Want to join in? Respond to our weekly writing prompts, open to everyone.
Want to join in? Respond to our weekly writing prompts, open to everyone.
from An Open Letter
I weirdly donât feel much of an urge to talk about my birthday, which I guess is a good sign. For once I didnât get violently depressed for it which is huge! I ate the cookie that A got me and I didnât want it to end even though it wasnât like delicious or anything. Thereâs also the fridge magnet that she gave me that says âYou are beautifulâ and she wanted me to actually put it on my fridge, almost like an affirmation. I also keep seeing the flower bouquet S got me on my bookshelf, and I weirdly feel kinda overwhelmed by it all. Part of me just thinks that I donât deserve it. Itâs a weird little voice in my head that keeps saying that, and I feel like itâs just some part of my mind trying to keep things as status quo to avoid the unknown. But I think the unknown, in this case, is much better, Iâm starting to finally feel like Iâm someone that can be liked/loved. I think the big thing that made it click for me was realizing that I donât need to constantly be doing something or actively trying to provide âvalueâ to be lovable. Even in a fully selfish way, sometimes itâs more than enough to just have someone make some time and space for you to exist. Iâm grateful to have F as a friend since he actually helps me understand myself a lot better. Heâs got a lot of problems and isnât a great friend by normal standards, but he reaches out to me and makes time just to be in the same space together which is something that means a lot to me. Itâs nice to have someone you can just relax around and not be alone with. And thatâs enough for me to love him. It really is that easy.
from Dio Writes
This girl in the mirror
Holding herself to these
Impossible standards, the
Expectation of perfection
She'd never ask of others
Knowing it unreasonable
And doing it nonetheless
#poetry #writing
from unmasked
OK, looks like the blog title can actually change rather easily. So I changed it. âUnmaskedâ it is.
from unmasked
Is anyone still reading this failed experiment?
So hereâs what happened â I essentially had a mental breakdown. Well, âhavingâ is a better word. I feel some respite and relief in this particular moment but it is very touch and go.
Here are the highlights:
Something happened, part of a pattern in which people I believed I was very close to decide Iâm intolerable / rude / insensitive / a bad friend or person, feel that way secretly, then share it with me under circumstances that devastate me existentially.
I was too strung out to weather this blow. I am still unable to weather it or even deal with it beyond redirecting myself away from it.
In fact, I immediately started preparing to flee Atlanta for a few months because I knew that if I stayed in that environment my life would be at risk. When I have the suicidal feelings I cannot get them to go away, and I cannot get myself to not act on them⦠I can only redirect them to a less permanent escape. (Note: The reasons I have told people I moved out of Atlanta are true, they are just not the whole story.)
I quit my synagogue job. I wound down my in-house secondment (the term was up anyway). I told all my law firm colleagues that I was going to live from New York for a few months to try to determine if this fee-sharing model was going to work for me.
I decided to get a neurospychiatric assessment; I had wondered about autism occasionally but had largely been dismissive of it for various reasons, various things I didnât think fit. But I was desperate enough at that moment to throw myself over to experts.
It came back with an autism diagnosis.
(Note: part of me thought it would come back confirming whatever I asked them to evaluate, because people who pay for neuropsychiatric evaluations are expecting that, right? Kind of like when you ask your doctor about reasonable accommodations? But part of me ⦠really didnât, after I took the test, and after I asked my dad to be the âinformantâ and he did it, but said he didnât feel qualified to do it and also that I didnât read to him as autistic.
I think I figured the test would confirm ADHD (which I was diagnosed with at around 30), and maybe rule out autism? I donât know what I was expecting. All I can say is that when they gave me the debrief and said that my evaluation confirmed autism but not ADHD (the initial eval said that my exec function deficits were part of the autism), I felt sort of like I felt after the first time Trump was elected. Yeah, I went into that election thinking it was going to happen when most other people didnât! but still wasnât prepared emotionally for it to be true.
Then again⦠as I learn about autism more⦠itâs cracking me up to look at two paragraphs of me struggling to describe my own emotions (an autistic trait).)
The past several weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life, and honestly this past year has been challenging but I at least believed I knew who I was and had gotten past the worst of my existential crises. I made the right call to get the F out of Atlanta, Iâve been dealing with having gotten this diagnosis and the diagnosis not resonating / clicking fully with me. I met with a therapist who specializes in adult neurodivergence today, though, and for the first time I felt like maybe itâs starting to click, maybe this is whatâs been going on the whole time. I finally feel (am allowing myself to feel?) a tiny bit of that relief and validation that âlate diagnosedâ autistic individuals talk about. The therapist I met with today gave me hope that maybe there is an explanation⦠an understanding what is going on with me that I have never felt before.
Anyway. Thatâs what happened to the 5 am club. I suppose it turned into a âjoin Equinox and get a personal trainer plus a LOT of therapists in hopes that I can tolerate one of themâ club. And luckily the therapist I met today seems promising.
I want to write about all this, but maybe not here⦠because this blog is still called â5amclubâ and that feels stupid? And because this doesnât allow for comment posting, so I am probably going to go back to blogger. I already wrote one blogger post but it is just SO absurd I donât want to share it with anyone. Maybe Iâll keep writing on top of that one and then eventually post the whole thing. I donât know. Or maybe Iâll just keep writing here.
from Roscoe's Story
Prayers, etc.: * 05:00 â Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel * 06:00 â praying The Angelus * 06:40 â praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, followed by the Memorare. * 07:00 â Thought for today from Archbishop Lefebvre: Why has the Church arranged the liturgical cycle in that manner? It is to make us contemplate all of the mysteries of our Lord. Ultimately, it is our Credo which is being presented to us over the course of the year and on which we are called to meditate in a very special way.
The proper texts of the Seasons, prayers, prefaces and so on, are so well chosen, so beautiful that they raise us up, allow us to deepen our faith and increase our charity. * 09:25 â Readings from today's Mass include â Epistle: Ecclus 45:1-6 and Gospel Matt 19:27-29. * 10:50 â Praying to Atone for Rome's 2025 Jubilee Mascot * 12:00 â praying The Angelus * 15:50 â prayerfully reading The Athanasian Creed, followed by today's Daily Meditation found in Benedictus Magazine. * 18:00 â praying The Angelus * 19:20 â praying the hour of Compline for tonight according to the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Divine Office, followed by Fr. Chad Ripperger's Prayer of Command to protect my family, my sons, my daughter and her family, my granddaughters and their families, my great grandchildren, and everyone for whom I have responsibility from any demonic activity. â And that followed by the Tuesday Prayers of the Association of the Auxilium Christianorum.
Health Metrics: * bw= 215.06 lbs. * bp= 148/70 (71)
Diet: * 06:30 â toast & butter, little cookies, pizza * 12:30 â applesauce, steamed rice, fried eggs, sausages * 14:00 â snacking on little chocolates through the afternoon
Chores, etc.: * 06:00 â monitored bank accounts activity * 11:00 â listening to relaxing music, and leisure reading * 12:30 â watch old game shows and eat lunch at home with Sylvia * 13:30 â tuned into the Louisina Tech Bulldogs Sports Network ahead of their afternoon men's basketball game vs the Richmond Spiders * 14:05 â Now tuned into the Clemson vs Penn St. men's college basketball game * 17:05 â listening to relaxing music, leisure reading
Chess: * 08:50 â moved in all pending CC games
posted Tuesday, 2024-11-26 ~19:50 #DLNOV2024
from Roscoe's Quick Notes
As the furnace kicks in just now, I'm reminded that at no time during the day did my air conditioning turn on. And as I look at the local weather forecast for the next 10 days, I see we're not supposed to have any days coming up where the highs reach into the 70s. So ... the seasons have finally turned.
posted Tuesday, Nov 26, 2024 at ~7:36 PM #QNNOV2024
(Right-click on any image and choose âopen image in new tabâ to see the full-sized version.)
One of my points of this Progress storytelling project is to take a look at the real history of Chicago, where Iâve lived the last 30 years, only to do it as a âfunhouse mirrorâ reflection of the city as it mightâve existed in an alternative reality. For me as someone who moved here in the early 1990s, Wicker Park is a prime example of something interesting to be examined through the funhouse mirror of the Progressverse, because thereâs lots of fascinating things to look at there and unpack and more deeply examine, when it comes to such varied subjects as gentrification, the corporatization of hipsterness, how and why an artistsâ neighborhood transforms into an âartsyâ neighborhood in the first place, why this is both good and bad for both preserving historic architecture and for building cutting-edge new spaces, and more.
In my universe, for example, thereâs a neighborhood called Trout Alley that goes back almost to the cityâs founding in 1845. It is in fact the home of the very first industry that becomes a huge, roaring success in Progress, the fishing industry, which catches on right at the same time that meatpacking starts catching on at its partner in the âLake Michigan Sister Cities,â (real-life) Chicago. That means that instead of the first generation of millionaire immigrants being Germans and Poles like in real-life Chicago, Progressâs version is the Scandinavians (mostly Swedish) who founded and owned the fisheries. There were vast docks for these endless boats throughout the second half of the Victorian Age; then next door was the neighborhood where all the working-class Swedes who actually worked the warehouses lived.
(And yes, as mentioned yesterday, Progress also had a smaller meatpacking industry in these same years, in a similar neighborhood called Slaughterhouse Row; in my universe, Chicago continued to be a hugely dominant force in that industry at first, until their famous real-life Great Fire of 1871, at which point much of the business switched over to the Progress side of Lake Michigan. But still, Chicago recovered quickly, and neither city ever managed to do greater than a 50/50 split of the industry again with the other, yet another thing thatâs led to them being [unofficially] called the âLake Michigan Sister Citiesâ for over 200 years now.)
In good news for the industry, but bad news for the neighborhood, starting in the 1950s and concluding in the â70s, a far northern fishing wharf at the edge of the metropolitan area started getting rapidly upgraded with post-war technology; first a high-volume cargo train depot, then a highway truckstop to interact with it, then a cargo airport, and finally a heavy-duty intermodal cargo container industrial ship dock, the whole campusâs infrastructure tied together and now called the McKinley Wharf Seafaring Complex. Over these three decades, then, all the old fishery companies of the 1800s moved out of Trout Alley and up to these modern facilities; and of course many of the immigrant families who lived next door were abandoning the neighborhood in these decades too, the so-called âwhite flightâ to the suburbs that happened after World War Two. By the late â70s, it left the neighborhood an abandoned, empty shell, which the city government couldnât deal with because they had their hands full with the riots over in Slaughterhouse Row (see yesterdayâs entry for more), a favorite destination for local authors to set the climax of their gritty crime drama, an elegantly decaying part of the city that time had apparently forgot.
But hereâs where I get to combine some of my favorite activities and subjects of my youth all together into one uber-Mary Sue way (by which I mean I really, really wish the following had been true in real life and a place where I had actually lived); for in the Progressverse, a big initial wave of late-1980s cyberpunk people start interacting with the computer hackers, live action role players (or LARPers), and indie rockers (called âcollege rockersâ in my universe) within these abandoned warehouses, for things like illegal raves where everyone is on Ecstasy, or LARP nights where everyone wears their best Mondo 2000 costume and run around the neighborhood shooting at each other with bright neon lasertag guns. That was my complete vibe back in the actual â80s and â90s, first in Missouri in college and then in Chicago, so I absolutely love bringing this aspect to my big open fictional universe and the city Iâm building from scratch there.
Of course, this was before the web, so the way info got spread back then about underground events was often through postcard-sized flyers, which starting in the late â80s got cheap enough to do in full color for the first time; in the images here above, for example, Iâm envisioning such glossy postcard flyers that would get passed around about the LARP group that plays out cyberpunk storylines on Saturday nights in Trout Alley using lasertag guns. Youâd be able to find these flyers at your local record store, skateboard shop, drug paraphernalia store, weekly poetry slam, daily coffeehouse, being used to chop up cocaine at a warehouse party, etc etc.
But especially with the coders and hackers being involved in this scene, that brought the very first wave of tech startup companies to Trout Alley too, starting right after the turn of 1990. And those places found that the old owners of all those buildings, who had long ago stopped trying to lease them, were suddenly ecstatic about having a clean new company moving into one of the spaces, and paying primo dollars to get the space back up to code. Although all the nerds and hipsters and skateboarders were still there, the space became cleaner and brighter and most importantly safer, and started getting populated more and more by the first wave of big tech companies that occurred during the Dot Com age. Donât forget, in my universe, Progress had just as many successes in the early Dot Com years as northern California did, leading to the common cultural phrase âSilicon Valley and Trout Alleyâ to describe the synergy between the two areas in these years; so Trout Alley was filled at the time with what would become the Webâs first Yahoos and MySpaces and those types of companies.
Although the Progress storytelling project is purportedly telling the history of the first 200 years of the city, those exact years are actually 1845 to 2045, which gives me a chance to do a little fortune telling and imagine what will happen in the city in the near future. So âthese daysâ (the 2040s, according to the wiki), space within the actual old 1800s warehouses (what few are left, at least) are scarcer and pricier than ever, and to be honest can really only be afforded anymore by big restaurants and tourist stores; all the tech companies have now moved to cutting-edge skyscrapers right next door, a neighborhood surprisingly enough called âTrout Alley East.â Itâs a major center of wealth in the city, and much of what makes our modern world work anymore can be found headquartered here.
Of course, letâs not forget, like I mentioned yesterday, Neptune was one of these small startups found in Trout Alley in the Dot Com age, which was doing just fine and making lots of money; but then the idiosyncratic founder, Jasper Quinn, is going to start getting obsessed with something that I havenât made up my mind yet about, but it will be a big pivot into something that has the capacity to make them a trillion-dollar company by the 2010s like Apple or Microsoft. Maybeâ¦chips? Maybe theyâll be my universeâs version of Intel? After years of having offices scattered throughout the world, Quinn decides in 2016 to consolidate everyone into a brand-new facility that seems out of science-fiction, the so-called âMegascraperâ that very easily becomes the tallest structure the human race has ever made, but then surrounded by thousands of acres of wildlife that the company owns and is choosing to remain untouched. No cars allowed, even electric ones; everyone parks in a guarded lot miles away, then takes either a monorail or a blimp in. Theyâre a huge and mysterious company who do lots of weird things, like buy an entire giant parcel of land out in the unincorporated woods in order to build a private planned community of homes for all their executives, next door to a special blimp public transit station built just for their employees, that will shuttle them directly over the city to their office in a matter of minutes. But weâll finally be talking about all that in more detail in tomorrowâs entry.
from stackdump
Pflowâs workflow implementation simplifies and extends WF-net ideas for practical, real-world systems by:
Adding retry and reentry mechanisms (allow_reentry
).
Restricting state behaviors to enforce runtime constraints.
Focusing on execution rather than pre-runtime verification.
WF-nets remain a formal and abstract framework for analyzing workflows, often requiring specialized tooling and theoretical grounding. Pflowâs workflow model aligns more with runtime task automation and system engineering.
from Enjoy the detours!
I've decided to get back on this series and rename it to just #links
Refactoring absolute paths to relative ones: This is an example in VScode. While refactoring some code in my current Project, this was helpful. Link: https://dev.to/fes300/refactoring-absolute-paths-to-relative-ones-in-vscode-3iaj
Be findable: I like what Thorsten wrote or refers to. Also, the quote of Steve Martin here is a thing, everybody should have as a Mantra. Link: https://registerspill.thorstenball.com/p/be-findable
Local, first, forever: Local-First is something I always wanted to implement in my projects and also something at least every app should do. Link: https://tonsky.me/blog/crdt-filesync/
Writing HTML by hand is easier than debugging your static site generator Link: https://logicgrimoire.wordpress.com/2024/07/01/writing-html-by-hand-is-easier-than-debugging-your-static-site-generator/
40 of #100DaysToOffload
#log #links
from brendan halpin
Being Broke
Because I was a broke kid who went to rich peopleâs schools, I wound up with a kind of complicated class identity. There have been times when Iâve had money and there have been times where I was broke. And itâs become apparent to me recently that a lot of people who are not broke have no idea what this reality is like and how it affects people. So Iâm writing this not because all of it is my experience (though some if it definitely is) but because I really donât think middle class people with money who hang out with other middle class people with money have any idea of what being broke is like.
Your parents canât help you. Letâs start with that. There is no familial safety net. There are no assets which will pass to you on their deaths and there is no pile of money earmarked to get you out of trouble. Hell, there may not even be a bedroom for you in their house if it comes to that. You are completely on your own.
When you wake up in the morning, you think about money. You think about money all day long. Sometimes you canât fall asleep or stay asleep because youâre thinking about money. You feel like youâre constantly on a precipice about to topple into the abyss. You work full time and you work hard, and so does your spouse or partner, and you still canât cover the bills every month.
As the Wu-Tang Clan said, cash rules everything around you. You cannot stop thinking about money. Not ever. It makes every setback worse, because not only do you have to, for example, get a root canal, but you have to find a way to pay two thousand dollars for it. If youâre lucky enough to have dental insurance. Otherwise itâll be more. Should you just have the tooth pulled? It would be much, much cheaper. But will having a big gap in your smile mean you have even fewer prospects for employment and promotion?
Money taints every moment of joy in your life. Christmas becomes a nightmare. You want to give things to your children, give experiences to your children, but you canât really afford to do that. But how can you send your children back to school to listen to everyone else talking about what they got? If youâre lucky, you can get a credit card and borrow the money you need to buy Christmas presents at 22% interest. Youâll love to see their faces light up at Christmas, but there will be a sour stone of dread lodged in your stomach as you realize what this is going to mean for your finances. Maybe you can get your tax refund soon enough to pay it back. Assuming nothing goes wrong for the next three months.
But something always goes wrong. Because itâs life. And so paying the bills then becomes not a routine chore but an incredibly stressful juggling act. The water and sewer bill came in a red envelope this month, so you have to pay that. Electric bill is overdue, but theyâre not threatening to cut you off yet, so you can let that slide. Of course, paying the past due amount on the water bill means that you wonât have enough money to do preventative maintenance on the car that one of you uses to get to work. So every time you get in the car, that little red maintenance light on the dashboard will be reminding you that youâre not taking proper care of the car. Which means eventually something expensive is going to break and youâre going to have to come up with thousands of dollars to fix it. Or maybe it will break while your kids are in the car and then something horrible will happen to you and it will be all your fault.
Well, thatâs a problem for future you. Youâve got enough to worry about getting through your work day, where you work very hard for far less money than people you know do less work than you. Maybe you can pick up a second job to make some more money, just until the current crisis passes. You think this to yourself because itâs the only way to get through because you know that crisis mode never ends. You simply move from one crisis to the next.
And if you have children, whoâs going to take care of them while youâre working a second job? Whoâs going to parent them when youâre too exhausted to move after 12 to 16 hours of work every day? Better pass on that second job.
But that means thereâs no hope of getting out of this, of getting ahead. All you can do is hope to slow the pace at which youâre falling behind. So yeah, you spend two bucks on a lottery ticket every week. You know the odds. You know youâd be better off doing almost anything else with that money, but itâs literally the only thing you can buy that gives you hope. In the moments before the numbers are pulled, you can have hope that your life will change.
And it can change, but only for the worse. You get injured in an accidentânot your fault, but youâve got to spend 6 months out of work. Youâre one of the lucky few who has long-term disability insurance...but that only pays half your salary. You think about this a lot. That we live in a country that punishes you for the crime of getting injured.
But maybe youâll find a way through that crisis. Maybe friends or family can pull some money they donât really have together to help out. Or maybe youâve got a teenage kid who will have to quit the extracurricular activity they love, the thing that keeps them invested in school, because you need them to bring in money. You think about being an adult depending on financial support from your teenage child, and you feel ashamed. None of this is your fault, but you feel ashamed anyway.
You have to keep most of this stuff to yourself because there is nothing Americans hate as much as a poor person. Theyâll have a lot of reasons why this is your fault: why didnât you learn to code? Why did you get coffee from a coffee shop? Why didnât you take time and money you donât have to go back and get an additional credential?
You know they blame you because if itâs not your fault, then it must be at least partly theirs. It must be that a system that allows them to have hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings while you have 74 dollars and 37 cents is fair, and you deserve what you have, because otherwise itâs unfair, which means they donât deserve what they have.
This is what itâs like to be broke. Some people have it better than this, and some have it worse, but this is the experience of tens of millions of people in this country. Iâm not suggesting that broke people who shot themselves in the junk by voting for a fascist government that will only increase their misery made a defensible decision. But I guess I would say this: if your whole pitch is that we need to save the system, you can see how a person who lives like this might ask, âwhy?â
from MakingOne
Jonathan G. Cannon November 2024
Lord, Lord let us live in peace, Keep want and fear away, Keep our walls strong, preserve Your own Until the coming day.
How will I know you love Me? There is no secret code. I told you once, I told you twice, Every time you asked.
You were starving, in Egypt they welcomed you inâ- Strangers in a strange land. Then you fled to Canaan with honey and milk, And found your promised land.
Welcome the strangers among you, now, In the land you call your ownâ- You will be My people.
You fled poverty, prison, and wars of kings To be strangers in a strange land. You sent them your gold as you scraped in the soil For a chance to start free at last.
The Samaritan put his hands in the blood And the dirt to lift you up. He didn't know Me, but loved Me the same.
You were driven from Plymouth, from Kirtland, Nauvoo, To be strangers in a strange land. You took a home in the mountaintops Where none hurt or make afraid.
To the least of these, Benjamin said, That is how I know. That is how I know.
from G A N Z E E R . T O D A Y
Read more... Discuss...from stackdump
I recently attended an Austin hackathon oriented around the latest open source models from Meta. https://lu.ma/atx-llama-hackathon.
As the main sponsor, representatives from Meta are spreading the word about their impact grant program. https://www.llama.com/llama-impact-grants/
I got to work with some great tools from these additional sponsors:
During this hackathon, I decided to try to test the ability for for Llama to generate petri-nets using the pflow.xyz notation.
Iâve been interested in trying to use LLMs to convert code into equivalent petri-net models. So, I started with a program written in a state-machine style in BASH.
I then provided it as user input, alongside a system prompt:
Output models:
Iâm pretty impressed with how well OpenAI 4o performed. The LLM correctly intuited that weâd like to use the state and action names as labels.
It also seemed to do a good job laying out the objects, and using the playground feature, I was even able to prompt another time to ask it to âadd more space between the elementsâ â with consistent results.
Most of the other submissions made use of natural language translation and auto-classification.
Upon reflection: I could have applied the RAG approach using tools provided by Datastax, or built a tool using lang-graph, or even tried model refinement to get the results I wanted from Llama.
In the end, because OpenAI 4o worked with a single prompt I didnât see any benefit to try to use Llama.
While developing this experiment I used the API https://platform.openai.com/ and only spent $.06 !!
For now, Iâll be using 4o as I add LLM support to pflow.xyz.
Going forward, my sense is that various refinement approaches will become less relevant as better LLMs are developed, and for now the cost seems to be right for this application.
from Telmina's notes
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from stackdump
petri_net_fire
delta
values.overflow
, underflow
, and whether the transition was inhibited
.elementary_fire
petri_net_fire
, but includes an additional check to ensure only one state is active (output_state_count == 1
).workflow_fire
0
, 1
, or 2
:0
or -1
: Inactive states or retryable errors.1
: Active state.2
: Overflow; mapped to 1
for retry or inhibited transitions.allow_reentry
).PetriNet: Use for complex, concurrent systems where multiple states must interact or coexist.
Elementary: Apply to simpler decision trees or systems that require deterministic, single-state outputs.
Workflow: Ideal for workflows or task management systems where retry and fail-safe mechanisms are essential.
This framework allows flexible modeling based on system requirements, enabling efficient and accurate representation of different operational paradigms.
Review the Rust code on used to compare these algorithms on github.
from G A N Z E E R . T O D A Y
$5.19 croissant, plain.
How much does a croissant cost where you live?
#htx #journal