When she appears on FaceTime, Clairo is walking through a door with precisely 240 bags of tea. There's a box of U.K. brand PG Tips in the Glasgow dressing room of the venue she’s headlining tonight, and 21-year-old Claire Cottrill is wondering if she's ever seen a bigger box of teabags, ever. These are the perks of being one of 2019's biggest emerging successes. There have been many firsts like this for Cottrill, singer-songwriter of one of the year's best songs (“Bags”—not about teabags, to be clear) and one of 2019’s best debut albums, Immunity.
Immunity is exactly 40 minutes, the duration of a mid-afternoon nap, or a coffee with a confidant, or a lap around a lake. Lauded for its gentle intimacy, the album became a respite for Clairo’s fans, that rare breed of musical companion you lean on and play on loop when you're at your most fragile. Co-produced by Cottrill and Rostam Batmanglij (who’s worked behind the scenes with Maggie Rogers and HAIM and is formerly of Vampire Weekend), it weaves R&B with alternative rock and soul fluidly without feeling pressure to be tethered in one mould. It exists as a time capsule for Cottrill’s transformative states of mind while recalling her heartbreak, her maturing and all her challenges therein. It’s told with such fine detail, it's like the stories the lyrics unfurl happened just moments ago.
For Clairo, 2019 granted her a second coming of sorts. Having first made noise by accident via a dorm-room viral video (“Pretty Girl”) two years ago, the Atlanta-born musician has had to navigate the biz while finding her voice, and responding to (inaccurate) rumors that she was a well-connected industry plant. Today, though, Cottrill's narrative is re-written on the strength of her sharply evocative, well-crafted, and earnest songs. She’s become a fitting emblem for a young generation who have the responsibility of saving the world on their shoulders and can't express their naïveté without backlash and consequence.
As an album, Immunity exists in the midst of its own growing pains. It speaks to its own flaws and it asks to be held, even though it's also battling to be bulletproof. The candidness of Cottrill spoke for itself in her performances around the globe. But 2019's also taken its toll. Cottrill had bronchitis a few days ago. She cancelled a show for only the second time in her career. Hence, the tea…
GQ: Claire, how are you doing today? Better?
Clairo: I'm a lot better. I was really sick. I'm good now.
Is that the sickest you've been on the road?
I haven't gotten that sick in a long time. I was dealing with bronchitis since Coachella, then on the Khalid tour [which I opened]. My throat started going crazy. I couldn't speak. It's a new thing for me to start drinking this Vitamin C shit.
You've been all over the world this year: Europe, Asia… places you've never been before.
And I would never have gone to them unless I was touring, which is the coolest part. I can't believe we've been able to go around the world so quickly and have people welcome us with open arms everywhere we go. I've never even been to Glasgow and the show here is sold out. It's strange. Crazy. Beautiful.
Has the traveling given you a new perspective on the world?
It depends on the time we have in the city. Even meeting people in the cities is enough for me. I have conversations with them, pick their brain about their day-to-day lives. I'm taking it all in. Traveling's the only thing I ever wanted to do. Doing it this way is the coolest possible. It was my dream. Then it happened. That's something I didn't think I'd be able to say.
Does one opportunity in a new place stick out from the year?
When we played Sao Paolo—my booking agents would see “come to Brazil” [posted on social media] and say, “You have a huge following in Brazil!” And I'd be like, “No no no. It's not a real thing!” But they told me I'd be going to play Brazil. So we actually traveled to Brazil. Apparently I did have some people that cared about me in Brazil!
Tell me about the emotional impact of playing these shows. How has it changed songs for you?
I almost cry every single night singing “Bubblegum.” It takes so much out of me. “Sinking” is about my arthritis. For the first time in my life I've entered remission, so I've been able to move around more. Every time I play “Sinking” I get down on my knees and sing to make a point to myself that I can. No one in the audience knows why I do it, but it's such a big deal to me that I'm able to crouch down at all.
You’ve said that “Bags” was the first song you wrote that you felt you would listen to as a music fan. Has that song changed you as a performer?
The album changed my perception of my shows. I actually like these songs and I wanna sing them. The songs I made before—“Pretty Girl,” “Flaming Hot Cheetos”—were ideas that never fully blossomed. They're hard to perform. The album could translate live way better than anything I've ever made. Anything I can play on guitar, I'm instantly more comfortable with, so my guitar songs are my favorite. I know what to do with my hands on those.
It seems very important for you to have a band that you're fronting.
There's elements of pop in my music, but at my core, I'm way more band-oriented. That energy is my energy. I'd much rather have four different personalities. Also, I don't think I could do it without them. At this point we're family. We record demos together. It's everything I've ever dreamed of. I always wanted to be in a band. I was kinda pissed that I made a solo project!
When you played the Wiltern in L.A. this fall, you played a great, as yet unreleased song. What was it? Are you doing that every night?
I've been playing that song every night. I have no idea what it's called. I don't know how I'm gonna produce it. I wrote it when I was in Portland at the Crystal Ballroom. It's the most beautiful venue I've ever been in. I brought my acoustic guitar up to the balcony and I wrote it and performed it that night.
Has the way Immunity's been received had an impact on the songwriting you're doing now?
Immunity was the way I broke through my writing blocks. I was able to start writing what I've wanted to write. Ever since, I've been in a good place. So I'm just writing how I would anyway and it's completely reactive. Setting aside time for something is helpful, but it's also not. The best ideas just come out of nowhere. “Bags” came out of nowhere. Immunity came shortly after out of nowhere. I have four or five [new] songs that I think are some of my best songs. It's nice to have some sort of chaos in my life. It makes writing easier.
The chaos being…?
Everything I'm doing. If I were to go get a house on an island somewhere to camp out and make an album, that would be very stressful for me. That's way more terrifying than just squeezing it in before soundcheck. Immunity was an accumulation of middle school, high school, sexuality, my chronic pain… Now I write more about my current situation: how touring can affect my relationships. My mindset has changed.
Collaboration has been a big part of your year: from Mura Masa to Lara to Deaton Chris Anthony. How was doing a song with Charli XCX for her album?
Charli's a fucking icon. I've looked up to her for the longest time. She's shown me how important collaboration is, and how important it is to have your own shit. She's done it the best. She's a boss. She's smart. Her career is so fucking sick. The way that she's able to be a pop star, a collaborator, a writer, a producer, a director. She's able to not limit herself but still be such an individual regardless of the amount of people she lets into her world, which is super hard to do.
How would you summarize your 2019?
“The comeback I never saw coming.” [Laughs.] I don't mean to shit on “Pretty Girl” as much as I do, but come on! Immunity gave me so much. I was given another chance to show who I really am, and I was so lucky to have an opportunity to prove myself again as an artist. I didn't think that was gonna happen.
When did the gears shift for you?
The day I wrote “Bags” I thought, “OK, let's give this another try.” That was in January. Once it came out I was shocked. The first time I ever heard people sing it, I was shook. In Chicago, they knew every single word of the album. Then “Sofia” came out and people really liked it. My mom hates that song. I came home and played the album to her. I told her we worked with Dave Fridmann who worked with Tame Impala. It comes on and she goes, “You gotta turn this off!” I was like, “Oh no! ‘Sofia' is gonna tank!”
She likes it now. She gets it. She's my biggest fan and the fucking best. I'm really happy the kids like it. I'm just in a good place. We played Jimmy Kimmell this year! I remember telling my team that TV would be the scariest thing ever. We played Ellen shortly afterwards! I thought I would never progress to anything more than a viral YouTube video. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around all this still.
Would you say happiness has been your overriding emotion this year?
It's been intense. For the most part, I've been the happiest because the world finally sees me for who I am. I wanna just keep opening that door. When I toured with Beabadoobee, it was the first time I felt able to offer advice based on my experience. She's dealing with all this initial reaction. I felt like I could be someone she could count on. She's gonna be one of the greats. Whenever I spoke to her, it reminded me of all the things that have happened [to me] in the last two years, how we've managed to pull through crazy upsetting moments. To be in a good-enough place to have that mindset is a place I never thought I'd be.
On a personal level, what's the biggest thing that's happened for you? Your arthritis being in remission?
Yeah. When I first started writing when I got to L.A. in late December/January, I couldn't get out of bed. I had to cancel sessions. I couldn't even walk to the door. I was ordering food, eating and not able to clean up or take care of myself. I was there alone. It sucked. I thought it was gonna be how it is forever: not able to get out of bed without wanting to cry. I wrote “I Wouldn't Ask You” on a piano there. My arthritis was at its worst. As I grew into 2019, I entered remission and could do a lot more and not be bogged down by my knees.
Have you been any more enlightened as to why Immunity has connected with fans so much?
They tell me Immunity has helped them with anxiety. It calms them down. It's so wonderful to hear that. I've only started dealing with panic attacks recently, post-album. When I was on tour with Khalid, I started having them. I've had lots of them on the Immunity tour. I don't know what shifted. I'm anxious now.
What do your panic attacks look like?
The first feeling is that I look around and start freaking out. I'm not able to talk. I start hyperventilating. I have to leave the situation, go find an empty room, and sit down and cry for 15 minutes. Then it's done but I feel weird the rest of the day. I did it during a meet-and-greet. I was halfway through and I had to run away. I don't even know what started it. Sometimes it's random shots of pressure. Tons of pressure. Sometimes I feel no pressure. Sometimes I feel like there's a thousand things I should be doing instead of what I'm doing. Maybe that's what I write about next.
Have you had a good night out this year that you remember?
We were on tour with Dua Lipa and we ended up in a bowling alley with Future. We immediately left. We looked like middle schoolers at recess that should not have been in the same room ever as Lord Future. Oh my god. It was one of the worst and best moments of my life.
How did you celebrate your 21st?
I was on the Khalid tour. It was the last night in Miami. My two best friends flew down. Khalid and his friends dressed up as Sesame Street characters and sat in my dressing room. Khalid was Elmo. There was a Cookie Monster. I'm not even a huge Sesame Street fan. I didn't say, “Hey, I fucking love Sesame Street.” It was funny. He was sound-checking and he brought a cake onstage and sang “Happy Birthday” to me in the Elmo costume to an empty arena, with me standing on the floor. My 21st was chaos.
“Bags” is many people's song of the year. What's yours?
Damn. “Number One Fan” by MUNA. I told them it was my song of the year. So no take backs! I got my mom hooked on it. When I was home for Thanksgiving, I was playing it non-stop. I played it in the car. Every other time I see my mom now, she tells me that song is still stuck in her head.
You have a place in New York as of this year. Where do you go home for Christmas?
My parents moved back to Atlanta, so there, but I don't know where home is right now! Tour feels like home right now. It's so special. Thank you for this interview by the way. Did I give you enough juice?
You gave me a whole box of tea.
240 bags of tea! I guess it's been the year of bags.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
The star of Amazon’s darkly funny superhero series looks back at 2019, his career, and some unusual elder wisdom.
