Spectre is the 136th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Ian Weinreich and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2015 James Bond film Spectre. It was published on February 2, 2016, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes 26 seconds long. It has been viewed over 4.2 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Spectre on YouTube
"One of the best opening scenes in Bond history, followed by three minutes of tentacle porn, followed by not much else." ~ Honest Trailer - Spectre
Script[]
In a year with four different blockbuster spy films (shows clips from Kingsman: The Secret Service, Mission: Impossible -- Rogue Nation, and Spy), the great-granddaddy of 'em all is back, and it's bringing absolutely nothing new to the table.
Spectre
Coming off the franchise high of Casino Royale, whatever Quantum of Solace was, and Skyfall, Sam Mendes and Daniel Craig return with one of the best opening scenes in Bond history, followed by three minutes of tentacle porn, followed by...not much else. (Guerra speaks to Oberhauser in Italian; Oberhauser and his men sit quietly) Uh, hello? (one of Oberhauser's men stands up and speaks to Oberhauser quietly) Uh, guys...(Guerra sits) d-did you mute the video or something? (another man stands up) I, I think somebody broke the, the volume. (the second man walks up to Oberhauser and speaks to him quietly) Aaaaand...speak. (the second man continues speaking quietly with Oberhauser) Speak! (the second man stands up straight) Say something.
Oberhauser: Does anyone challenge?
Finally!
Prepare for Bond by the numbers as you check all the old tropes off the list, like the car, gadgets, catchphrases, and underdeveloped female sex objects, as Daniel Craig sleepwalks through a performance where it's clear he'd rather slash his wrists than do it again (shows text from an interview in which Daniel Craig says he'd rather break a glass and slash his wrists than do another Bond movie). Aw, poor guy had to pretend to be James Bond for millions of dollars. Suck it up and drink your martini!
Experience a Roger Moore-era Bond film, if Roger Moore was a mopey dick trying to get fired from his own movie, that tries to balance the playful tone of the '60s...
James Bond: Doesn't time fly?
(Madeleine throws a watch across the room, which explodes)
...with the gritty version of Bond they've spent three movies establishing.
James Bond: Your father's dead.
Madeleine Swann: Did you kill him?
James Bond: I didn't have to. He did it himself.
Man, these things do not go well together.
But Bond is a franchise that's only as good as its villains, which is why this one is so...thoroughly average, as they waste the extremely talented Dave Bautista, the awesome bad guy from Sherlock (Andrew Scott), and two-time Academy Award winner Christoph Waltz, who, in a surprise twist...?...is playing classic Bond villain Ernst Blofeld, a reveal that younger viewers probably didn't get and older viewers totally predicted, because it makes sense that a movie called "Spectre" would have the guy who runs Spectre in it. Ughhh, did we learn nothing from Into Darkness? (shows Khan from Star Trek Into Darkness) All they're missing is that mumbo jumbo about super blood. (shows characters talking about "smart blood") Aw, come on, man, really?!
Suit up for a shoestring plot about a generic surveillance McGuffin that actually expects you to remember Quantum of Solace, full of action sequences that feel like playing Goldeneye 64 on Agent difficulty and a bunch of crap you've never wanted to see in a Bond movie, like briefings; board meetings; lectures about drones; lectures about meteors; therapy; waiting for an Uber; and a finale so lazy, there are literally arrows pointing James Bond to the end of the movie. Guys, how do you make James Bond vs. the Illuminati boring?
So if you see only one movie this year about a hero who belongs in a different era, battling a sleeper cell inside his own organization with their own tentacle logo, against a former friend who was presumed dead in the snow, you should probably just rewatch The Winter Soldier (shows clips comparing Spectre and Captain America: The Winter Soldier during this description). It's way better anyway.
Starring Bored. James Bored; Yawn Connery; Roger Bore; George Lazyby; Pierce Brosnap; Timothy Dullton (Daniel Craig as James Bond); Blowsfeld (Christoph Waltz as Ernst Stavro Blofeld); Judi Dench Frowning (Judi Dench as the previous M); Ralph Fee-en-nen-ness (Ralph Fiennes as the current M); Popular on Tumblr (Ben Whishaw as Q); Silent But Deadly (Dave Bautista as Hinx); and BuzzFeed.
Honest title for Spectre - Dullfinger. Title design by Robert Holtby.
Dullfinger
If you thought that shower scene in Skyfall was weird, wait until you see Bond pork a widow on the day of her husband's funeral after breaking into her house...? Yeah, that's, she's totally not into that. That's creepy, even by James Bond standards. Echhh.
Trivia[]
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other action thrillers including Mission: Impossible, The Bourne Trilogy, Kingsman: The Secret Service and Skyfall. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Spectre has a 97.3% approval rating from YouTube viewers. JOE declared "Screen Junkies do one thing really well: hilarious, no bullsh*t, Honest Trailers of blockbuster movies." The site said the video was "brilliant" and would get Bond fans "thinking and laughing." JOE said the Honest Trailer underscored that "after the opening scene, not much goes on in Spectre." CinemBlend called the Honest Trailer "brutal" but also said "a lot of the points in this video are spot on and warranted." The site agreed with Screen Junkies' assessment that after the opening scene, the film is "really just a rehash of the most obvious tropes and cliché’s associated with the super spy." Slash Film said it was "pretty hard to argue with" Screen Junkie's claim that the film was “Bond-by-the-numbers.” Geeks of Doom highlighted the moment when Screen Junkies "play a scene of nearly 40 seconds of silence unedited from the film, all the while Bailey wondering aloud if the volume broke in the movie. But the real punchline of this video is Daniel Craig’s bored performance."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Spectre
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Ian Weinreich and Andy Signore
Edited by Anthony Falleroni and Dan Murrell
External links []
- VIDEO: The Honest Trailer of Spectre will ruin any enjoyment you had of the movie - JOE article
- Watch Spectre Get Ripped To Shreds In Brutal New Honest Trailer - CinemaBlend article
- ‘Spectre’ Honest Trailer: Just Watch ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ Again - SlashFilm article
- Honest Trailer For Latest James Bond Movie ‘Spectre’ - Geeks of Doom article
- The Honest Trailer for James Bond's Spectre is pretty damning: "Tentacle porn and not much else" - Digital Spy article
- Watch: Honest Trailer For Bond-By-The-Numbers ‘Spectre’ - IndieWire article