I’m not even exaggerating when I say this really puts me in the festive mood more than any other Christmas film.

They really should’ve explored more of Gizmo's Rambo arc; that little dude deserved to get his revenge after getting bullied by the new batch of gremlins.

Irresponsible mogwai pet owner causes a gremlin pandemic.

Edward scissors the local lonely milfs in the area.

I’m super competitive, so if I wasn’t the one who got to the end first, I’d be forcing us into another game of Jumanji until I win.

I would sue the fuck out of Willy Wonka for the mental and physical damage after visiting his chocolate factory.

‘Accidentally’ streamed Willy Wanka & the Cockaholic Factory instead of Wonka, silly me.

Peter Pan took one look at old wrinkly Wendy and decided to fuck her granddaughter instead.

When this came out when I was a teenager I thought it looked so ass and cringe but now watching it as an adult, I realise what a lame ass teenager I was because it’s rather entertaining.

Skipping down the yellow brick road to Emerald City to meet the two wicked sisters (Rachel Weisz & Mila Kunis) and let them do wicked things to me.

Give me a proton pack because it’s time to capture and consign this franchise to the spirit realm.

Pivotal watch for people who are into queer cinema.

Yeah, no shit Sherlock, of course, this is a homoerotic tale of two detectives madly in love with one another.

I’d have been more thankful if they killed off the entire annoying high school cast.

The saddest bro before ho tale ever told.

This is why I don’t have any guests round at my flat.

Can’t wait to call my future wife an inanimate fucking object whilst we argue in Bruges.

Liberals and conservatives should just kill each other.

Gonna need that milkshake straw so I can go to five guys and slurp up everyone’s strawberry oreo flavoured milkshakes.

Imagine how terrifying it’d be getting hunted by a hitman with a fuck ass bob.

Anyone got any videos of Maxine Minx’s porn filmography?

Would’ve died from doing pspsps too loudly to get the cat’s attention.

This is pure LSD fuel; it literally feels like you’re tripping serious balls whilst watching people getting brutally mutilated.

Moral of the story is don’t let anyone talk you out of killing yourself.

Marvel finally grew some adamantium balls and made a romcom.

I want death by snu snu from a muscle mami.

My guy Dracula is a certified pussy magnet.

Nooo don’t take the substance Demi Moore you’re so sexy haha

Revenge is a dish best served HOT.

That alien arachnid would hate to see me coming because I ain’t scared of no spider.

Don’t touch the rusty nail or else you’ll end up knocked up giving birth to a tetanus-riddled Jesus Christ.

Trust I’d be hailing Satan too if I was as ugly as longlegs; be mad as hell at God for making me look like that.

Had me wailing like a mad man because it kept making me second guess what was going on.

One thing you should know about British cults is that we are going to fuck around with wicker.

We as a society need to go back to when horror icons battled it out with one another in a vs. film.

That little pumpkin guy about to shove a pumpkin right up my ass because I gave trick-or-treaters a couple of pennies instead of sweets.

This shit was so ass that I was hoping for an iceberg to rock up and sink this barely haunted ghost ship.

If I show you this film on Valentine’s Day, it means I actually don’t like you and want you to suffer by watching this.

Just got condemned to eternity in hell for trying to get a promotion and a pay rise at work.

Proves that drinking beer instead of water will save you from a flesh eating virus.

You get a free Brazilian wax when visiting the House of Wax for the first time.

Think I’m at the age now where I agree with the stubborn father who doesn’t believe his family that the house they’ve just bought is haunted, like that shit just cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Of course I’m going to turn a blind eye to all the ghosts and demonic possessions going on.

I was too distracted by how hot Jessica Biel is in this that I didn’t even notice people getting cut to pieces by a chainsaw.

If my friends got captured by Leatherface and his cannibal family, trust me, I would not be going back to help them; I’d be out of Texas so fast that a cartoon dust trail would form behind me.

These aren't the types of vampires you want to be turned into: scary and not sexy.

Everyone in that town is positively loco.

The reverend not thinking she was possessed because she said blowing jobs instead of blow jobs was the funniest shit; he knows the demons down in hell are gobbling each others dicks so they know the correct lingo to use.

Imagine the losers club going up against Art the Clown; they’d get fucking mutilated.

Art the Clown is one of those horror villains that I just know I’d be able to obliterate into oblivion if I ever had to throw hands with the goofy fella.

Whatever you do, do not invite Annabelle to a sleepover because that bitch will bring a fuck load of demons with her.