2010

APRIL
The Secret Language of Money
by David Krueger

How to Make Smarter Financial Decisions and

Live a Richer Life

by David Krueger, M.D., with

John David Mann
McGraw-Hill
© 2009, David Krueger
ISBN: 9780071623391
Quick overvieW 280 pages
If, despite your best efforts, you never seem to be in full command of your financial
goals, then David Krueger’s The Secret Language of Money might be a volume worth
adding to your bookshelf. Using a blend of psychology and basic financial common
success points
sense, Krueger explains why many people live in a persistent state of conflict with From this book you
money—whether that means not having enough, spending for the wrong reasons, will learn:
investing foolishly or using money to fulfill emotional needs.
In a format part storytelling and part psychoanalysis, Krueger shows how our • How to separate money
minds are predisposed to making poor financial decisions. He then provides a series of from your emotions
questionnaires and easy-to-follow tips to help readers rewire their brains to make better and make more rational
money decisions. purchasing decisions

• Why people make the

apply and achieve same money mistakes
If money were about math, none of us would be carrying any debt. What’s complex again and again and how to
is what we do with money: We give it meaning. We breathe life into money and give it stop the cycle
emotional value. We make it bigger than it is. We use money to do things money isn’t
designed to do, and that’s where things get complicated. • How your relationship with
We don’t simply earn, save and spend money: We woo it, flirt with it, crave it, scorn money affects everything
it and punish and reward ourselves with it. else in your life
It is not wealth or its pursuit that creates problems in our lives, but when we lose
ourselves in the chase. • The steps to creating a
The Secret Language of Money is not really about your income, expenses, assets and financial and personal
investments, although it will change how you view and manage all of these. rather, plan for a future where
it is about your relationship with money, and how that affects everything in your life, money enhances life rather
including your financial success. than defining it

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The Secret Language of Money

o ver the first five decades following the close of

Guidelines for
World War ii, something remarkable happened: Keeping Money and
We grew steadily richer. a lot richer. During the Emotions Separate
second half of the 20th century, more wealth was Here are six guidelines that will help you keep your
created in the United States alone than had ever before existed limbic system and your money separate, so that the
on the planet. by the new millennium, even america’s poor lizard in you doesn’t get to make your money decisions.
had reached a standard of living higher than the middle class of
• Avoid making important money decisions when
the 1950s.
you are emotional.
Despite our growing levels of apparent affluence, saving rates
had dropped to an all-time low, and debt had climbed to an • Avoid making important money decisions under
all-time high. by 2001, americans owed more than $1.7 trillion tension or fatigue.
in consumer debt—almost three times the value of all the U.S. • Be willing to sleep on it.
dollars in circulation—and bankruptcies began to skyrocket.
• Have a well-informed and fully structured plan.
by 2008, the onrush of affluence seemed to have slammed
into full reverse. • Stick to your plan.
Stranger still, we’ve somehow managed to spend our personal • Worry about the right things.
happiness along the way: our internal lives have become as
troubled as the state of our finances. after peaking in 1957, the
number of americans who rank themselves as “very happy” has sodas and candy. i was left standing, tired and dirty, wondering,
steadily declined. a diagnosis of depression today is 10 times “Was that candy worth a half a row of work?”
more common than it was half a century ago. it was one of my earliest lessons in the cost of money. Not
The more money we have, the more financial trouble we seem its value—i knew exactly how much candy a dime could
to find. our standard of living is better, yet our lives seem worse. buy—but the price i had to pay to get it. i learned that you don’t
We say, “money talks,” but what does it say? The remarkable just buy things with money; you have to buy the money with
truth is: It says whatever you tell it to. something, too.
We make money mistakes because we use money to in april 2005, the United States officially became a nation
accomplish nonfinancial goals. We seek to use money to do what of spenders. That month, we spent more than our after-tax
no “thing” can: regulate our moods, increase our self-esteem incomes, creating a negative savings rate. The trend continued
and control others. We use money to try to soothe emotional into the following year, and 2006 marked the first full year
pains and buy the respect of others and ourselves. since the Great Depression that we spent more than we earned.
an online survey by the american Psychological association a look at the balance sheet of the average american citizen in
in June 2008 found that 75 percent of the more than 2,500 2006 and 2007 would reveal that they were worse than broke.
adults said money was the No. 1 source of stress in their lives. When we see someone sitting in first class in an airplane,
We each have our own unique secret language of money, do we see it as the fruits of greed or of accomplishment? as
each based on our own unique money equations. Yet there are a a reward for hard work or the windfall of undeserved good
handful of common meanings, a sort of core cultural vocabulary fortune? The answer depends on our storyline.
of money, from which many of us unconsciously draw the and if you have any wish to change the way money works in
principal money themes in the lives we create for ourselves. your life, the only way you can effectively accomplish that goal
i first entered the workforce at the worldly-wise age of 8, as a must start with recognizing the one role you actually do play in
paid farmhand. your own story.
after work i would meet up with my classmates. Topped up Forbes magazine estimates that almost two-thirds of the
with change from their paper routes and chores, they would hit world’s billionaires made their fortunes from scratch. Nothing
the nearest store, where they would trade in their fresh assets for about your future is ordained. its direction is yours to shape.

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The Secret Language of Money

our money story isn’t only about money: it’s about everything. complex soup of thoughts and emotions, including childhood,
Day by day, thought by thought, dollar by dollar, our money herd mentality and a host of others. and underlying it all is a
story becomes our life story. brain that has evolved to be at times anything but logical.
as intelligent, educated and sophisticated though we may in fact, advances in neuroscience have revealed this strange
be, we keep our own stories hidden from ourselves. We do truth: Under certain conditions—especially in emotionally
this through denial, categorization, rationalization, avoidance, charged situations—we humans are hardwired to make
bargaining, disloyalty to self and defiance. downright poor financial decisions.
There are four distinct layers to a money story, each quite as the stock market came crashing down in the fall of 2008,
different from the others. the U.S. government rushed to pump $700 billion into the
1. Feelings: our gut reactions connected with the strivings, nation’s credit system. Why? as frightening as the looming
emotional attributions, beliefs about and representations of economic crisis was, the majority of americans still had their
money in our lives and the world around us jobs, their homes and food on the table.
2. Behaviors: the things we do for and with money The $700 billion bailout’s principal goal was to restore
3. Thoughts: how and what we think about money and public confidence, quite a price tag for a Pr campaign aimed
its symbolism at changing an emotion, but that only underscores the truth
4. Experiences: our overall reactions and responses to about money and the human brain: it is a fragile combination.
money, its significance and symptoms of our lives Physiologically speaking, the $700 billion package was really a
as you review your own story, both past and present, here are massive public-works program designed to shift the population’s
three steps that can be helpful in directing your inquiry: focus the 2-inch distance from midbrain to forebrain.
1. What are the beliefs that form the premise of your Further study reveals that during moments of especially
money story? strong emotional stimulation, even those of us who have absolutely
2. Can you track when in time you made the original no history of trauma make this same shift to emotional right-brain
decision that led to each view or belief? processing, effectively shutting off access to the logic and reason
3. Look for the connection between the original of the left brain.
decision and the view or perspective you now hold. This is why, when we are faced with very good or very bad
How well you understand yourself and what you do with news, we may suddenly abandon our best strategies and most
that understanding determine the success of your money story. carefully thought-out game plans. in extreme situations, such
money will not buy happiness, but how you create and live as when the stock market is robustly rallying or precipitously
your money story determines a good deal about what your life falling, it is most difficult to stay with investment strategies
experience will be. and planned principles. Greed or fear shifts us to right-brain
Every important relationship has its own history, develops its predominance. Thus, in times of very good news (a large and
own story, and evolves its own language. The longest-running unexpected bonus check) or very bad news (a stock market
relationship in our life is our relationship with money. crash), we may suddenly abandon our best-laid financial plans.
and here is the real power of your money story: because it We are wired for instant gratification, the compelling urge to
infiltrates and penetrates so many aspects of your life story, it spend what we don’t have to get what we can’t wait for.
is a fantastic access point. if you can change your money story, mastering your money requires having principles, consistency
then you will create powerful changes in your life story. and a game plan. it also requires that you are in an optimum
state of mind when you make your money decisions. The
majority of money lost in investing is the result of emotional
Plot twists decisions that trump otherwise good information, advice and
We may think we’re logical consumers who look rationally at strategy. mastering your state by learning how to ground
our purchases and investments to get the greatest benefit. The yourself will help you gain access to your full range of brain
truth is far less rational. our buying decisions are based on a capacity, including both rational and intuitive, big-picture

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thinking and accurate in-the-moment observation, and focus your Revenge spending is often carried out quietly and privately,
best judgment on the decision at hand. as a form of secret self-indulgence used to express anger
apparently, there is some seemingly irrational force that or resentment.
overrides our logic and knowledge and causes us to believe that a balanced, healthy approach to spending your money means
rising prices will continue to rise indefinitely—or at least as long using your money in those ways that best serve your values and your
as we’re betting on them. That force, of course, is human behavior. goals in life. The irrational compulsion to save can be just as negative
Supply and demand is driven by suppliers and demanders, each an influence in your life as the irrational compulsion to spend.
with a reptilian limbic system as well as a forebrain and with both along with sex and food, money is one of the three most
left and right hemispheres. The flaw in the economic system is that common vehicles on which emotional issues hitchhike.
it is run by buyers and sellers—in other words, by us. and we all Experts disagree on exactly how large a factor money issues are
operate from the perspective of our own money stories, complete in marital discord and divorce, but all available evidence makes
with their complicated stew of feelings, personal histories, money it pretty clear that it ranks right up there with sex as one of the
meanings, limbic responses and right-brain maroonings. major causes in relationship breakdown. and at the heart of both
it’s no accident “buyer’s remorse” is such a common expression. problems—money and sex—lies the same issue: lack of trust
The reason we get into trouble with money is that we think and communication.
we’re thinking about what we do. When it comes to money, it is now possible to spend money using cell phones, retinal
typically our feelings rule our actions, and thoughts come into the scans and fingerprints. We can pay by typing, swiping, speaking
picture only afterward. or scanning. as money transforms into something entirely
We spend for as many reasons as there are stories. We may ethereal that exists only as digital information, we’ll see it
spend to fill loneliness or emptiness, or to contain anxiety, or to embedded in everything from our clothing to our physical bodies.
make a statement of power and self-worth. The problem is that The abstraction of money certainly makes our everyday life
the effect doesn’t last. our attempts to spend our way to peace more convenient in many ways. it makes money easier to carry,
of mind don’t address the true cause of our discomfort, and in access, account for and leverage. The problem, of course, is that it
time, only make things worse as the tension release of spending is also makes it easier to spend.
replaced by the stress of debt—which can trigger a new round of With accelerating ease and temptation to spend virtual money,
impulsive spending. debt accumulation has become an enormous and growing national
Compulsive shopping is an ongoing pattern of behavior problem. at the end of 2008, americans owed about $2.5 trillion
characterized by the compelling urge to spend money, typically in consumer debt, nearly three times the value of the nation’s
on things one can’t afford, didn’t plan to buy and don’t need, total circulating currency.
or perhaps even really want. Like most addictions, compulsive The process of accumulating debt happens through the ongoing
shopping is typically an effort to remedy a depressed or empty repetition of a self-reinforcing cycle:
feeling, or is driven by an emotional craving for the feeling of • Compulsion: The debt cycle begins with an urge to buy
connectedness with others. something that we cannot right now afford to buy—and that
Competitive spending is beautifully captured in the archetypal we know we cannot afford to buy.
expression, “keeping up with the Joneses.” • Shame: if all we did was spend more than we had, there
Competitive spenders use the expenditure of money to measure would be no cycle. but things are not that simple. We don’t
social prestige and to compete with others in their social group. return home and say, “ohmigosh, what have i done?!” and then
Spending becomes an activity engaged in not in order to enjoy make a payment plan. instead, when reality catches up with us,
the objects of purchase, but for the acclaim or admiration of others. it brings with it a punitive message. How could you be so stupid?
and that is the core tragedy of competitive and conspicuous We tell ourselves. You knew you couldn’t afford that! What’s wrong
spending, like all dysfunctional types of spending: The spenders’ with you? We hope nobody else sees what we’ve done.
true goal, whether it is affection, intimacy, prestige, esteem, • Disavowal: research has shown that credit card users tend to
comfort or connection, is something that money cannot buy. underestimate significantly how much they owe on credit cards.

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“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today,” so said the Writing a neW money story
character named Wimpy in the Max Fleischer Popeye cartoons of addiction is often seen as a condition or disease—
the 1930s. It is that perennial hope that we can have it now and something we “have.” But addiction is really a process, a quest
pay for it later—“later” being a euphemism for “never”—that for something tangible that can regulate our mood and
feeds the Ponzi scheme. It fits perfectly within the essential self-esteem, at least temporarily.
modern american assumption that things will be better for our There is something unique about work that makes it unique
children’s generation than ours—and better for us next week than among all addictive behaviors. rather than frowning on it,
today. Why should I worry about paying for that hamburger next society condones and even admires it. of all the things to
Tuesday? Surely I’ll be worth more then…. Won’t I? which one may become addicted, money and work carry the
The unsettling truth about scams is that, unlike crimes most social approval.
such as assault, robbery or homicide, they work only with our Neither money, the things it buys, nor the work that
willing participation. These investment offerings all share two generates it, can be expected to fill emotional needs, resolve
features in common: (1) they are all pure fiction: none of them long-running conflicts or bestow fulfillment.
exists or ever has; however, (2) there were at one point a lot of Six Guidelines for a Healthy Relationship
reasonable and wealthy investors who believed they did. with Work:
How do you create such a cultlike following? You offer an 1. Get clear on the purpose of your work.
evocative promise that touches people’s vague, hazy dreams and 2. Create clear boundaries.
makes them appear vividly within reach. You paint a picture that 3. Leave your work at work.
enables people to see what they want to see. People project their 4. Focus each day’s work on productivity goals
own desires onto a promising story that crystallizes a fantasy of rather than work ethic goals.
magical wealth. In a very real sense, it is not the scam artist who 5. Create clear financial goals.
scams us, but it is we who allow ourselves to be taken in, fueled 6. Accept the fact that you have a life.
by a variation of that same let’s play pretend impulse that lets us Six Guidelines for Finding Your Passion:
spend money we don’t have to buy things we can’t afford. 1. Get curious.
Cons work because they tell us what we want 2. Engage.
to hear: 3. Get out of the details.
• Our vulnerable brains 4. Think back to when you were a kid.
• The need to believe 5. Recruit help.
• The need to prove our worth 6. Move on.
• The need to be special Four Guidelines for Living Your Ideals:
• The need to belong 1. See how they apply.
• The need to be taken care of 2. Honor your order of priorities.
• Susceptibility to impulse 3. Appreciate the price.
• The desire to put one over 4. Live your ideals.
Seven Guidelines for Staying Unscammed: a vision crystallizes possibility into a fundamental,
1. Work with professionals. articulated idea. a vision gives hope a shape and form,
2. Know when to hang up the phone. allowing you to program your future while rehearsing it:
3. Watch your credit cards. • Thoughts and visualization bring about actual
4. Take the time to look twice. physical changes in the brain.
5. Notice when you are vulnerable. • When you repeatedly hold a vision of successfully
6. Be wary of hearing what you want to hear. attaining a goal, the act of visualization etches
7. If it seems too good to be true, it’s probably too the experience more strongly into the neural
good to be true. networks and neuronal pathways.

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The Secret Language of Money

• Mental visualization of a complex movement can

actually improve performance.
It can be difficult to the point of impossible to simply let go of
an old story—without first writing a new one. The new story is
the crucial missing link in the process of self-change.
There are three essential steps to writing a new money story:
1. Identify clearly your existing money story.
2. Identify which parts of that story you want to keep
and which you want to change.
3. Craft a “money mission statement” to guide your
new money story.
Your words reveal your internal mode of reality. In crafting
your mission statement, you’ll want to use only language that
supports your success.
There is perhaps no factor more important to your success
than the story you tell yourself, and the language you couch it in
can make all the difference. About the Author
David Krueger, M.D., taught and practiced psychiatry and

What is money? psychoanalysis for more than 25 years before becoming CEO of

The answer to that question turns out to be, money is simply MentorPath, an executive coaching service for corporate leaders
money—nothing more and nothing less. When you let go of and medical professionals. His clients have included the CEOs
whatever layers of meaning, drama, emotion and complexity of multinational businesses, professional athletes, best-selling
you may have draped around money, it loses its mysterious
writers and business owners. A resident of Houston, he serves
power to control you, and instead becomes what it was
meant to be: a powerful force you can use to shape the life as a mentor coach and dean of curriculum for the Coach Training
you envision. Alliance. Krueger has published 15 books on the psychology of
success and fulfillment.
John David Mann has more than 20 years of experience as
an author on business, leadership and success. He is author of
Recommended Reading the best-seller The Go-Giver and A Deadly Misunderstanding.

If you enjoyed this summary of The Secret Language Mann built a multimillion-dollar network marketing organization
of Money, check out: of more than 100,000 distributors in the 1990s, and edited and
Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That produced the best-selling The Greatest Networker in the World
Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely
by John Milton Fogg. Mann resides in Massachusetts.
Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health,
Wealth and Happiness by Richard H. Thaler and Summarized by permission of the publisher, McGraw-Hill, Two Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10121-
Cass R. Sunstein 2298. The Secret Language of Money by David Krueger, M.D., with John David Mann. © 2009 by
David Krueger.

Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior © 2010 SUCCESS Media. All rights reserved. Materials may not be reproduced in whole or in part
by Rom Brafman and Ori Brafman in any form without prior written permission. Published by SUCCESS Media, 200 Swisher Rd.,
Lake Dallas, TX 75065, USA. SUCCESS.com

Page 6 SUCCESS.com SUCCESS BooK SUMMarIES