BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
To: Tim McArthurton [Sales Office Manager]
From: Drake Lopez [Sales Intern]
Subject: RE: Revise, ASAP! Yay Weekend
Dear Mr. McArthurton:
I have proof-read and revised the document you provided me. Because you asked for my
assistance, I applied what I have learned from my business writing class to provide an edited
version of the document I received, feedback on that document to assist when creating future
ones, at your convenience, as well as a separate email reminding staff about the new law
regarding texting and driving.
Attached below this email are three separate documents. The first document contains the edited
version of the original email I received from you, to be verified before sending out. The second
document is an email reminding staff about the new law being enforced regarding texting and
driving.
I included the third document that provides some notes regarding the original version of the
document you sent me to proofread and revise. This document may offer some useful tips for
your business writing in the future. Please contact me if you have any further inquiries.
Have fun at the lake on your new boat!
Sincerely,
Drake Lopez
B.S. Finance Student
Naveen Jindal School of Management
The University of Texas at Dallas
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BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
SUBJECT LINE: New Company Policy on Social Activity
Dear Sales Team:
Hello, it’s Friday! Although this is so, we have an important issue to address regarding company
policy on social practices. I would also like to receive suggestions from you all by 10 a.m.,
Saturday, regarding the creation of a new social policy.
The CEO visited our Carrollton and McKinney sales offices last week. I received an email from
her mentioning some of the inappropriate behavior she witnessed. One example includes online
shopping on the clock. Another occurrence involved someone giving their undivided attention to
a personal surveillance camera app. If you recall, a series of emails were sent out that addressed
very similar issues. I understand everyone has their own personal matters to attend to. However,
because we are a business, when we’re in the office, business is our priority. Don’t allow
personal matters to interfere with business affairs. Year-end bonuses are coming up and this
means meeting our sales goals.
I do apologize if you think my new policy on social media specifically targets you. Company
policy applies to all sales team members. Limits are limits. As such, the complaints mentioned
above are coming directly from the CEO. I completely understand your concerns about the need
for flex-time and networking practices for keeping clients, remaining focused on our sales goals.
Let’s get a new policy written for online-time and fun-time because all our time is work-time. I
have experience with this issue. We could work together to write a better policy. Some questions
to ask ourselves when writing this new policy may include:
- Does social and shopping help anymore?
- Is gaming okay?
- What happened to clear 10-minute breaks?
- Could phone lock-up work instead?
- Should we have phone breaks?
- Should we ban using the Internet on our work computers?
- Should email and our screens be private or should everyone be able to see everything?
- Can they be used for personal things like fantasy sports?
- What if we did a screen share where everyone’s’ desktops appeared on one big monitor in
the main to help tag team on sales meetings?
Let’s consider the following. What if we stopped using the internet from 1-4 p.m.? This would
be unconventional for a sales agent office on weekends since employees need the internet to
enter things into the MLS, post listings, make appointments, etc. Sales agents could then focus
on clientele, closing deals, and generating revenue. By combining our thoughts, we can create
solutions.
BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
Your ideas are important. It is also important that we are following company policy and
implementing best practices for connecting with clients. Doing so further ensures we are able to
continuously meet our sales goals. Because you all are more up-to-date with social practices and
“golf is networking and networking is sales,” I’ll notify our office assistant, Ms. Anna Jones, to
receive your comments and suggestions. You may also direct comments or suggestions to me
personally via email. Please be sure to have them to Ms. Jones or me by 10 a.m. this Saturday.
Also, please be considerate of your feedback.
Let's keep focused on our sales goals. Some words of inspiration –
“Don’t limit your challenges. Challenge your limits.”
WOOHOO WEEKEND!
Let me know by 10 a.m. Saturday about ideas for the new policy.
Best Regards,
Tim McArthurton
Sales Office Manager
timmcarthurton@[Link]
123.321.1234
ABC Company
1234 Industry Ave.
City, TX 98765
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SENDING---
BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
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SUBJECT LINE: No Texting and Driving Law
Dear Sales Team:
For those of you with clients outside of the office during office hours, the new law in Texas
prohibiting texting and driving is in effect. Poor behavior may result in the loss of a client, a civil
infraction on a driving record, and consequences within the company for the employee.
Thank you for driving safely.
Sincerely,
Tim McArthurton
Sales Office Manager
timmcarthurton@[Link]
123.321.1234
ABC Company
1234 Industry Ave.
City, TX 98765
----DO NOT SEND ITEMS BELOW THIS LINE. DELETE THIS LINE BEFORE
SENDING---
BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
SUBJECT LINE: URGENT POLICY OPEN social problems and CEO ASAP
To Whom IT May Concern:
HELLO it’s Friday!
As anyone who showed up to work last week already knows the CEO (Top Boss! Top Sales!)
came to visit our carrolltton office last week and then came to our mckinney office which I
consider our superstar SALES office! She sent me an email and said that we firsthand and
completely totally need to consider how people did online business like she saw Jon shopping for
sneaks and not even real ones but on a rep site which totally makes me think you aren’t even
aiming for hitting that year end bonus and she saw Juli watching her cat on the cat cam from the
cat treat cam all stalkerish but when I told you all this in a series of emails you all thought I was
sending too much email and just because I told you it was fine once to “get your business done
but don’t leave the office unless your with clients or a quitter” it means that you can do the
business you needed to do as long as you stay in the office nonstop. Like I always say, business
gotta get done if it gotta get done. That means you meet sales goals. I hope this motivates you
because I find it totally motivating personally. “DONT LIMIT YOUR CHALLENGES.
CHALLENGE YOUR LIMITS.” (((haha dont challenge the limits on social and shopping.)))
What I don’t’ find motivating is how some people think my new policy on social media and
online shopping targets YOU or YOU instead of just making one clear policy. So, fine, you write
it, and figure it out. I personally am completly understand all of your concerns about the need for
flex time and ways about keeping clients and focussed on our sales goals, you know what I
mean. Like Mr. Miagi says wax on wax off. Let’s get a new policy written for online time and
fun time because all our time is work time. The social stuff like TIKTOK and all the texting and
relaxing on your breaks – where’s it going ot end? I'm guilty too! Everyone knows my deep
feelings about Friends who golf but limits are limits and this is coming from the CEO – haha and
JUli said I can’t just close my office door to play. I get it. There’s a window thats been made
clear to me several times. I have a lot of experience with this issue that can be useful to you.
Why don't we work together to write a better policy. We could answer a few questions in the
road of writing up this new better policy. Some questions could be whether social and shopping
helps anymore. Low key gaming maybe okay???? Golf is networking and networking is sales.
What happened to clear 10minute breaks? Could phone lock up work instead? I could text you a
hourly no shopping or gaming goal reminder. Should we have phone breaks like our old
secretary June used to to take her ridiculous smoke breaks before she quit? Should we ban using
the Internet on our work computers? Sould email and our screens be private or should everyone
be able to see everything? Can you use it for personal stuff like fantasy sports? what if we did a
screen share where everyones desktops appeared on one big monitor in the main area that way
we could even help tag team on sales meetings. What if we stopped using the internet from 1-4
specially with appt setting. This would be unconvential for a sales agent office specially on
weekends since employees need the internet to enter things into the MLS etc post listing, but
then they - the SALES Agents - could focus on doing the real work of working in sales. Hitting
the streets. Making bucks. Closing. That's what matters. Also, with the new law in TX about
texting & driving as we know since we saw Mick gets a ticket in the parking lot haha howd you
close that sale anyways, everyone needs to be extra careful about watching TIKTOK or playing
WORDSWITHFRIENDS while driving so we all avoid getting tickets while driving around
clients. Very awkward. Youre not all as good as Mick. Suggestions? Youre the young people
BCOM Writing Assignment Email Response
who like the social so you tell me because this isnt really my problem as golf is networking and
networking is sales like I said once and need to repeat. Get my drift. Maybe the office girl can
put together all the comments. Since its friday afternoon and many of you left because its 6pm
then just get me back all these comments by 10am saturday before I head to the lake on my
NEWWWW boat - Let's keep focused on our sales goals.
WOOHOO WEEKEND!
Let me know ASAP about the new policy unless you have nothing useful to add. I wasn't happy
with the feedback on the brakroom policy last time I sent an email to get everyone's thoughts and
hopes altough the sales goals were met, so. FROM Tim McArthurton
PS: I thought this was appropriate! The sales and millennials conference I went last week said
young people like these MEEMS. LETS STRATEGIZE OUR SOCIAL
