by of a human?” the pudgy little poodle almost spat in my
about thirty or so Police Dogs who quickly gathered around face.

7 7
turned against their creators and soon, we were able to
“So, if that is the case, why build Paris? This city you have break away. But Firulais loved ze humans, he had seen
built, it was built before, you know? In a country called this movie, Ze Lady and ze Tramp. It was a popular
France, in our planet, Earth. A human planet.” Now I was children’s movie, pirated from your home planet. But it
angry. showed dogs being just like you, and Firulais was inspired
by it. So we left our home planet, we left you behind, to
“You understand nothing, human. You think of us as build a world for dogs… For poodles. Firulais was a
animals, but you are ze animals. We know your species all poodle. And we came here, to this virgin planet. And
too well, and we have been watching… Yes, you do build Firulais built it in the image of the city he had most loved in
beautiful cities, and you make wonderful art, music, his childhood: Paris.”
painting.. But at what cost? You kill each other as you kill
all other living things, with no pity, no compassion, no After a great and very public trial, we were let go, on the
remorse. You spend all your time building great cities and condition to make the planet forbidden to any other human
then you trash them in wars. You create all this wonderful ships. The poodles, who had actually named their planet
things, airplanes, submarines, but then use them for “Poodle Planet” swore to us that they would rather see
murder. And you have not a thought about other living their city burn than allow us to return.
things, you have enslaved our race for millennia, treating
us… well, like dogs.” Back in my spaceship, in the quiet of my cabin, drinking
coffee from the replicator machine, I thought about poor
“So why Paris?” I dug the dagger deeper. Frufru. Dogs and humans had been partners in crime for
thousands of years and there had been no real enmity
“My people, zey are explorers, discoverers… We don’t between the two species. There was no real reason for the
destroy. We build. We don’t kill. We bring life. Beauty.” dogs on Poodle Planet to hate us. But Frufru and all the
dogs there were no ordinary dogs. They were poodles.
“Why Paris, dog?” I said, now really getting to his nerves.
And poodles usually, tend to be very angry dogs. Maybe
“Ze Lady and ze Tramp. Dere… I said it, damned human. it’s the way we cut their hair.
Ze Lady and ze Tramp.” The fat poodle hung his head in
shame.

“You mean the Disney movie? About two dogs who fall in
love? The cartoon?” I was moderately surprised.

“Our ancestors… We escaped from a planet much like

yours. A planet where ze dogs were ze slaves of ze
humans. But in our home planet, we became just like you.
And zen the great Firulais came, and he liberated us. We
rebelled against our owners, and we took back our planet
from your people. All ze technology, all ze weapons… we

7 7
And then, out of the blue, the person in front of me, a
matronly black woman well past her fifties suddenly picked
up her cell phone and said:

“Joe, I’ve been thinking about you and Emma. You should
not leave her. She needs you, Joe. You might be afraid
that she leaves you because you’ve made some mistakes,
but listen to your mother, son, Emma is a good woman,
and you won’t find one like her again…”

Puzzled by the strange turn of events, I got my coffee and

went back home. I apologized to Sally for being a jerk, I
told her about my strange encounter with the black woman
at the Starbucks, and somehow, she apologized to me too,
because she had been thinking of asking me to leave, and
somehow, after my apology, she knew she had been
The angels speak through you my wrong about it.
friends About a week later, I found myself getting angry at myself
for leaving my job as a telemarketing vitamin salesman. It
My name is Rostock Madville Orlando and I have a was a guaranteed salary against commission, but it was
confession to make to you. The angels speak to me also a great drain on my energy and I felt trapped. I left the
through you, all of you. But you might not even realize it. job but I had no other job to take its place, and I was
worried. So I began to fret and make myself feel guilty, to
I found out recently. It went something like this… such an extent that I began to consider returning to my
boss and asking him to take me back in.
I was having a bad day. My mind was troubled because of
my relationship to my Sally, a woman a bit older than me, About that time, a gay couple crossed the street to the
very intelligent, very loving, and utterly in-love with me. But same place where I was standing… While they were
our relationship is difficult. I am not a great man, and waiting for the green light, their conversation went
sometimes, I can be really annoying. So she had something like this:
withdrawn from me a bit, and I was feeling the fear of
losing her. “I feel wonderful now that I quit my job. I got energy, I got
life. I got time to bake cookies and do housework.” the
I was waiting in line to order a coffee at the local taller of the two was saying.
Starbucks, and I was thinking “What if she leave me? What
will I do then?”. And then, of course, the next think that “What are you gonna do for cash, sweetheart?” the shorter
came to my mind was “And if I leave her first?”... one replied.

7 7
through all of you and you know it not. Perhaps it’s a
“Online marketing. I got this amazing website called hologram, or…
UpYourJob, and I make my own hours, my own rules. Only
this week, I got a payment for 250 dollars for a few hours Perhaps it does not matter. What does matter is to listen,
work.” very closely to what is said around your person, even if you
think it has nothing to do with you, it probably does.
Then, they crossed the street. And I went my way, thinking
about “UpYourJob” all the way. When I got home, I opened
the browser and looked for “UpYourJob” and found it
easily. Soon, I was logging in and getting a job imputing
data for a medical company. The pay was double what I
got on my telemarketing job and I didn’t have to leave my
home.

The next month, I was already well into making my life a

total triumph when, while sitting at a local restaurant with
Sally, eating lobster tails, I heard a peculiar conversation
between an older couple:

“If Johannes would have checked his prostate earlier,

maybe he would have made it, but in fact, the cancer was
already too far gone. They can remove the tumors, but not
when they are so large…”

I took no chances. The next day, I went to my doctor and

scheduled to test my prostate. And sure enough, a tiny
little tumor had begun to grow. It was an easy thing to
excise it and my doctor was amazed. My early warning
system had saved me…

But that was only the beginning. Soon, I came to realize

that there are NO random conversations around me.
Everybody who speaks has a message, no matter how
inconsequential, something that is there, from God, to
better my life. I don’t know HOW it works, I just know it
does.

Perhaps my entire existence is a dream, and all the people

around me are part of that dream. Perhaps angels speak

8 8
appreciate us, not for the wood we provide you, but for the
wisdom that you know hides in our rings.

I have seen you, puny humans, under my shadow for

many generations. First came the great redskins, who
marveled at my family and worshipped us as Kings. The
Yurok, Tolowa, Karok, Chilula, and Wiyot all have historical
ties to the region, and some Native American groups still live
in the park area today. Archaeological study shows they
arrived in the area as far back as 3,000 years ago. So I guess
I am not that old after all, because I only remember the
redskins arriving when I was but a sapling. I guess I can’t
remember before my birth.

The Life of a Tree An 1852 census determined that the Yurok were the most
numerous, with 55 villages and an estimated population of
2,500. They used the abundant redwood, which with its linear
I am over 900 of your years old. We trees perceive time
grain was easily split into planks, as a building material for
differently that you, humans. To us, one hundred years is
boats, houses, and small villages.
like a few months are to you. But you wouldn’t know it. You
don’t see how we grow. You don’t have the patience for it.
For buildings, the planks would be erected side by side in a
narrow trench, with the upper portions bound with leather
I am a Redwood. strapping and held by notches cut into the supporting roof
beams. Redwood boards were used to form a shallow sloping
King among my kind, I make pines, and even the mighty roof.
oaks look puny and insignificant in comparison. I am taller
than the Empire State building, and President Trump wants Previous to Jedediah Smith in 1828, no other white-skin
explorer is known to have thoroughly investigated the inland
to cut me down for no better reason than to make nice
region away from the immediate coast. The discovery of gold
furniture. But President Trump’s life is so insignificantly
along the Trinity River in 1850 led to a minor secondary rush
short, compared to my own, that he has no a clue of the in California. This brought miners into the area and many
memories which I carry, and it does seem unjust that such stayed on at the coast after failing to strike it rich. This quickly
a flagrantly short-lived naked ape should bring me to death led to conflicts wherein native peoples were placed under
when I can still live for thousands of years more. great strain, if not forcibly removed or massacred. By 1895,
only one third of the Yurok in one group of villages remained;
It’s all right. If you are a tree, you are patient, very patient. by 1919, virtually all members of the Chilula tribe had either
Your roots and branches grow, and you find love not in died or been assimilated into other tribes.The miners logged
one, but in many polinizings. We are not monogamous, nor redwoods for building; when this minor gold rush ended,
do we want to be. Our roots connect us all to the same some of them turned again to logging, cutting down the giant
family, so we do not know incest, and we like to be cloned redwood trees.
by you, healthy living humans who know how to love and Mother fucker white shits.

8 8
Initially, over 2,000,000 acres (8,100 km2) of the California 100,000 acres (400 km2), which were added to existing state
and southwestern coast of Oregon were old-growth redwood parks. Amidst both local support of environmentalists and
forest, but by 1910, extensive logging led conservationists opposition from local loggers and logging companies, 48,000
and concerned citizens to begin seeking ways to preserve the acres (190 km2) were added to Redwood National Park in a
remaining trees, which they saw being logged at an alarming major expansion in 1978. However, only a fifth of that land
rate. In 1911, U.S. RepresentativeJohn E. Raker, of was old-growth forest, the rest having been logged. This
California, became the first politician to introduce legislation expansion protected the watershed along Redwood Creek
for the creation of a redwood national park. However, no from being adversely affected by logging operations outside
further action was taken by Congress at that time. the park. The federal and state parks were administratively
combined in 1994.
Preservation of the redwood stands in California is
considered one of the most substantial conservation The United Nations designated Redwood National and State
contributions of the Boone and Crockett Club. The Save-the- Parks a World Heritage Site on September 5, 1980. The
Redwoods League was founded in 1918 by Boone and evaluation committee noted 50 prehistoric archaeological
Crockett Club members Madison Grant, John C. Merriam, sites, spanning 4,500 years. It also cited ongoing research in
Henry Fairfield Osborn, and future member, Frederick Russell the park by Humboldt State University researchers, among
Burnham. The initial purchases of land were made by club others. The park is part of a much larger region designated
member Stephen Mather and William Kent. In 1921, Boone the California Coast Ranges International Biosphere Reserve
and Crockett Club member John C. Phillips donated $32,000 on June 30, 1983. The California Coast Ranges biosphere is
to purchase land and create the Raynal Bolling Memorial overseen by the University of California Natural Reserve
Grove in the Humboldt Redwoods State Park. This was timely System.
as U.S. Route 101, which would soon provide nearly
Which leads me to another important topic. I come from a
unfettered access to the trees, was under construction. Using
Great Tree, an ancient ancestor, lost in history. That is
matching funds provided initially by the County of Humboldt
because I am monophyletic.
and later by the State of California, the Save-the-Redwoods
League managed to protect areas of concentrated or multiple A monophyletic group, or clade, is a group of organisms that
redwood groves and a few entire forests in the 1920s. As consists of all the descendants of a common ancestor.
California created a state park system, beginning in 1927, Monophyletic groups are typically characterised by shared
three of the preserved redwood areas became Prairie Creek derived characteristics (synapomorphies), which distinguish
Redwoods, Del Norte Coast Redwoods, and Jedediah Smith organisms in the clade from other organisms. The
Redwoods State Parks. A fourth became Humboldt arrangement of the members of a monophyletic group is
Redwoods State Park, by far the largest of the individual called a monophyly.
Redwood State Parks, but not in the Redwood National and
Sequoioideae is an ancient taxon, with the oldest described
State Park system. Because of the high demand for lumber
Sequoioideae species, Sequoia jeholensis, recovered from
during World War II and the construction boom that followed
Jurassic deposits. A genus Medulloprotaxodioxylon, reported
in the 1950s, the creation of a national park was delayed.
from the late Triassic of China supports the idea of a Norian
Efforts by the Save-the-Redwoods League, the Sierra Club,
origin.
and the National Geographic Society to create a national park
began in the early 1960s. After intense lobbying of Congress, The fossil record shows a massive expansion of range in the
the bill creating Redwood National Park was signed by Cretaceous and dominance of the Arcto-Tertiary flora,
President Lyndon Johnson on October 2, 1968. The Save- especially in northern latitudes. Genera of Sequoioideae were
the-Redwoods League and other entities purchased over found in the Arctic Circle, Europe, North America, and

8 8
throughout Asia and Japan. A general cooling trend beginning
in the late Eocene and Oligocene reduced the northern
ranges of the Sequoioideae, as did subsequent ice ages.
Evolutionary adaptations to ancient environments persist in all
three species despite changing climate, distribution, and
associated flora., especially the specific demands of their
reproduction ecology that ultimately forced each of the
species into refugial ranges where they could survive.The two
California redwood species, since the early 19th century, and
the Chinese redwood species since 1948, have been
cultivated horticulturally far beyond their native habitats. They
are found in botanical gardens, public parks, and private
landscapes in many similar climates worldwide. Plantings
outside their native ranges particularly are found in California,
the coastal Northwestern and Eastern United States, areas of
China, Germany, the United Kingdom, Australia and near
Rotorua New Zealand. They are also used in educational
projects recreating the look of the megaflora of the
Pleistocene landscape.
The Last German
John Steinbeck wrote about the redwood, "The redwoods,
once seen, leave a mark or create a vision that stays with you
always. No one has ever successfully painted or In the year 2122, Heinrich Dieter Kohl died, making his
photographed a redwood tree. The feeling they produce is not only son, Adolf Kohl the last pure-blooded german in the
transferable. From them comes silence and awe. It's not only planet.
their unbelievable stature, nor the color which seems to shift
and vary under your eyes, no, they are not like any trees we I am Adolf Kohl, and this is my story. As as good stories
know, they are ambassadors from another time. are told, I will start at the ending, and way my way back to
the beginning, and so, we talk about dad’s death, which
And me? I care little for you humans. You are a disgusting lot,
redskins, blackskins, yellowskins and whiteskins alike. You
was, fortunately, natural, peaceful and at a very advanced
think of me as simple wood, mostly, with no mind, no spirit… age. My father was born when Germany died, swallowed
and you are wrong. Oh, so very wrong. I wish you could see up by Mullah Nasrudin and his Jinn. That would be the
time as I see it, so incredibly much faster than you, and yet, terrible conqueror, the one my father fought all his life, and
so incredibly much slower too… Perhaps if you lived as long who, oddly enough, did everything in his power to help my
as I do, you would understand my real value… and I can father, and me, for we had a spiritual significance for the
guarantee you it’s NOT for my wood. dictator. We were the last germans…

Europe had fallen to the Mullas for over 100 years already,
and most Europeans were actually moorish and not arian,
but endangered arians had been recognized, and

8 8
protected by the Mullah’s Service of Eugenics Race numerous appearances on television and other media had
Protection, SERP for short. created me a healthy number of fans, who kept me always
occupied answering letters and such.
There were Icelanders, Finns, even French and English
girls, but no German girls. They were extinct, kaput, gate Manola was my fan. A kind of stalker, almost, but not
gate. So I had the honorable distinction of being the last entirely, for when we actually met, I knew I had to be at her
German. And it was the title of Last German which was side for life. And then, after four kids and twenty years of
given to me by the Mullah himself as his highest honor. absolute joy, she died, and left a great hole in my heart,
Genocide had come back to haunt us, and now, as the but then, that hole, although it never healed, was made
genocide of my people was complete, I was a kind of folk- better by Sigmund, Siegfried, Siglinda, and Brunhilde who
hero to those who, although not by blood, loved the were all charismatic and soon also became very popular
german people, this histories, culture and art. and beloved.

Alas, alas, I was the last. All after me would be “Half” In my old age, all my children were married and most of my
bloods, a rare thing. I could have numerous progeny, but grandchildren were born, including two great-
none, as it would seem, of my own race. And why? Why grandchildren… twins, no less. I thought much on the
was this a bad thing? Why was oblivion such a bad deal? significance of being “german”. My family could trace itself
back hundreds of years, all the way to Helmut Josef
When I turned 24, I married Manola Django, a Brazilian Michael Kohl and beyond. But in fact, what DID it mean to
semi-princess of a particularly vicious but successful group be the Last German?
of Pirates. The Django family was perfectly suited to my
fame and fortune as Las German, and it seemed only fair Many people were still like me. I was not so different, or
that the last wife of the Last German were a beautiful was I?
negress with fiery blue eyes.

Hers was a curious ethnicity of a race of Islanders with

blonde hair, blue eyes and the darkest skin imaginable.
Negros by skeletal shape, my wife and her family had
amassed a great fortune in smuggling people to Greater
Asia.

North America, that terrible monster who devoured all was

still at war with the Mullah and his conquests. She was
winning, but at a terrible cost. It had been long since the
Middle East had burnt to a nuclear crisp. Time, it seemed,
was truly circular.

My own life, under the protection of the European

Caliphate had been greatly blessed.The best schools,

8 8
Doing so was similar to waking up from a deep sleep, but
multiplied by a million. My legs, almost involuntarily, lifted out
of the floor and momentarily, I felt myself flying… actually…
falling.
I had no clue what could come of it. I was falling out of my
home, the only home I knew, far away from my colony, and all
the people I had known, into a great green sea. I landed heavily
and felt the rough surface of whatever this new world in which I
had fallen. I tried to bite it to suck food from it, but it tasted
awful, and there was no food to be gained from biting into it.
I found a different floor… I tried to dig my mouth into the new
floor to feed, but there was nothing to feed on, and it was
actually too hard to bite. For a while, I cared little about feeding,
and I decided to investigate this new tasteless world.
I felt I needed to climb. A huge compulsion to climb as high as I

What Makes Me Tick could, out of this weird, green world came to my being, as if
being in this low space weighted on me. And soon enough, I
found a very tall structure, dark, and hard, and easy to climb,
I was born next to thousands of others who came to life the
going straight up into the sky. I climbed and climbed as much as
same day. We broke out of our eggs and quickly, attached to
I could until I could climb no more and then I fell asleep.
the ground, where soft, warm food flowed into our jaws.
How long did I sleep? I knew not. Hours? Days? Months? My
Our life was about feeding as much as possible from the very
sleep felt eternal.
beginning, but I couldn’t help but to think that life maybe had
more in store for me than just hanging on to the floor and But soon, hunger woke me from my slumber.
sucking blood out of it.
And then… The smell came to me… A fresh aroma, like food…
As I grew, my colony grew as well, and soon, I could see some of blood. It was walking underneath me. It was this smell, I
my thousands of brothers and sister begin to drop off the warm, realized, what woke me up. It was a massive beast, with only
flowing, feeding ground, releasing their mouth first, and then four legs, similar to me, but different. And it smelled delicious. It
their eight legs. These brave souls disappeared into the smelled of food and warmth and blood.
nothingness of space, “falling off” the world. But I hanged on.
My body acted before my mind, and I jumped into the great
And then it happened to me. I was one of the last. I gorged and beast, which was, predictably, bigger than anything, bigger than
gorged on the warm, soft blood under my eight legs until I life. A giant of giants. I fell directly above it, in a great forest,
finally could eat no more. I was swollen, and fat, and I felt the which was of strong, brown trees with no branches. It was hair.
need to move, to move my mouth out of the floor…

9 9
And I bit. It is a peculiar thing. My host, whatever it was, was also the
home of my people, and somehow, although we all fed on him
I bit hard and deep and deliciously. And I feasted. (if it was a him at all), and he was basically our God, ours was a
My host tried to scratch me out, it tried to pull me, bit me, but deep love for him. Our God was our food, but also our real
miraculously, I had chosen a place far away from it’s terrible father.
claws and jaws, and I was safe… My death was a kind of letting go. In all things, I realized, before
And I fed. dying, that I had clung to my hairy God for so long that I had
forgotten my own origins. And now that the next generations’
And fed. life had been guaranteed by my own acts, unimportant as they
And fed some more. seemed, I was at peace.

And grew fat, fatter than I had ever been before. At first twice I let go of the blood.
my own size, then ten times. Then two hundred times. Then six I was free.
hundred times. I was a giant among my people. But I was alone.
I was the only creature on this moving planet, I was the God of
this world, feeding right off the blood under my eight legs.
How long was I there feeding? Days? Weeks? Years? What does
time mean? The number of sunrises and sunsets? Or how much
blood I could eat before I had gorged so much that I had to
jump back out?
It surprised me to see eggs coming out of me. It woke me from
the interminable feeding, and for a long time, I felt I was being
torn asunder. I understood what it meant to be a female, to lay
eggs, to give life to more of my own people.
I lost most of my weight. I felt empty… I felt used.
I tried to eat some more, but my hunger was gone. All around
me, thousands of little eggs waited, somehow, already fertilized
from when I was lying around thousands of brothers and sisters.
I knew not who the father (or fathers) were… But I did
understand there, next to me, were my children.
Little white sacs of flesh which contained the next generation of
my people…

9 9
Now, the last kid I pick up and the first one I drop off is a
noxious little brat by the name of Hillary Clover. Of course
her classmates call her “Clinton”... And oddly enough, the
pagan gods of the democratic party must have influenced
little Hilary’s birth, because she is just as blonde, blue-
eyed, and bitchy as her name’s sake. But in preteen. And
oddly enough, she has this huge fan club of wanna be
environmentalists, tree-huggers and civil rights’ paladins
who follow her every move on Facebook, Twitter and
Instagram, where she uploads pictures and videos of
herself saying important things (repeated from her very
politically minded parents, who are both lawyers). She is
very popular and routinely hated by folks who know better
than to listen to 7 year olds on Instagram.

The School Bus But this particular monday, things would not go as usual.
Because somehow, picking up Hillary Clover would change
all our lives.
Monday. The word strikes terror in the hearts of every
child, and I Geof MacGregor III, love mondays. Things went as usual. A light snow the previous night had
colored the rooftops but was not strong enough to call us
Do you know why? Because I am a school bus driver. My off on a Snow Day. It was bitterly cold though, so all the
life begins every monday morning at 4:00. I have to be at kids looked like stuffed toys with so many layers of clothing
Hamlin Middle by 4:45, sign in My route begins it’s long they wore to school that day. Johnny brought me a copy of
course through Springfield, Oregon at 5:30 a.m. sharp, a “Drizzt Do'Urden's” Comic Book called Exile, about a
leaving Hamlin Middle School to start picking up my kids. I black elf who is exiled from his home. We shared comic
get home around 4:30 pm, after refueling and cleaning my books Johnny and I. It was our little “secret”.
bus long after I have delivered each and every one of my
kids to their parents. I have 15 kids who ride my bus, and And by the time we picked up Hillary, I was ready to read
the first one I pick up and the last one I drop off is Johnny my comic, but fate would have me not be able to do that.
Mathis, a fine African American 7 year old who loves
Football and has a daddy fighting in Kandahar. Me and Ever.
Johnny are tight, yo. We listen to Snoop Dogg together on
the last, long stretch of road to his house, which is kind of A young couple was walking the same street on which I
in the boondocks of Springfield, almost outside of town, pick up and drop off Hillary. That morning, that young
where nobody goes except Johnny, his family and folks couple, who looked innocent enough with their clean cut,
who got themselves lost in the wood. His is the last house mormon legionnaires attire came very close to Hillary., and
before the woods of Dorris Ranch Area. the moment Hillary started to go up the stairs of my bus,

9 9
the woman jumped behind her and grabbed her, shoving
herself inside with us before I could close the door. But the reality of a situation like the one that was occurring
to us that morning was totally different, and my response
She had a long and very sharp looking knife on her hand, was utterly unpredictable… Even to myself.
and she held the knife up to Hillary’s throat, threatening to
kill her. It happened too fast for me. I am an old man, I’ve I jumped the man!
been around for a long time, and although I have great
reflexes, and although I’ve been drilled on just this kind of I guess my attack got him by surprize because he actually
emergencies, the truth is that I was not prepared for it. jumped and I was able to grab the gun. We wrestled a bit,
right there, in front of the closed bus door, and the woman
“Help Mr. MacGregor!” Hillary cried helplessly. shot at me, but accidentally got him in the back instead.

“Open the door, Mr. MacGregor and let my boyfriend Her surprize and rage at hitting her partner in crime was
inside.” The calculating woman sneered. such that she lost control of her own acts for enough time
that I was able to grab the gun from the man and shoot
She was actually very pretty, with natural blond hair and her. The bullet pierced the glass door and hit her squarely
piercing blue eyes. on the chest, sending her flying backwards into the snow.

She was heavily clothed with a dark overcoat over a smart The police showed up very quickly, and I was actually
and very severe looking business suit, much like her handcuffed by them, in spite of all the children crying and
partner. Like I said before. They looked just like the Latter trying to save me. But the facts were that two people had
Day Saints. Black and white. Black ties. Formal attire. been shot, and I had been holding the gun when the police
arrived, so by procedure, I had to be taken in and hauled
I was not going to challenge her. I opened the door and the off to the station to make a report. In handcuffs.
man came in, taking out a revolver from behind his large
winter overcoat. What I had not expected was that my supervisor and the
school principal came over to the police station and
“Now, Mr. MacGregor, be so kind as to close the door and declared against me!
drive.” the ruthless woman grinned.
In my heroic act, I had forgotten school bus safety
“And all you kids, stay put and stay quiet. I am not afraid to procedures, and thus endangered all the children on the
kill children!” said her partner in with cold voice. bus, so to the principal and to my supervisor the director of
transportation of the school district, I was guilty as sin, and
Oddly enough, we go through training for school bus worthy of Alcatraz.
driving where such situations are discussed and various
responses, based on a variety of variables are thought of. Of the man and the woman who had stormed my bus
But in most cases, the proper response is “do as you are nothing else was said. They were actually brother and
told until the authorities arrive”. Doing as you are told is the sister, both with a history of petty crime and mental
appropriate response for most of these scenarios. problems. Not nearly the determined killers I had thought

9 9
they were. Albert and Dorothea MacCracken were from
Boise, Idaho, and they had found their way to Springfield
through a series of unfortunate coincidences. Their had
been an act of desperation, as their ill-gotten wealth was
almost totally spent, and they had no money to keep
moving to the next town, which seemed to be their
principal Modus Operandi.

I found myself behind bars, with two murder charges,

unlawful endangerment of school children and a host of
other charges. I felt pretty shitty, I must admit I had thought
for a while that my acts were actually pretty cool, but
bureaucracies do not understand heroism, nor do they
really care about reality, so long as their rules are met.

It was the children’s parents who saved me. They came in

in droves to court, demanding my immediate release.
Soon, the press got a hold of the case and I became a
The Old
House
polemic celebrity hero to some, villian to others.

But I was free.

I got introduced to “the Old House” back in the 70s. I had

just turned 12, and I had moved to the South Carolina
Piedmont from Los Angeles, California. I had moved to my
grandmother’s old house, a small but comfortable
prefabricated home, always meticulously clean, always full
of the most delicious chocolate chip cookies, of which I
could only eat one a day…

Her home was built on eight acres of prime forest. It was

built about two hundred yards from the main highway, the
only one which came even close to the house. In that
same forest stood another house, an ancient, dilapidated,
broken down and quite haunted pre-civil war construction,
what must have been a plantation owner’s home.

9 9
“The Old House”. There was great darkness there. Profound suffering. A kind
of hell, where twisted spirits could remain behind those
As a child, the amazement at such a building, a real walls, as would the frightening mannequins of a haunted
abandoned house, was far too tempting and interesting to house ride in some amusement park, but all too real, all
not investigate. And soon, within months of moving in with too present. They could not leave the old house. They
grandma, the “Old House” became my own private lair. A were trapped, and wanted out. But they could not go out.
large lobby with a sunken-in floor led to five other smaller
rooms. The second largest contained what must have And I knew it. I always knew it.
been once a living room, green, musty-mushroom infected
carpet, a large couch and a piano with a couple of loose But during the day, my snails and spiders needed to be
keys. It was the only room not entirely filled with debris, so fed, and I would paint, and play piano, and jump around
it soon became the center of my entire lair, the place looking in the house debris to find treasures, which
where I kept all my experiments and my collection of occasionally would be found if I dug deep enough.
spiders and snails inside jars. “My pets”.
Heaven and Hell.
During the day, the Old House was my hideout. A place to
enjoy my solitude, and not be found by grandmother. Day and night. It was the same place, and yet it was so
Heaven. much more. And this, of course, at an age when I did not
really know anything about bardos, or gates. And yet there
But during the night… I was, living in a great dimensional gate between the world
of the living and the world of the dead, feeling the dead
I could see the old house from my bedroom window. everywhere, not bothered by them, as much as …
intrigued.
I could hear it.
Much later, as I meditated on this great house, I
I knew THEY were there. They only came out at night, and determined that it had a kind of consciousness. It was as
of course, I would not be caught dead at night in the Old alive as any animal or person, but with a spiritual life that
House. was kind of difficult to perceive without an eye for ghosts
and djinn. Angels didn’t much care for the place. It really
I dreamed of it many nights. Even as it was in real life, belonged to the shadows. Of course, all of us who know a
outside my window, I dreamed of walking in it at night with little about the “other side” will tell you that even in the
…. Them. darkest dungeons of hell, there ARE bodhisattvas and
angels, even if they are hard to be recognized as such in
The shadow ones. The little people. The ghosts. They their demonic disguises. The wise make no distinctions
were everywhere. They were legion. They were… Crazy? between angels and demons, for all are spirits, and good is
Angry? Mad? Sad? My dreams about the Old House compassion and evil is the ignorance of good.
always saw me inside, but when I woke up, it would still be
there, where it always was, outside my bedroom window. So, perhaps, I was the angel of that old house. The little
boy, drawing dirty pictures of girls and monsters, with my

1 1
light and lust and life, brought company to those lonely,
sad ghosts, caught such a long time in that old house, who
fed on their sadness.

Usually, in my nightmares, I was trying to escape the

house. And there were a number of creepy crawlers, none
of them very human, except perhaps twisted dentists,
insane rednecks, and murderous little girls. And even
“those” human looking critters were, in retrospect, not that
human after all, eh?

Eventually, I grew up and left “the Old House”, which was

as much a part of my grandmother’s property as was the
house where we lived. I realized as well that my
grandmother was as much one of the creepy-crawlers of
that old house. She was living outside of it, but the house
and the forest were one, and the spirits in the house were
also in the forest, in the trees and shrubs and wells.
Meeting Yourself
When my grandmother died, far from her property, in an
A man meets his own ghost from the future.
old-folks home, she seemed lost, like she did not really
Can you honestly meet yourself from the past?
know where her house was, and of course, her house was
It is a certain thing that you will die someday.
not the prefab. It was the Old House. The Doll House.
So, that mirror man, the one that looks just like you, but
Why the Doll House?
sits behind you,
Must be from your future, from the time after your own
Well, because there was one room in the old house which death.
was forbidden to me: the doll room. That would be where
my grandmother kept all her dolls. Ahh.. the dolls.

You know? Dolls hold spirits. And there were SO many

spirits in that house. Each doll held one… Each doll was
one. I loved them all.

And the Old House?

She was the Grandmother of All these Spirits.

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disappeared from this terrible place, where our mother the
earth swallowed up our children and our father the sky
vomited fire and brimstone.

I was had seen them all go, die, one by one, like the spiky
thing drowning in the ocean. And the thoothy thing falling
off a cliff. And the flying things hit by brimstones. Just one
hour. The time it takes to go to the watering fountain from
the fields of tall trees, where we tall things eat.

They called us the “Tall Things” because we are the tallest

THE LAST OF THE TALL of the tall. Our long necks and powerful legs helped us
reach the fruits and flowers on the tall trees.
THINGS The tall trees. Will I remember them in the next world?
They were so beautiful, so tall.. So much taller than us. We
slept under their shade, and we ate their fruits and their
She was a last of the spiky things. And she died drowning
leafs and their flowers. I had always thought that there
when the great grassfields where she lived of her life with
was no end to them, but on that terrible hour, they all
her tribe flooded in one tragic hour. She tried to swim to a
caught fire, and their falling, burning branches became a
high place, but she drowned. She was the last one to
death trap for my tribe. Many died crushed under their
drown. She was the one to see all her family, all her friends
weight. Many died choking on the black smoke that
drown first, but she was the strongest, so she lasted a
covered the very sun in that forest.
while after all the others had died. She was the only one
who had died utterly alone. I saw her die that day. She had
been my friend, drinking water with me at the watering I managed to run out of the burning forest and I jumped
fountain. into the watering fountain. The great waterfall fed the
fountain with eternal water, and it was fresh, and cool, and
soothing. I thought I would be safe inside the water, deep
And that same hour, there was also a last of the thoothy
inside, touching just the top of my head to see what was
things. He died in battle, of course. His kind always died in
happening to everybody.
battles. He was gored… stuck by the horns on the head of
one of the spiky tribe and they both fell to their deaths
when the earth opened up. It was the end of the world.

The flying things, they lived after I did. I saw them flying And then, the waters broke into the plains, on the opposite
away, on the direction where the sun rises. Flames and side of the watering fountain, and the waters washed away
rocks were falling from the sky that day, and many of the the large tribe of spiky things that were there, running from
flying things were struck by the rocks and the flames on the fire and brimstone falling from the sky. The waterfall
their way to the birthplace of the sun. But some, very few, began to grow and swallow the earth, extinguishing even

1 1
the burning forest, and fearful, I swam out of it and ran know were gone, like the spiky tribe. And the big tooth
towards where the sunrise, following the flying things. tribe. And the tribe with leaves on their back. And I was
pretty sure that I was the last of my own tribe. No Tall
But I was so slow… So incredibly slow. Hundreds, Things remained. It was the end of my race.
thousands of many other living things, some with four legs,
some with two, some with no legs… they ran past me, The dwarf toothy things I had never seen before. They
fleeing the great fires from the sky, following the flying were tiny, barely the size of my back leg. And they were
things. And I was so big… I was the slowest of them. weak, I could swipe them easily with my great tail. But they
were fast. And there were many of them… And they had
I looked back to see if others of my tribe were there… But I really sharp claws and teeth that could tear into my skin.
was alone. I was the last of the Tall Things. I caught a
glance of a pup from my tribe, terrified and lost, but she A few of them I smashed with my feet, and others with my
didn’t make it. A great rock fell from the sky, severing her tail. But many jumped on my back. They bit me on the
long neck from her body. neck, on the shoulders.. Taken one by one, their bites
were not mighty at all, and hardly hurt me any. But there
The flying things flew so fast, crossing mountains and were so many!
plains and other places… and I saw them disappear in the
distance, and all the things that had survived the great I was weak. I was dying. My legs gave out from under me
flood were following the flying things towards the rising and I fell on the rocks. And as I closed my eyes for the last
sun… time with the dwarf toothy things, I realized with great
certainty that I was the Last of the Tall Things...
We managed to leave the place where the sky was falling,
and we managed to leave the place where the waters
swallowed everything, going to very high and cold places.
There was snow and ice where we climbed, and rocks.
And it was bitter cold. But at least the water didn’t swallow
up everything, and it had stopped raining fire.

And we kept going toward the place of the rising sun.

Nobody was in charge… we just all knew that was the right
place to go.

We marched on for days… weeks… months… There was

no food. No trees. No shrubs. Nothing. I searched
desperately for others of my tribe, but none remained. All
the survivors of the terrible hour were strangers to me.
Strange things unlike any I had ever seen before: hairy
things… plumed things… All of them were smaller than
me. I was a giant among them. Many of the tribes I did

1 1
jokes about me and then insisted on digging them deeper
into me, even though I made it clear I was insulted. So one
day Ralph and I are cutting grass at the same time, and
when we take a break, he makes this horrible joke about
me being a weirdo drug abuser, and the he pushes it to the
limit, to where I tell him to fuck of and storm off into my
house, honestly pissed.

Then I don’t see Ralph for a whole week. And when I do

see him again, he’s lost all his teeth, and he’s apologizing
to me for being a jerk all the time, and promising that he’s
gonna be a much better person. I just assume he mouthed
off to the wrong person, had all his teeth punched out of
him, and then decided to mend his ways. But again, I don’t
make much of it. Life goes on.

Suffer for Me My brother in law… that was different.

I am not so certain why, but I think people are being Jeff is the kind of guy who really does try, very hard, to be
tortured on my behalf. a good husband and father to my sister and her kids. He’s
a good guy. And unfortunately, he hates my guts.
Something to do with the fact that when my sister was
Perhaps I am the center of some strange cult that worships
young and dating him, I was jealous and possessive of
me as some kind of living God, or perhaps the mafia owes
her, and I made his life miserable. They dated since high
me some kind of terrible favor for some unknown reason.
school. They have been married 15 years.
Maybe there is a hidden government conspiracy to make
me look like some kind of powerful mafia “don”. I don’t
know. All I know is that people who treat me badly end up So, my sister invites me over to her house to tell me about
dead or very nearly so within days. her new job as assistant director for her company, Jeff
comes in and begins dissing me about my marijuana use,
saying that I am a bad influence for his kids. Pot is legal in
It began about a year ago. I was at my local Starbucks and
my state, so I kind of take it badly, and I leave a little
the clerk wrote down the wrong order. The next time I saw
disappointed.
the clerk, her fingers were all broken, and her arm in a
cast. She gave me a look, like she was almost scared of
me, but it only lasted one second, and shortly after, she Next act, my sister calls me in a panic, and tells me that
was the kindest, best clerk ever. I didn’t make much of it. somebody beat up Jeff and that’s he’s in the hospital. So I
run over and she’s there, with him, and she asks me to
take care of the kids until he’s out, which is in about a
Next was my neighbor, Ralph. Ralph and I were never very
couple of days. He suffered two broken ribs, and his nose
fond of each other. He was the kind of guy who made bad
is all bandaged up. One eye is shut out completely.

1 1
“Of course not! He would have told me. It’s just weird,
And when he sees me, he gets this weird little panicky look okay?”
for an instant, and then he goes on this tirade about how
sorry he is for being such an asshole with me over the And that’s the end of the conversation, but somehow
years. I tell him there’s no problem, and that it’s all water telling me about it makes her feel better, and the rest of the
under the bridge. But I can’t help my sister’s reaction to day, we resume our visit like old times. And for a few
Jeff’s odd behaviour towards me. She looks at me hours, it’s like everything is perfect. Both of them relax and
suspiciously, like I am suddenly responsible. we seem to get along perfectly.

Nobody is charged with Jeff’s assault. The perpetrators But that night, I am troubled. The coincidences have finally
were two, they were masked, they were in a dark alley, reached me deeply, and I begin to look back at various
and their motive was robbery. But as soon as he comes moments where people were hurt after being nasty to me.
out of the hospital, Jeff invites me over, and he’s about the What is it?
nicest guy you ever wanted to have as a brother in law. Something definitively is going on, and I would have
And my sister just keeps looking at me like I have a second nothing to do it if I knew what it was, but I don’t know what
nose. it is. Only that somehow, people who are not nice to me
end up being hurt.
So I can’t take it anymore… I take a moment with her,
alone in the garden. I decide to do something about it.

“Anna, is everything okay?” I ask her. “I mean, is In my head, I begin to think that this strange effect is
everything okay between us? You looked at me kinda occurring because of demons, it seems the only logical
weird back there…” explanation. I mean, it’s all isolated events that have
nothing to do with each other, but they all have the same
“Sure, Bob…” result: harming people who have been mean to me. Who
could do that other than supernatural creatures, right?
“Are you sure?”
So I did the only thing that I could think of. I went to see a
She takes a few breaths, like she’s trying to keep her head Psychic.
in order.
Madame Marieux has the oldest psychic store in my town.
“It’s just that it’s weird that they beat up Jeff right after he She’s supposedly a French psychic who came to America
had a fight with you. It’s kinda weird. And then he’s so nice with her parents after WWII. She’s ancient. And her
to you now… He’s never been nice to you, Bob.” She reputation is excellent. Every psychic magazine around
finally says. has a story on her, and she was featured in the t.v. show
“Haunted America”.
“Do you think I had something to do with it?”
Her store was actually a large two level house near
downtown. The lower level was set up as a kind of tarot-

1 1
shop, with a waiting room and a place for all her me the names of the cards any more. She just looked at
merchandise, incense, clothing, masks and lots of other me with utter horror on her face.
curiosities.
She took the money from wherever she had hidden it and
She came down from the second floor, wearing a bandana gave it back to me.
on her head and about a million necklaces and assorted
fantasy jewelry. “Please… Leave this place in peace. I wish you no harm to
you or your loved ones. Please. Leave here now… You
“Good day to you, how can Madame Marieux help you?” must leave me alone, I beg of you.”
She said, looking me up and down as she would look at
vegetables she is about to buy in the market. She got up went to the door, opened it for me to come out
and hung the “closed”.
“I believe I might be plagued by demons.” I said.
She nodded seriously and beckoned me to sit at the tarot One week later, I read in the paper that the famous
table. She proceeded to take out her tarot. Madame Marieux had died in a freak accident when her
gas-pipe broke in the kitchen, causing her to die from gas
“Tarot Readings are one hundred dollars. Payment up poisoning. Once again, I felt utterly distraught by the news.
front. I give no refunds.”
That was years ago.
I pulled out five twenty dollar bills from my wallet and gave
them to her. She quickly made them disappear inside her Today, I live alone, in a cabin in the woods far away from
colorful gypsy attire. Then, she shuffled the cards and put civilization. Behind me, I left a trail of bodies of all those
them on the table. who would, for some reason or another, acted badly
against me. I would rather not live alone, but whatever
“Cut the cards.” She said. hurts these people around me makes no distinctions
between them. They all suffer for me.
And I did, cutting the cards in two.

She grabbed them all, and then began to put them one by
one face up on the table.

“Death, The Devil, The Tower, The Wheel of Fortune…

The Hanged Man…”

As she continued to put cards on the table, her eyes began

to grow bigger and bigger with each one. She also began
to place the cards faster and faster on top of the table, a
small kind of panic entering her face. She didn’t even tell

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INDEX

The Cleaners
The Recipe for Sexual Violence
My Other Family
How To Die Again
You Are All Demons and This is Hell
49 Days
I’ll Kill You in my Dreams
The Dungeon
The Heavy Soul
Poodle Planet
The Angels Speak Through You My
Friends
The Life of a Tree
The Last German
What Makes Me Tick
The School Bus
The Old House
Meeting Yourself
The Last of the Tall Things
Suffer for Me

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