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Despite its wholesome, grandma-esque reputation, knitting can be a treacherous undertaking. The fiber arts includes a multitude of pitfalls, including “second sock syndrome” and getting stranded on “sleeve island.” But perhaps no part of the lore is better known than the curse of the boyfriend sweater. There is a commonly held belief among knitters that when an unmarried person makes a sweater for their partner, that relationship is doomed to end before the sweater is finished. The author Alanna Okun has written an entire book, The Curse Of The Boyfriend Sweater, inspired by the legend, of which she is only partly skeptical.
“It’s not that I don't think it’s real,” she tells GQ over the phone. “I just think it’s real because of actual external forces, and not because of any sort of curse.”
Knitting a sweater is not like knitting a hat. It’s a large, complicated garment that can be both tedious and confusing to work on, and take months to complete.
“People don’t always know how long and how much effort and even how much money can go into making a sweater,” Okun says. “If you were already at a point in your relationship where things felt uneven or like one party was less appreciative or one party was expecting more from the other, something like this can really tip those scales further.”
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. We share an apartment and two cats, and I’d like to think we’re very happy. But even though I am incessantly crafting, he rarely benefits from my labor. I have knit myself plenty of sweaters, and despite having made vague promises to him for years, have never made one for my boyfriend. Was the thought of the curse stopping me?
I decided to put the curse to the test. Over the summer, I began knitting.
My boyfriend is a vibes-first kind of person, and after scrolling Pinterest for sweater inspiration yielded only a glazed look in his eyes, we settled on the costumes in the movie Jaws as our north star—sweaters with cozy cables that are sturdy enough to withstand the whipping winds and sea spray he regularly encounters as a school teacher in Brooklyn. I purchased this pattern in college when I was overly optimistic about my newfound knitting ability, and ten years later, it turned out to be exactly what we were looking for without being too complicated. After a little cajoling in Brooklyn General Store, he agreed on a speckled blue yarn made of Merino and recycled cotton.
But the curse still loomed in my mind. I decided to document the ups and downs of our relationship as I worked on the sweater. For each milestone, I’ve rated from 1-10 just how close we were to breaking up.
July 7
Sweater progress: 2 inches
Just a few days after our trip to the yarn store, we were hit with our first test. One of our cats, Ruby, developed an infection in her paw that looked remarkably similar to a cancer that had resulted in the death of our previous cat in January. It turned out that the infection was just caused by allergies, but in the weeks it took to determine this, I was unbearable to be around, let alone live with. This is, I feel, necessary context for some of the emotions you’re about to witness.
How close were we to breaking up? 7.5—this is what some would call “my bad.”
July 12
Progress: 3.5 inches
I awoke with a start after an absolutely horrific dream that involved my boyfriend dying in a car crash. I shook him awake, my heart still pounding, to relay what had happened and rejoice at his still being alive. He blinked, and replied: “My dream was that a woman was giving me a blowjob underwater.”
How close were we to breaking up? 8. As we know, being romantic with anyone but your partner in a dream is no different than cheating IRL.
July 17
Progress: 5 inches
My friends are homebodies who have to be lured from their apartments to hang out, and so I promised that I’d feed them burgers at mine. And by that I meant, my boyfriend would make us all burgers, after receiving a warning by text, ten minutes in advance, while he was still on his way home from work. I reasoned that he couldn’t be mad at me because I already bought all the ingredients.
How close were we to breaking up? 6. He was mad at me.
July 23
Progress: 10 inches.
After spending the weekend at my parents’ house in Virginia, he and I realized that we had different interpretations of what our agreement to leave “first thing in the morning” meant. I, for one, assumed it meant after breakfast; he, judging from his impatience as I ate a cheddar biscuit, thought something closer to “12:01 a.m.”
How close were we to breaking up? 6 during the biscuit, 8 during the first silent hour of the car ride.
July 27
Progress: 15 inches
This is when I started to get worried I wasn’t knitting fast enough. I had been stuck on the main body of the sweater for what felt like years, and this part of the pattern isn’t particularly interesting. (God, boys have a lot of torso.) Was this the part Okun had been talking about? Would this epic undertaking lead to the unraveling of my entire relationship? I bought the last remaining seat in a showing of Oppenheimer as an excuse to knit for three hours uninterrupted.
How close were we to breaking up? 2—in those three hours I learned that we as a society actually have much bigger problems.
August 5
Progress: 18 inches
He referred to Taylor Swift’s music as “mid.”
How close were we to breaking up? 9. I won’t dignify what he said this with any context but I’m not exaggerating about how serious this fight was.
August 18
Progress: (Finally!) starting the cables on the shoulders.
He went on a camping trip in Utah with a group of his friends, during which he was totally unreachable for a few days. He had warned me about this, but not specifically that even when he had cell service, he would keep his phone on “Do Not Disturb.” I cannot convey how frustrating it is to see that your “r u alive???” text sent after three days of silence has been “Delivered Quietly.”
How close were we to breaking up? 5, but mostly because I was still mad about the Taylor Swift thing, if I’m being honest.
August 27
Progress: The body of the sweater, including shoulders and neckline, is done.
We were in Vermont for a wedding between two of his friends, and he was one of the groomsmen. I didn’t realize that this would mean that on the day of the ceremony I would be completely on my own with people who have known the bride and groom since they were born. As a result of the drinking that was required for me to blend in in such an environment, by the end of the night I’d broken a champagne glass and spilled a bottle of beer all over the dance floor. Mazel!
How close were we to breaking up? 3. I could have smashed the entire bar and still benefited from the weekend-long immunity that comes from driving five hours and being Such A Good Sport™ (except for the small tantrum I threw over text when I was, quite literally, standing alone in a field).
September 6
Progress: Starting the first sleeve
He needed to briefly step out during a Zoom grad school class, so he turned off his camera and muted his microphone. I told him I’d keep an eye on his computer in case anything happened. Almost as soon as the door shut behind him, the professor called his name, asking a question. I froze.
“Sorry, my video isn’t working! One second,” I typed into the chat while frantically calling him on the phone. He dictated his answer to me, which I sent with my heart pounding.
“Yes, very good point,” the professor said. I felt like we had pulled off a heist.
How close were we to breaking up? 0. If we could get through that, we could get through anything.
September 28
Progress: Almost done with the second sleeve.
To celebrate our five-year anniversary, we took a weekend trip to New Orleans where I was hellbent on getting a good picture of us. We don’t pose for photos very frequently, which means we have hardly any documentation of our now quite significant relationship. After 36 hours of failed attempts, I had a meltdown on our final evening after the poor hotel receptionist took what, to anyone else, is a perfectly acceptable photo but, to me, was evidence I should never show myself in public again.
How close were we to breaking up? 5. I walked to dinner in silence, but perked up after remembering that we would get a free dessert because I had flagged our anniversary to Resy.
October 5
Progress: COMPLETE!
To provide some respite from what has been a wedding-heavy year, my boyfriend let me off the hook from a ceremony in his hometown, and I went back to my parents’ house for a belated birthday celebration for my dad. During the car ride home, I finished the godforsaken sweater, only two months later than I had originally thought it would be done. Luckily, the weather finally turned as soon as I put my needles down, meaning my boyfriend would be able to put it on right away. Theoretically. After 90 days, seven arguments, and zero breakups, he has yet to actually wear this labor of love out of the house. Maybe this is where we break up after all.