Cub Scout "Bob-a-Body" Week (1977)

The annual boy scout Bob-a-Job week was an institution. However, from 1975 the jobs that scouts were expected to undertake moved away from the mundane - the washing of cars, sweeping of leaves and mowing of lawns - and became much more demanding.

Below is a scout leaflet from 1977 which was the first year that Bob-a-Job week officially changed its name.

During Bob-a-Body week, hundreds of cub scouts roamed Scarfolk helping members of the community with their assisted suicide needs. The old, sick and formally shunned most frequently employed the services of the scouts, though the council's Oxygen Resource Board allegedly sent lists of reluctant residents to scout groups in advance, along with illicitly duplicated front door keys and gallon jars of a toxic nerve agent.

Expiration Cards (1970s)

"Have you ever worried about how and when you might pass away? With an Expiration Card you needn't worry ever again..." (From a 1971 Scarfolk information booklet).

As of 1970 all residents of Scarfolk were issued with Expiration Cards. A dedicated council department, run by someone known only as Tod XIII, calculated when each citizen was most likely to become an 'unreasonable imposition' on society, then set an official date and method of demise. Sometimes, the date was brought forward if the citizen's circumstances changed: for example, if a person had become undeservedly depressed or poorly and was unlikely to ever again be gainfully employed by any self-respecting organisation.

Each cardholder was expected to make the relevant preparations according to their allocated death event and to pay for it. Costs were taken directly out of citizens' income along with tax and costs incurred by governmental weekend breaks abroad. Unemployed cardholders had their assets and/or family members seized and auctioned off. 

If a cardholder inconveniently died before their scheduled date and time, their card (and a hefty admin fee) was inherited by the next of kin who could either swap the card with their own - if the death event was preferred - or donate it to Scarfolk's Expiration Charity, which brought together poverty-stricken people to perish in the same event so that they may share costs. Charity expirations often took the form of driving a decommissioned double-decker bus off a pier into the sea while a brass band played. These expirations were televised on SBC TV's 'Beneviolence' programme, particularly if they featured once-popular celebrities who had fallen on hard times.

Note: Personalised Expiration Cards may be available for purchase in the future.

Scarfolk Council Health & Safety (1973-1974)

As many of you know, a vaccination introduces a small amount of a virus to the body so that it may build up an immunity.

Scarfolk Council applied the same principle to preparing its employees for accidents in the workplace. For example, to prepare for the eventuality of falling from the roof of the seven storey council building, an employee, during a drill, would be thrown out of a low first floor window. In the case of a gas leak explosion, which could kill fifty people, only three employees would be terminated during the drill.

This method ensured that health and safety ideals were maintained to a high standard throughout the 1970s.

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"Pick off your litter" & Mobile Termination Units (1977)

After the case of James Sprout (go here for more detail) the government realised that parents desired more control over their offspring, so, in 1977, laws pertaining to pregnancy and termination were revised and widely expanded.

Adverts, such as the one posted below, were printed in newspapers, magazines and church newsletters.

Many parents either couldn't find the time to drop off their unwanted children at a termination facility, or they just couldn't be bothered, so the MTU (Mobile Termination Unit) was introduced.

The MTU was a fully-equipped bus which travelled to schools, playgrounds, junior covens and prisons for the under 5s. In an attempt to calm children, sounds of laughter were played through tannoys.

Children dreaded being called out of the classroom by uniformed MTU doctors and desperately feigned undiminished magical abilities, but to no avail: The MTU doctors knew all the ruses and highly-trained government psychics tested each child individually before termination.

By 1979 the numbers of children in Scarfolk (in particular red-haired, bespectacled, and those who never wiped their noses) were drastically reduced, which prompted parent-teacher associations to hold a town fête.