Allegory Assignment

by Hudson Rixham

Submission date: 08-Nov-2018 03:58PM (UT C-0500)

Submission ID: 1035530906
File name: odyssey_paper_f inal.pdf (328.75K)
Word count: 792
Character count: 3885
1

6
7

10

11
12

13

14

17

19

20

21
Allegory Assignment
ORIGINALITY REPORT

13 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
11%
INT ERNET SOURCES
%
PUBLICAT IONS
13%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to St. Louis University High School
St udent Paper 6%
2
Submitted to Kimberly High School
St udent Paper 6%
3
Submitted to Charlotte Country Day High
School
<1%
St udent Paper

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography On
Allegory Assignment
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

23
PAGE 1
/0

Comment 1
MLA f ormat looks good. Great title.

Comment 2
works

Comment 3
normal? is this the right characterization?

Comment 4
some awkward phrasing, but I get what you are trying to say. Using the conjunction "and" here
connects narrow escapes and advice, but the verb receiving is not parallel. Consider revising.

Comment 5
are you completely happy with this opening/topic sentence? It's a bit vague...a bit general...the
use of "one's" and Individual....keep the f ocus on you and Odysseus. Consider revising with
narrow escape being the subject of the sentence.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Comment 6
passive structure.
Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

PAGE 2

Comment 7
ok, a good example....is there some brush with danger that you could relate? T hat might be a
better f it, or expand on this....we need more details as to its signif icance. You gave some great
evidence f or Odysseus, but how about with you. Provide some more details that really bring
this situation to lif e and give it the f eeling of a narrow escape. How did you f eel, how did you
manage to make it? what was it like running through the airport, what were people doing, how
close was your "escape"....you get the idea, details.

Comment 8
work on adding transition sentences between ideas/paragraphs.

Wrong Article You may have used the wrong article or pronoun. Proof read the sentence to
make sure that the article or pronoun agrees with the word it describes.

Comment 9
again, kind of repetative and vague. You keep repeating this...but it's about your lif e/journey
resembling (relating is not really the right word I think) the odyssey.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Comment 10
Your mom sounds like a smart lady! Listen to her!

Comment 11
when and where did she give you this advice...the f irst time maybe? when have you recalled it,
what was the situation? again, details and examples f rom your own lif e to use as example...you
could even make it up!

PAGE 3

Comment 12
does it not? can it not?

Comment 13
need to see some examples of these ideas in your experiences you use as examples.
Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Comment 14
yes! good!

Strikethrough.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Strikethrough.

Comment 17
cliche

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.

Strikethrough.

Comment 19
cliche/colloquial....it will if what? tie it to your claim that people need advice or that you need
strength, conf idence or something to get through the narrow escapes.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Comment 20
how? in what way?

Comment 21
OK, some great stuf f here you could develop. review the comments and let me know if you
have specif ic questions that I can go over with you.

T hings to work on: developing stronger claims/thesis. Yes, f olks (specif ically you and
Odysseus to keep if f ocused) have narrow escapes and they receive advice (this seems to be
the two maid ideas of your essay) But what of it? Why is this important? What af f ect does it
have that you allude to in the conclusion? Your evidence f rom the book is strong, but you don't
connect it completely to your own lif e, and that should be the maid point of this essay. Give is
some deeper, clearer examples f rom your lif e, evidence. T hen explain why this is signif icant?
What do narrow escapes do f or a person? What can a person learn? What must a person
have to avoid or survive a narrow escape? Your answer would be a claim that you use back up
with evidence and examples. Your analysis is tying the example to the claim. Does that make
sense?

So, your writing overall is good, sentence structure, overall organization of ideas. work on
clarif ying those ideas.

Come see me with questions: 23/35

PAGE 4
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS Developing
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID Developing
Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION Developing

Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that

enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE Developing

Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.