orbific weblog

January mostly went well, considering how burned out I was in December. I started the year by swimming in Gaddings Dam on New Years Day. Despite the wind and rain, I managed a short dip. I’ve not been wild swimming for a while, and I’m looking forward to going back when it’s warmer.

January has mostly been about resetting things: getting up to speed with my new client; decluttering the house; thinking about the year ahead. There have been lots of irritations – a leak, a flat tyre, a lost Kindle (which was not backed up) and so on. The local train companies have also been bad, inflicting some awful journeys on me – a 90-minute return from Blackpool that took over 6 hours, featuring taxi, bus and 2 miles on foot due to a closed road. But, as tiring and frustrating as some things were, I’m building momentum and generally happy.

I walked 377,040 steps in January, an average of 12,163 daily, with my largest count being 23,245 when I walked to Todmorden and back. I made little impact on the weight I put on in December. My diet continued to be poor for most of the month but I finally got a grip on it, because it made seeing a personal trainer feel like a weird findom kink. The steps continue as a maintenance dose – I’m thinking of committing to a decent 30,000 step hike in February to get the blood flowing. The difficulty will be finding the time.

The January blues struck for my writing, with ideas coming slowly. I’ve also been trying to make writing feel like less of an obligation. For years, I’ve set a daily target of writing for an hour. I decided to stop this, as my goal is not really how long I write for, but how much I enjoy it and whether things are being published. So far, removing that daily goal feels positive. I did consider stopping/slowing the substack too, but decided a weekly email is overall a good thing. I like having a flow of work into the world.

I’ve made more effort to go to writing events, attending a workshop and a local writer’s group. I also published a new zine in a very limited 23-copy edition as a Horkos pledge. I want to do more zines with words and photos.

I’ve managed a little more reading than usual this month, including Jenny Hval’s Paradise Rot, which I received as a Christmas present from Naomi. Another gift was A Brief History of Intelligence from Tom, which turned around my thinking on a lot of topics. I also finally read Will Ashon’s Chamber Music, a set of essays around the Wu-Tang Clan. I watched Muriel’s Wedding which was great, apart from not committing to the obvious lesbian romance. Red Rooms was impressively dark. I also started watching the Oscar nominees; Nickel Boys was a great piece of work, even if I didn’t like it personally.

I tried to spend less time on social media but found myself drawn back. It’s too easy as a default activity when I’m working on my personal laptop. I’m loving Mastodon, but Bluesky and Instagram just feel draining. I wondered if I should delete my accounts but I feel resistant, as if I will be losing something. So much of my life is caught up in a sunk cost fallacy. It’s the same with my walking streak – it feels like I would lose something if I just stopped, even though that’s ridiculous.

The political discourse has added to the stress on social media; but the current situation is hard to understand. I can’t believe that Elon Musk would make what looked like a Nazi salute, and then feel no need to provide a denial or explanation. At the same time, the US media and establishment is pretending that the attack on the Capitol on January 6th 2021 was acceptable. After all the cinematic propaganda about the strength of US institutions, it’s unsettling to see how fragile they actually are. The world feels like it doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been frustrated with Spotify recently, but it has turned up an incredible artist, Midwife. I’ve been playing her recent record on repeat – how can I not fall in love with an album called No Depression in Heaven, whose lead track is Rock N Roll Never Forgets? In the past I’ve found shoegaze/dreampop less haunting or tuneful than I would like; but this is perfect.

I’ve been finding Spotify wearisome. It’s no longer easy to find new music, and the app constantly tries to manipulate my behaviour. All I want is to listen to music and, maybe, podcasts. It’s frustrating that I am restricted to the one official client. Ed Zitron’s Never forgive them is a great screed, and really struck home: “at the drop of a hat, hundreds of millions of people’s experience of listening to music would change based on the whims of a multi-billionaire, with the express purpose being to force these people to engage with completely different content as a means of increasing engagement metrics and revenue”.

I’m still enjoying work, even though I’m finding it tricky. I’ve been playing with React at home, and wrote a blog post on whether Java has a future.

David Lynch died on January 16th. I didn’t feel sad about it. He lived to 78 and made some great, uncompromising work – this seems to be a pretty good life. Also, given the announcements about his health, this was also not unexpected. I’m mostly grateful that he delivered Twin Peaks: The Return, one of the greatest pieces of art I’ve seen.

I re-read Garth Ennis’s 90s comic book Preacher. I loved this at the time but a lot of the edgelord elements are uncomfortable 30 years later. The book’s racism and homophobia is vile, and the machismo feels ridiculous. But, under the bullshit, is a well-told tale about friendship. Also, I was amused to learn that I say “sure thing!” in meetings as it’s what Arseface says.

• I’m still actively terrified about nuclear war, and the New York Times piece The Secret Pentagon War Game That ​Offers a Stark​ Warning for Our Times hasn’t helped.
• I listened to Live through This and thought about how sad I was at the time it was released; such a contrast with how content I feel now.
• I’ve been focussed on relaxing and doing less, but this doesn’t seem to have made me less effective. To think, I could have done this at any time in my life.
• There was a Humble Bundle with 45 volumes of a comic book I read in the 90s. I decided not to buy it, as I wouldn’t have time to read more than a few of those collections. Maybe I’m growing wiser.
• I’ve been making my own stir fry sauces. It turns out to be dead easy and they taste better than the shop-bought ones.

December was a long, worn-out month where I counted the days till my Christmas break. I always exhaust myself as the year ends, but this was worse then usual. I was happy enough, just burning out. It took about ten days to recover after finishing work.

Christmas itself was wonderful. I cooked for my family the Saturday before, then had Rosy and Olive staying for the day itself. We had lots of delicious food, including an amazing vegan cheese selection from Honestly Tasty, and caught a couple of classic Christmas movies at the Hebden Bridge Picture-house. I then had a quiet, wholesome New Years Eve.

The trickiest part of December was adjusting to my new work client. It’s an exciting project but the scale of everything is overwhelming. On top of that, the weekly trip to the client site is a round-trip of 5½ hours. I’d budgeted for this, but it was still a shock. I’m finding ways to improve my commute (one being to leave on the quieter 5.56 train) but there is some way to go.

Despite an irregular schedule, I’ve continued my gym visits and daily steps. I walked a total of 374,259 steps, a daily average of 12,073. My peak was 17,476 steps. My fitness came second to work/celebrations and I put on 1.4 pounds which needs to come off in January.

I’ve talked about my writing in 2024 elsewhere, but December was particularly busy. I gave a seminar at Chichester Uni, released the Mycelium Parish News and did a live event for the Parish News Launch. The Advent Calendar was being read throughout the month, and I think it’s the best project I’ve done – work has now started on next year’s. Having so many things happen in the same month was hard work and, as usual, nothing was marketed as well as it deserved. But I feel inspired and have some interesting ideas for future projects.

Reading for December was mostly finishing books I’d started in previous months. Three books from the month made it onto my best-of-the-year list: Ben Edge’s book on folklore was entertaining, even when going over familiar ground; Daisy Johnson’s Hotel was on of the best horror short story collections I’ve read; and the Michael Lewis book Going Infinite was a gripping book about Sam Bankman-Fried, a subject I’d not thought I would be so interested in.

So many of the books I’m buying are 99p offers from Kindle. If I wait long enough, everything I want to buy turns up there. Knowing this has stopped me buying hardbacks sometimes – it’s frustrating to pay full price a week or two before being offered a bargain. This can’t be good for the publishing industry.

Last month, I received a couple of awards for my contributions at work. This sort of thing used to make me very cynical, but my response to my current job is very different. I love both the client and internal work, especially the conference I helped put on a few weeks ago. This is close to being the longest I’ve had a single job, and I’m amazed at my continued enthusiasm.

But I do need to pace myself better. It took me over a week to clear all the piled things on my desk – which I wish I’d done sooner, given how calm I felt straight after. I tend to clutter my house easily, and I need to do something about that. I read a good forum discussion on house clearances and it made me realise how many things I’m keeping for no reason. I should be using the fancy glasses, not keeping them safe for who-knows-what.

• My flickr account is still live! Maybe I will start posting there again. (But perhaps I should look for a federated image service instead?)
• Spotify Wrapped was disappointing this year. In the past it’s suggested interesting patterns about what I listen to. This year’s just felt like engagement bait.
• A taxi driver asked me what my religion was – not something I’ve been asked in a long time, and I struggled to explain maltheism.
• I’ve continued to avoid reading news and I don’t feel like I’m missing much.

• I picked up a cheap copy of Far Cry 6 at the town market and it seemed underwhelming. As much as I love some video games, I find many of them banal.
• I completed a re-watch of Twin Peaks Season 1 and was surprised at how many scenes I didn’t remember at all, even after seeing the series several times.
• Simon Indelicate’s piece Metrics are the Thief of Joy is essential reading.
• I gave a tarot reading last week. My recall of the cards is sloppy but it was great fun. I really need to have another try at learning this.

November has been very much over-committed, but I just about kept up with everything. In the second half of the month I flirted with burnout. The combination of running a training course at work and my personal deadlines put me under too much pressure. I slowed down enough to get through, but that’s something to be careful about.

Despite the hard work, November was good for getting things done. The Secret Project – a horror advent calendar – went out after a few months of work (and a lot of folding). The text of the 3rd Mycelium Parish News zine was completed. I spoke at an event in London. And, best of all, after 13 years work, True Clown Stories has been published. It looks really good!

November was cold, made a little more frustrating by the fact I was supposed to be in Spain for part of it, but my business trip was cancelled. We had snow in the valley followed by an abrupt rise in temperature that melted it all, overwhelming the drainage. The town was almost flooded, with disaster averted by inches.

Amidst all November’s chaos, I struggled to keep up with training. My weight lurched upwards and concerted effort was needed to keep it on track for an overall gain of just 0.1 pounds over the month. The steps continued despite the dark and cold for a total of 358,596, averaging 11,953 a day. The highest was a mere 19,948 on my trip to London. It’s been a struggle, but I’m pleased that I mostly adhered to training.

The big world news was the US election. I was awake most of that night, watching the results. I gave up around dawn and went for a walk on the moors, which gave me a little perspective. As bad as the result feels, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m annoyed that the news sources I’d read gave me no idea of the size of the victory, which suggested that I was not as well-informed by them as I had thought. Like many people, I had no idea why anyone would vote for Trump against Harris, despite half the electorate thinking he was a sensible choice. I felt that the media had flattered my prejudices rather than explaining the world to me.

I immediately cut down my social media use and filtered terms related to the election. The noise on some platforms was insufferable with a large number of people stoking fear with their takes. The three weeks or so I’ve spent without reading the news is the longest I’ve done in my life, but I’m feeling better for it. I have considered using Wikipedia’s current events portal to keep up with things.

Fending off burnout has meant a few very early nights in November (as in 6pm early) and making more time to read. I enjoyed Andrew Michael Hurley’s Barrowbeck, a collection of linked short stories about a fictional valley-town located near Hebden Bridge. Nicholas Royle’s book on second-hand books, Shadow Lines was a fun light read, which mentioned John Shire and Colin Lyall, my favourite booksellers.

2-Tone comics, my local shop, recommended Beneath the Tree, Where Nobody Sees, a book about a serial killer in a town of cute anthropomorphic animals. This took the concept to some clever, uncomfortable places. I also enjoyed Kieron Gillen’s We Called Them Giants. In the middle of the month, Muffy and I went to the Thought Bubble convention. This was mostly overwhelming, but I picked up some interesting things to read. Meanwhile, Keiron Gillen’s The Power Fantasy has justified the cost of reading it in single issues with some excellent cliff-hangers.

I watched a few movies this month, but Maxxxine was the only one I loved, mainly because Mia Goth is so engaging. I enjoyed how Love Lies Bleeding joyfully went too far. While I didn’t love The Substance it was an amazing cinema experience. The audience perceptibly reacted to some of the unpleasantness, and a few people walked out near the end, which amazed me, given what they’d made it through to that point. But I guess that ending was A Lot.

My main project at work came to an abrupt end, and it was sad to say farewell to an excellent team. After running a training course, I’ve started my new project which promises some exciting challenges. I was also pleased to be chosen as ’employee of the month’ in my local office. After so many years of hating work, I love my current job, even after two years. I’m not sure if the twenty-something me would be pleased or scornful, but I’m happy.

I spent a lovely afternoon in the Tate Modern with Kate Shields. I was delighted to see Piss Flowers by the Helen Chadwick. I’ve always remembered this appearing in Private Eye‘s Pseuds Corner, and being unsettled by this mockery of her artist’s statement. I hadn’t realised it was a major piece of work, so I was amazed to encounter it all those years later. We also visited Anthony McCall’s Solid Light exhibition. The display gave it little context and it’s hard not to take it as an example of ‘instagrammable art’.

As well as all my other writing, I worked on NaNoGenMo, where you use November to try writing software to produce a novel. My attempt was producing an oral history. The resulting text has the blandness of much LLM output and is not engaging enough to read in itself – although it’s still remarkable how easily LLMs produce plausible text. It was good to think about how LLMs work, and I very much enjoyed tinkering with a software project.

I headed into London for the opening of an exhibition at the All Good Bookshop, the final act of a collective I’ve been involved in since 2019. Due to reasons I couldn’t stay for the full event, but I did give an introductory speech. It’s been an interesting project to be involved with, and its dissolution had me thinking more about the importance of Immediatism.

As pleased as I am with my work in November, I did take on more than I should have done. I want to do NaNoGenMo, the Mycelium Parish News and an advent calendar again next year, so I need to reduce their overlap. I’m also looking forward to mid-January, when I’ve cleared my last deadline and I can simply focus on playing with my writing.

So, that’s November. It was a tough month, but I’m pleased with everything I achieved. I’m also glad that I managed to handle the deadlines sensibly, and rested as much as I needed to. December has some hectic commuting, but I’m excited about my (mandatory) vacation over Christmas and getting some rest.

• At the start of the month, I visited an amazing event which included Justin Hopper’s talk The Great Satanic Swindle. Getting the last train home meant missing the last 10 minutes, so hopefully I can catch it again.
• I loved Blindboy’s podcast on The Miserable Blood-Drenched History of Jaffa Cakes, which explored a simple object’s links to colonialism.
• My lack of news is not helping with my nuclear war paranoia. I’m not sure how everyone is so calm about this.
• A new shop in town, Mother, is producing some excellent bread, good enough to have me and others queueing for when it opens.

October was a tough month, for various reasons. for a start, I’ve not been sleeping well. Maybe that’s middle age, or maybe I’m just being sloppy about sleep hygiene. I’ve also felt overwhelmed by the modern world’s deluge of information and I’ve battened down the hatches a little. With everything going on I’ve not had much spare energy, and missed a few events I’d booked tickets for. But, as rough as I feel, I’ve kept moving and it’s not been too bad overall.

It’s felt like I’ve been travelling a lot, to Liverpool, Buxton and London. The second Spirits of Place event was superb, and well worth a tricky trip to the Wirral. I made a quick dash to London for work, where it was lovely to see my colleagues, even if I ended up staying out in Docklands.

Amidst all the chaos, my diet and exercise have been somewhat all over the place. I did however manage a couple of days of the Couch-to-5k – nothing consistent yet, but it’s good to know that my hip can stand more exercise than it used to. I walked 406,606 steps, an average of 13,116 a day, with the highest total being 20,339 for a day in Buxton. Despite a very poor diet, I still managed to lose a pound overall.

I only finished a few books in October. Gretchen Felker-Martin’s Cuckoo was a flawed but impressive horror novel. Uncommon People was a brisk retelling of Britpop which was perfect for a slow Saturday. Movies were also thin on the ground, but I saw The Outrun at my local cinema, featuring a Q&A by Amy Liptrot. It was very strange to watch a biographical movie and then see the film’s subject in person.

Work was hard this month. Despite all my efforts with my current project, it was cancelled for reasons outside of my control. I was a little nervous about having to find a new role, but made some progress.

Last month, I realised that I was a little over-committed with my writing until January. I’ve continued working through these obligations and none of them have felt like a chore. I also did a few new substack pieces that I’m very happy with: The Bleak Stag, When Dad got the Bomb, Copthwaite’s Amusement Park. The short stories continue to flow and surprise me, which I love, but I’m also thinking about how I can do perhaps start doing something more with my writing.

True Clown Stories is at the proofing stage. Reading it once more, I found that most of the stories still work for me. Hopefully this will be published in November. I’m looking forward to seeing what other people make of these pieces.

At one point in October, I found myself waiting somewhere with no phone battery. I had no idea how long I would be there and had nothing to do but sit and think quietly. It’s the first moment of quiet I’ve had in a long time. I let my thoughts wander, tried to remember bits of poetry. I realised there’s a whole state of mind that technology and lifestyle has eliminated for me. It’s something I’d like more of. I think I might be happier in a life without messaging apps, but I can’t see myself getting rid of WhatsApp. But more quiet time would be good.

• Ryan Broderick has started a new podcast called Panic World. I particularly enjoyed the episode where he interviewed Caroline Calloway.
• The new Indelicates album, Avenue QAnon is now on Spotify.
• I had the latest covid and flu jabs, which wiped me out so much I ended up taking a day off work.
• The house has been covered in scaffolding for much of the past month, but the good news is that the roof has been completely redone.
• I found a new writing group in Hebden Bridge and went along to a meeting. Hoping to make some more in the near future.

I like that some of my zines are currently in a university library