Idoc - Pub FHM Philippines October 2015

NEWS EXCLUSIVE! THERE’S AN EARTHQUAKE FAULT RIGHT THROUGH YOUR HOME P.

72
TRENDS:
AN EXPLAINER
UBER, #HASHTAGS, FIXED GEAR,
GASTROPUBS & ALL THAT

HOW TO SCORE ON
TINDER
OkCupid
SNAPCHAT
BABES IN
BUSINESS
THEY MAKE MORE
MONEY THAN WE DO MAN-FEARS
EROTIC LIT
NISSAN GT
ACADEMY
AERIAL DRONES
ANTI-
FRIENDZONE
TIPS

CINDY MIRANDA DANIELLE CASTAÑO QUEENIE REHMAN
BOMB SQUAD
THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN
THE PHILIPPINE S
A BEAUTY QUEEN
EXPLOSION!
TESTING THE
MANHOOD OF
P150
18+ CONTENTS ARE NOT
WALLY BAYOLA
SUITABLE FOR MINORS
INSPIRING
ENGAGING
IGNITING
W W W. S U M M I T M E D I A .CO M . P H
C O NT ENTS 1 0 / 1 5
40
T H REE QU E E NS
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO, HEIDI AQUENDE; ILLUSTRATIONS: JEREMIAH IDANAN, LOUIS ARENAS
Cindy Miranda, Dani Castaño and

Queenie Rehman ditch the sash and don
our version of ‘evening wear’
62 #INTERNETHISTORY 76 FIRST TIMERS

Know your memes from GUIDE
your emojis How to make losing
your V-card an enjoyable
66 BABETREPRENEURS experience
Good-looking business
prospects from good- 80 WALLY BAYOLA
looking babes How manly can a man
who dresses up as a lola
72 THE WEST onscreen be? Hint: Very...
VALLEY FAULT
And why it’s giving the 82 PRINCESS LEGASPI
PHIVOLCS atlas team a She ain’t prissy despite the
sinking feeling... name
88 MIRTLE GIMENO
Well-spoken hotties are
hard to find, so here's one
for you
www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofficial OCTOBER 2015 FH M 3

C ONTENTS 10/ 15
STARTER
12 MELISSA PAULO
24 KINK LITERATURE
Porny reading you can get
away with even while at
36 BEA VALERO
No B.V. with this super
leggy EDM artist
UPGRADE
104 VIRTUAL REALITY
She's the kind of girl we all work How one man steered his
wish to meet on vacation 38 HUGH JACKMAN way into an actual racecar
26 HOW TO SCORE What kind of angry bearded thanks to mad gaming
16 SEGWAY E-HOOKUPS man are you? skills
If you don't know how Step 1: Swipe right on our
to ride a bike, here’s a
geekier option for self-
transportation
handy guide
28 LADIES’
STYLE
93 O’NEILL
110 GET SHINY
GNASHERS
Turn your teeth into pearly
CONFESSIONS Steal the post-surfing look if whites
18 SUM OF ALL MAN- The fairer sex talk dirty you’re afraid of wiping out
FEARS deeds once again 112 HOW I DID IT
As Heneral Luna would say: 94 FASHIONABLE Your next business plan: Mi
“Mga duwaaaaag!”
20 BAR ROOM JOKES

ACCESS
32 GAME JAM
HALLOWEEN IDEAS
Pretend that your
skinny black pants are a
casa, su casa!
114DRONE ARMY
Guaranteed to work, even in The triumphant return of costume and not a fashion Spy on your neighbors with
non-bar settings Rock Band and Guitar Hero experiment these aerial scouts
LOUNGE
22 WINGWOMAN
34 THE NOTEBOOK
Don’t underestimate how
much chicks dig stationery
100 SLEEPOVER SWAG
Nights with the boys need
not look like a caveman club
116 TRUE STORIES
Have you ever heard
about an unfortunate
Divine guides you out the motorboating mishap–on
dreaded quagmire known as
the friendzone
34 GOOSEBUMPS THE
MOVIE
Jack Black helps us relive
GIRLF RIE ND
102 CRISTINE ELLE
land?
childhood terrors Tough love from this

Brooklyn girl
4 FH M OCTOBER 2015 facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofficial www.fhm.com.ph

THE TEAM: WHAT FHM ers HAVE BEEN U P TO T HI S M ON T H
I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . .
Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos
Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez
Art Director Paul C. Villariba
Associate Editor Alex C. Paita
Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan
Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar
Assistant Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay
Editorial Assistants, Pong M. Castillo, Chise A. Alcantara
Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera
A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . .
Managing Editor BA Borleo
Associate Section Editor Gelo G. Gonzales
Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas
Staff Writer Neps N. Firmalan, John Paulo Aguilera,
Mary Rose A. Hogaza
Video Production Specialist Engelheart V. Jarilla
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM...
Words Divine Maitland-Smith, Anthony Teasdale, Jim Butler, Mikey Agulto,
Wayne Tulio, Toni Antiporda Illustrations Louis Arenas, Mikke Gallardo,
Mady Marcelino, Jeremiah Idanan, Gilbert Daroy, Juno Abreu Pictures
Rey Trajano, Mike Dee, Ejay Leung, Mark Jesalva, Heidi Aquende,
Weng Barleta, Artu Nepumuceno, Ria Regino, Kurt Alvares,
Jonathan Baldonado Styling/Makeup/Hair Krystal Rence, Emmanuel
Hernandez II, Lei Ponce, Anne Castaño, Tina Luong, Janina Dizon, Amanda
Padilla, Jessica Fang, Bela Vitug, Debra Bernales, Badj Genato, Genie Babista
F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R K
International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director
Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard
International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content
Executive Ryan Chambers International Digital & Content Executive
Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild
Three beauty queens in one shoot–Illuminati confirmed? International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech
The FHM crew makes use of some selective lighting to look Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs,
(Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard
presentable next to these leggy ladies. Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway)
Martin Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu,
(Russia) Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros
Majcenovic, (South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan)
Associate Editor Saffron Lee, (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar,
(UK) Joe Barnes
Alex rides off SUMMIT MEDIA
into the sunset President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Edna T. Belleza
VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Junior Associate Publisher
in style at the Aeus Kevin Reyes Digital Publisher Adel De Jesus Deputy Group
Nissan GT Digital Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business Operations Manager
Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production
Academy finals. Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno
It’s been a long Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Graphic Artist Louis
Arenas Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin
day, without you Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel
my friend... ADVERTISING
Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-Key
Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco Key Account
Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar,
Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print)
Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager
(Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Melinda
Kitane-San Diego, Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del
Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Adv. Executive Assistant
Editorial Rita Barbacena Key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla,
Assistant Chinggay M. Cabit Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago
Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe
Chise E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T
ensures his Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing
regularization Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano,
Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili
gets signed M E D I A R E L AT I O N S
by treating the Media Relations Manager Grace Enriquez Media Relations
Associate Nicole David
Ash and JL put their card team to dinner. TRADE MARKETING
game addiction to good use Thanks! We Trade Marketing Officer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing
Associates Caz Marino Trade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda
by sweating it out as extras for eagerly await Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod
this month’s fashion editorial. your birthday! Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem
C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S
Team Art Director Jaykee Evangelista Copywriter Miguel Escobar
Digital Art Director Rey Etable Associate Art Director Jerome de Dios
Carlo Maala Senior Web Designer Teddy Garcia Producer Tara Llavore
C I R C U L AT I O N
Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation
Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada
Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution
Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera
Key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group
Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores
Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang
Key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen
Sescon-Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep,
Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor Specialist-
North Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon
Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert
Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena
Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan
Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA
FHM ’s International Publisher EA Chise striking a robotic Hardest working dad, BA, John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription
Gareth Cherriman visits our part pose during an outdoor event, celebrated the baptism of Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo
of the globe, and snaps a pic at if only he was as mechanically baby Clarisse this month. Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation
Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation
our office’s super dependable efficient at working... Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant
brick wall. Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias

Get in touch!
LETTERS 10/15 FACEBOOK.COM/

FHM.PH
INS TAGR AM@
FHMPHILOFFICIAL
TWITTER.COM/
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FHM@SUMMITMEDIA.
COM.PH
GOTTA CATCH ’EM ALL!

6F & 7F ROBINSONS
CYBERGATE CENTER
TOWER 3 PIONEER
COMPLEX, PIONEER ST.,
MANDALUYONG CITY 1550
I am a late collector of your magazine

and I always make it a point to collect
all the back issues whenever I see
them on the stands, especially the old
and classic ones. I recently bought
seven issues, the ones with Angelu De
Leon, Sheree, Asia Agcaoili, Maureene
Larrazabal, Rufa Mae Quinto, Andrea
Del Rosario, and Belinda Bright and
Michelle Estevez as their covers. I
noticed that my copy of March 2003
came with a free poster then it hit
me, why not bring back giving out
free posters of your cover girls every
month? Plus do another wild fiction
story (maybe the new generation of El
Gimikero?) and more freebies we can
win! I know this will be a hit.
P.S. Your September issue with Yam on
the cover is just the right amount of sexy,
even though I enjoyed her first cover
more. Keep up the good work FHM!
Keneth Dave Fajilan, Batangas, via
email
GALLERY
Finally I have a copy!

#FHMYamWildAndFree Autograph na
lang ni @yamconcepcion ang kulang!
Kailan kaya ako magkakaroon?
Merlyn Macalanda via Twitter
SORRY!
I’ve been an avid fan of your magazine for a while
now, but your September issue was top notch! It gave
me multiple eye-gasms by featuring my favorite
babes Yam Concepcion and Ann B. Mateo! The cherry
on top of everything was seeing my favorite band
Queso being featured as well (Although, you mixed Date night with @yam_concepcion
certain band members name on your magazine)! Your #fhmyamwildandfree #fhmphilippines
September issue is definitely for keeps! #fhmph #fhm #instapic
Ann Fernandez via email thethorlanes via Instagram

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
WE LOVE YOU TOO!

Hey, FHM team! I will celebrate my
birthday this October 1 and I hope that
you can save some room for my letter
in your great magazine. By the way,
your September issue is a bam. Hindi
talaga kayo nauubusan ng surpresa
para as aming mga readers. Job well
done po! Naka-attach po yung picture
ng tropa ko. Mga adik din sila sa FHM
kagaya ko. I love you guys!
Jay Ulibas, via Facebook
SMALL AND DEFINITELY NOT

TERRIBLE
I’m an avid fan of FHM, and those
sexy girls featured in your mag are
NOT EVEN MAD! my inspiration. I am now 24 years
We would appreciate it if you could publish this picture taken in Amsterdam old and it will be my first time to
with the most gorgeous photo bomber ever. show off my abs. I’m a Libra, 4’8” in
Capt. Jo-Plaz, via email height, and I have the same vital stats
as Debbie Garcia and Sheric Ranning
(32-23-33)—the ladies featured your
FHM Gravure No. 2. I am hoping to
see my photo on one of your issues. It’s
my birthday on October 3; and seeing
my photo on your mag again will be
a great gift. Keep it up FHM, I really
learn a lot from your mag. Thank you!
Georgina Lalaine Antang, via email
#F H MYA M WI L DAN D F R E E
t weet s
Isolation is not your
concern, being
simple is your beauty
#yamsimpleandsexy
SOMEONE’S LYING FIVE MONTHS
#FHMYamWildAndFree
My lovely wife and I COMING
are celebrating our 5th My wife and I celebrated
pogi222
wedding anniversary this our anniversary last June
@carlajenina @carlajenina year and I would love to 19 and it has been our
Salamat at nahanap surprise her with this tradition of sending you
ko na ang official photo. We’re big fans of a photo hoping it would
Twitter account mo. your magazine. You can get published in your
#CarlaOnFhm @FHMPhil even ask Pinocchio. magazine. I guess you
#fhmyamwildandfree The manager via email haven’t noticed, but we’ve
alvin_balisacan been making it for at
least four years in a row
birthday gift please
now! Sadly, the streak
tong september issue
ended this year when
#FHMYamWildAndFree
we didn’t get our photo
#FHM #YamConcepcion
posted last July. Better
yam_concepcion…
akosikeenkong late than never, right?
Arvin via email

WI S D O M YO U
S H O U L D N’T
L E AVE H O M E
WIT H O UT
They say movies can take
T
you places, but what do
you do when it’s always the
same cities getting blown
up or invaded onscreen
again and again? Well,
you can take the lead from
actress and model Melissa Paulo–she
loves to pack her bags and explore.
Sometimes solo. Yes men, girls as hot
PHOTOG RAPHY: R EY TRAJANO
as her do actually travel without an
I N T E R V I E W : A S H M A H I N AY
impenetrable pack of wing women–but
S T Y L I N G : J E S S I CA FA N G don’t think for a second that you are the
H A I R A N D M A K E U P : K R Y S TA L R E N E E draw of the destination…
Take me out Feeling wanderlust-y
with Melissa Paulo
The first thing that popped up when books on spirituality–anything that Is your last name a sign of Filipino
we stalked–erm, Googled you is that helps bring me closer to my soul. heritage by any chance?
you were in Star Trek Into Darkness! Paulo Coehlo, Osho, Thich Nhat Hahn, I am Filipino, Japanese, Danish,
I had a small cameo in the film opposite Eckhart Tolle, the list goes on! German, Swedish, and Irish! My dad
Chris Pine. I had auditioned for another Is acting your full-time occupation? is from Hawaii and my mother is from
project. They called and asked if I would Acting is my main career focus. Aside Nebraska.
come in and shoot a bar scene in Star from work, I love to travel–we are only When on the move, do you always
Trek. It was a very last minute, fun, and on this planet once, it’s important to keep a travel buddy?
easy shoot. me that I see as much of the world as I’ve traveled solo a few times. But for
We wish last minute stuff like that I can! I just went to Tulum, Mexico for my last trip to Mexico, I went with a
happened to us! Do you happen to be a the first time and it was heavenly. When good friend who spoke Spanish! That
Trekkie or sci-fi nerd? I am home, I love to be outdoors, to made it a lot easier to get around. I
I am not a Trekkie, and not classically garden, go to the beach, hike, anything like to travel with friends who are
nerdy either. I do love to read! Mostly that brings me closer to nature. adventurous and up to try new things.
‘I am Filipino, Japanese, Danish,
German, Swedish, and Irish! My
dad is from Hawaii and my mother
is from Nebraska’
Personally, I am not usually looking for light candles, burn incense, order Thai
love when I travel or go out but I think takeout, and watch Netflix. I’d take
my best advice for guys when hitting that over a night on the town any day,
on a girl is if you catch her looking at ha ha! And if its raining, that makes it
you more than twice, it’s a universal all the better. A cuddle buddy and fire
invitation to say hi! going would be icing on the cake.
You mentioned being close to nature For fun, let’s say you’re on a trip, and
as well, does that mean you aren’t all your bags are about to fall off a
afraid to get dirty? boat and into the water! You can only
I am definitely not afraid to get a save one item, what would it be
little dirt under my nails! My mom and why?
always says, “A little dirt don’t hurt.” I This actually happened to me, ha ha!
recently jumped off a cliff and ziplined. I was in Thailand with some friends
It was amazing! taking a dingy from a yacht to an
Are you the type to travel island and someone jumped off. It put
spontaneously without a set plan? the boat off balance and it completely
I prefer to be more spontaneous than tipped over and we all fell off! I had
to overly plan. Plans create too many my purse on me and I tried to keep
Local guys often want to talk to the expectations; I’d rather go with the it above water but everything got
hot chick from out of town, especially flow. Fortunately, I’ve never had soaked. I lost my phone, my camera,
if she’s not with another dude. What anything go horribly wrong traveling. and my wallet was drenched–I wasn’t
is your opinion on this? I am quite the nap taker though, so able to save anything! If I could have
I think it’s always nice to be once I did fall asleep at the airport and a do over, I would have definitely
complimented when it’s done tastefully; totally missed my flight, but it wasn’t saved my phone, there were so many
but when you are an out-of-towner, I a big deal I just laughed at myself and pictures on it and I was out of contact
think it’s an assumption that you are caught the next flight out, ha ha! with the world for the rest of the trip.
just looking for a good time so guys On the flipside, what’s a good reason As much as I enjoyed being off the
can be a little more aggressive. It’s for you to stay put? What tempts you grid, I know my mom–who I talk to
attractive if a guy is more elusive, if to stay indoors for a while? everyday–was worried when she didn’t
he is too eager, it can be a turn off. I love relaxing days/nights in. I love to hear from me! FH M

starterride
Ridin’
WORDS:
CHISE
ALCANTARA
ILLUSTRATIONS:
nerdy LOUIS ARENAS
H o w t o ke e p y o u r s w a g
intact while riding a
Se g w a y
The not-so-wide open road, the wind

blowing through your hair, and the
slight whizzing of the engine–that’s
the Segway life. Let’s be honest
here, cruisin’ down the street on a
Get
Segway probably isn’t going to be swerving!
Club Intramuros
the swaggiest thing ever because, G
actually offers th olf Course
really, you’re just standing on a step Segway Tour av
e first 3-in-1
with wheels on it while wearing a ailable in the
Philippines–The
Navigator.
dorky helmet. A lot of people say You can earn yo
ur wheels by
that it’s impossible to look good on practicing on th
eir
then you can ta Segway track,
a Segway, so we decided to take on ke a tour around
Intramuros to le
arn
that challenge by making up our own its history. You ca more about
n
stylish tricks to pimp out even the golf bag on a Se even put your
gway like a min
golf cart, so you i
wimpiest rider. Let’s ride! can ride across
the fairway in st
yle.
No hands
titanic
If it’s your first time riding a Segway, it’s
guaranteed you’ll try this move once
that you feel like you’ve gotten the
hang of the basics. Channel your inner
Rose and let go of that handle bar.
Lean forward as far as you can (this
will speed up the Segway) and feel like
you’re flying. Just make sure you keep
your mouth shut if you don’t want any
bugs flying in there.

Donuts
Relive your childhood of spinning on
those cool office chairs with this really
easy (you just lean in the direction you
want to rotate to) and useful maneuver.
Perfect for perfect 360-panoramic
shots or just taking a while to take
in the scenery because, damn, these
things turn slowly.
Safety
first
Th e g u ys
f r o m S egw ay
P h ilip pi nes
a n d C lu b
Drunk driving I n t r a m u ros
G o lf C ours e
(snaking) s h o we d the
While we really don’t advise swerving FH M t e am
on any other vehicle, it’s just so much S e g wa y bas i cs
fun to do on the Segway (and this is s o we w oul dn’t
probably the coolest looking thing to t o p p le each
watch on video). Just while leaning o t h e r dow n l i ke
forward, shift your weight from left to b o wling pi ns
right to left to right…you get the idea.
You’ll create a cool optical illusion
making your body look more “bendy”
than it is. Don’t mess
with other
segways
They have a safety
feature installed that
causes them to vibrate
whenever they are
Platforming too close together. No
bump-Segways, boo…
Whenever you want to do some off-trail
riding, you’ll have to transfer to an either
lower or higher surface. To do this, you
have to make sure both of the Segway’s Just relax
wheels transfer at the same time, so The Segway can smell
your Segway has less chance of tipping your fear. Don’t panic if
over. You can actually ride downstairs you lose your balance
on it if you have enough stability and leg a bit, it will just make
strength; going up, though, we still think things worse.
the elevator is the better option.
Getting off
Find a wall or
something sturdy, then
lean the wheels on
it so you can have a
sturdier dismount. One
foot at a time, guys!
The lean back

While this move requires some balance and confidence (not
advised for people who have trust issues) it’s probably one
of the smoothest moves you can pull off on this machine.
Slowly tip your weight behind you until you feel the Segway
start going in reverse—now just pull up your pants and do the
rockaway…lean back, lean back, lean back.

F ly ing ipis
We know we can
just step on them
and crush them
to a pulp—but
they’re on the
wall! And when
you creep up to
them, they fly
right into your
face so that you
have to jump
Spide r s around and brush
it off you...like a
girl.
It’s not the
tarantulas or
any of the hairy,
poisonous ones—
they’re house
pets. We mean
the hideous
gagambang
bahay, the one
that lurks in a
dark corner wall
of, say, your
dingy toilet, and
starterlist as you sit on the
throne, you look
up and there it is...
The sum aaaahhhhhhh!!!
of all
man-fears
Yo u c a n’ t s care u s w i t h
al l tha t ho r ror bu l l sh i t .
Bu t m a ny o f t h e t ou g h est
a m o n g u s will scream
li ke gi r ls w h en f aced
w i th tr u e evi l
WORDS:
ALLAN
HERNANDEZ
MODEL
PHOTOGRAPHY:
MIKE DEE
Se x ua l c o n f u s i o n
la te in t h e g a m e
What do we mean
by this? You’re
in your mid-30s,
you’re made,
probably about to
get married to the
girl you’ve been
with for 12 years,
and then one
day—you find out
it’s men you like.
We feel the fear
Frogs creeping up to
you now...
Again, not really
the evil-looking
kind—they are, in
fact, exciting. It’s
the wet, corpulent
palakang bato
that’s out in the
streets on rainy
days that is kadiri.
Dude, as in!
H y po de r m ic
ne e dle
We can live with
gangrene, or
losing a limbs,
just don’t let us
sit beside a nurse
Rats with a needle. We
lose all sense of Yo ur G F i s
Have you seen shame. pr e g n a n t
sewer rats the Test says yes. You
size of cats? We say NOOOO!
have. And they
were not in the
sewer—they were
on our kitchen
sink. Sorry, we
lived in a literal Dogs ( t h e na ng-
h ahabo l k ind)
mancave then.
Or maybe you're Look, man, just
more afraid of don’t let us near
the little ones an askal that
that you have to looks you in the
shriek and jump eyes, and with
up a chair...again, that slow growl
like a girl. that rises in pitch
as you get near.
Tatakbo talaga
kami!
starter
DIRTIEST JOKE
SHEK N OWS
ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO
Girl: Condom ka ba?

Boy: Bakit?
Girl: Kasi, I don’t feel
safe without you.
Jean, videographer
Send us your
funniest jokes at
Facebook.com/
fhm.ph
BAR R O O M A punch in
the gut
JOKES A man and his wife
arrive at a class reunion
after a grueling four-
hour drive. They’re given
W ho you callin g nametags and head to the
corn y? gymnasium.
They just started to
talking with some friends
when the wife gets thirsty.
She asks her husband to
Bad blood
BARRIO JOKES
go get in line to get her
A young man finds the perfect girl some punch.
in his village he wants to marry. He He returns after 10
minutes with one empty
asks his father for his blessings,
cup. The wife asks about
but the father tells him that he was her drink and the husband
screwing around in his youth, and replies, “Sorry, honey, the
that the girl he wants to marry is, in punch line was too long and “Sana naka-off ang ilaw, para tayo na lang ang
it wasn’t even that good.” mag-on.”
fact, his sister.
Metapod, via BinayLover, via Facebook
The young man, devastated but
Facebook
still wanting to get married, asks his “Para kang holdaper. Lahat ibibigay ko sa ’yo, wag
father if he could marry his next-door Death sounds mo lang akong saktan.”
neighbor’s daughter instead. The A sheep, a drum, and a PutaheSaAlak, via Facebook
father tells him with an apologetic snake fall down a cliff…
Ba-dum-tss! “Maglaro tayo ng kahit ano, wag lang taguan.
tone that she is also his sister. ’Cause a girl like you is impossible to find.”
The young man storms out crying EddieWow, via
Facebook SouthSide, via Facebook
and finds his mother outside. She
asks him what’s up and he tells Trippy puns “Nakalunok ka ba ng kuwitis? Kasi pag ngumiti
her the story. She tells him with a I bought some shoes from ka…may spark!”
a drug dealer. I don’t know Kalabit, via Facebook
motherly soft voice: “Son, go marry
any girl you want. That man is not what he laced them with
but I have been tripping “Pag wala ka, ang buhay ko parang lapis na hindi
your father.” pa natatasahan: pointless.”
all day.
BuddWiser, via Facebook Kabitsera, via MisterImpossible, via Facebook
Facebook

*HWUHDG\WRKLW
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PREMIERE DOTTED
Condoms with raised
pleasure dots for a more
intense experience.
LOUNGE
PHOTOGRAPHY:
EJAY LEUNG
OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS
STYLING: BELA VITUG
HAIR AND MAKEUP:
ANNE CASTAÑO
WINGWOMAN LOGO:
AUGGIE FONTANILLA
‘NICE GUY’
THINGS YOU’RE
DOING WRONG
AKA how not to get
friendzoned. Our
wingwoman gets you
out of a tricky slump
1
TO BE CLEAR, THIS
ISN’T ABOUT BEING
ANTI-NICE GUY
It’s anti-being friendzoned. Nice
guys are cool, and for me any ideal
relationship starts out with friendship.
It’s easier to transition from being
friends to being more-than-friends
from there. Being “friendzoned,” on
the other hand, is different. You can
be “nice” and women can confuse
that niceness for friendship that
won’t see the light of romance or
naughtiness in your cards. Women
and dating are complicated, I know.
So let’s get to “un-complicating”
things…
LOUNGE WINGWOMAN
U D ID N ’T
T H IN G S Y O B O U T
KNOW A
IT L A ND-
2 DON’T “FRIEND” YOUR
FRIENDS’ FRIENDS
Complicated, I know. But I always say, date girls outside of
QUALITIES THAT
KEEP YOU IN THE
3
D IV IN E M A H your close circle of friends. This way close friends and both
S M IT parties’ mutual friends can’t get involved or affected in any
way. This means less drama in the long run if things don’t work FRIENDZONE
out. If it does, though…well, good on you both.
Lack of both physical touch

America and childish flirting
culture- Touching her hair or shoulders
(appropriately) is like sending out
shocks her an advance party. It cues her that
Now that I think you’re on to something else.
of it, this is such
a strange answer,
but I find that in No sexual attraction
all of my travels, This is a hard one. I would
it’s in the US suggest you gym up and be
where I’ve been physically fit. You’re doing this for
most shocked, yourself. You have to be confident
culturally. For in your own attractiveness, and
instance, someone else will think the same.
they serve
insanely huge
amounts of food Not going for it
there—and that’s A girl can only think of you “as a
just for a single friend” if you stay in her comfort
serving! One time, zone. Don’t be scared to move
it took my sister past it. And if you really like her,
and my mother to don’t be scared to ask her out.
help me finish a Do it.
dish.
Being forward without

taking cues
On the other hand, don’t be
too forward. Making her feel
awkward and uncomfortable
won’t be good for you both.
Wait until you start feeling the
right vibes—a smile, a laugh, a
date proposal cleverly wrapped
in a joke—before you go out
swinging.
4 STRIKE THE PERFECT BALANCE!

You’re either: 1. A perfect gentleman she can potentially flirt with; 2. Someone too nice
and “just a friend;” 3. The guy who mixes it up and catches her attention
Opens doors, Listens and is Makes an effort Stays cool Sends out zero Too persistent
PERFECT GENTLEMAN
pulls out chairs, easy to talk Basic grooming If you had a feelers Sometimes
TOO NICE CHUMP
offers to foot with and hygiene terrible day or Flirting doesn’t being persistent
the bill A gentleman apply. Also, there had a rough make you a bad is considered a
Old school and will rarely brag are always plus time heading to guy. Acting on “good guy” quality
simple, but about himself, points if you know your date, don’t your physical because long
necessary to make good how to dress bother passing urges will make pursuits are taken
score you brownie conversation; yourself. What I on the bad vibes you (and her) feel to mean loyalty.
points. listen; get mean by this is, to her with all the more confident But nobody wants
personal. Be know what you details. Talk light. and curious to to be pressured
a little silly; like and know see what can to do something
laughing puts how to wear it to possibly come they don’t want.
people at ease. fit your body type. next.
LOUNGE SEX
Lessons from
PROPER
DON’T JUDGE THEM
BY THEIR COVERS
EROTICA
Sex-tinged books have gotten a bad
rap in pop culture, no thanks to
Fifty Shades of Grey . But there are
WHEN IN DOUBT,
DO N’ T U SE
useful tips from reads like these… MARGARINE
Reference: “Ang
Tikbalang” from
Cubao Pagkagat G ET H ER
WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA ng Dilim by Tony COMFORTABLE
PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK JESALVA
Perez AND INTERESTED
“Ang Tikbalang” is
about a sexually
BEF O R E G O ING
insatiable “man” FULL BASTUSAN
who goes through Reference: Little
Birds by Anais
INDULGE HER WEIRD
life having sex with
countless women Nin ‘YOLO’ CAN BE
A SEXUAL
FOOD FANTASIES until they get sick About a man who
of it—not the sex, feeds birds to MOTTO, TOO
but his different attract schoolgirls— Reference:
Reference: “Foreskin he earns enough
Crackling” by Nick Carbo fetishes, one of Rough and
which includes of their trust to Ready by Sandra
from Eros PINOY convince them to
Taken from the book: “She rubbing margarine Hill
all over their bodies. sleep with him. Take it from
had this wild thought to This is, of course, a
dip my penis in a pot of Hill’s Rough and
criminal move, but Ready—a book
Swiss chocolate…” Two replace “schoolgirl”
things to consider: 1. The about time-traveling
with the actual Navy SEALs
chocolate must not be woman you’re into
hot; 2. If she’s going turned Vikings who
(not a minor) and get it down with
to swallow, what’s you’re set.
stopping you from “women in distress.”
getting a little The band of TNL
beverage spilled protagonists in the
over it? book show what it
truly means to be
virile. Hey, You only
live once.
YOUR NECK IS
ALSO A MUSCLE—
USE IT
Reference: KuBoRi
KIKIAM: We heart
short shorts
DO AS THE In this episode of the
TREES online comic series,
Reference: Dondon asks Edward
“Pulotgata” by how to lick carpets.
Danton Remoto
from Pulotgata
Your environment
has a lot to
do with her
mood. To quote
from Remoto’s
SINGLE WOMEN
Pulotgata: “Sa WHO LIVE ALONE
labas, dinidilaan/
ng ulan ang mga ARE HORNY
puno./Ang hangin Reference: “Halinghing
ay bumubulong/ sa Hatinggabi” by
Sa tainga ng mga Mayette Bayuga in
dahon/Habang/ Tapat Journal
nakaupo ka sa If there’s anything
akin…” Partake, that Mayette Bayuga’s
then, in some “Halinghing sa
nature-loving Hatinggabi” can teach
PDA. us, it’s that women like
Laura can get hot and
bothered by men in her
apartment building
just because she heard
strange sexual moans in
the middle of the night.
And while in heat, she
takes it upon herself to,
erm, douse her urges
with the landlord’s
son. Do things like this
happen in real life? We
can’t say it won’t.
L O U N G E D AT E H A C K S
How to FIND OUT WHO YOUR COMPETITION IS

STE P 2
score
E-hookups
To up your online date-
ability chances, do as
follows…
ST E P 1 Pick a virtual
dating pool
Generic-texting
chumps
Smoke them
by: Referencing
Tinder something she
said on her bio,
Biggest selling points: Filters off Abs-snapping instead of opening
unlikables and initiates kilig by only and muscled- with “hey,” “what’s
allowing contact between “matched” selfie-taking up?” or “hello poh!”
users (people whose profiles you’ve schmucks
liked, who incidentally, also liked Smoke them
yours). Syncs with Facebook to reveal by: Using cleverly Chatty men who
common friends, making your dates taken profile maximize the
more “human.” photos that bank 500-word bio
on your humor or Smoke them
other physically- by: Doing the
conveyable assets, opposite. Cut back
instead of focusing to: what you’re like,
on your tubby and what kind of
OkCupid tiyan. ladies you like to
hook up with. Ease
Biggest selling points: Basic, up on the lewd—
and encourages everyone to try their that comes later.
hand at suavely sending feelers to
everybody else. Free prowling, if
you will. Includes gimmicky features
that calculate your best matches via
member-created quizzes and multiple
choice questions.
STEP 3 Get the app and log a profile. While you’re at it—some
firsthand tips and stories from Tinder users via Reddit
“Sabi nga nila, the more “I moved here to the “I got a match last night
Snapchat entries you send, the Philippines about three and we were having a
more chances of winning. weeks ago and I've already great conversation when
Biggest selling points: Not an Swipe right lang ako lagi.” met a gorgeous woman off all of a sudden she's
actual dating service, but a way to Bordado Tinder. 5'9", light-skinned gone and I can't find her
share photos— which disappear Pinay who makes people anymore. Hate the app now.”
seconds after you’ve viewed them. “Some of my matches post not instinctively stare at Not4hookups
Nifty trick that encourages snaps of… nudes. Tinder is now my new me first. Highly intelligent
well, you already know what. Best source of porn. I guess that's financial analyst from well to “The good thing about
place for you to be if you’re playing a success?” Asdadsadsa do family. Yup, I fucking love dating sites is ang dami
for tease. Tinder.” Kraken9911 talaga. Grabe!” Cheatycat
WORDS: KHYNE PALUMAR
The only
Internet- DTF NSA LT MSN TD LF
speak that
GL UW TM
matters Down to fuck No strings Looking to Miniskirt no Talk dirty to me Let’s fuck
attached get laid underwear

MODEL:
NIKKI HOWARD
PHOTOGRAPHY:
REY TRAJANO
MAKE UP AND HAIR:
TINA LUONG
MODEL APPEARS
FOR ILLUSTRATION
PURPOSE ONLY
LOUNGE
,
LADIES center of my panties to show
off my pussy. I got kinda
nervous when he did that but
CONFESSIONS I could feel how careful he

was so I just let him do it. He
gently touched my pussy and
slowly inserted two fingers
inside me, slowly moving them
Absolutely true stories of women in lust in and out. He played with my
clit by moving his thumb in
circles. He removed my shirt
Cutting edge was he going to do with them. and sucked my nipples again.
I was dating this guy a while “Basta,” he replied with a He had one hand on my boobs
back and agreed to his plan of naughty grin on his face. and the other on my pussy.
doing it after his shift—but I He laid me down lightly on He took the rope and tied it
would never have guessed the the bed and started kissing my ALWAYS HERE around me. He spread my legs
kind of kinkiness I was neck, while his hands caressed TO LISTEN, and entered me with his hard
in-stored for. my boobs. He then licked my LADIES! dick. When I moaned, he softly
Before meeting him, he ears, and I started moaning. said, “Ano? Gusto mo pa?” I
texted me, asking me to wear He took the pair of scissors smiled, nodded, and he fucked
my old clothes without saying and toyed with my top. He me harder. I could feel his dick
why. I went through my cut two small holes out of my Keep sending almost touching my cervix, so
wardrobe and changed. When blouse, exposing my nipples. your escapades to deep.
I came back, he was already He traced his mouth over each fhmladiesconfessions He did me doggy style—I
naked, smiling, and sitting in of them, licking them round @gmail.com or buried my face into a pillow
the bed with ropes and a pair and round... Facebook.com/fhm.ph and moaned into it, before
of scissors. I asked him what He then cut a hole at the feeling his cum burst inside

LOUNGE CONFESSIONS
me. I can’t forget how he reacts

when he cums–parang kinilig
siya. After that, he smiled and
‘He cut two small then whispered, “Want me to
go harder?” His horny query
made me blow up with lust and
kissed me. We’re currently
thinking up other kinky
holes into my blouse, drove me to climax.
He did not stop banging
things we can try out.
Joyce, via Facebook exposing my nipples. me for a good five minutes
after I came–five minutes of
intense butt plopping, ass
Karaoke night
There’s this guy from work
He traced his mouth grabbing, and ear biting until
he finally came inside me. We
that I’ve always had a thing
for. Thanks to some common
over each of them, were so sweaty when we came
back wondering if anyone
friends, he got invited to one of
the karaoke nights my group licking them round noticed our absence. The
others were still enjoying their
arranged regularly. merrymaking, clueless of the
That night, I sat next to him
and teased him while the others
and round…’ fact that we just had great fun
for ourselves.
sang to their hearts’ content. Ynah Inari, via email
When I felt like everyone
was drunk enough, I tried to It’s just... a little gush
touch his bulge, and felt that My boyfriend recently learned
his member was already stiff how to stimulate my G-spot
because of all the teasing I and it feels amazing. One of
gave him earlier. We locked lips our more fun experiments
while everyone else was busy. happened just last week.
Things got heated up pretty We were in bed and he was
quickly so he whispered, “Let’s playing with my G-spot. He
go somewhere more private.” kept teasing me, and I got
And I, being so desperately closer and closer to orgasm. I
horny, obliged. begged him to make me cum,
We sneaked out and found and that’s when he started to
a vacant karaoke room beside vigorously fap my pussy. I felt
the one we rented. We left the my whole body gyrate; I came
lights off so the staff wouldn’t so hard that it looked like a
know we were inside. I took sprinkler got installed in our
his throbbing bulge out of room, and I made the weirdest
his pants and gave him the sound you could possibly
best blowjob I have ever given imagine while I was squirting.
anyone—even my boyfriend. I I sounded like a teapot letting
felt his member stiffen but got out steam, and I’m really sure I
surprised he didn’t unload his freaked out my boyfriend. But
stuff in my mouth. He lifted my still, I wouldn’t trade orgasms
skirt up and started licking my like that for something as silly
flooded pussy. I came so much as getting embarrassed, ha ha!
and had a hard time containing Elsa, via email
Disco magic
my moans. Good thing the My husband is a real avid fan
room was soundproof and our of the ‘70s. He loves everything
friends were singing on top of about it, from the fashion, to
MEANWHILE, their lungs. the music. I wanted to give
IN LADY I was going insane with him something unique for his
PARTS I.Q. his licking skills, flicking his birthday so we got a disco ball
tongue masterfully on my installed in our bedroom. Let’s
clit. He then took me from just say we got a little groovier
behind, forcing his dick inside with our sex life. We would put
me. I felt my walls expand on some disco fever and dance
as my pussy embraced his the night away. Making love
tool. I got teary-eyed both with all the colors around you
with pain and in ecstasy. He makes sex so much more…
pounded me harder on the psychedelic. He rammed his
leather sofa, tugging my hair dick to me while grooving to
the beat. He says the lights
make the sweat on my breasts
1 Take a tape measure armpits (i.e. 36). glisten like gems. When I was
Calculating her cup size and circle it across 3 Take her bust finally at the throes of orgasm,
The her breasts and measurement, and it felt like I climaxed multiple
difference 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 back. Keep a mental minus off her band times, spinning around the
(in inches) note (i.e. 40). measurement (40 room with the lights twirling.
2 Take the same tape – 36 = 3). Consult This is probably one of the best
Her cup AA A measure and circle chart below to affix investments I’ve bought in a
B C D DD DDD,
F it above both boobs, letter—and you’ve
size F while. Can’t wait to try out more
underneath her got: 40D! stuff with my hubby.
DoraDispatch, via Facebook

YO U R
M O N T H LY
VI P PASS
01 GAM E S
GAME JAM!
Guitar Hero Live
The clue about what’s new is
in the name. The experience of
Guitar Hero Live is as close to
playing before a live audience
as you can get—that’s because
they recorded an actual live
audience and festival setup
for the entire game. When
THE SOUND OF you’re done living the rock
FURIOUSLY CLACKING star dream, you can then play
over music videos online with Guitar Hero TV—which lets
PLASTIC BITS RETURNS TO you discover new tunes as well with its Spotify-esque
YOUR LIVING ROOM THIS playlists. The cons? You can sing, but there are no drums
MONTH WITH ROCK BAND 4 and bass for the rest of the gang.
AND GUITAR HERO LIVE
Highlight track
“Feel So Close,” Calvin Harris May guitars pala yun?
In case you aren’t quite sure when
you last picked up a rhythm game, let
us help you out: the last entry in the
following franchises came out way back
in 2010. Since then, we’ve swapped
the novelty of tapping away on fake FHM ’S
instruments for tapping away on our DRUNKEN
smartphones—and now it’s time to REQUEST
go back to the more social fun these LIST
games offer! “Narda” “Luha” “Stay”
Kamikazee Aegis Cueshé

ALSO OUT!
Halo 5:
Guardians
In the latest installment
of the Halo franchise, a
new playable character,
Spartan Locke, is on
the hunt for the missing
Master Chief while
mysterious events are
blowing up colony worlds.
A biggie is four-player
coop campaign, but sadly
it’s not playable split-
screen (a major boo).
02
Round up your friends F I LM
with Xbox Ones ASAP!
PRESENTING:
WORDS: ASH MAHINAY
Rock Band 4
GOTHIC KINK
The big deal here is that MEXICAN FILMMAKER
Rock Band 4 lets you
break out your dusty old
GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S
instruments and still use COMEBACK FILM IS
them. But chances are, READY TO FILL YOUR
they’re already laspag, so NIGHTMARES WITH BLOOD,
you might as well grab
a new set and split the
VIOLENCE, AND SEX
cost with your mates–and
promptly fight over who gets the guitar and freedom There’s a lot of buzz about Guillermo del
to rip it out during the new “freestyle” solo segments. Toro’s latest, Crimson Peak—and it’s not
Need more tracks? Old Rock Band downloads are even all about Tom Hiddleston signing up
available as long as you match platforms with what for the lead role 72 hours after Benedict
you used before–say, you had a PS3? Make sure to Cumberbatch dropped out. What the world’s
pick up the PS4 version then! going loco for rather is that this marks del
Toro’s homecoming to the horror genre.
Highlight track Crimson Peak’s sinister mood is set
“Uptown Funk,” Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars in a sprawling mansion in 19th-century
Also known as the ultimate AVP song of 2015 Cumbria, a mountainous region in north
WORDS: ABBY MENDOZA
England. Any horror flick fan will be

thrilled to see shades of Robert Wise’s
The Haunting and Stanley Kubrick’s The
Shining here.
But the main lure of Crimson Peak is in
del Toro’s heavy tribute to gothic literature.
With its elaborate costumes and backdrop,
a gripping score, and fine roundup of actors,
“Balong Malalim” “Broken Sonnet” this film has got us raring to go all black.
Juan dela Cruz Band Hale

ACCESS
03 WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

PHOTOGRAPHY:
MARK JESALVA;
ILLUSTRATION:
BO OK S... SORT OF MADY MARCELINO
WRITE THE
HEMING-WAY!
…OR DRAW LIKE PICASSO
WITH A MOLESKINE
If you “date a girl who reads” or are close to

a chick who is even one percent interested
in reading, writing, or drawing, then you
should totally get her a Moleskine notebook
when you can’t think of anything else to
gift. Besides the fact that stationery is Moleskine Classic
something that tickles the reptilian part Notebook, P820
of female brains, it’s got a super premium to P1,390 depending
feel that looks so good just sitting there as on size, available at Fully
a bauble on her desk. And if she actually Booked, National Bookstore,
plans to defile it with bad handwriting, its Office Warehouse,
pleasant ivory-hued pages are acid-free, so Pormada, and Zalora
archaeologists a hundred years from now Philippines
can try to figure out her musings about
you–and maybe find some crucial artifact in
its integral carry pocket.
04
F I LM
HALLOWEEN FLICK FORMULA = FUNNY + SCARY
JACK BLACK STARS IN THE MOVIE ADAPTATION OF R.L. STINE’S HORR-COM
PAPERBACK GOOSEBUMPS . BUT WHAT REALLY GOT YOU HOOKED IN THIS SERIES
AS A KID WERE THESE CHARACTERS…
Clarissa Lord High Executioner (Voice) Slappy Jonathan Chiller Swamp Monster
Appeared in: “Be Careful Appeared in: “A Night in The Dummy Appeared in: “Horrorland: Appeared in: “How to Kill
What You Wish For…” Terror Tower” Appeared in: “Night of When the Ghost Dog a Monster”
Spooky look: Old woman Spooky look: Cruel, big, the Living Dummy” Howls” Spooky look: Green-
with a crystal ball and completely bald man Spooky look: A doll Spooky look: Imagine furred, with the body of a
Scare tactic: She makes in black cape and a wide made out of a cursed a more sinister-looking gorilla, and the head of an
wishes come true in a brim hat wood coffin Benjamin Franklin alligator
WORDS: JULIUS FERNANDEZ
really erratic, er, unfair Scare tactic: He time Scare tactic: He makes Scare tactic: He's the Scare tactic: It’s a
way (e.g. wish to be the warps to the future his ventriloquist his servant. owner of Chiller House—a pancake-eating monster.
strongest and she’ll make (our present) to kidnap gaming and amusement He might as well be you.
everybody ill except you). siblings who might be park of horror and
reincarnations of British everything evil aka “the
monarchs he was assigned scariest place on earth.”
to execute.
SCARE METER SCARE METER SCARE METER SCARE METER SCARE METER

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ACCESS

Seeing BV for the first time—
standing a few inches shy of
six feet, her hair dyed in the
brightest of colors, tattooed,
style, a sexy kind of laidback—
you’d think you got her all figured out. A
punk-rock chick? Nope. A self-proclaimed
05
skater girl? Nah. We must admit it’s easy to
pass judgment on someone who seems to be
flashing her personality out there for everyone
to see. But if we can point out one thing better
BAB E than seeing all of her obvious assets in the
flesh, it’s getting to know her on another level.
Hint: her natural hair color is dark brown and,
IT’S ALWAYS no, she’s not into screamo…
You’ve collaborated with quite a few

hip-hop artists, including your boyfriend
A GOOD TIME
Ron Henley’s band Stick Figgas. Were
they your main influence?
I used to be in UP Theater. I got into hip-
hop because I started in the industry doing
choruses for hip-hop artists. Then my brother
EDM SINGER-SONGWRITER BEA “BV” organized Summer Siren, and I did the theme
VALERA IS NOTHING BUT GOOD VIBES song for the music festival. I’d say that opened
up a lot of opportunities for me. Right now I
am into EDM.
Does EDM mean a partying habit?
It’s really not my lifestyle, to be honest. Ha ha!
Trabaho siya para sa akin, pero masaya ako
to be doing it. I like lounging at home. I am
neither a drinker nor a party person.
Your tattoos pop nicely on your fair skin.
Any interesting stories behind them?
I have trouble remembering, so I had the
things I want to remember inked on my skin.
My most memorable one is the “C’est la vie”
across my chest, which means “That’s life” in
French. It’s a reminder of the note my mother
gave me the night before she passed away.
What is the biggest misconception
about girls with out-of-the-box style?
That we’re shallow, and all we care about is
looking flashy. It’s not about trying so hard to be
different, it’s just how I really am. I do what I do
because I want to, and not because I want some
guy or anyone to want me. This is really me.
You stand about 5’9”. Did you ever
consider being a model or some athlete?
I wanted to model, but I don’t think my body
type is really for that. I am tall, but I am not
really stick-skinny. Sinubukan ko ring mag-
volleyball, pero di ko talaga kaya eh, ha ha! I
believe I’m meant to be a singer.
We did some stalking and saw that
you have over 21,000 followers on
Instagram. Do you utilize that to invite
people to listen to your music?
Mas napapansin pa rin yung selfies and
OOTD’s kaysa dun sa actual work I produce.
Right now, I’m trying to shift the attention of
my followers to my music and craft. Sana mas
makita nila ako as a singer and a performer
more than anything else.
Would you say that technology is a
P H OTO G R A P H Y: challenge to millennial artists?
E JAY LE U N G Dati, nagkakakila-kilala ang mga artists kasi
O F M I D N I G HT BO N K E R S
I N T ERV I E W: P O N G C A S TI LLO
nagkikita talaga sila sa gigs. Mas organic yung
ST Y L I N G : D E B R A B E R N A LE S interaction before. Ngayon pwede ka nang
M A K EU P: JA N I N A D I ZO N magkaroon ng libu-libong virtual followers
HAIR: kahit hindi ka mag-gig. Mas challenging
EMMANUEL HERNANDEZ II ngayon maging legit. FH M

ACCESS
06
MOVI E S
BE HUG(H)E THIS HALLOWEEN!

IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO UP YOUR COSTUME GAME THIS SEASON,
TAKE CUES FROM HUGH JACKMAN—WHO, THIS MONTH, CHAMELEONS
INTO BLACK BEARD FROM PAN …
WORDS: PONG CASTILLO s ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS
OUT
OCT
08
Bl a ck B ea rd i n Je an Valje an in C harlie Kenton Van Helsing in Wolverine in the

Pan Les Miserables i n Real Steel Van Helsing X-Men seri es
Make sure to don: Make sure to don: Make sure to don: Make sure to don: Make sure to don:
A fur-trimmed leather Layers of polo, scarves, A slim-fit roundneck A black trench coat over A white sando, a dog tag,
jacket, a red sash, a and coats. Don’t overdo T-shirt. This will work an all-black ensemble. a pair of your best maong,
fake sword, and strong it, just enough to make only if you get rid of the The key props here are and a pair of foil-wrapped
facial hair game. The people stare and say, muffin top and man- the cowboy hat and a claws. Don’t forget to put
challenge is if you’re “Ang init ng suot mo!” boobs. Charlie was an fake crossbow. Grow on a chock-full of hair
not bald—either go for a Also, grow an old school ex-boxer, so if you can’t your hair mid-length. products to achieve that
clean shave or glove your stubble that borders on pull off that look, maybe Let’s just hope you untameable look. Also do
noggin with, uh, a skin scruffy. you can move on to the won’t get mistaken for some good rounds at the
tone swimming cap? Your convincing next choice? Ka Freddie. gym…para batak!
Your convincing one-liner: Your convincing Your convincing Your convincing
one-liner: “Who am I?” one-liner: one-liner: one-liner:
“Have you come to Sung in a very low, “Now give me the “Vampires, gargoyles, None. Just give ‘em a
kill me, Peter?” dramatic voice. main event!” warlocks, they’re all side stare with a raised
the same—best when eyebrow—they’ll get it.
cooked well.”

LONG
LIVE
TH E S E TH RE E LAD I E S H AV E G O T TH E
BE AUTY QUE E N TH I N G ALL FI G U RE D O U T.
TH I S I S OUR WAY O F ACKN O W LE D G I N G
TH E I R RE I GN S H ALL N E V E R CE AS E
PHOTOGRAPHY
DOC MARLON PECJO
INTERVIEW
CHISE ALCANTARA, PONG CASTILLO,
ALEX C. PAITA
STYLING
JANNO NOVENARIO
SPECIAL THANKS TO
MHIT PIMENTEL OF VIVA ARTIST AGENCY
AND JONAS GAFFUD OF MERCATOR MODELS
One piece swimsuit by SALTED. Swimsuits and Beachwear
NOTHING’S SEXIER THAN A WOMAN WHO KNOWS W HAT
SHE’S DOING. THE BINIBINING PILIPINAS-WORLD 20 08 AND
RETURNING COVER GIRL IS ALL THAT AND MORE
DANIELLE CASTAÑO Dani makes doing anything seem so

easy, just like keeping that exquisite
physique of hers with her triathlete-
level reservoir of energy. We could just
imagine her running circles around
us while making us weak-kneed with
her irresistible smile—she just isn’t
playing fair. Oh well, sometimes a
[Miranda] and Queenie [Rehman]
since they’re also from Aces and
Queens [a training camp for beauty
queens]. I joined them when I was
training for Miss World, which was
held in Africa.
Since you really seem comfortable
working with other women, would
man should just know when to let a you have tips for us guys to feel
woman do her thing. more comfortable around gorgeous
women like you?
You last appeared in the magazine in Just be yourself, you don’t have to
February 2012. That’s a long time to do so much. You don’t have to flash
not be doing a cover with FHM, don’t expensive stuff at us. A guy should
you think? just show us who they really are,
I know! I think I’m a lot more mature dahil doon siya mamahalin talaga ng
now, ha ha! babae.
Mature in what way? You’ve been competing all your life
Well, my parents are super strict. Now in pageants, business, and even in
I think I’m more independent and open Amazing Race Asia. Are you really
to things. I have enough maturity to that competitive?
decide on important matters like this. Well, yeah, I think I was born
We’re that important? competitive. I’ve been an athlete since
Yeah, I think FHM isn’t just stripping I was young. I’ve been doing track
off your clothes in front of a camera. and field since high school. I believe if
The photos and the styling, it’s you want something in life to happen,
art. I really trust the talent of Doc you should work hard for it. If may
Marlon [Pecjo]. He’s such a good sasalihan akong contest or beauty
photographer. pageant, I don’t join just for the sake
It’s always a pleasure working with of joining. I’m in it to win it!
a model as talented as you, and now Why track and field, by the way?
it seems you’ve gotten even better I really like it. For me, it isn’t exercise
with the way you project on camera. as much as it’s therapy. I just feel
When I first did a cover for FHM, I so relaxed and free. I’m training for
felt like I wasn’t ready physically. I a triathlon soon. I’m happy being
was more “chubby cheeks” pa. Now, I competitive and sweating my ass off,
feel like I’ve grown as a woman, and ha ha!
siyempre my features have changed. How careful are you with your diet
I first worked with you guys when I and fitness routine? Do you ever
was 19! I’m 25 now, ha ha! have cheat days?
You’re making us feel old. Did you I wake up at 5 a.m. every day to train
have any surprises planned for this because the gym is really far from
shoot? where I live. I usually eat fish, egg
Um, oh yeah! I just had my hair whites, and yogurt before I train. I
cut—it was down to my waist before! want to have a cheat day every day,
They say shorter hair makes you look but I know I can’t, ha ha! I like cheese
younger. I’m open to a lot of changes a lot—it’s my favorite thing in the
now. world. If I had to eat just one thing for
Is it true girls tend to cut their hair the rest of my life, cheese would be it.
after a breakup? If a guy wanted to date you, would
Oh my gosh! Ha ha! No. I mean, I’m he have to keep up with your active
single now. But you know what? I’m lifestyle?
really happy with my life right now. Yes, most definitely! I’m so hyper. I
I’ll be able to work on my career and have too much energy. He definitely
how to better myself as a person. To has to run with me, and go hiking or
try out different roles and projects, shoot guns. I’m very adventurous.
you know. Does being so energetic intimidate
How does it feel shooting with other men in bed?
M A K E U P H E RN AN M A N UN TA G beauty queens? I wouldn’t know. Maybe you should ask
SO R IA N O I’m really excited to work with Cindy my exes…just kidding! Ha ha! FHM
H A I R K Y L A M ARI E S AN DO VA L
DANIELLE CASTAÑO
DANIELLE CASTAÑO
WE CAN’T WAIT FOR THE SOFT-SPOKEN PINOY BIG BROTHER
ALUMNA AND BINIBINING PILIPINAS-TOURISM OF 2013 TO
COME OUT OF HER SHELL
CINDY MIRANDA Filipinos would drop everything they’re

doing to catch a beauty pageant air
live on television. We say this because
we are a proud nation when it comes
to beauty pageants, and we take our
bets seriously. In FHM’s case, we take
the swimsuit competition very, very
seriously.
But we’ve seen you on TV before…
I was actually a co-host in Wil Time, Big
Time before I joined Binibining Pilipinas.
That’s another big stint I had to give up
for a bigger dream.
What really happens backstage in
beauty pageants? It must be intense to
be with a pool of competitive women.
On a rare occasion that we rub It’s more a mind game, really. Imagine
elbows with—not one, not two, but competing with women who are sexier,
three!—beauty queens, we tried to smarter, more beautiful, and more
dissect the elements that draw us into competitive than you. Let’s just say mas
them. Is it because they have the power marami akong naging kaibigan after the
to take on their social duties in at least competition, ha ha!
four-inch heels? Is it because they Do you have any special requirement
embody the words “beauty” and “queen” for boyfriend hopefuls?
so effortlessly? Is it their graceful wave I want someone with an equally strong
and permanent smile that seems to beam personality. I had a boyfriend before
’round the clock? who would always just let me decide on
It could be all of these. But everything. It came to a point that it got
Binibinang Pilipinas-Tourism 2013 boring, and it eventually didn’t work
Cindy Miranda says that the true value out. A guy has to have the guts to raise a
of a woman is seen “sans the crown, the point instead of just giving in to his girl.
sash, and the applauding audience.” So you wouldn’t mind if we tag you
And true to her words, we might along rough man-activities then?
just see her rawest and truest version in Sure! I go to the gym and I run outdoors
these pages. regularly. I played volleyball and track
and field when I was younger. I don’t go
Is FHM any different from what you do to bars; wala akong bisyo kasi I think
in beauty pageants? long-term.
When you’re a beauty queen kasi, people Can we ask you a few beauty pageant
train you to be even more refined. You questions?
can’t really project sexy kasi laging big Ha ha! Bring it on. It’s been a while!
smiles lang. Ngayon naipakita ko yung First question: What do you think is
isa pang side ng beauty queen na hindi our biggest problem in tourism at the
masyadong nakikita ng ibang tao. moment?
We’d say you did a pretty good job. We really have to do something about
Was the pursuit to becoming crowned a our traffic situation. Kung tayong mga
childhood dream? Pinoy mismo ay gustong takasan yung
Yes, it was. Ako yung first beauty queen matinding trapiko, paano pa kaya yung
in the family. When I was a teenager, I’d mga turista? They wouldn’t want to come
sneak in pageants. Alam kong madalas back after experiencing, say, three hours
hindi ako papayagan kaya tumatakas on the road from the airport to their
ako, ha ha! hotel. Three hours! Nasa’n ang hustisya?
Was that the most disobedient you’ve Agree! Second: Where in the
been? Philippines would you bring a tourist
Ha ha! I would say so. But don’t get me on his first time in the country?
wrong, kahit may katigasan ang ulo Wow, pang-beauty pageant nga ang
ko, I always see to it that I give my 100 tanong, ha ha! Siguro sa Baguio. I lived
percent in the decisions I make. I was there for a couple of years. I like that it’s a
also very serious with my studies. city that’s grounded to its cultural roots.
What can we expect from you next? A Simple ang buhay, malamig ang hangin.
“teleserye queen” title maybe? Lastly, if you could travel to another
Hindi naman! I’m still learning. There’s country, where would it be and why?
this certain behavior expected of beauty I’m booked to fly to Japan by the end of
queens. Bawal maging masyadong the year. I’m so excited for it! Hopefully
kengkoy. Limited yung roles mo in some I can invite Japanese tourists to come
M A K E U P F RAN C I S GUIN TU FO R projects, kasi bawal kang pumangit or to the Philippines naman. Also, I would
C Y N O S I N S I D E H AI R CA R E magmukhang kawawa on-screen. I hope pick up positive points on their tourism
H A I R J I M RO S F O R I NG L O T that changes, para mas makita yung full situation. Ha ha, on-duty pa rin ako
C O SM E T I C S potential namin as artists. kahit naka-bakasyon! FHM
CINDY MIRANDA
CINDY MIRANDA
THE BEATBOXING, BASKETBALL-LOVING BINIBINING
PILIPINAS-WORLD 2012 PROVES THAT BEAUTY QUEENS DON’T
ALWAYS HAVE TO BE PRIM AND PROPER
QUEENIE REHMAN Here’s Queenie Rehman, 27 years old.

Binibining Pilipinas candidate of 2011,
and Miss World Philippines titleholder of
2012. She is known to do extraordinary
stuff—the kind that makes you open
your eyes wide, blurt out an expletive,
click on the share button, and win new
online friends.
Enderun. I want to have my own café
and restaurant someday.
You’ve worked with a lot of models
and beauty queens. Can you tell us
how to approach a beautiful woman
like you without pissing in our
pants?
Think of her as a normal woman.
In 2012, she won the hearts of the Beauty queen or not, we’re all actually
crowd and the host during the talent the same—in that we always look
portion of Miss World in China. The for good character and a striking
Pakistani-Filipina (we can’t think personality in men.
of a nice-sounding abbreviation for You did a lot of difficult-looking
this) stunner started singing the first poses earlier. How prepared were
few lines from Far East Movement’s you for those?
“Rocketeer,” then broke out into Ha ha! They’re not easy but I’ve done
beatboxing her own medley of Top 40 my research. I studied different
hits like Usher’s “Yeah” and Cali Swag magazine covers and learned these
District’s “Teach Me How to Dougie.” poses through observation. Ganun
She sang and danced as she mimicked kasi yung personality ko. I learn how
scratch, echo, beat slicer, and flanger to do a lot of things just by looking at
effects, plus percussion in between—all them.
using her mouth and probably buckets What other DIY tricks do you have
of dribble. The crowd roared. The up your sleeve?
host and the judges applauded her in I know how to do my own makeup, my
amazement. own hair—even different hairstyles—
What made it all the more endearing and a number of life hacks. For
was that she did it in a long, glittery example, I can do my own bleach for
gown, and looked even more stunning my hair using baking soda, vinegar,
in it. and honey.
She didn’t win the Miss Talent Can we assume you have the perfect
award—Miss China took it by singing a answer to every beauty pageant
native song in their dialect—but within question out there?
the next 24 hours, Queenie was all over Although I always come prepared at
international news. pinag-aaralan ko talaga yung common
Three years later, she makes it to the questions, there’s always that question
cover of FHM—but that’s more of our that I’m not prepared for. Dun ako
achievement than hers, isn’t it? natatakot.
How competitive are you?
So, beatboxing. Long gown. Miss I’m very competitive. I also play
World. What was up with that? basketball, so dun pa lang I’ve
Ha ha! My main talent is singing, but developed a competitive instinct na
I know how to beatbox as well. So I no matter what it takes, I’ll do my best
thought, instead of singing, which is to win.
too common, I chose to do something Can you dunk?
different and unique during the talent Nope, but I do a lot of lay-ups,
portion. rebounds, and boxing out.
How long have you been doing this? Malakas ka mang-balya?
Ever since high school. I started by Ha ha, sakto lang!
watching tutorials on YouTube and Now on to life in general: how do you
learned the basics. Then after a few get down and dirty?
months, I mastered different techniques. By not taking a bath in a day, ha ha!
Even Huffington Post and Time were How do we make you comfortable?
impressed by your Miss World stunt. What are the signs that you’re
How did you feel about that? opening up?
That was my intention—to make it to the When you see that I’m laughing, and
news, ha ha! when I’m extra talkative, it means
Well played! What keeps you busy I’m starting to get comfortable with
these days? you. When I punch you in the gut,
M A K E U P F RAN C I S GUIN TU FO R I do ramp modeling, hosting, and that means you’re doing great. At pag
C Y NO S I N S I D E H AI R CA R E
H A I R J I M RO S F O R I N G LO T
judging for beauty pageants. I’m also nangbabalya na ako, take that as a
C OSM E T I C S studying Baking and Pastry Arts at good sign, ha ha! FHM
QUEENIE REHMAN
QUEENIE REHMAN
WORDS ANTHONY TEASDALE, JIM BUTLER, FHM PHILIPPINES ILLUSTRATION JEREMIAH IDANAN
The sharing economy has enabled people to make money

from assets like condos and apartments (Airbnb), general
unwanted stuff (OLX), and cars (Uber). Uber’s idea came
to Garrett Camp and Travis Kalanick when they were
trying—and failing—to get a cab in snowy Paris in 2008.
Starting life as UberCab in 2010 in San Francisco, the
company was immediately successful for two reasons:
first, as an app, its mobile nature meant hailing a cab
was painless and immediate; second, the responsive
“surge” pricing meant drivers could charge more at busy
times, bringing more of them on the road. Every journey
made brings a cut of the fare to Uber, which means with
operations all over the world, the company is now valued at
$18.2 billion.
Q WHY ARE
ONLINE
BULLIES
CALLED
TROLLS?
Dealing with trolls
a is the price we pay

for the Internet—but
why are they called
“trolls?” Rather than being
related to ugly dwarves under
bridges, the word is related to
“trawling,” a fishing term that
in this context means writing
deliberately offensive comments
to attract “bites.” The term
was first used on pre-Internet
network Usenet in the early
1980s. It was recorded with its
present meaning in the Oxford
English Dictionary in 1992.
Q WHO INVENTED THE

HASHTAG, AND WHY
ISN’T IT GOING AWAY?
The hash symbol—or the “pound,” as our brothers from the UK like
a to call it—is an integral part of how we find topics that interest us

online. But it’s only been around since 2007, when web whiz kid Chris
Messina used it on Twitter to organize groups for tech conference
network BarCamp. In 2007, a friend of Messina’s used the hashtag #sandiegofire
during the fire there, and effectively became the news anchor for the blazes in
his area—but Twitter didn’t officially adopt it until 2009.
“Its primary purpose is content discovery,” says Dan Spicer, head of
community at social media tool Hootsuite. “It allows people to find relevant
content from other people, businesses, and brands. And while platforms,
especially social networks, will always look at developing new ways of putting
content in front of people, they’ll find it difficult to find a more effective way of
linking common themes and topics than a hashtag.”
Q WHY DO PEOPLE RIDE Q WHERE DO EMOJIS

COME FROM?
FIXED-GEAR BIKES?
The first emojis date back to 1999
a
“Fixies” became popular
among cycle couriers
in the ’90s because of
a when Japanese designer Shigetaka
Kurita devised a set of illustrations
for the first mobile Internet network.
their simplicity and Influenced by both manga comics and street
practicality. These bikes don’t signs, they were only used in Japan for years.
need brakes and can’t freewheel, Then smartphones enabled the “language” to
stripping cycling back to the spread all over the world. In 2010, the Unicode
basics. Not long after, the young Consortium approved a set of globally recognized
urban middle class adopted it as standardized emojis. When Apple included emojis
part of their identity. on iOS, the global takeover was complete.
lol! lol!
Q WHAT THE
HELL ARE
Q WHEN DID ‘LOL’
BECOME ‘LAUGH OUT
lol! lol! lol!
GASTROPUBS?
a
Too many of these
fine-food-with-liquor-
pairing places are
creeping up in BGC
LOUD’?
a
LOL! ROTFL! LELZZZZ.
When it comes to
expressing joy online,
there’s one route lo l ! lol! lol!
and Makati, but the term everyone follows: But why? It goes
“gastropub” was first coined to back to 1980s Canada when Wayne
describe a dive in London called Pearson, a member of pre-Internet
The Eagle in 1991. Combining bulletin board called Viewline,
the traditional elements of booze coined the term.
with food elevated above tokwa’t After being on a list of web
baboy and sisig (not that there’s acronyms in the 1989 newsletter,
anything wrong with that). The its use spread. Today, Pearson says,
Eagle soon became popular with “A friend of mine who went by the
the wordsmiths that worked at name Sprout had said something
nearby British newspaper, The so funny in the teleconference
Guardian. And as those journos room that I found myself truly
wrote about it, (and traditional laughing out loud, echoing off the
English food came back into walls. That’s when ‘LOL’ was first
lol!
fashion) the idea of paying 15 used. I always emphasized that it’s
quid for sausage and mash
(read: pricey food at an inuman
meant to be used only if you truly
laugh out loud…a smirk, smile, or
lol!
joint) was born. giggle just won’t cut it.”
Q HOW DID
BEATS BY DRE
BECOME A
POP CULTURE
THING?
If the iPod was 2000’s
a musical accessory, then

this decade is defined
by Beats headphones
(BBD controls nearly 70 percent
of the premium headphone market
worldwide). Record label boss Jimmy
Iovine and hip-hop producer Dr. Dre’s
brand is the perfect synthesis of tech
and pop culture—so successful that
Apple paid $3 billion for it in 2014.
According to Neil Boorman,
author of Bonfire of the Brands:
pre-iPod, only DJs and snobs spent
money on headphones. But Apple’s
cheapo ear buds led to an everyman
demand for quality cans.
“The problem was that major hi-fi
brands looked stuffy,” says Boorman.
“But Beats headphones are branded
like lollipops—bright and accessible.”
The key was using credible artists
like Pharrell Williams in the research
stage, before recruiting celebs in the
marketing campaign. “If you send a
celebrity down the red carpet holding
a product that’s in normal people’s
price ranges, they’ll snap it up like
it’s the last product on Earth,” says
Boorman. FHM
LET THESE
TOPNOTCH FHM
BABES TEACH YOU
A THING OR TWO
ABOUT BUILDING
YOUR OWN
BUSINESS EMPIRE
WORDS
P O N G C A S TILLO
PHOTOGRAPHY
H E I D I P A S C UA L - AQ UEN D E
HAIR APPARENT
z salon
V al een Mon t en eg r o , Ju ly 2015 c o v e r g ir l
Long before she finally said yes to do this rag’s July cover,
Valeen caught our attention for two reasons, apart from her
#hotdamn appeal: one, her wit and humor on- and off-cam
break the whole coño vibe she has (but could not care less
for); and two, her versatile hairstyle that changes every
single time we see her on TV.
This is because she commands a team of elite salon
professionals taking quarters in her own Z Salon. “I
promise you, a visit here is worth your money,” she tells our
buhaghag-haired female editorial assistant. “It will change
not just your appearance, but the level of your confidence
as well.”
To this, our EA, who’ve so long wanted to possess a beauty
like Valeen’s, has a snappy reply: Shut up and take my money!
no rags-to-riches tale
Together with A-list hairstylist Ziggy Hermosura, Valeen
opened Z salon last year to cater to women and men
ready to “invest” in themselves. “With high-end salons and
spas popping out here and there, you know people are
more willing to pay for such services,” Valeen says. “The
challenge is to provide a different experience that will set
us apart from the others.”
Valeen’s Salon is located in one of the more upscale
neighborhoods in the South, and she will not sugarcoat
anything about the money that went into it. “Capital was
never an issue,” she says. “We even went over-budget, but
the extra costs went to meeting details and ensuring that BI G MONEY
we meet the standards we set, which are vital in sustaining BLOW OUT
the trust of your customers.”
P120,000
Average monthly rent
for a space along a
prime commercial spot
in Metro Manila
P200,000
Average interior the treatments we provide should last you a little over two
designer’s fee designer months. And given that you come to us regularly, you would
for a 35- to 40-square really get the bang for your buck.”
meter property
P350,000 to P400,000 fusion innovation

making the cut Fees for an initial As with other salons that offer VIP-level pampering, uses
package of professional top-of-the-line products, and hires professional hairstylists
An average hair salon would take two to three years to hair and salon products and technicians, Valeen and Ziggy had to think of their
hit a return of investment (ROI). For Z Salon, they hit their unique selling point. “We have an in-store surprise for
target in less than two years. “It’s really an advantage that customers who come to our salon. We have partnered with
Z Salon’s head stylist, Ziggy, is a topnotch hairstylist, so he Selu Lounge, the gentleman bar just adjacent to us, to attract
got to bring his clients in,” Valeen says. a wide range of clientele,” Valeen says. They aimed —and
In a month, about 50 to 60 clients come in to have succeeded—at making their business a go-to wellness spot
different services done. Now that might sound like off- for both men and women. So while the missus is having her
quota for a business—only a customer in Z Salon would hair done at Z Salon, you can go grab a drink at the classy
have to shell out at least P5,000 per visit for a haircut, gentleman’s bar just beside it. Or, to be fair, you can have
hair coloring, and basic hair treatments. “But don’t get your hair done and the wife gets to drink. Everybody wins.
intimidated by that,” Ziggy says. “We charge high because
THREAD SETTER The following year, she put up a pizza stand–believe it!—
with some help from family and friends. “It’s the ‘Yu’ in me…
french dolls T HE COST OF
A MAN’S
the Chinese in me,” she says. “We’re really into business
and making money. It’s something we value and we do with
J acq Yu , Girls of FHM 2008, 2009, 2013 W EAR-ABOUT S passion. I’m pretty good at sales talk.”
French Dolls was previously owned by one of Jacq’s
friends, and Jacq was just the brand’s face. But the original
In the pursuit of producing the best and tastiest babe P30,000 to P100,000 owner bailed out on the investment after four years, giving
photos for your viewing pleasure, the FHM styling team Range of renting a space
scours for good finds in clothes. It’s not a simple thing Jacq a chance to take ownership.
in a mall, depending on “I took over without fear and hesitation because aside
because, really, how hard is it to find clothing that, well, will
not “clothe” but should flatter a woman’s body in the right
how upscale the mall is. from my interest in business, I am very much into fashion,”
spots, and not distract? Confusing. If you go the Divisoria she says. “I design clothes, so this is work and play for
Model and entrepreneur Jacq Yu knows this all too well. route, it should cost me. Passion is the fuel to keep up in this kind of industry.”
She’s now on her second year as the sole owner of the
“I’ve posed for the magazine and FHM.com.ph a couple of you a measly P10,000 to
times so I know how you’re very particular when it comes to clothing brand.
P15,000.
styling,” she says. “I’m glad that I get to share my creativity
in fashion design when you let me provide clothes and
lingerie at FHM shoots.”
P150,000
It’s always a pleasure collaborating with you, Jacq! Average capital for
supplying a pop-up
clothing store
‘the yu in me’
P850
At the young age of six, Jacq opened her first store ever—
Average labor cost for a
nothing grand, but she sold quality stuff. “I sold iced candy!,”
she shares. tailored barong, which
can be sold from P1,000
to P5,000, depending on
the intricacy of details
and materials used
a one-stop shop
Jacq ran the store using her personal savings on the first
year. She says she has already hit ROI a year in advance.
“It’s really an accomplishment because, as you can
see, here in Greenhills, I’m literally swamped with other
competing brands,” she says. “Mataas yung renta, at meron
talagang mga araw na walang tao.”
To keep up with competition and manage costs, Jacq
keeps her designs limited and sources from different
countries. “My goal is to expand abroad, so it’s important
that I keep my own style while making sure my taste is up
to current international trends.” Jacq also slowly extends
her market to male customers. “I now sell neckties and
accessories for men, which surprisingly sells,” Jacq says.
French Dolls earns up to P65,000 on a good week. “We
get over a hundred customers spending P250 to P3,500 in
our store,” she says. “I’ve also recently launched a perfume
line called Good Vibes. The oil is imported from France. It’s
good quality for a good price.”
Considering the monthly overhead of P85,000 for rent,
manpower, and restocking, the store is able to produce a
respectable profit. Jacq limits the store personnel to two,
but makes sure to supervise every week when she’s not
abroad sourcing for products. “I think I’ve succeeded in
making French Dolls a one-stop style shop.”
GOLD STANDARD
aubrey miles
pawnshop
MA K EU P : J A N IN A D IZ ON; H AI R: E MMANUE L H E RNANDE Z I I

Aubrey Miles, FHM 2002, 2004, 2009 covergirl
Aubrey reveals that in the early 2000s, she earned roughly

half a million pesos a week as a noontime show co-host for
Masayang Tanghali Bayan. That’s on top of what she got
from endorsement deals and films.
The noontime show lasted a year. This means that if
Aubrey did it without fail, she would’ve banked a whopping
P48 million. “The income in show business is really
overwhelming,” Aubrey says. “Mabilis ang pasok ng pera,
pero that also pushed me to have a carefree lifestyle. I
traveled. I bought designer stuff. I enjoyed it.”
But good thing about our girl, she never lost sight of the
fact that she needed to put the money into something more
sustainable. “I got into showbiz packed with a bigger plan:
to eventually put up my own business.” Nearly two decades
in as an actress, Aubrey now has the enterprise she had
planned for and is set for even bigger things...
golds to gadgets What was the most challenging part in branching out?
“Meeting the monthly overhead. There’s the monthly rent,
Coming from a family of alaheras, Aubrey knew early on the and fixing this space alone cost me roughly P300,000.
ins and outs of the pawning trade. “I pawned a Polaroid camera Mabigat talaga sa bulsa because you have to wait a few
when I was a teenager,” she shares. “Although my reason was more years before you get your money back.” In the decade
unacceptable—peer pressure!—I could say that engaging in she’s been in the pawning business, she applies the 40:60
business never intimidated me. I got P500 for that!” rule: “Forty percent of your money you use as capital, sixty
To make sure she would have the right tools to set up percent you use for maintenance.”
her own pawnshop, Aubrey attended business management
classes where she learned proper appraising.
The first Aubrey Miles (A-Miles) Pawnshop opened 10 sure returns
years ago in Cubao, which initially accepted just pieces
of jewelry. “But you have to understand that the pawning Aubrey plans to open another branch in three years. Would
industry now also caters to a younger market,” Aubrey she ever consider going into co-ownership? She says that
explains. “They’re the ones who have a lot of gadgets— that’s one thing she can’t do: “I would never go into business
extra gadgets. Ang bilis na kasing mag-upgrade ng tao ng with a family member or a friend. Eighty percent of the
electronics ngayon, kaya more than needing money, they people I know who have done it either bailed out of their
just ‘dispose’ stuff to earn them money to buy a new one. investment or are now single and homeless!”
That’s why I think my business is doing well. You need MONEY But don’t get her wrong; it’s just her being street-smart.
smart phones? Cameras? Designer bags? We have it... all MAT T ERS Co-ownership demands not only a split in profit, but also
for good deals!” in decision-making, something Aubrey is not keen to get
into. “When I risk my money, gusto ko at least 90 to 95
P350,000 to P500,000
percent of the time, I get the returns,” she explains. “Hindi
game of pawns Average cost of ako mag-i-invest sa kahit anong alam kong hindi malaki ang
renovating a space in balik.” She’s got beauty, brains, and money, all right. Now we
Pawnshops earn from the interest put in pawned items and the a mall, not including treasure her even more.
sale of unredeemed collaterals. At A-Miles Pawnshop, the professional fees for an
interest rate for an item starts at four percent a month. If not interior designer
repayed in a span of five months, the pawnshop puts the item
up for sale. “We get customers by the day,” Aubrey says.
While more female customers pawn jewelry, “a bulk of
P400,000
these gadgets [points to the display cabinet] were pawned Minimum cost of
by males. Business peaks during Christmas time and school constructing a B-grade
enrollment periods.” security system,
A pawnshop located in an area with good foot traffic and excluding the actual
a steady stream of customers should meet ROI on its fifth money vault
year. Fortunately, Aubrey’s first branch in Cubao did just that.
“But I wanted to make sure I could manage the projected
expenses when I branched out,” she says. “So I built up P150,000 to P200,000
capital for another two years before I opened my second Minimum monthly
branch at Makati Cinema Square.” overhead expenses
WELL ENDOWED
danielle
castaño
beauty and
wellness
Danielle Castaño, CNP,
FHM February 2012 covergirl
Colonics hydrotherapy. Iridology. Live blood analysis—some

of the trivial things we talked about with FHM covergirl and
Bb. Pilipinas-World 2008 Dani Castaño when we visited her
posh beauty and wellness spa in Libis. Certified naturopath
Dani was ready to do some of the procedures on us herself. “I
can actually do a therapy on you, if you guys would like to try,”
she excitedly tells us. “I do it to clients myself.” The colonics
hydrotherapy? Maybe some other time.
Naturopaths employ natural, non-invasive treatments and
other forms of alternative medicine for holistic wellness, as
well as lifestyle counseling. “It’s something I believe in, and
am proud to share with others,” Dani says.
She claims to be a former patron of other slimming and
wellness spas—a routine that slashed a significant chunk off T HE PRI CE OF Binibini, “because she wanted me to finish college…but I
her monthly earnings. “I was spending so much money, so I
thought of a way to have the procedures done on myself at
BEAUT Y guess it turned out well because it led me to this.” While
training for the pageant, Dani realized how feeling good
a more affordable cost while earning from clients as well.” inside affected your appearance. “I took up naturopathy a
Aside from training as a triathlete, Dani now maintains P5 million to school for alternative medicine. My mom enrolled, too! That
a good figure and healthy body in the comforts of her own P10 million time, she owned a slimming spa, and I was already observing
spa-clinic. INITIAL COST OF her market. I thought to myself, ‘This could use more help
BUYING AND SHIPPING and services.’ Two years later, Dani launched her own spa,
risky business MEDICAL AND WELLNESS which doubled as a clinic for naturopathic procedures. “My
mom helped me put up the business, but all of my savings
Joining beauty pageants right after high school bought Dani EQUIPMENT and earnings went to financing this,” Dani says. “Danielle
more time to rethink what she wanted to take up in college. Castaño Beauty and Wellness is now on its second year and
She admits that her mother initially didn’t want her to join 20 TO 30 PERCENT with a second branch—I must say business is good!”
USUAL RATES GIVEN
TO WEBSITES THAT
PROMOTE VOUCHERS FOR standing out
ESTABLISHMENTS Danielle Castaño Beauty and Wellness In Libis competes
with at least 15 other beauty and wellness spas in the area.
40 percent of gross That number excludes gyms and fitness studios.
monthly income Dani says that the critical stage of a business like
GOES TO UTILITIES hers is always the first year, “because that’s when you’re
(WATER, ELECTRICITY) establishing rapport and reputation.” Also, such services
“sometimes intimidate men,” she says. “So befriending male
FOR A SPA celebrities and athletes helped me establish that beauty and
wellness are signs of a good and proper man.”
Her investment for the medical equipment alone cost her
millions of pesos, andr monthly rent for a space that could fit
all of it went on the top end of the five digit range.
What’s her plan to create customer traffic that can meet
these expenses? “I combined slimming, which was available
at my mom’s spa, with the wellness aspect I learned in
school. It’s a way of attracting a bigger clientele, because we
have more services to offer,” Dani says.
A basic slimming treatment would roughly cost you a
little over P20,000; the wellness part at almost P6,000. But
to be able to cater to all classes, the spa offers discount
vouchers for a bulk of sessions. “The trick is to get them to
try for a very low price,” Dani says. “Then when they see the
value of their money, babalik-balikan na nila. A business like
this thrives on patronage. Public relations is key.” FHM
70 FH M OCTOBER 2015 FACEBOOKCOM&(-PH s TWITTERCOMFHMPHIL s FHMPHILOFlCIAL www.fhm.com.ph

THE ULTIMATE OBSTACLE RACE IS BACK,
AND IT’S TOUGHER THAN EVER.
ONLINE REGISTRATION IS UNTIL NOVEMBER 15, 2015

Register now at www.menshealth.ph/urbanathlon
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WORDS
CHISE ALCANTARA
PHOTOS COURTESY OF
PHIVOLCS
ADDITIONAL PHOTOS BY
WENG BARLETA
PROJECT:
SPECIAL THANKS TO
PHIVOLCS AND THEIR ATLAS MAPPERS:
LYNN MELOSANTOS, MABEL ABIGANIA,
MABEE CAHULOGAN, KAT PAPIONA,
AND JEFF PEREZ.
MAB ELLI NE
“MAB EE”
C AHULOGAN
Senior S cience
Research
Specialist ,
Phivolcs
HOW TAKING
J EF F R EY
“J EF F ” PER EZ NOTICE OF SOME
Su p e rvis ing
R e s earch
Sp e cialis t,
MARKERS ON THE
Ph ivo lcs
THE PAVEMENT
COULD MEAN
THE DIFFERENCE
M A . ISA BEL
“M A BEL ” A BIGA N IA BETWEEN LIFE
Sen io r Scie n ce
R es earch
Sp ecialis t,
AND DEATH
Ph ivo lcs
MA. LYNN “JED”

MELOS ANTOS
Senior S cience
Research
Specialist ,
Phivolcs
KATHLEEN
“K AT” PAPI ONA
Senior S cience
Research
Specialist ,
Phivolcs
ight smack in the middle of a street in an
upscale subdivision somewhere in Quezon City,
you’ll find an awkwardly placed marker labeled
“West Valley Fault” encircled and painted in
bold blocky white letters. Another thing about
this strangely placed marker is that it has two
huge arrows protruding out of it, facing opposite The f ive VFS At la s mapp e r s posi n g for
a pict ure while t a k ing a br e a k fr om
directions, which just so happens to both directly
t renching t he f a ult . From l e ft to r i ght:
point at two big houses, and by extension all the Jed Melosant os, Mabel Abi ga n i a , M a be e
other bigger houses they transect. C ahulogan, Ka t Pa pion a , Je ff P e r e z .
The doomsday preppers among us can
only imagine that when the Big One comes—a
possible magnitude 7.2—the ground will shake
uncontrollably then split open, swallowing all the says Kat Papiona, Senior Science Research sa Nepal, kahit early pa ng 100 years yung
structures in the path of the destructive arrows Specialist and Fault Specialist at Phivolcs. estimated time ng malaki nilang earthquake,
into an endless, bottomless abyss. The marker at the QC subdivision is one of biglang tumama yung major event na yun,” says
Could it be possible for the ground to yaw about hundreds of points dotting Metro Manila, Abigania. “Papasok na tayo sa estimated 400-
from underfoot like a gaping mouth? Could it says Phivolcs. Further eastward to Marikina, year cycle ng major earthquake kaya dapat lagi
be possible for the whole of Metro Manila to be FHM pinpointed two more, one transecting a tayong handa sa mga p’wedeng mangyari.
swallowed by a Pasig River Tsunami? (in fact, military camp and another going right through
tsunamis only happen over seas and oceans, but a public school. Going Southwest towards
you understand the panic). the Pasig-Mandaluyong area there is another Mapping operations
“Hindi naman talaga maghihiwalay yung marker (it’s actually a sign) right smack in The marker is a palpable result of the Valley Fault
lupa. Sa sine lang yun nangyayari,” says Mabel another exclusive subdivision. There is another System Atlas, a project began by the Philippine
Abigania, Senior Science Research Specialist one in lower Bicutan, one arrow pointing to Institute of Volcanology and Seismology
and Coastal Land Formation Specialist at government buildings and the other through (Phivolcs) two years ago to map the West Valley
the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and a densely populated urban poor community. Fault. It’s a detailed atlas, pinpointing exact
Seismology (Phivolcs). “At most aakyat lang siya, The West Valley Fault stretches 160 km, from locations where the fault will transect populated
yung tipong hindi na magiging magka-level yung Bulacan to Cavite and Laguna. areas, hence the need to put markers on the
street.” (There is another fault on the East Valley ground as a clear warning sign.
According to the Phivolcs Earthquake side, but it only stretches 16 km from Rodriguez The earliest data on the movements of
Hazards Presentation, a presentation the [Formerly Montalban] to San Mateo Rizal.) what we now know as the West Valley Fault
government agency gives concerned citizens “The residents in areas that the fault was recorded as early as 1658. The Philippine
who want to know more about hazard transects will have to reinforce their houses so Weather Bureau, formed in American-era 1901,
prevention, a magnitude 8 earthquake will cause that when the earthquake hits, the structure continued cataloguing the fault’s activity, and
structures to move and fall, as well as cause won’t collapse instantaneously and the people onwards until the establishment the Philippine
possible landslides, fire hazards, and liquefaction inside can still get out. Pero kung informal Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical
of water-saturated land. A quake’s intensity settlers ang pag-uusapan dapat gawan ng Services Administration in 1972; in 1982,
depends on the estimated effect it will have on government ng paraan para ma-relocate sila,” Phivolcs was formed as the seismological arm
people, structures, and the environment. Those says Papiona. of Pagasa. The official name of West Valley
of us who were alive to experience the 1990 It’s going to take a lot of work. The West Fault before was Marikina Valley Fault but it was
magnitude 7.8 Luzon Earthquake (it practically Valley fault runs through 16 municipalities changed to avoid confusion and take away the
leveled Baguio) will say that it’s like balancing and cities. To even consider one of Phivolcs’ stigma from Marikina. The data shows that the
impossibly on a plank of wood with a single iron guidelines, that there should be no structures fault has moved four times in the past 1,400
ball underneath—only that the plank of wood within five meters from the fault is next to years, which has led to the approximation that it
feels like the entire world and the iron ball is the impossible—it would mean removing schools, will move once again soon.
earth’s core itself. It’s damn near apocalyptic. houses, a whole strip of bustling human life. In the early 2000s, Phivolcs produced a
“Gusto ipakita ng mga LGUs sa kanilang But something needs to be done. In April 1:10,000 (1cm = 100 meters) scale Valley Fault
mga constituents kung saan dumadaan yung 2015, Nepal was struck by a magnitude 7.8 System (VFS) map, twice as accurate as the
fault kaya nilagay nila yung mga markers sa mga earthquake which caused a reported estimate previous map they had been using (1:50,000;
lugar na makikita kaagad ng public. Awareness of 10,600 casualties and severely damaged the 1cm = 500 meters). While useful, the former
and visibility yung purpose ng mga markers.” city of Kathmandu. “Tingnan ninyo yung nangyari maps were not as detailed as the Atlas is now.
74 FH M OCTOBER 2015 FACEBOOKCOM&(-PH s TWITTERCOMFHMPHIL s FHMPHILOFlCIAL www.fhm.com.ph

What can be ones responsible for placing their own
prevented markers once the mappers have shown
In response to the them where the line transects their area,”
mappers’ efforts to says Abegonia.
spread awareness of The University of the Philippines
the possible hazards National Institute of Geological Sciences
of the Valley Fault (UP-NIGS) recently launched their own
System, several LGUs version of the Atlas by plotting the fault
have engaged their line on the much easier to read Google
own constituents to Earth Maps. But the Phivolcs mappers
try and help them themselves are hesitant to actually
understand what they recommend the plotted Google Earth map
can accomplish on to the public because “gumagalaw yung
a community level. linya—sumasakabilang-bahay yung fault,”
In Marikina, The as Abegonio puts it. Phivolcs put five-meter
Marikina City Disaster buffer zones where, ideally, no structure
Risk Reduction & should be built, along the points transected
Management Office by the fault but the relative error of the
became one of the plotted Google Earth Map reached up to
busiest units because 20 meters, which caused confusion. “Kasi
of the extent their city kung kaya namin ilagay nang ganun kadali
is affected by the VFS. sa mobile apps accurately yung fault line,
T h e p ro ces s th a t ha d t o Dr. Val A. sana matagal na naming ginawa pero alam
b e co mp leted to pla ce a Barcinal, Disaster nga naming na-o-offset yung linya. Madugo
fau lt lin e marker. From Risk Reduction & kasi yung process ng review from our base
tren ch in g to p lacing t he drawings to the plotting—mga two years din
Management Officer,
marke r to th e fin al result – yun,” Abigonia says.
wh ite p ain t o n a spha lt . explained how they
engaged the various “Kailangan ding magturo ng basic map
sectors of their city. reading sa mga schools dito,” says Papiona.
“There is a forum that “Maraming hindi nakaka-appreciate nung
The Atlas contains more building footprints and is well-attended by the community where the mismong map dahil hindi nila kayang
names of streets, which could help the layman members of the community are encouraged to basahin. Gusto nilang ilagay namin sa
interpret the maps easier. The purpose of the prepare as homeowners and individuals. Since Google Earth Maps para raw kapag
maps is to “help give awareness to the public by they have the means (financially) to validate na-zoom-in nila para pati yung streets
giving them the tools they need to be informed,” their structures, they had their houses analyzed nakikita—hindi kasi nila mahanap kung
says Papiona. by structural engineers to see what damages nasaan yung mga bahay nila,” adds Mabel.
In 2012, Phivolcs, with the Department they could expect when The Big One happens,” A PDF version of the Atlas is available
of Science and Technology (DOST), revisited says Barcinal. for download after registering on the
the VFS as one component of the project Dr. Barcinal explains the homeowners’ Phivolcs website. The people at Philvolcs
“Enhancing Greater Metro Manila Areas situation: “Once your house or establishment is encourages the people to ask them
(GMMA) Institutional Capacities for Effective found to be transected by the fault, you have about how to properly read the map so
Disaster/ Climate Risk Management towards only two courses of action: you either have they can prepare earthquake hazard
Sustainable Development,” or the GMMA- a structural engineer validate the integrity of prevention strategies that they might want
READY Project. your property and do some retro-fitting for the to adopt. They also encourage them to ask
The task of mapping fell on five young building or you can transfer to another location. questions so they can get informed answers
geologists: Kathleen Papiona, Ma. Lynn It’s not their fault that their houses were built on to make them feel less anxious about the
Melosantos, Jeffrey Perez, Mabelline Cahulogan, top of the fault, but now they have to accept this possible effects of a big earthquake.
and Ma. Isabel Abigania. They reviewed the reality, and they have to act on it.”
aerial photographs they inherited from the In the face of fear
previous batch of fault specialists to figure out A response “Ang takot ng mga tao ay kung transected
where to go to personally see the fault. After For a time, the geologists from Phivolcs were yung bahay o establishment nila pero sa
they pinpointed the location of the fault, they considered the worst real estate speculators. totoo lang, lahat naman ng Metro Manila
had to go out for field validation. They were “May time nung early ’90s na hindi malulumpo kapag tumama ‘tong binansagan
usually sent in pairs (one handled the northern makapasok yung members namin sa mga nilang The Big One.,” Abegonia says.
region while the other handled the south) so subdivisions dahil hindi naniniwala yung mga While Dr. Barcinal believes that they
that they would have more eyes on the field tao na great threat talaga yung fault sa kanila. have equipped the people of Marikina City
while still upholding their standard of accuracy. Parang sinasabi ng mga tao, ‘Ah, ginagawa with enough information to ready them for
A series of peer reviews ensued after they lang yan ng Phivolcs para mag-devaluate yung the worst, he also worries that “they might
drew the basic drafts of their findings. These property.’ Ngayon, ang ikinatutuwa namin, kahit still be in a state of denial since there hasn’t
peer reviews included not only the mappers but mga private subdivisions, proactive na with their been any reports of people who reinforced
several other members of Phivolcs including properties’ safety,” says Abigonia. their houses or actually relocated,” says
their directors as well as other external persons “May event kami, yung Walk-the- Barcinal. “They’re just hoping that the
from government units such as the Geosciences Fault, sinasamahan namin yung mga LGU earthquake won’t happen during their
Bureau, the Office of the Civil Defense, mapping representatives para ituro yung mga tina- lifetime. Mahal din naman kasing magpa-
agency Namria, and also help from foreign transect ng fault. Phivolcs mappers walk with building analysis, kaya yung iba, prayers na
geologist. city and community representatives through lang daw.”
The team spent two years mapping the their city, showing them where the fault line is It’s a noble and divine way to face fear.
entirety of 177 kilometers worth of landforms located and warning the owners of transected Unfortunately, an earthquake, like all forces
affected by the West and East Valley Faults. establishments and homes. The LGUs are the of nature, could not care less. FHM
www.fhm.com.ph FACEBOOKCOM&(-PH s TWITTERCOMFHMPHIL s FHMPHILOFlCIAL OCTOBER 2015 FH M 75

EVERY NOOB’S
GUIDE TO
,
Your first go at copulation won t be porn-grade
,
spectacular but that doesn t mean it has to be awkward
, ,
and uncomfortable. Here s to all the diddling you ll get,
mr. freshman...
WORDS
KHYNE L. PALUMAR
ILLUSTRATIONs
juno abreu
WORST FEARS
FIRST-TIME THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
Hurting her during insertion
GUIDELINES/WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT
Rule
, of thumb (or forefinger
, and middle finger): if she
isn t wet yet, it isn t a good time to stick it in. To get
her wet and keep her wet, sex therapists advise exercising
whole body love making, meaning you touch and
stimulate her everywhere else: hair, lips, neck, tits, ass--
,
not just before, but during entry, and as long as , you re
in there.
, Note: vaginas lose their lube when she s bored.
So don t just concentrate on the thrusting bits. Keep it
slow and steady on the first slide in.
Early ejaculations
GUIDELINES/WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO
ABOUT IT
Every sex manual will already
have told you to squeeze your
penis or
, think of unsexy thoughts
(binay s bumbunan, for example)
to delay ejaculation. The less
stressful first-timer approach:
have at least one ejaculation
prior ,to sticking it in. That way
there s what urologists call a
refractory period, in which your
penis is still recovering from, a
previous orgasm, so it can t have
another right away.
Getting her pregnant

on the first go
The smart thing to do is to wear rubber, of
course, see: preventing condom conk-outs.
On her end, the closer she is to her period
(three days before and after, if her cycle
,
is regular) the likelier her ,eggs won
,, t be
pairing
, with your sperm. She s safe when
she s having
, her period, too--although,
well, that s up to you.
Not pleasing her

It varies, but according to Pfizer's Ideal Sex Survey of
2010--what's noted as across-the-board pleasurable for women
is a harder schlong. Between erectile hardness scores of 1 to
4--1 being soft as a tofu, 2 a banana without its peel, 3 banana
with the peel, and 4 hard as a cucumber, almost all women
respondents prefer the cucumber. Bottomline: if you're excited,
FIRST-TIME THINGS THAT
she's excited.
SCARE YOU
Not sustaining
your hardness
GUIDELINES/WHAT YOU’RE
G O I N, G T O D O A B O U T I T
Don t think about it.
a briefly limp penis in
your 20s and at your
first go is normal
and nothing to get
worked up about.
fondle her tits. Kiss
her lips. Give totoy
a few tugs and it
should get back up.
FIRST-TIME THINGS THAT SCARE YOU STIFFING HOPES

Going limp mid-thrust FIRST TIME THINGS REALITY CHECK / WHAT WILL
GUIDELINES/WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT YOU HOPE HAPPENS LIKELY HAPPEN INSTEAD
Change up your rhythmic pace: if you're
thrusting slow, go fast. If you're at it fast, Simultaneous orgasms The odds of “coming together,” are
higher when you’re older and in
give totoy the time by feeling through it and longer-termed relationships. Younger
going slow. Or pull out, do as above hack couples will want it, but odds are low
that they’d actually get them—at least
(not sustaining hardness) and get back in. that’s what the Kinsey Institute has
gleaned from their partners’ orgasm
reports so far.
Sticking it in her hole Even if you managed to get it in

with the accuracy of without that awkward pause (“Is it
a jumpboard-diver in?”), it will occasionally slip out of her
vagina between thrusts—it happens.
Find your rhythm through practice.
Smoothly moving Pornos and sex manuals make it look

between and pulling like basic cut-and-dry poses. In real life,
off a position'' raising her legs a few inches higher,
spreading her legs wider, the angles
from which you’re entering her, and
other nuisances, make it a different
“position” each time.
RITES OF PASSAGE POST-DIDDLING
THINGS TO DO
ON YOUR WAY OUT
It’s a wrap!
RECOLLECT used
MOVING P A S T
THE SE C L A S S I C S , UNDERWEAR
TURN TO P26, I.E. because you're past
WHAT TO DO IN HOW TO S C OR E learning how to undo
GENTLEMEN'S CLUBS E -HO OK U P S
her bra and panties,
Fancier than your tito’s sexy KTVs the decent thing to
do is not step on
Gawk at the ladies’ creative “uniforms”
them on the floor
Get lapdances from Russian women and after.
assorted non-Pinay or half-Pinay “entertainers”
Wolf down food churned out by five-star hotel chefs
Do a double take on the too-posh toilets
Enjoy the show
Slide your tips in bikini garters Cleanup

Get thrown out by bouncers when you get Wrap used rubber in
piss-drunk grabby tissue before pitching
it in the trash-Don't
flush it down the
toilet. Lay gunky
sheets on the floor if
at a hotel, or in the
laundry if you're home.
Have another one

and another. Being in
your 20s is as good
excuse as any.
MOT-MOT-ESE FOR BEGINNERS nap and/or cuddle

What those motel signs say
it's the closest you'll get
SHORT TIME to a post-sex massage.
One to three hours of room stay
TAXI ROOM / GARAGE ROOM

Cab or your own oto are led to a garage, you enter your
adjoining room stealthily from there
ROOMBOY
Summoned for payments and at checkout, and at welcome
lingering outside motel room premises,
like an accommodations waiter asking which room you’d
like to “order,” before he guides you to a garage.
CONSUmMABLES
Food, and other things listed on room service menus
14/15
Wally almost aced the
test —even Lola Nidora
would be proud!
THE MAN TEST

LEADERBOARD
S ef Cad ayon a 1 5 /15

Wal l y Bayola 1 4 / 15
Dan Villeg as 1 4 /15
Boy2 Qu izon 1 3 / 15
Jos e Man alo 1 3 / 15
Rani del
de O camp o 1 3 / 15
C hi to Miran d a 1 3 /15
Al den Rich ard s 1 2 /15
RA Rivera 1 2 /15
Gl oc- 9 1 2 /15
L oon ie 1 2 / 15
M edwin Marf il 1 2 / 15
Brand on Vera 1 1 / 15
The FHM man test
This month’s challenger...
WAL L Y BAYO L A
The man behind Lola Nidora plays his roles so convincingly it’s confusing. So here we
subject Eat Bulaga!’s polarizing ‘Kalyeserye’ granny to the ultimate don test...
Have you ever sniffed Have you ever farted What fictional villain What’s the name of the
used underwear? openly in public? scares you the most? coolest pet you’ve ever
Hindi. Pag alam ko Oo, lalo sa barangay Hindi siya villain eh, had?
kasing gamit na yung pag “Sugod Bahay” para pero takot na takot Nagkaroon ako ng
damit, tinatabi ko na hindi halata. Maingay talaga ako kay Linda itim na Labrador dati.
yun sa marumihan… kasi dun eh, hindi na Blair sa The Exorcist. Nung una ko pa lang
lalo kung underwear, mapapansin pag umutot Hindi ako masyadong siya nakita, isa lang
ha ha! ka. natatakot sa mga talaga yung pangalan
multo o monsters, pero na naisip kong bagay sa
Man Not man Man Not man pag may pagsanib kanya—Brando. Mataba
nang nangyayari, rin siya.
kinikilabutan talaga
ako. Nakakita na kasi Man Not man
ako ng sinaniban sa
Would you ever carry If you could blow up one school, umangat yung
your girlfriend’s purse thing, what would it be? estudyante tapos ang
at the mall if she asked Naku, maraming lakas-lakas talaga niya.
you to? tatamaan! Ha ha! Pero What’s the longest
Keri lang, wala namang siguro, Customs. Man Not man you’ve gone without
problema. Hindi yun wearing deodorant?
big deal sa akin, unless Man Not man Nung umakyat kami
siguro matinee idol ako ng mga kaibigan ko sa
or action star, parang Mt. Isarog sa Bicol, mga
hindi bagay. Have you ever taken apat na araw siguro
secret selfies? akong hindi nakapag-
Man Not man Have you ever worn your Oo, pero binubura ko deodorant. Hindi na
briefs outside your pants rin kasi napapangitan
and pretended to be a kasi kami nagdala pa
ako sa mukha ko, ha ng mga pampabigat na
superhero? ha!
Parang hindi pa. Siguro ganun, ha ha!
What’s the worst thing yung maglagay ng Man Not man
kapa sa may leeg ko, Man Not man
you were teased about
as a kid? oo, pero yung sa briefs
Hinambing ako dati hindi pa. Mahirap lang
sa tinapay na putok. kami noon eh, so hindi
Hawig daw kasi ng mga ko pa kilala nun yung Can you name one high-
INTERVIEW: PONG CASTILLO

biyas ko yun—matataba, iba’t ibang superheroes. ranking FHM woman Which romantic comedy
mabilog. Galit na galit Nagkaroon lang ako you’ve had an makes you feel giddy
ako kasi hindi ko pa ng idea sa superheroes unforgettable experience inside?
maintindihan dati kung nung grade six na ako. with? Sa totoo lang, kinikilig
bakit yun yung point of Marian Rivera. ako sa #AlDub
comparison. Mas okay Man Not man Nakakasama kasi ng “Kalyeserye.”
pa yata kung asarin mo namin siya sa “Sugod Pinipigilan ko lang.
akong pandak, kasi gets Bahay” dati. Gusto ko
ko agad. yung pagiging totoo Man Not man
niya kahit sa harap
What’s the best
Man Not man Dubsmash you’ve
ng camera. ‘Pag may
gusto siyang sabihin,
watched?
hindi siya nagpapapigil.
ILLUSTRATION: LOUIS ARENAS
Gusto ko yung kay Have you ever had blood

Mabait talaga siyang in your hands that was
Yaya Dub [Maine
tao, lalo na sa mga not yours?
Mendoza], nung nag-
If the world were to end nanay o lola. Maka- Oo. Dati kasi meron
Dubsmash siya ng
tomorrow, what would nanay kasi si Marian. akong sinagip na
lines ni Lola Nidora.
your last meal be? Dun talaga ako kaibigan ko na
Chocolate cake and napamangha. Kayang-
Man Not man nabugbog at nasaksak
donuts. Mahilig ako sa kaya niya pati facial sa may tagiliran. Hindi
dessert eh. expressions ko. naman siya napuruhan.
Man Not man Man Not man Man Not man

I T ’ S N O T H A R D
T O P L E A S E
PHOTOGRAPHY: EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS

INTERVIEW: ASH MAHINAY
STYLING: DEBRA BERNALES

MAKEUP: AMANDA PADILLA OF AT EAST | JED ROOT
HAIR: CATS DEL ROSARIO
princess legaspi
Times are hard. Finding a nice girl is
hard. Impressing a nice girl is hard.
We can’t blame a guy if he just slithers
back to his man cave after work and
puts on some gorY and sextastic TV
series rather than chase some action.
Thankfully, not a small number of
women find watching a certain show
quite appealing—a show that if it was
a video game would probably have
them eye-rolling us nonstop—and
specifically, a super fine woman named
Princess Legaspi wouldn’t even mind if
you invited her over to do just that.
Whenever we meet a girl named

Princess, we can’t help but
subconsciously expect kaartehan.
Tell us we’re wrong about you.
Nah, I’m probably the most cowboy
princess you’ll ever meet! I don’t need
a castle or jewelry. All I need is ice
cream and pizza. All right, maybe a
cute bellboy to cater to my needs, ha
ha!
Would you rather be a modern
royalty or the more Disney sort?
Who wants to wear ball gowns in
weather like this? Ha ha! I’d rather be
Khaleesi of Game of Thrones. Guys
don’t need girls who want to be treated
like a princess, they need women in
control!
Speaking of taking charge, we hear
you hosted a travel show before?
I did! The show’s called Upload. It’s
still on YouTube actually, but they’re
at least a year old. I had a great time
traveling—I mean, who wouldn’t? And
all expenses paid too, ha ha! Aside
from all the fun, I also learned a lot.
Hosting is different from modeling
and I'm thankful to have gotten a taste
of both worlds. In hosting, you do
your best to be awesome in how you
look in front of the camera and with
what you say. Every time people smile
and commend our show, that’s how I
know I did a great job.
What else do you do apart from
modeling and hosting?
I’m working on my own digital
marketing firm. Everything’s going
digital nowadays and I think it’s the
perfect time and opportunity. I’m
learning as much as I can in order to two of quality time with real, living Does it ever turn you on?
fulfill that goal. Of course, modeling creatures? You want to be interesting Yes it does! And it’s not even porn-like
will always be there and I’m thankful only on your IG or FB bio, but suck nudity. Every episode is a turn-on for
for the opportunities the industry has in real life conversations? Go ahead, me—the kind of turn-on that makes me
given me. count your followers! want a guy to watch with me and ask
Is there anything you wish wasn't Going back to GoT, there are a lot of him, “Can you tame my dragon, my
going digital yet? mature scenes there that we wonder grace?” Ha ha!
I wish all businesses would go digital how you feel about…are you a fan? So how would you react to someone
so my business will flourish in no I finished three seasons in a week, asking you out by saying “Come over
time, ha ha! But one thing I hate about that's how addicted I am. The nudity and let’s watch some TV series and
everything going digital is the quality and sex scenes give the show a lot of movies, and hang out”?
of relationships. You go to a resto spice–I love it! I mean, the story is well Yeah, sure! I’d love to have a chill-
and yung couples nag-i-Instagram… written, the humor is on point and the and- nothing-fancy date. I just want to
they take photos as if they’re having actors are amazing, but it wouldn’t be make sure he’s decent enough to really
fun! After taking the photo, they go Game of Thrones without the nudity, make it “chill” as he proposed. If not,
back to their phones and not speak sex, and gore. Admit it, you guys like Khaleesi will surely be furious. Ha ha!
to one another. What’s an hour or it, ha ha! FH M

I’M P ROBABLY THE M O ST
o y P r in c e Ss
Cowb
ever meet
A CASTLE OR JEWELRY.
all I need is
AND
please
princess legaspi
Talking Body
MIRTLE GIMENEZ HAS WAYS TO KEEP ALL EYES ON HER
Photography:
Ejay Leung
of Midnight Bonkers
Interview:
Pong Castillo
Styling:
Debra Bernales
Makeup:
Janina Dizon
Hair:
Emmanuel
Hernandez III
Myrtle Gimeno
We’re glad you took this one!

I always say I’m not getting any
younger, I’m past my mid 20s, and this
is my way of immortalizing my youth.
Grab the opportunity while it’s there!
We like beauty pageants, and we
won’t deny we’re just as curious as to
what happens backstage…
I was actually culture-shocked because
I saw women who were really, really
beautiful. I even got star-struck. What
I did was make new friends.
Was it your childhood dream?
It was! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve
always been kikay. I like dressing up
and going to my mom’s dresser to put
on makeup. Joining the pageant was a
dream come true.
What would you say was the
toughest part of the competition?
It’s more physically challenging before
the big night because we’re always
surrounded by the media. Smiling and
having the right stance are tiring.
Lagi pa kaming naka-heels. Also,
kahit gano kami kapagod, we couldn’t
just pig out kasi we’re trying to avoid
unnecessary bulges, ha ha!
Still no unneccesary bulges! What
keeps you busy now?
I’m actually a trainer for a BPO
company. My shift is at 3 a.m., but
the challenge of the job really is
dealing with 25 different personalities,
managing them, and training them.
I enjoy it, though. They are like an
extended family to me.
You’re really outspoken and weren’t
shy communicating with our
photographer. Do you like a guy who
is just as outspoken?
I believe in communication. Of course
I want decent communication with
A side from having a pretty face and a stunning body to match

it, model Mirtle Gimenez could intimidate a shy guy for a few
more reasons: she stands tall at 5’7” (legs for days!) and is
pretty smooth in presenting herself (thanks to her experience
in beauty pageants). But thanks to this quick encounter, we
learned a few tricks to get close with girls like her. “Never play safe,” she
says. “It pays to be confident when grabbing opportunities that are out there.”
Right now the best we can get our hands on is this rag with her photos in. A
welcome opportunity…
people. I have to admit na minsan
jejemon din ako, but as long as a guy
knows how to clearly express himself,
I’m fine with that.
Do you think the way you speak
intimidates men? Kasi inglisera…
Yeah, that’s a factor. Sometimes you
have people just stare at you and not
be able to say a word, ha ha! I suggest
just being confident. Confidence goes a
long way!
What we’re really trying
You have the stance and to ask is—what’s your
body of a supermodel, we’re type of guy?
pretty sure we’ve seen you I like spontaneity.
somewhere… Let’s engage in good
I didn’t have any professional conversations.
training as a model. I started Does that mean height
in high school, but was not difference won’t be a deal
able to push through with breaker as long as the
it in college. When I joined guy is a good talker?
Bb. Pilipinas in 2010, I was I went out with smaller
fortunate enough to qualify guys, and I didn’t see
in the top 60. I tried again in anything wrong in that.
2015, but didn’t make it so Medyo awkward, but you
far. I’m not sure if that’s for both have to make sure
me, but I really enjoyed every hindi magiging factor
moment of it. That opened up yun sa kahit anong
a lot of opportunities. gagawin niyo. FH M

Myrtle Gimeno
’
o n t a n e ity.
I l i ke s p od
a g e i n g o
Let’s eng sations
conver
’

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NEWS
WHAT TO BUY AND HOW TO WEAR IT
WORDS
ASH MAHINAY
PRODUCT
P H OTO G R A P HY
MIKE DEE
Hoodie, P4,990
First in, last out

Even surfers need jackets
American surfwear brand O’Neill’s founder is credited for creating the first wetsuit,
because it gets pretty damn cold when you go out to catch waves first thing in the
morning. Legend says other surfers said he looked like a loser in his then space age
getup, but old man Jack O’Neill had the last laugh as he could head in long after
everyone else had frozen their balls off in the ocean. This is where the hoodies come
in, to avoid the on-shore chills after you finally decide to quit beaching around when it’s
already 6 p.m.
COSTUME
Pretending to be someone
you’re not, but looking
cool anyway
QUEST! ARTU NEPOMUCENO

ASSISTED BY IGNACIO GADOR
ASH MAHINAY
F HYMLE
ST
STYLING:
BADJ GENATO
GROOMING:
RIA AQUINO
PRODUCTION DESIGN:
GENIE RANADA-BABISTA
MODEL:
DANIEL BRADBURY OF
MERCATOR
M
ost Halloween dress-
up parties involve lots
of last-minute effort Agent
and imbento. Rather Smith
than seeing it as a headache, we The biggest
recommend using this time to dresscode hurdle
dress up to…actually dress up–in for a man: the full
something you wouldn’t normally suit. Even if you're
wear but are secretly dying to try not a banker or a
out. If people think it’s cool, then businessman, you
you’re free to break it out for the may be curious if
rest of the year—otherwise you’ve you'd look slick all
succeeded in helping Halloween buttoned up. But with
become a bit scarier in your own no weddings on the
little way. Happy haunting! horizon, you aren’t
finding out anytime
soon. Doing an
Agent Smith is easy
because his suit is
basic and bland—but
smooth. Blame the
suit they think you
came to the party to
sell coffins.
White long sleeve

shirt, P1,490, Uniqlo;
Bespoke suit and
pants, P9,800,
Badj; Claude 5-eye
shoes, P22,995, Dr.
Martens; Oakley
Taper, P10,695,
George Optical
style
LeBron
James
(MVP
Edition)
You aren’t a baller
and never will be,
but the itch of the
nation’s pastime is
finally getting to you.
Avoid the try-hard
baller stage by
debuting your flashy
new NBA jersey
at the party when
everyone is drunk
and more forgiving.
Reduces subsequent
on-court debut jeers
by approximately
fifty percent*!
*except from Warriors fans.
Cleveland Swingman
jersey, P3,495,
adidas; Cleveland
shorts, P2,195,
adidas; Basketball
shoes, P8,495,
adidas; NBA MVP
Replica Trophy
available from
Raymundo’s Awards,
#24-A East Capitol
Drive, Kapitolyo,
Pasig
HAN
SOLO
Never worn slim
jeans in your life?
Sneak your way
into your first pair
of skinny black
denims and boots
in the guise of the
galaxy’s smoothest
smuggler. The
old-school tsaleko
will break the ice,
and your newfound
sexiness will
hopefully follow
up with swag. If
it doesn’t work,
go hide under the
floor panels of your
house just like
Luke Skywalker on
the Falcon.
Long sleeve shirt,

P1,080, Badj;
Custom vest, P880,
Badj; Skinny tapered
jeans, P2,490,
Uniqlo; Brooks
jungle boots, P6,495,
Dr. Martens
style
STAR
LORD
A leather jacket
is impractical for
99 percent of the
days in a Philippine
year–Halloween
night is not one
of them. Try the
James Dean look
by riding off the
goodwill everyone
feels for Guardians
of the Galaxy’s Star
Lord. Do not admit
to buying the jacket
unless you garner a
favorable response.
Shirt, P290, Uniqlo;

Leather jacket,
stylist’s own; Skinny
tapered jeans,
P2,490, Uniqlo; Reid
boots, P7,995, Dr.
Martens
TED
MOSBY
How I Met Your
Mother’s Ted isn’t
accused of being a
preppy douchebag
because of his
button down-and-
sweater combo, but
you aren’t going to
get away scot-free
here. Test the good
boy look during bad
habits night and try
to find your future
baby mother as well
with your schoolboy
charms.
Oxford long sleeve

shirt, P1,290, Uniqlo;
Extra fine wool
sweater, P1,699,
Uniqlo; Skinny tapered
jeans, P2,490, Uniqlo;
Superstars, P4,795,
adidas
the
DILEMMAS
the rules of
of
SLEEPOVER
MAN
DRESSING
How to look the part in another
man’s cave
t’s an
I increasingly
rare activity as
we get older,
but an all boys
overnight gathering–
often to catch a
sporting final at an
unholy hour–is still
good fun. Now, rules
aren’t fun, but there is
a bare minimum of
decorum to be
expected when it
comes to clothing at
these events…
WOR DS:
AS H M A H I NAY
I LLUSTRATION S:
DON’T DO
M E LV I N CA L I N G O
Go boxers only Wear a jersey
This look provides peak comfort, and your Outside of office liga and late-night scrims,
co-conspirators probably won’t care, but this is one of the rare times where you can
imagine the potential horror of other non-man rock your favorite kit with no judgment.
housemates as you both head to the kitchen Also, there is always the high chance of an
for a late night glass of water. impromptu basketball sesh the next
morning.

THE DILEMMAS OF MAN
DO DON’T DO
W e a r t h at ‘ s k wammy’ te e Fo r g et a change of c lot hes Bring sho es
Just in case harutan gets out of hand, you have The worst guy at an all-nighter is the guy who Some of us have mothers who wouldn’t let us
a shirt that can be ripped–kidding. Just like stays in his work attire the entire time. out of the house with only slippers on. Heed
how the entire night is holding on to your youth, Everyone experiences secondhand that advice because you don’t want your squad
hold on to a past favorite shirt by using it discomfort when you’ve got slacks and a shirt to look like a hold-up gang when restocking on
despite the threadbare nature. There are always on all night. Also wearing your work socks to supplies at the local 24/7 convenience store.
at least two delightfully aged tees at any go home the next day feels gross.
sleepover, and they always look comfy as fuck.

F H M OCTOB ER
Cristine
Elle Import model proves that
Brooklyn girls are as tough
as advertised
RIA REGINO
OF FAT CAT
STUDIO
MIKEY AGULTO
STYLING: DEBRA BERNALES

MAKEUP: AMANDA PADILLA
OF AT EAST | JED ROOT
HAIR: LEI PONCE
Cristine’s
life this
month
Weekend, I love you!
Hollywood hills and suburban thrills.
Lazy Sunday. What’s everyone up to?
rooklyn-based hottie you out if you let it. I’m no fighter, but while, but I’m still learning new things
B Christine Elle has a certain

syrupy charm about
her that can make any
man giggle, but the last
thing you want to do is mistake her
sweetness for weakness. You’re looking
I use other ways to get what I want,
such as confidence and education.
Think we’ll survive out there?
People in Brooklyn are friendly. As
Notorious B.I.G. put it, “We spread love
the Brooklyn way.” There are all walks
every day. It’s a scene that keeps
evolving. I drive a red 1995 Mazda
Miata MX-5 manual convertible.
Do you let the guys drive, or do you
like doing the driving yourself?
Call me old-fashioned, but I love
at a girl who goes around in a red of life in the city, but if you find the gentlemen. I like it when a man picks
convertible, pilots a chopper, spends a right crowd, you’ll do just fine. me up, drives me, opens the door for
lot of time in the great outdoors, and Any Pinoy influences growing up? me, and offers a hand to help me out.
has strong ties to the gritty streets of My parents always exposed me to the Bonus points if he has a nice car!
Tondo, just to name a few. What can we Filipino culture. They spoke in Tagalog You strike us as somewhat of a
say? Girl’s got balls. and fed me Filipino food every day. My tomboy, is that true in any way?
Most Filipinos would love to have a mom is from Capiz and my dad is from I recently flew a helicopter—I was the
career in New York. Why fly all the Tondo, so watch out! actual pilot! I also like snowboarding,
way to Manila? Any chance of you moving here? camping, diving, rock-climbing,
I love New York, but I can’t forget I actually come here very often, so you biking, and longboarding.
about my roots. As a dual citizen, I never know. I’m planning to find a place You’re messing with us.
would love to be able to do what I love in Makati so I could stay longer. I’m not! I’m also learning how to ride a
in both countries. You’re a well-known car show model motorcycle and drift right now. Told you
Are Brooklyn girls really as tough in the States. Do you walk, erm, I’m as good as advertised, ha ha! FH M
as advertised? drive the talk?
New York will chew you up and spit I’ve been in the import industry for a

WIN AT LIFE
PHOTOGRAPHY:
NISSAN PHILIPPINES
INC. AND NISMO AND
KURT ALVAREZ
SPEED
SPEED
KING
The Philippines has just found a new racing hero in
Joward Policario, this year’s
Nissan GT Academy Asia champion
Words: Alex C. Paita

FF
like?” “Has it sunk in yet?”
or someone who just
finished driving at
breakneck speeds, Jose
Gerard “Joward” Policarpio
is quite slow to react,
particularly to the barrage
of questions people are
throwing at him. “How did you do it?” “What’s the feeling
Joward smiles faintly, shakes his head, and takes a

deep breath. Seated on the side of the track he walked
off from just a few minutes ago, he’s understandably
HARD DRIVE
GT Academy is a driver discovery program developed by
Nissan and PlayStation in 2008 for grooming hardcore
gamers for mainstream motorsport. The final winner of
each region—in Asia’s case, Joward—is set to undergo an
intensive, three-month long Driver Development Program
by Nissan, and take part in the upcoming Dubai 24 Hour
Race in January next year.
It’s the stuff hardcore gamers’ wet dreams are made
of, especially for people like Joward, who has been
playing Gran Turismo ever since it first came out on the
caught between exhaustion and disbelief as the media, PlayStation 1 in 1998.
race organizers, and his teammates from the Philippines “I didn’t know na magkakaroon
take turns at having a photo-op. In between shots, his ng GT Academy sa Pilipinas until it ‘On the last day
eyes wander, as if he’s totally detached from the air of was already here,” Joward says. “A
festivity going around him. As if it wasn’t at all about him. neighbor sent me a message saying, of the national
We are at the Silverstone track in Northamptonshire, ‘Hey, maybe you’d like to try this out.
UK—regarded all over the world as the Mecca of formula
racing—where Joward has just been named the first-ever
After all, you’ve been playing for so
long.’ So I gave it a shot.”
qualifiers, I
Nissan GT Academy Asian champion. He eclipsed 28
other racing protegés from Thailand, India, Japan, and
Joward admits he sucked at it
during the first stages of the national
ended up as the
Indonesia, including five fellow Pinoys, after a weeklong
race camp that tested their mettle in both racing and
leg. “I didn’t do well at first kasi I’d
never tried GT6 prior to the qualifiers,”
20th guy. Sabit
physical challenges, capped off by a final 10-lap race he
finished in gripping fashion.
he says. “It took me about a month
bago ako nakapasok dun sa Top 20
lang ako’
“I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet,” the 26-year-old champ best times. Everybody was fast. In fact I
tells FHM at trackside. “I still can’t believe I won—I can’t had to sort of copy how they did it just to get a good time.
believe I even made it here.” On the last day of the qualifiers, I ended up as the 20th
It was a long, hard-fought battle after all. Nissan guy. Sabit lang ako.”
Philippines Inc. launched the Nissan GT Academy locally The road to the top six, however, found him taking
in April of this year, a first time for the country to take on familiar territory. For this one, players were no longer
part in the seven-year-old tilt. Joward and the 28 other glued to their seats tackling virtual tracks; they were
Asian finalists are actually just a few of the thousands made to endure physical challenges and a real autocross
of hopefuls from all over the region. Each country had to [the racing equivalent of an obstacle course] driving test
trim the contestants down to 20, and then to a final six, on an actual track.
through a series of live time-trial events—not in actual “As for the physical challenges, where we had to do
racecars or on tracks, but on Nissan gaming pods. planking, push-ups, and the like, I wasn’t the best but I
Yes. Gaming pods. Racecar simulators like the ones was in one of the top spots,” Joward, who does cycling
you see in amusement centers, except they’re built on on weekends, says. “But I got the fastest time in the
a solid PlayStation platform. In order to make it to the autocross.”
GT Academy qualifiers, and eventually take a crack at
becoming a full-fledged international racecar driver, one
has to possess a very specific skill: Play Gran Turismo
like a god.
THE
OTHER
GUYS
These topnotch Gran TERRENCE LLAVE LOUIE CACHERO JOEL AGOJO RAFAEL LESAGUIS DARYL BRADY
Turismo gamers also Age: 29 Age: 25 Age: 40 Age: 20 Age: 27
made it to Silverstone What he does : What h e d o e s : Wh a t h e d o e s : A u t o Wh a t h e d o e s : P i l o t / What he does:
C ol l ecti ons agent M ark e t i n g s t u d e n t detailing shop owner aviation student I n s tructor, TR S

‘When I was
running second,
I knew the
Indonesian guy,
Andika, would
falter sooner
or later. So I
TRACK just waited Joward, whose yellow Nissan 370Z No. 5 was
positioned at the third grid on the starting line.
RECORD and tried to be “But after passing the Japanese guy, I decided
Joward is the son of Boyet to just wait and see. I knew neither of them
Policarpio. Presently the owner
of an auto repair shop in as patient as I was a professional. And sooner or later, one of
them would make a mistake.”
Pasay City, he was a racecar
driver from the ’70s to the could’ It didn’t take long before he overtook
Takahashi and tailed the Indonesian. “When
’90s, even racing for Nissan at I was running second, I knew Andika would
local rally events. He shared falter sooner or later. So I just waited and tried
the track with the likes of racing veterans Arthur Tuason to be as patient as I could.”
and Pocholo Ramirez, and snagged a few Driver of the After carefully plotting his attack, Joward made his
Year awards along the way. move on the fifth lap and incisively took the lead. “Andika
The older Policarpio taught his son, his only child, how made a mistake on a crucial corner,” he says. “So I
to drive when he was only eight. Driving was purely a decided to pass him and take the lead as fast as I could.”
father-and-son R&R until the kid followed in his father’s It was a close fight, with Joward and Andika in close
footsteps and started competing at autocross and circuit proximity for the rest of the laps. On the last lap, the
races as a teen. “I guess it came naturally,” says Joward, Indonesian tried to make a move into the final corner,
who was awarded Ford Focus Cup champion in 2006. but Joward cunningly defended his position and crossed
“Early on, napapaligiran na ako ng cars dahil sa shop the finish line just two-tenths clear of Andika. The race
ng dad ko. Day and night, puro kotse lang ang usapan. I to the finish line was in fact so intense that both racers
looked up to him and wanted to do what he was doing. unknowingly went on for an 11th lap—providing a bit of
Racing was his passion and later on it became my passion comic relief for the audience at trackside and a much
as well.” needed cool-down for both finishers.
Racing had to come to a full stop, however, when Joward acknowledges that Ricardo Sanchez, last
Joward finished school in 2010. He had to focus on year’s GT Academy winner from Mexico, who acted
finding a job. In fact, before the GT Academy, it had been as Team Philippines’ mentor, played a big role in this
seven years since he last raced on a track. victory. “He was a lot of help not just to me but the
Joward was working in a BPO company around the
time Nissan GT Academy was announced
here. He only took a leave of absence when
he landed on the final six. “Wala naman akong
kasiguraduhan that I’d win,” he says. “I didn’t
let go of the job so that if things didn’t go as
planned, may babalikan pa rin ako.”
Sorry, boss. Things went as planned.
THE FINAL LAP

Pole-sitter Andika Rama from Indonesia
started the race strong. He maintained the
lead for four laps, tailed by Takuya Takahashi
from Japan.
“I did want to rush into it and try to
get past the two guys in front of me,” says

S URV I VAL TACTI CS
Essential man-knowledge to help you make the
right choices this month
USE SOAP.
The World Bank (www.worldbank.org) suggests that
sanitation and hygiene don’t only make you feel pogi,
but also keep you alive. Handwashing with soap alone
prevents 1.4 million deaths worldwide. But don’t use just
any soap.
FECES FLUIDS
FINGERS
FLIES
FOOD
FIELDS/
FLOORS
team,” Joward says. “He was very detailed and taught
us everything we needed. He’s also a crazy guy. He’s S an i t at i on C l ean w at er su p p l y Hygiene
very funny; he likes to joke a lot. His character made the
experience more fun and memorable.”
But someone back home in the Philippines couldn’t
have been prouder of this feat. EAT LOCAL.
Pilmico, Aboitiz
group’s food
HERO’S WELCOME subsidiary,
“When I got down from the plane in Manila, I immediately wants to
received a call from my dad,” Joward says. “There weren't bring regional
any congratulations. His first question was, ‘Bakit nung staples closer
final lap natututukan ka na nung Indonesian?’” to everyone,
As a race driver himself, the older Policarpio knew so they started
that if the guy behind you is catching up, it only means an advocacy
one thing: you’re slower than him. “I themed Mahalin
explained to him that I was having Pagkaing Atin. The more local food you eat, the more
problems with the car. There were fuel
issues during the run,” Joward says. The ‘When I got you do your part in encouraging farmers to embrace
backyard farming. So always choose longganiza over that
congratulations came after that.
“It’s only just now that I figured out down from the Braunschweiger sausage, no matter how good the latter
sounds. Visit facebook.com/MahalinPagkaingAtin
how my life’s going to change,” Joward
says. plane in Manila,
On the second week of his Driver
Development Training in the UK, he I immediately LIVE(R) FOREVER.
People are talking so much
tells FHM via Facebook: “It’s really
hard, but it's also fun at the same time. received a call about the heart (#puso)
that we sometimes forget
I get to race every weekend and get to another vital organ (nope, that
learn so much about race-craft. Training
without my teammates in a different
from my dad. His one’s too far down)—we’re
talking about your liver. It's
country, however, is quite lonely, but [GT
Academy 2015 Global champion] Matt
first question tasked with the dreadful job
of flushing out toxins and
Simmons is with me and he's a really
great guy to be with.”
was, ‘Bakit cleansing out your blood.
Dr. recommends taking
The Hankook Dubai 24 Hour Race
is happening two months from now.
nung final lap LiverMarin, which contains
Silymarin and sodium
Joward, his dad, and the whole Nissan
and GT community have a lot to look
natututukan ascorbate. It’s an antioxidant,
anti-cancer agent, and liver
forward to. As for GT gamers aspiring
to follow in his footsteps—well, you’ve ka na nung metabolite in one. Hooray for
#atay.Visit www.facebook.
just found a legitimate excuse for mom
and dad why you have to keep pressing Indonesian?’ com/ATCLiverMarin
those buttons.

UPGRADE
Get shiny
gnashers
Turn your teeth from coffee-stained
terror fangs into the type of pearly whites
usually reserved for red carpets
01
02
Fight dry mouth Mary Anne San Juan, DMD.
Words:
Wayne Tulio Keep your caffeine and alcohol “Without its cleansing effect, the Keep it short
Photography: consumption to a minimum. bacterial count in your mouth Unlike sex, brushing your
Rowan Fee/FHM UK Drinking too much of these will goes up.” Not only do you make
dry out your mouth. “People with your teeth prone to cavities, teeth longer won’t make
dry mouths lack saliva,” says Dr. you’ll have stinky breath, too.
Drinks like coffee, tea, and red it any better. According to
wine can also stain your teeth. a study published in the
If you can’t help drinking these
beverages, make sure you have British Dental Journal,
a glass of water in between
rounds. two minutes is enough.
Researchers also say the
best motion is going up
and down the gum line. No
fancy circles or complicated
techniques to keep your
teeth clean.
03
Thrice is nice
How many times should you
give your teeth some TLC?
“You should brush at least three
times a day, usually after meals,
to avoid the accumulation of
LT H
cavity-causing bacteria,” advises
H E A Dr. San Juan. While you’re at it,

don’t forget to floss, too. Doing
so keeps your teeth white—
exactly what you want to flash
when your cute chinita crush
passes by.

4 things
that make
you smile
(but
probably
shouldn’t)
Keep ’em white

04
Brush before breakfast
Usual wisdom dictates
brushing after meals. But in
06 Dentists offer a number
of services to whiten your
teeth, but they ain’t cheap.
the mornings, do it before. A good solution is to brush “Twerk It Like
“Flow of saliva during sleeping Miley” videos
hours is low so it’s important your teeth with good Yeah, some guys
that you brush your teeth first have so much time
thing in order to cleanse your
old baking soda prior to
it’s funny.
mouth of bacteria accumulated toothpaste. “It neutralizes
overnight,” explains Dr. San
Juan. This prevents the sugars the bacteria found in
from your breakfast reacting
with the bacteria that have
plaque in your teeth,” says
settled in on your teeth during Dr. San Juan. “It’s also a
sleep, which can cause a
number of dental problems in mild abrasive that can help
the long run. Trying out different
scrub off strains but still facial hair while you
shave
gentle enough not to cause If you have enough of
damage.” it, you’ve likely tried
05 a contravida ’stache
that will make Romy
Diaz proud. If you
Go soft
haven’t, you’re lying.
When cleaning your sneakers,
you usually want a hard brush 07
and use some force to take the
stains off. Don’t do the same Just chew it
for your teeth. Pick a soft bristle Chewing gum is a usual go-to
brush and do it lightly. “Hard when you’re about to chat up a
bristles will abrade and wear off girl you’re eyeing to make sure
the area of your teeth near the your breath smells fresh. Turns
gums, which can lead to tooth out you’re doing your smile Campaign mud-
sensitivity,” says Dr. San Juan. a favor, too. According to the slinging
American Dental Association, Yes, we should take
chewing on gum after a meal choosing our next
increases the flow of saliva. leaders seriously. But
This helps neutralize acids that how can you when
are produced when the bacteria these politicians turn
in your teeth break down the it into a circus?
food you eat. Over time, acids
can cause tooth decay. Stick,
though, to sugar-free varieties.
Anne Curtis singing

She’ll always be hot
no matter what. But
damn, that voice…

UPGRADE
HOW I DID IT
Casa San Pablo’s
‘innkeeper’ is your strange
bed (and breakfast) fellow
I wasn’t able to use that

CV sports car anyway %VERY TIME
BOOTS ) SHOWED ANY INTEREST AT TAKING
IT OUT FOR A SPIN MY WIFE !NN
ALCANTARA, 51 IMMEDIATELY GOES h7HERE EXACTLY
ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT CARv
Currently:
) LEARNED EARLY ON THAT IF YOU
s 0RESIDENT #ASA 3AN
REALLY WANT TO KEEP YOUR WIFES
0ABLO )NC
TRUST DONT EVER THINK OF BUYING
Educated at:
A SPORTS CARITS REALLY A YOUNG
s !TENEO DE -ANILA !"

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NEWS EXCLUSIVE! THERE’S AN EARTHQUAKE FAULT RIGHT THROUGH YOUR HOME P.

CINDY MIRANDA DANIELLE CASTAÑO QUEENIE REHMAN

Cindy Miranda, Dani Castaño and

62 #INTERNETHISTORY 76 FIRST TIMERS

www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofﬁcial OCTOBER 2015 FH M 3

20 BAR ROOM JOKES

childhood terrors Tough love from this

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LETTERS 10/15 FACEBOOK.COM/

GOTTA CATCH ’EM ALL!

I am a late collector of your magazine

Finally I have a copy!

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WE LOVE YOU TOO!

SMALL AND DEFINITELY NOT

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They say movies can take

www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofﬁcial OCTOBER 2015 FH M 15

nerdy LOUIS ARENAS

The not-so-wide open road, the wind

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The lean back

www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofﬁcial OCTOBER 2015 FH M 17

Girl: Condom ka ba?

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I L WIR USOH DVX U H

Lack of both physical touch

Being forward without

4 STRIKE THE PERFECT BALANCE!

How to FIND OUT WHO YOUR COMPETITION IS

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CONFESSIONS I could feel how careful he

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me. I can’t forget how he reacts

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England. Any horror ﬂick fan will be

www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofﬁcial OCTOBER 2015 FH M 33

03 WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

If you “date a girl who reads” or are close to

34 FH M OCTOBER 2015 facebook.com/FHM.ph s twitter.com/fhmphil s fhmphilofﬁcial www.fhm.com.ph

SAVE YOUR SKIN! 4

FROM THE SHADOWS

KOJIC ACID GLYCOLIC ACID SHEA BUTTER PEA EXTRACT

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IT’S ALWAYS no, she’s not into screamo…

You’ve collaborated with quite a few

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BE HUG(H)E THIS HALLOWEEN!

WORDS: PONG CASTILLO s ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS

Bl a ck B ea rd i n Je an Valje an in C harlie Kenton Van Helsing in Wolverine in the

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DANIELLE CASTAÑO Dani makes doing anything seem so

CINDY MIRANDA Filipinos would drop everything they’re

QUEENIE REHMAN Here’s Queenie Rehman, 27 years old.

The sharing economy has enabled people to make money

a is the price we pay

Q WHO INVENTED THE