i was in a bar in SoMa writing in my laptop when this guy came over, he asked me what i was doing, i looked up somewhat annoyed and said “i’m working on a novel,” normally i’d blow him off, but i had writer’s block, i couldn’t come up with an adequate plot twist, so i let him chat me up, it was an innocuous conversation until he asked me to dance, it was weird, the DJ hadn’t even set up yet, then he placed his hand on my knee, he smiled and suddenly our brief exchange became a little bit creepy. now i’m not dumb but i can’t understand why straight boys always hit on me when it’s so clear that i’m queer. he offered to buy me a drink, i said i was fine nursing my Racer 5 but he came back with champagne, he told me that his name was Ray, he asked me mine and i replied “it doesn’t rhyme with the name of a soda” (but he didn’t get the joke though), he kept pestering me, so i told him what my name is now and what my name used to be. now i’m not dumb but i can’t understand why cis boys are always so surprised to find out that i’m trans. Ray headed for the door and fell to his knees, it was so melodramatic, i almost wanted to laugh, but i know better than that, because that you never know when a surprised cis guy might suddenly turn violent. a few weeks after the fact i was writing at the same gay bar when Ray came back, he said he had something for me, i was concerned at first until he handed me a home-burnt CD, he said he wrote a song about me, i asked “does it come with trigger warnings?” but he didn’t get the joke though, as soon as he gave it to me, i got an amazing idea: a new character for my story. and his name was Ray, but i would never assume, he spelled it R-A-Y, because when you assume, you make an ass of yourself, not to mention me, life isn’t a movie, and people aren’t plot twists, please consider this, this is a parody, so please don’t sue me, please write more songs like "waterloo sunset."