SEED & SEW
EMOTION COACHING GUIDE
The future is emotionally intelligent.
THE PHASES OF
EMOTION PROCESSING
When we were creating the
Collaborative Emotion Processing
(CEP) method, Lauren Stauble
and I developed the 5 Phases of
Emotion Processing. These guide
you through emotion processing.
We generally move through the
phases sequentially, but not
always at the same speed. Lauren
and I discuss these in detail in
episode 63 of Voices of Your
Village podcast. All episodes are
available app free at
www.voicesofyourvillage.com
"NO CALM, MAMA!"
When a child is not accepting
coping strategies offered, it
typically means they need more
time to feel the emotion. It can be
tempting to rush the process to
make the expression stop, but the
greatest gift we can give a kiddo is
the space to feel their emotions,
even if they make us uncomfortable.
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@seed.and.sew
SEED & SEW
COPING TOOLS
The future is emotionally intelligent.
COMMON COPING
TOOLS FOR KIDS
Coping is a game changer! When we
tap into coping strategies we can
process the emotion, literally
processing the cortisol (adrenaline
running through our body). When
we tap into a mechanism, we can
numb the feeling, but it pushes it
below the surface, often resulting in
another tantrum or emotional
expression soon. Coping strategies
are key. More on moving from
mechanisms to strategies in episode
38 of Voices of Your Village podcast.
COMMON COPING TOOLS
FOR ADULTS
This work always starts with us. When
we model coping strategies, when we
pause to breathe or take space to feel
calm, kiddos observe that. When we
turn to mechanisms, they observe
that, too. Give yourself grace. This
isn't about perfection. Start by
noticing you feelings and habits.
Awareness comes before change.
Intention over perfection, always.
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@seed.and.sew
SEED & SEW
SAMPLE WORDING
The future is emotionally intelligent.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
At the end of the day we all want to
know that we are loved, regardless
of our behavior. Do you love me
unconditionally? Your kiddo will ask
all day long to see if there's
anything they can do that will result
in you not loving them anymore. It's
so hard, but maybe keeping this in a
place you can reference can remind
you that the behavior is often kiddos
looking for connection. Empathy
drives connection. Meet them where
they are. Let them know you love
them and always will, even when
they have hard feelings they don't
know what to do with.
WE EMPATHIZE WITH WHAT
SOMEONE FEELS NOT WHY
THEY ARE FEELING IT
When we minimize their feelings,
when we use phrases like, "I
understand, but..." or "At least we can
come back tomorrow" we invalidate
their feelings. Imagine you feel
disappointed, it's not someone's job to
decided whether or not you SHOULD
feel it. It's their job to empathize with
WHAT you feel.
Seed & Sew
@seed.and.sew
SEED & SEW
SAMPLE WORDING
The future is emotionally intelligent.
ANXIETY IN KIDS
It's instinctual to try and prevent
them from feeling the fear,
especially if you struggle with
anxiety. You know how it feels and
want to keep them from
experiencing it. The thing is, the key
to anxiety is welcoming the fear.
When a child learns to acknowledge
it and tap into coping strategies
rather than fighting it and trying to
avoid it, they can process fear and
live without anxiety. I struggled with
anxiety for years and this toolbox
drastically changed my life.
CHILDREN WILL MIRROR
YOUR FEELINGS
It's not their job to calm down for you,
it's your job to calm down for them.
This is often the hardest part. Take
space, breathe, tap into coping, model
for them how important it is to find
your calm before problem solving.
YOU'VE GOT THIS! You are never alone.
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@seed.and.sew
