Pearl Harbor is the 133rd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2001 war romance film Pearl Harbor. It was published on January 12, 2016, to coincide with the theatrical release of 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. It is 4 minutes 31 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.5 million times. This video was critically well received, with many sites commending the video for paying tribute to many real-life figures involved in the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
Watch Honest Trailers - Pearl Harbor on YouTube
"A Michael Bay fan-fiction version of history that's more 'Murican than two soldiers donating blood into a Coke bottle." ~ Honest Trailers - Pearl Harbor
Script[]
Before he cashes in on the tragic loss of American lives in his Benghazi movie (13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi), revisit Michael Bay's attempt to cash in on the loss of even more American lives in Pearl Harbor.
You think you know the real story of what happened when the Japanese attacked that fateful day, but you have no idea that it was actually just the backdrop to a stupid, campy, made-up love triangle and a bunch of wacky slapstick comedy! Meet Rafe McCawley, a fighter pilot with a terrible Southern accent who falls in love with Kate Beckinsale; and his pal Danny, a fighter pilot with a terrible Southern accent who also falls in love with Kate Beckinsale. When a real historical event gets in the way of their fictional relationship, these two good ol' boys will take to the skies and single-handedly drive the Japanese out of Pearl Harbor. You know there were, like, actual war heroes who did that, right?
Experience a Michael Bay fan-fiction version of history that's more 'Murican than two soldiers donating blood into a Coke bottle, where all the men were noble patriots, all the women were naughty nurses, and not even polio could stop the president from giving us some sweet, sweet revenge (shows President Franklin D. Roosevelt standing up from his wheelchair). Woo, yeah! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Hot on the heels of Titanic's massive success, enjoy a blatant attempt to recreate the magical profits of that far better movie, but with way more explosions and a bombing sequence so genuinely cool, you'll almost forgive the rest of the movie for being so terrible. (shows a Japanese bomb dropping from the sky) Oh, man! Here we go! (the bomb strikes and blows up an American battleship) Hell yeah! Woooo, yeah, get 'em! Oh, wait, sorry, wrong team. Dammit, Michael Bay, why'd you make that look so cool?
So strap in for a three-hour, $140 million film that cost as much to make as the actual rebuilding of Pearl Harbor, lasts a full hour longer than the actual attack, managed to offend both U.S. and Japanese veterans, and most tragically of all, gave a Michael Bay movie its first and only Oscar win...for Sound Design.
Starring... A Daredevil Pilot (Ben Affleck as Rafe McCawley), Black Hawk Dumb (Josh Hartnett as Danny Walker), Kate Beckons Sailors (Kate Beckinsale as Evelyn Johnson), Help Me Help U...SA (Cuba Gooding, Jr. as Dorie Miller), and Racist Porky Pig (Ewen Bremner as Red Winkle); and Not Starring These Actual Heroes of That Day: Kenneth Taylor and George Welch, two actual pilot buddies who shot down six Japanese aircraft during the attack; Annie Fox, the first woman to win the Purple Heart; Alice and Dean Darrow, an actual serviceman and nurse who fell in love and got married after he was wounded at Pearl Harbor; and Literally Anyone Else Who Was at Pearl Harbor...except for Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s character. He was awesome.
Honest title for Pearl Harbor - Bore-a! Bore-a! Bore-a! Title design by Robert Holtby.
Bore-a! Bore-a! Bore-a!
You guys know it's only a matter of time before Michael Bay gets his hands on 9/11, right?
Marcus Burnett: Shit just got real.
Viewer's Comments[]
The last 3 comments pays tribute to English singer-songwriter and actor David Bowie, who passed away on January 10, 2016.
Could you say "Smokey, this is not 'Nam, this is bowling. These are rules." - Brian M
say: Hi I'm Paul - Ayman Fauta
Say "My name's Blurryface, and I care what you think." - Benjamin Abramowitz
Please say, "There's a Starman waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet us, but he blow our minds." RIP David Bowie. - lalakuma9
Please say, as a tribute to David Bowie, "Time may change me. But I can't trace time." R.I.P. David Bowie - DynamicRanger'90
Please say: "And the stars look very different today." in honor of David Bowie - SaltySandals
Trivia[]
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other historical movies including Braveheart, Forrest Gump, The Revenant, The Greatest Showman, The Mummy (1999), Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Pirates of the Caribbean, Gladiator, 300, Robin Hood (2018), and Titanic. For more, see list of Honest Trailers.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Pearl Harbor has a 98.2% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Reviews for this Honest Trailer were positive, with many media sites praising the video for pointing out Pearl Harbor's historical inaccuracy. Time highlighted the "cultural critics at Screen Junkies" for calling out the disrespectful nature of the film. War History Online said the Honest Trailer was a "very funny, very irreverent take on the movie." In the same article, War History Online agreed with Screen Junkies that a lot of "fluff and padding" was added to the movie to make it appealing, and also praised the Honest Trailer for drawing attention to "the true stories that could have been used in this movie to make it somewhat deeper than a made up Hollywood version of History."
CinemaBlend said the Honest Trailer was a "dead-on critique" of the film, and particularly highlighted Screen Junkies' complaints about the film's silly love triangle. In addition, the site said the Honest Trailers observation about Bay using the film to "cash in on the loss of even more American lives" wasn't wrong, and wrote "are explosions that show tons of Americans dying really supposed to make us so satisfied?" In the same article, CinemaBlend also said "the best part about the Pearl Harbor Honest Trailer is how it makes it completely obvious that the film could have been a thousand time better if it mined more actual stories of that day." Reiterating this same point, Geek Tyrant also commended Screen Junkies' decision to acknowledge some real historical figures, writing "in an absolute first for something associated with Honest Trailers, they actually do something classy at the end by pointing out some real life World War II heroes and paying tribute to them."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Pearl Harbor
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, and Andy Signore
Edited by Anthony Falleroni
External links[]
- The Honest Trailer for Pearl Harbor Reminds You It Was an Actual Event - Time article
- Pearl Harbor Movie, Hilariously Ripped Apart by Honest Trailers (Watch) - War History Online article
- Watch The Honest Trailer For ‘Pearl Harbor’ - Geeks of Doom article
- Watch: Honest Trailer For ‘Pearl Harbor,’ Michael Bay’s Fan Fiction Version Of History - IndieWire article
- ‘Pearl Harbor’ Honest Trailer: Ben Affleck’s Heart Hurts - Slash Film article
- Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor Has A Lot Of Problems, As This Video Reminds Us - CinemaBlend article
- Honest Trailer For Michael Bay's PEARL HARBOR - Geek Tyrant article