Why You Shouldn’t Take a First Date to the Cheesecake Factory

If you use the internet as your guide, you’ll quickly find there’s no right place to take a first date. Earlier this year, a woman went viral on X for complaining about a Hinge date proposing a bar too close to his apartment. In 2022, a man canceled a date with a woman after she suggested meeting at Starbucks. Most recently, a much-discussed TikTok video showed a woman refusing to get out of the car when she discovered her date had taken her to the Cheesecake Factory. Needless to say, the 2023 dating scene is fraught. Jeremy Fike decided to get to the bottom of it.

In a now-viral Facebook post, 40-year-old Fike, who retired from the military and now works as a truck driver, shared a list of thirty places women refuse to go on a first date, according to the women in his life. This includes the Cheesecake Factory as well as the movies, family functions, sporting events, and the man’s apartment. By the end of it all, you’d be forgiven for thinking there are no good options left.

“Guess we goin to Walgreens,” one commenter wrote.

With over a thousand shares on Facebook, and an additional 22 million views on X, Fike’s post clearly touched on a major pain point with modern dating, something he shares his thoughts about on YouTube. While in his little-viewed past videos he tended to vent about his experiences with women, sometimes crudely, he tells GQ over the phone that going viral, and the discussions that came out of his post, have him seeing things in a new light. He followed up his initial list with another crowdsourced collection of date spots—this time, the places women want to go on first dates, and that the takeaway is clear: “[Women] want great conversation, you wanna feel excitement, and you wanna learn…that's not really asking for much.”

Jeremy Fike: Well, it all started with the Cheesecake Factory video. I just went around, “OK, ladies. What is it? What would you like to see?” Because I feel like there's a misunderstanding, there's not enough communication between men and women. And I just asked the women that I'm close to—and I'm known for being very petty on my page. I really like just messing, but it was really serious and calling and talking to women. The thing about it is, they didn't want to go on a date there. They didn't say they don't eat there. It's just a date.

There were four phrases and words that just stood out the whole time: unique, different, standout, and leadership. Like, “Take me somewhere unique, different,” they really want something mentally stimulating. They want some activities, they wanna be fun. And my sister said something, she said, “It's like a job interview. When you go to a job interview for the career of your dreams, you're gonna look your best. You're gonna dress, smell, you're gonna talk your best. You're gonna come with creative ideas. You're gonna really show these people you are the best person for the job. Can't men do that with us? You're gonna spend your life with me.” And I'm like, OK, as a man, I'm hearing these women say these places, I'm kind of gritting my teeth, but I'm listening and I'm learning and I'm starting to get an idea. And I'm like, OK, you ladies want to experience all types of different emotions. You want great conversation, you wanna feel excitement and you wanna learn. I was like, that's not really asking for much.

Yes. I get it. A lot of those places, I didn't get second dates. You think as a man, OK. I'm just gonna give a conversation of “what do you do for a living, blah, blah,” and it's basic. And I'm thinking as a man, let's have an icebreaker: this will be the date, and then we'll go on a second date and then we'll gradually get better. And I didn't get great reactions. I would never take a woman to IHOP or Waffle House—Waffle House, I've seen places, they fight. So I guess I'm taking her to see if she can fight. I wouldn't do that. And Applebee's. OK. I was like, this is high school stuff. I kind of can get what the ladies are saying. And I had a date, I remember I took a woman to the movies, we went to go see Get Out. And there was not a second date. We didn't talk. We were just watching a movie.

I didn't at first because there was a part of me, as a man, it's supposed to be about the person, but before I went to bed, I was like, “I get it. You got me. You ladies got me. You won.”

It was like 11 o'clock at night my time. I started seeing people I know sharing it. And so I was like, OK, cool. And then I went to bed, and then I woke up and I looked at my Facebook notifications and it said, like, 87 notifications. I'm like, well, that's weird. So I go brush my teeth, I go look at my phone and I see 1,000 shares. And I'm like, “Wait a minute.” I just went to bed and I have to go to work. So I didn't take a look. When I got to work, I started looking like, “Oh Lord. What just happened?”

Oh, they were just hilarious. It started off like, “Well, where do you wanna go, outer space? Well, hell's an option.” They were just being funny. And it was just a bunch of laughing and joking. Then a lot of women were like, “Well, I agree.” And people were critiquing it. And it's not gonna be perfect for everyone.

I understand the climate of dating has changed, everything evolves, you have to evolve with it, but it's really a conflict of old school and new school. And I think some people don't want to really acknowledge change. And I'm gonna say that, from the men's side—and I'm very pro men. I always support men. I think men don't wanna change. And like, you have to adapt. It's the social media age. I understand you don't want a girl taking a picture of her food, but you don't have to do food dates. And now I understand that people are stuck. Like, “I'm not changing. You gotta change. No, you change.” And it's finger pointing.

That list was completely shocking. I was like, we really don't know women. Men, we like to say we're easy, simple creatures. And it blew me away. Like, women aren't really that hard to learn either. When I heard someone say, “Take me to the gun range”—you like guns? And it's like, “Yeah, it's fun.” Then Topgolf! I've never taken a date to Topgolf and now I'm going to. Go-kart racing. I'm just thinking, women, they're pretty, they're soft spoken [but] it's like, y'all really wanna do some stuff that guys love to do.

I've learned that it's very important to give women all different sorts of emotions. They want to feel excitement. They want great communication. They really wanna be involved. They wanna be like Christmas Day, a kid coming down to see the presents. And I've learned that some men, I hate to say this, they just don't want to think outside the box.

I'll say I was wrong on some things and I just generalized [women] too much. It's gonna change my platform a little bit more because I was very, very pro men, but men need to be more accountable and we need to grow. Women want what they want. The question is, can you give it to them?

Oh my God. That one would...I think women would be more receptive. Men, of course they want something fun, but some of 'em will be stagnant in their ways. “We can just sit at home.” No, no, no, no. I believe that the acceptable places women would love to go to, men would love those too. I think as men, we're not being real active communicators. But at the same time, we're so used to women saying, “Well, I don't know. What do you wanna do?” But like I said, one of the key words they said is "leadership." I think, men, if we research more, see the types of fun stuff. I mean, we have all these things: social media, YouTube, these blogs. You can come up with great ideas.

I already do, just with this list. My thing is, talking to women and knowing the places that are not acceptable for a first date, sitting down just eating is not enough. But I've learned, talking to my sister who's younger, if I took a girl to Topgolf and then Applebee's, she's like, “That's just fine.” Because I gave her fun, and we're just going somewhere to get something to eat afterwards.

Yes. It's the dessert or it's the vegetables. We've already had the entree.