Social Anxiety Workbook

 
By Patience Domowski,
 
LCSW 
What is social anxiety and how do I know if I have it?

Social Anxiety, also called Social Phobia, is being afraid of what others are 
thinking or saying about you to the point it makes you feel scared, you avoid 
situations where this occurs, and you really think everyone is looking at you or 
judging you (even if they are not). Even though it feels like everyone is looking at 
you and thinking bad things about you, the most likely thing is that they are not. 
They aren't noticing you all!  

 
 
Do you experience these feelings of anxiety?_____________________________ 
 
What situations/scenarios do you most feel social anxiety? (Home/School/with 
Friends/ etc)_________________________________________________________________ 
 
How severe does your anxiety feel overall/most of the time?  
____Mild (I’m anxious but its not going to affect me too much) 
____Medium (it’s not great but I can get through it if I try) 
____High (really hard to get through, may avoid the situation completely)  
Other:______________________________________________________________ 
 
Name some situations that would make you feel socially anxious MILDLY: 
Examples: calling a friend to schedule a get together, asking mom for help, 
sitting in the front row of class, meeting someone new 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
 
Name some situations that would make you feel a MEDIUM level of anxiety: 
Examples: Answering a question in class that you know is correct, sitting with 
your friends and one new person at lunch, going to a party with friends 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
Name some situations that would make you feel a HIGH level of anxiety: 
Examples: being yelled at, going to an event with people you don’t know, 
doing a presentation, asking for help 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 
___________________________________________________________________ 
 

 
 
So how do you calm down or stop the anxiety?

First you can work on trying to calm yourself down. One way to calm yourself 
is through ​breathing exercises.​ You already know how to breathe- in fact your body 
just does that automatically for you! But when you are super anxious (or angry, or 
excited- any strong emotion) your body often will automatically start breathing 
quickly to get ready to keep you safe. You may have heard of Flight or Fight? 
There’s also Freeze. These are the automatic responses your body has to danger. 
For example if something dangerous is happening like a wild animal is about to 
attack you or a car is about to hit you your body will either: Fight the oncoming 
attacker, Flight- run away from the danger, or Freeze- stay still with no reaction. 
Freeze is great if you are trying to hide from danger as it will keep you quiet and 
still. However it wouldn't work well if you were being attacked!  
When you get anxiety- which is something that happens to everyone but some 
people get it really strongly and at times they don’t need it - their body may have 
one of these reactions even though it’s not needed. So anxiety can be good if you are 
about to be hit by a truck you will run out of the way, or someone tries to hit you over 
the head you might be able to push them away, however when you get anxiety that 
you don’t need like being too scared to raise your hand in class, or visit with a 
friend, or call someone on the phone. When this happens your body still has the 
same reaction as it would for something dangerous happening- quick shallow 
breathing to help you Fight or Flight. But you don’t need that reaction, you need and 
want to calm down. So if you take deep breaths it tells your mind and body to relax. 
It reminds you that you aren't in danger. Deep breathing can calm you down so you 
don’t Fight or Flight or even Freeze.  

 
Deep breathing exercises: 

 
There are many types of breathing exercises to try. The important thing is find 
which one you like and practice it so you’re ready and able to use it when needed.  
Try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, 
deeply. Make the out breath longer than the in breath. Let’s try it together. Ready? 
Breathe IN- count to 3. 1...2...3… and now breathe OUT-count to 4. 1...2...3...4… 
Great job!  
Let’s practice again! Breathe IN. 1...2...3… and OUT 1...2...3...4… Make sure you’re 
breathing deeply and slowly. This will help your brain and body to relax. You can 
put your hand on your stomach and feel it going up and down while you breathe. 
This will help to make sure you are breathing from your belly not your chest.  

 
Here’s a fun one! Pretend you are holding a piece of pizza, or cup of hot 
cocoa, or any favorite hot food or drink in your hands. Bring it to your face. Then 
pretend to smell the food by breathing in. Inhale long and hard to get a good whiff of 
the pizza or cocoa or whatever it is you are imagining. (Apple pie? Brownies? Mom’s 
Lasagna?). MMMM… 
Then remember the food is too hot to eat yet so blow on it to cool it down. 
Breathe out…. Cool that food off. Then pretend to eat it! Okay you don't have to 
pretend to eat it. Just remember to Breathe in through your nose- Smell the food. And 
breathe out through your mouth- cool the food off to eat. Breathe IN, Breathe OUT. 
Mmmm. yum! 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Something you can add to try while breathing is ​tapping​. You can lightly tap 
your arms or face. You can give yourself a hug and tap your shoulders on the 
opposite arm. This position is cozy. You feel like you’re getting a hug, and you can 
still breathe while calming down.  

 
Another calming thing to try is ​tightening and then relaxing each muscle 
group. You can just tighten your hands and then let go if in a hurry. Otherwise work 
on tightening your whole body one section at a time. So squeeze your face, then 
relax it, then shoulders, then relax, etc all the way to your feet. You can find some 
‘progressive muscle relaxation’ scripts to read online or even have someone read it 
to you from Youtube!  

 
 
What’s a breathing technique you have heard 
of?_________________________________ 
 
What breathing do you like to do?______________________________________________ 
 
What’s one you would like to try?_______________________________________________ 
 
When can you practice this? ___________________________________________________ 

 
 
 
 
Happy Place Thinking

Something some people like to try are thinking of their ‘happy place’. This 
means thinking about a happy memory or something relaxing for you. Some people 
think about a special family vacation, or petting their dog or cat or other pet, or a 
special outing, being with a special person, etc. Other times people think of a 
generally relaxing place like a beach, a lake, the mountains, etc. Then think about 
all five senses (or as many as you can) and how it would be like if you were currently 
in that place. What do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you 
taste? What do you feel/touch?. (Some “happy place thinking” may not have a taste 
or smell but think hard because you might come up with something!). While thinking 
of these senses you can feel like you’re actually in that happy place or with that 
special pet or person and feel happier and less anxious. Sometimes people like to 
do deep breathing while thinking of a happy place.  

 
Example: Beach. See: ocean, sand. Hear: seagulls, water crashing, people talking, 
Touch: feel the sand under my feet and hands, Smell: salt water, fresh air,greasy 
food 
Taste: Salt water, cold water, my snack 
 
 
What would be your ‘happy place’?____________________________________________ 
 
Draw it here: 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Describe it here:  
What do you see?_________________________ 
What do you hear?_________________________ 
What do you touch?________________________ 
What do you smell?_________________________ 
What do you taste?__________________________ 
 
 
 
Other calming strategies​ can include: 
● Listening to music- especially calm relaxing music 
● Watching a calming video 
● Reading a book 
● Taking a nap 
● Taking a shower 
● Getting a snack or drink of water 
● Squeezing a stress ball or playing with a fidget toy or putty. 
 
Which of these might you want to try?___________________________________________ 
 
What’s another calming strategy you would like to try?___________________________ 
 
How do you feel after doing one of these activities? 
_____________________________________________________________________________ 

 
 
Thinking Logically

Once you are calm, you can think rationally, or logically. This means you can 
see what is true (you aren't in actual danger!) and can think of a way to handle the 
problem (like what to do when your teacher calls on you in class- yikes!)  
Since now you know you aren't being attacked by a bear, and no avalanche is 
going to fall on you, and you are feeling better, try to think of what is logically most 
likely happening. Is your teacher really thinking you’re stupid ecause you didn't 
knwo the answer? Are the other students really looking at you and wondering why 
you wore a blue shirt instead of red today? Are your friends really thinking we don’t 
want to be around this loser anymore? NO! Most likely NONE of these things are 
happening And if someone does think badly of you that’s their problem and not 
yours! 

 
What are you worried is going to happen?____________________________________ 
 
What is your response? Flight, Flight or Freeze? ______________________________ 
__________________________________________________________________________ 
 
What is something you can think to yourself to calm down? 
__________________________________________________________________________ 
 
What is really most logically likely to happen? 
____________________________________________________________________________ 
Can you cope with that?_________________ 
 
What if the worst thing you worry about does happen, what do you do? 
_________________________________________________________________________ 
 
What if it doesn't happen?  
__________________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
 
 
 
Feelings and Sensations when Anxious

Many people feel different things in their bodies when they are anxious. Here is a list 
of common things people feel. ​Check off any that happen to you.  
___heart pounding/heart beating faster 
___stomachache 
___feel sick/nauseous/queasy 
___throw up 
___nervous ‘butterflies in stomach’ feeling 
___face gets hot 
___shaking 
___tingling feeling 
___freeze/can’t do anything 
___panic attack/hyperventilating (excessive short shallow breaths/feel cannot catch 
breath, feel overwhelmed, closed in or even out of their body) 
___scared 
___dizzy 
Any other feelings you might have?: ________________________________ 
 
 
Here are some situations that make many people have social anxiety,​ check off 
which ones make you nervous.  
___raise hand in class to answer or ask a question 
___being called on by the teacher 
___being yelled at by a teacher/adult 
___walking to the front of the classroom to get something (sharpen pencil, throw 
away trash, get a new pencil, etc) 
___sit with some new kids at lunch 
___join a group of kids you don’t know 
___talk to anyone you don’t know 
___make a phone call (to anyone except parents and close friends) 
___do a presentation in front of the class 
___perform in front of an audience 
___have people ask you a lot of questions  
 
What other situations may make you anxious?________________________________ 
  
_________________________________________________________________________ 

 
 
Here are some example scenarios.  
Write how you would feel, how strongly you could feel it and what you could do to 
solve it.  
 
1. Julie is called on by the teacher to answer a question. She isn't sure she knows 
the right answer.  
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Julie?:_____________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
2. Carrie is invited to a birthday party by her cousin. She knows she won’t know 
any of the other kids at the party, except the birthday person.  
Feel:___________ 
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Carrie?:___________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
3. Jackson likes a girl named Molly and wants to ask her out.  
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Jackson?:__________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
4. Clara is asked to do a presentation:  
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Clara?:____________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
5. Jerrod is playing soccer and accidentally kicks the ball the wrong way 
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Jerrod?:___________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
6. Tiffany has to start at a new school.  
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were 
Tiffany?____________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________ 
7. Brian is meeting a new friend that he knew online in real-life for the first time.  
Feel: _____________ 
How Strongly: None/Mild/ Medium/High anxiety 
What would you do if you were Brian?_____________________________________ 
_______________________________________________________________________