Dating can be a treacherous game. It’s not enough to just meet someone (which isn’t easy to begin with). You also have to make it through the talking stage, first date, first sleepover, meeting of friends, and the what-are-we conversation without incident before you can finally declare yourselves “together.†But then you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor, relaxed in the knowledge that you love someone who also loves you. Unless, at any point in time, you give the love of your life the ick.
For the uninitiated, the ick is a phenomenon in which a woman is forever turned off by a man after he does something inconsequential but awkward or effeminate, like plugging his ears or ordering a Frappuccino. The phrase was coined by a contestant on Love Island UK in 2017, but it went mainstream in the 2020s on TikTok, where girlfriends and female admirers have gained millions of views for documenting the icks given to them by their respective boyfriends and crushes. (Yes, the trend is mainly straight women complaining about straight men, often for doing things that seem unmanly.) The man will be going about his day, partaking in the basic ritual of human life, and only to be featured in a video with the caption “New ick unlocked.â€
These women have cataloged, collectively, more icks than a man could ever hope to avoid. TikTok accounts like @wyszkay are dedicated to documenting them all. Here’s an overview, conveniently organized into seven main categories:
Getting dressed
Wearing a towel around the waist
Wearing toe socks
Tying a shoe
Wearing a sweatshirt tied around your waist
Wearing a color-coordinated outfit
Wearing loose shoes
Eating at a restaurant
Pouring beer from a pitcher
Cleaning fingers after eating
Drinking from a clear glass
Eating edamame
Tapping sauce out of a bottle
Ordering a frappucino
Getting from point A to point B
Using a wide-handled bike
Walking on pebbles
Walking downhill
Running under a closing garage door
Fitting into the back of a cramped car
Belaying back down after rock climbing
Using an interactive map in a mall
Being in, or around, water
Treading water
Doing water aerobics
Testing the temperature of a pool
Swimming in goggles
Kneeling in water
Setting up a fish tank
Falling off a paddleboard
Jumping into water
Completing routine tasks
Putting on a fitted sheet
Using a shopping cart
Putting on chapstick
Waiting to go through security at an airport
Using Siri speech-to-text
Kneeling
Having fun
Looking through binoculars
Doing the wave
Having a season pass to an amusement park
Silent disco-ing
Using a trampoline
Making a TikTok
Inflating a balloon
Horse riding
Ice skating
Dancing
Existing
Your earlobe flapping in the wind
Sneezing
Stretching
Laying on your side
Plugging your ears
Dangling feet
Sitting on a chair with a plate of food on your lap while texting
So what does it all mean—why are women suddenly inventorying men’s minor faults? Is it payback for a long history of pickup artists “negging†strangers, boys pushing girls into pools, and all the ways in which males have objectified, scrutinized, and judged females? Or is it just another example of the internet defaulting to trends that rely on lazy tropes about gender?
As a woman who has a live-in boyfriend with his own peccadillos, I actually think it’s much less ominous than all that. For the most part, the women sharing these videos on TikTok haven’t actually gotten the ick—in the terminal sense, at least. That’s mostly reserved for people with crushes: ones who haven’t invested enough time into the relationship to have that investment outweigh how weird their boyfriend looks when he swims.
Instead, the most popular “ick†videos appear to be posted by people in seemingly happy, long-term relationships. People who, during their extended time spent together, have found themselves privy to unglamorous realities that are, unfortunately, inevitable. The socks someone wears, the way they stand when they’re lost, and how they look inflating a balloon—these are all things that only reveal themselves after a couple have reached a certain level of intimacy. The popularity of this trend doesn’t really suggest that women have a limitless list of hypothetical male infractions. Instead, it reflects how women are finding common ground in the bizarre—and yes, sometimes icky—joy that is spending your life with someone.