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by Spencer Ackerman
January 3, 2012

from Wired Website

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Forget Kenya. Never mind the secret madrassas...

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The sinister, shocking truth about Barack Obama�s past lies not in east Africa, but in outer space. As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of DARPA.

That�s the assertion, at least, of a pair of self-proclaimed time-traveling, universe-exploring government agents. Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings insist that they once served as �chrononauts� at DARPA�s behest, traversing the boundaries of time and space.

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They swear: A youthful Barack Obama was one of them.

Perhaps this all sounds fantastical, absurd, and more than a little nuts. We couldn�t agree more. That�s one of the reasons we love conspiracy theories - the more awesomely insane, the better. Each week during 2012, when the Mayans tell us to expect the apocalypse, Danger Room will peel back a new layer of crazy to expose those oh-so-cleverly hidden machinations powering this doomed plane of existence.

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Welcome - back - to Tinfoil Tuesday...

According to Basiago and Stillings, Obama isn�t just lying about his identity. He�s lying about his military service record, too. While his political opponents in 2008 attacked him for never serving, in truth, he was concealing his participation in a hidden CIA intergalactic program hosted at a California community college in 1980.

Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars.

�Only if you count watching Marvin the Martian,� Tommy Vietor, the spokesman for the National Security Council, tells Danger Room.

But that�s exactly what a secret chrononaut wants you to believe.

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Obama wasn�t the only one making the otherworldly voyage.

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As �Barry Soetero,� the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars, forming a band of interplanetary Teen Titans. Regina Dugan, the director of DARPA, was another member.

Between 1981 and 1983, Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a �jump room.�

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Basiago, a fellow chrononaut, told the website Exopolitics that he saw Obama,

�walk back to the jump room from across the Martian terrain.�

To acknowledge his comrade, Obama is said to have told Basiago,

�We�re here� - apparently, �with some sense of fatalism.�

It is not known what exactly Obama did on Mars (socializing Martian health care, perhaps? Building a birth-certificate printing press?)

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His mission was a perilous one, according to Basiago and Stillings.

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The CIA wished to �establish a defense regime protecting the Earth from threats from space� as well as a legal claim to �territorial sovereignty,� making Obama something of a Martian conquistador.

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Presumably, Obama�s CIA handlers needed him to,

�acclimate Martian humanoids and animals to their presence� in order to secure the U.S.-Martian alliance. (We�ll bet you weren�t even aware of Martian animals.)

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�Simply put, your task is to be seen and not eaten,� an elder chrononaut, retired Army Maj. Ed Dames, is alleged to have told a young Obama.

You can scoff at the idea of Obama on Mars. But it explains a lot.

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Obviously the birth-certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space. (Dugan has a demonstrated record of supporting space travel; the �jump room� must be broken.)

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And who else but a man accustomed to keeping the country�s most explosive secret would be comfortable waging so many undeclared wars? Ignore Basiago and Stillings at your own peril.

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If Obama�s reelected, the U.S. is finally colonizing Mars...
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