Eats Shoots Leaves
Eats Shoots Leaves
Eats Shoots Leaves
2) When you have found a sign with a punctuation error, write a courteous letter
explaining the correct use of the apostrophe and “express the gentle wish that,
should the offending ‘Bob,s Pets’ sign, for example, be replaced, this well meant
guidance might be borne in mind.” These letters won’t be necessary, after the
A.P.S. (Apostrophe Protection Society) has created a more militant wing.
3) Look through your local newspaper and find errors such as, “DEAD SONS
PHOTOS MAY BE RELEASED.”
4) Look on Amazon for a film/book review and, keeping in mind Lynne Truss’
rules, correct the punctuation.
5) Imagine that you are trying to persuade a non-stickler that punctuation is
important. Come up with at least three reasons.
3
Additional rules of the apostrophe for the ardent stickler who desires to venture
into “murky tunnels of style, usage and (oh no!) acceptable exception”:
Finally, a few more rules of the apostrophe, which may seem simple, but when
broken bring grief to true sticklers everywhere:
1. If you can replace the word with “who is” or “who has,” then the word is
who’s:
Who’s knocking at my door?
2. If you can replace the word with “they are,” then the word is they’re:
They’re not going to get away with this.
3. If you can replace the word with “there is,” the word is there’s:
There’s a surprising amount about the apostrophe in this book.
4. If you can replace the word with “you are,” then the word is you’re:
You’re never going to forget the difference between “its” and “it’s.”
2) If you are too peaceful to take up arms in the name of the apostrophe war
and/or feel uncomfortable at the thought of carrying correction fluid, big pens,
stickers, guerilla clothing or a gun, I suggest the following exercise:
1b. In a list of adjectives, again, the rule is that you use a comma where an
and would be appropriate — where the modifying words are all modifying the
same thing to the same degree.
It was a dark, stormy night.
It was a dark and stormy night.
But you do not use a comma for the following. Here, the adjectives are not
intended as a list.
It was an endangered white rhino.
The Grand Old Duke of York had ten thousand men.
2. Joining sentences:
Commas are used when two complete sentences are joined together, using such
conjunctions as and, or, but, while, and yet:
The boys wanted to stay up until midnight, but they grew tired and fell
asleep.
3. Filling gaps
Missing words are implied by a comma.
Annie had dark hair; Sally, fair.
4. Setting off direct speech
The Queen said, “Doesn’t anyone know it’s my birthday?”
5. Setting off interjections
Blimey, what would we do without it?
Stop, or I’ll scream.
6. Commas that come in pairs
“The commas mark the places where the reader can—as it were—place an
elegant two-pronged fork and cleanly lift out a section of the sentence, leaving no
obvious damage to the whole.”
John Keats, who never did any harm to anyone, is often invoked by
grammarians.
To decide whether or not a pair of commas is needed, you need to determine
whether the bit between the commas is “defining,” or restrictive, or not. If the
clause is “defining,” you don’t need to present it with a pair of commas. Thus:
The Highland Terriers that live in our street aren’t cute at all.
If the information in the clause is “non-defining,” however, then you do:
The Highland Terriers, when they are barking, are a nightmare.
When the interruption to the sentence comes at the beginning or at the end, the
grammatical rule of commas-in-pairs still applies, even if you can only see one of
the commas. Thus:
Of course, there weren’t enough tickets to go round.
is, from the grammatical point of view, the same as:
There weren’t, of course, enough tickets to go round.
Common Comma Pitfalls
7
Not long ago in Paris I met a young Muslim woman named Djamila
Benrehab who at the age of twenty had donned not only a black head
scarf but a billowy black abaya and under it all a tight black bandanna to
her eyebrows that left only the circle of her face exposed. Djamila is a big
apple cheeked endearing person. She speaks a beautiful lilting French
and is intelligent and quite charming. Her dream is to leave Paris and go
to Brooklyn where she has heard Muslim girls go veiled and nobody minds
and in any case “It can’t be worse than here.”
4) Come up with a sentence to illustrate each rule of the comma given above. Be
sure to include sentences in which the placement of the comma significantly
alters the meaning of the sentence.
6) Look through your local newspaper and find sentences in which the comma
has been misused. Then write a letter to the editor explaining the correct use of
the comma. Try to remain modest and not brag about your newfound prowess
with punctuation.
The Semicolon:
Here is the American essayist Lewis Thomas on the semicolon:
The semicolon tells you that there is still some question about the
preceding full sentence; something needs to be added […] The period [or
full stop] tells you that that is that; if you didn’t get all the meaning you
wanted or expected, anyway you got all the writer intended to parcel out
and now you have to move along. But with the semicolon there is more to
come; read on; it will get clearer.
(The Medusa and the Snail, 1979)
Lynne Truss tells us, “Expectation is what these stops are about; expectation and
elastic energy. Like internal springs they propel you forward in a sentence
towards more information, and the essential difference between them is that
while the semicolon lightly propels you in any direction related to the foregoing
(“Whee! Surprise me!”) the colon nudges you along lines already subtly laid
down.” p. 114
If used according to the following rules, semicolons can be, as Lynne Truss
warns, “dangerously habit-forming.”
1. The main place for putting a semicolon is between two related sentences
where there is no conjunction such as “and” or “but,” and where the
comma would be ungrammatical:
I love Opal Fruits; they are now called Starburst, of course.
I remember him when he couldn’t write his own name on a gate;
now he’s Prime Minister.
In each of the examples above, a dash could certainly be substituted for the
semicolon without much damage to the sentence. But it is worth learning the
different effects created by the semicolon and the dash. Whereas the semicolon
suggests a connection between the two halves of each of these sentences, the
dash ought to be preserved for occasions when the connection is a lot less
direct, when it can act as a bridge between bits of fractured sense:
I loved Opal Fruits—why did they call them Starburst?—reminds
me of that joke “What did Zimbabwe used to be called?—Rhodesia.
What did Iceland used to be called?—Bejam!”*
________________________________________________________________
______
The Colon:
According to H.W. Fowler, the colon “delivers the goods that have been invoiced
in the preceding words.” George Bernard Shaw tells us, when two statements are
“placed baldly in dramatic apposition,” use a colon. Thus:
Luruns could not speak: he was drunk.
Shaw explains to Lawrence that when the second statement reaffirms, explains
or illustrates the first, you use a colon; also when you desire an abrupt pull up:
Luruns was congenitally literary: that is, a liar.
Lynne Truss tells us that a colon is nearly always preceded by a complete
sentence, and in its simplest usage it rather theatrically announces what is to
come. “Like a well-trained magician’s assistant, it pauses slightly to give you time
to get a bit worried and then efficiently whisks away the cloth and reveals the
trick complete.”
This much is clear, Watson: it was the baying of an enormous hound.
(This much is clear, Watson—yes! it was the baying of an enormous
hound.)
Tom has only one rule in life; never eat anything bigger than your head.
(Tom had only one rule in life—yes! never eat anything bigger than your
head.)
I pulled out all the stops with Kerry-Anne: I used a semicolon.
(I pulled out all the stops with Kerry-Anne—yes! I used a semicolon.)
As well as the “Yes!” type colon, there is the “Ah” type, when the colon reminds
us there is probably more than has met the eye:
I loved Opal Fruits as a child: no one else did.
A classic use of the colon is a kind of fulcrum between two antithetical or
oppositional statements:
Man proposes: God disposes.
11
As Shaw put it, the colon can simply pull up the reader for a nice surprise:
I find fault with only three things in this story of yours, Jenkins: the
beginning, the middle and the end.
Some rules of the colon:
1. Colons start lists (especially lists using semicolons):
In later life, Kerry-Anne found there were three qualities she
disliked in other people: Britishness; superior airs; and a feigned
lack of interest in her dusting of freckles.
2. Colons set off book and film subtitles from the main titles:
Berks and Wankers: A Pessimist’s View of Language Preservation
Gandhi II: The Mahatma Strikes Back
3. Conventionally, colons separate dramatic characters from dialogue:
Philip: Kerry-Anne! Hold still! You’ve got some gunk on your face!
Kerry-Anne: They’re freckles, Philip. How many more times?
12
Sir Walter Elliot of Kellynch Hall in Somersetshire was a man who for his
own amusement never took up any book but the Baronetage there he
found occupation for an idle hour and consolation in a distressed one
there his faculties were roused into admiration and respect by
contemplating the limited remnant of the earliest patents there any
unwelcome sensations arising from domestic affairs changed naturally into
pity and contempt as he turned over the almost endless creations of the
last century and there if every other leaf were powerless, he could read his
own history with an interest which never failed…
(Persuasion, 1818)
4) Insert the necessary parenthesis, italics, commas and periods in this famous
passage by James Joyce using the punctuation rules you’ve learned:
There was no hope for him this time it was the third stroke. Night after
night I had passed the house it was vacation time and studied the lighted
square of window and night after night I had found it lighted in the same
way faintly and evenly. If he was dead I thought I would see the reflection
of candles on the darkened blind for I knew that two candles must be set
at the head of a corpse. He had often said to me I am not long for this
world and I had thought his words idle. Now I knew they were true…
(Dubliners, 1916)
1. in involuntary ejaculations:
Phew! Lord love a duck!
2. to salute or invoke:
O mistress mine! Where are you roaming?
3. to exclaim (or admire):
How many goodly creatures are there here!
4. for drama:
That’s not the Northern Lights, that’s Manderley!
5. to make a commonplace sentence more emphatic:
I could really do with some Opal Fruits!
6. to deflect potential misunderstanding of irony:
I don’t mean it!
The Question Mark
The question mark, though it takes up twice the space of an exclamation point,
annoys people far less. Its name, though fairly boring, is a good indicator of its
function.
Italics
Italics are the print equivalent of underlining, and they are used for:
Like the exclamation point, italics should be used sparingly for purposes of
emphasis.
Quotation Marks
Use double quotation marks for speech and single quotations for quotations-
within-quotations.
American grammarians insist that, if a sentence ends in inverted commas, all the
terminal punctuation for the sentence must come tidily inside the speech marks,
even when this doesn’t seem to make sense.
Sophia asked Lord Fellamar if he was “out of his senses”. (British)
Sophia asked Lord Fellamar if he was “out of his senses.”
(American)
The Dash
Whereas a dash is generally concerned to connect (or separate) phrases and
sentences, the tiny, tricky hyphen (used in such phrases as “quasi-dashes,”
“double-taps,” and “stream-of-consciousness”) is used quite distinctly to connect
(or separate) double words. A single dash creates a dramatic disjunction that can
be exploited for humor, for bathos, or for shock. Byron is a great master of the
dramatic dash:
A little still she strove, and much repented,
And whispering “I will ne’er consent”—consented.
Double dashes are a bracketing device.
Brackets
Brackets come in various shapes, types and names:
1. round brackets (which the British call brackets, and Americans call
parentheses)
2. square brackets [which the British call square brackets, and Americans
call brackets]
15
3. brace brackets {which are shaped thus and derive from mathematics}
1. This isn’t a mistake, actually; it just looks like one to the casual eye.
I am grateful to Mrs. Bollock [sic]
2. Tee hee, what a dreadful error! But it would be dishonest of me to correct
it.
Please send a copy of The Time’s [sic],” he wrote.
Square brackets also (sometimes) enclose the ellipsis, when words are left out.
The Ellipsis
The ellipsis should be used:
Well, maybe you’re right, baby. You can’t come together with nothing, and
you’re nothing[ ] SNAP [ ] It went snap tonight at Daddy’s party [ ] Dripping
contempt, but there is fury and loss under it[ ] I sat there at Daddy’s party
and I watched you[ ] I watched you sitting there, and I watched the
younger men around you, the men who were going to go somewhere.”
(Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 1962)
3) What shape of bracket appeared first and what attractive name was it given by
Erasmus?
4) From what language does the word “bracket” derive?
17
2) Now that you are an expert at using the hyphen, write a passage in which you
employ the hyphen in each of the ten ways described above.
19
Answer Key:
Question 1 (page 5)
a) singular possessive instead of plural possessive
b) Plural possessive instead of singular possessive
c) No possessive where possessive is required
d) Dangling expectations caused by incorrect pluralisation
e) Unintentional sense from unmarked possessive
f) Someone knows an apostrophe is required … but where, oh where?
g) Misplaced possessive in a proper name
h) Itself – no possessive required (But a colon after “Hot Dogs” would be nice.)
i) Commas instead of apostrophes – and neither are required because the words
are not possessive
Question 2 (page 8)
Not long ago in Paris, I met a young Muslim woman named Djamila
Benrehab who, at the age of twenty, had donned not only a black head
scarf, but a billowy black abaya and, under it all, a tight black bandanna to
her eyebrows that left only the circle of her face exposed. Djamila is a big,
apple cheeked, endearing person. She speaks a beautiful, lilting French
and is intelligent and quite charming. Her dream is to leave Paris and go
to Brooklyn, where she has heard Muslim girls go veiled and nobody
minds and, in any case, “It can’t be worse than here.”
Question 3 (page 8)
Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch Hall in Somersetshire, was a man who, for his
own amusement, never took up any book but the Baronetage. There, he
found occupation for an idle hour, and consolation in a distressed one;
there, his faculties were roused into admiration and respect, by
contemplating the limited remnant of the earliest patents; there, any
unwelcome sensations, arising from domestic affairs, changed naturally
into pity and contempt as he turned over the almost endless creations of
the last century; and there, if every other leaf were powerless, he could
read his own history with an interest which never failed…
(Persuasion, 1818)
There was no hope for him this time: it was the third stroke. Night after
night I had passed the house (it was vacation time) and studied the lighted
square of window; and night after night I had found it lighted in the same
way, faintly and evenly. If he was dead, I thought, I would see the
reflection of candles on the darkened blind for I knew that two candles
must be set at the head of a corpse. He had often said to me, “I am not
long for this world,” and I had thought his words idle. Now I knew they
were true…
(Dubliners, 1916)
1) How old are the colon and semicolon? The first printed semicolon was
used in 1494 by Alfred Manutius, although medieval scribes used similar
symbols in their works as well. Both the colon and the semicolon had been
adopted into English well before 1700.
2) Why has the semicolon fallen out of fashion with newspapers?
The most common reasons are:
1) They are old-fashioned.
2) They are middle-class.
3) They are optional.
4) They are mysteriously connected to pausing.
5) They are dangerously addictive.
6) The difference between the colon and the semicolon is too
negligible to be grasped by the brain of man.
Well, maybe you’re right, baby. You can’t come together with nothing, and
you’re nothing! SNAP! It went snap tonight at Daddy’s party. (Dripping
21
contempt, but there is fury and loss under it) I sat there at Daddy’s party
and I watched you…I watched you sitting there, and I watched the
younger men around you, the men who were going to go somewhere.”
(Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 1962)
1) When was the exclamation point introduced and what was it known as?
The exclamation point was introduced by humanist printers in the 15th
century and was known as “the note of admiration” until the mid 17th
century.
2) When was the question mark introduced and what did it look like? The
question mark began to appear in the second half of the 8th century, when
it resembled a lightning flash, striking from right to left.
3) What shape of bracket appeared first and what attractive name was it
given by Erasmus? The angle shape was the earliest to appear, but in the
16th century Erasmus gave the attractive name “lunulae” to round
brackets, in reference to their moon-like profile.
4) From what language does the word “bracket” derive? The word “bracket”
comes from the same German root as “brace” or “breeches,” and originally
referred to the kind of bracket that holds up a bookshelf.
ISBN 1-592-40203-8