Hulk vs. Thor (1988) is the 455th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy in the style of a vault episode. It parodies the 1988 made-for-television superhero film The Incredible Hulk Returns, a continuation of the 1978-1982 television series The Incredible Hulk. It was published on July 19, 2022, to coincide with the release of Thor: Love and Thunder. It is 7 minutes and 3 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
(after multiple blank comments pop up) Hmm... Pretty sure no one ever asked for this one, but once in a while, you just gotta trust me.
Now that Thor kinda sucks again (shows Thor: Love and Thunder's Rotten Tomatoes page, with a 67% critic score and 80% audience score), revisit the first time Marvel brought their golden boy to life, so let's crack open the Honest Trailer vault for...
Hulk vs. Thor. Okay, officially, it's "The Incredible Hulk Returns", but we both know no one's clicking on that.
In a world dominated by movies like Superman, Superman II, Superman III, and Supergirl, Marvel has surrendered film to DC and retreated to the small screen, selling Spider-Man off to the Japanese...
Announcer: Spider-Man!
...and using their only past success to try and launch a new hero: Thor. Look, Marvel sucks at adapting their comics, but do you realize what this means? They're setting up a made-for-TV Avengers movie! So rad! I hope they get Kevin Kline for Loki, or George Carlin! Maybe Cruise?!
Six years after he wandered down the road for the last time, Bill Bixby returns; he's still a man on the run, hiding the true identity of David Banner under the alias "David... Bannion".
LeBeau: My organization kidnapped David Bannion also within the week.
Was "Bavid Danner" taken? He's a Frankenstein trying to perfect his Hulk-sterectomy gun, so that only leaves time for him to do two things: science...
Banner: I've turned the transponder into a kind of giant... Chinese puzzle.
...and his co-worker.
Banner: You smell delicious. (smooches Shaw's neck) Taste pretty good, too.
But when Banner gets angry, look out; no fabric is safe from... the Hulk. Lou Ferrigno returns with an even scarier bowl cut, and when this monster bodybuilder finally comes out to play, he's showing off his signature move: grunt-flexing. (montage of Hulk growling while flexing his muscles) Lots of grunt-flexing. (another montage of Hulk growling while flexing his muscles) Who directed this, Lou Ferrigno's dad?
Matt Ferrigno: What symmetry you got, Louie. Ya know, you look like something Michelangelo cut out.
Since the 70's, fans have wondered if a live-action Thor movie could work; now, Eric Kramer has the answer: no. Meet the Viking god with a hammer you know from the comics, but instead of Norse magic, he's got nose magic...
Thor: Gift from Odin, this nose of mine. Always find my man.
...super cab-hailing powers...
Thor: HEY, CAB!! (a taxicab squeals to a stop)
...and an infectious laugh, in that I think he has some kind of disease where he can't stop laughing. (montage of Thor laughing) But in this universe, even the Mighty Thor bows before Donald Blake.
Thor: My "master" waits in his metal chariot.
Instead of being Thor's alter ego like the comics, Donald is this dweeb who everyone hates...
Thor: Oh, I like you, Blake! But only when you're asleep.
Banner: So when are you leaving?
...and who keeps Thor stuffed inside his hammer like a dog being crate trained...
Thor: Do I have your permission to leave?
...until one unforgettable, honky-tonking, hootie-tooting night on the town makes them best buddies.
Bar Song: The big guy is here! Honey, don't you know? Oh the big guy is here! It ain't time to go!
There should really be more songs about big guys being big; it really helps drive home how big the guys are.
Do you remember McGee from the Hulk show? The reporter hot on Banner's trail? No? Well, fine; he was a relic of the 70's anyways, and in case you weren't aware, this is the 80's.
Blake: This is the 80's. I don't know what a good cause is anymore.
That means it's time for high-powered executives, contracts, deals, negotiations, squash, publicity stunts, corporate espionage, compact disc players, and, because the PC 90's are right around the corner...
Blake: Who would you prefer to be on our side, Thor or a bunch of trigger-happy deputies?
...even Marvel is starting to realize, it's time to add some diversity to their casts.
Joshua: You stupid Cajun idiot!
Fouche: Hey, you're just as Cajun as me, man!
But you're not here for characters; you're here for action, and this movie will get to that when it's good and ready...
Shaw: (after she and Hulk stare intently into each other's eyes, only for Hulk to flee when he hears police sirens) No, wait!
...filled with show-stopping setpieces like... Thor and Hulk slowly wrestling around a sparkle factory (montage of Thor and Hulk fighting in a computer room as sparks fly everywhere), Thor and Banner taking down a helicopter that's clearly just not flying half the time, and Marvel's brand-new cutting-edge special effect: slooow-motiooon. (montage of slow-mo action scenes) Wow, that looks truly amazing; it's too bad everything else moves just as slow. (shows Banner slowly waking up from a nightmare)
So enjoy the first of three made-for-TV Hulk films, that could be the launch of an interconnected Marvel universe. And I, for one, am on board, because who knows what DC is doing with that new Batman movie? Can you believe they gave it to the guy who made Pee-wee's Big Adventure (Tim Burton), AND it stars Mr. Mom (Michael Keaton)?! 1-800-NOT-MY-BATMAN!
Starring: Where's the Beef? (Bill Bixby as David Banner); Oh, There It Is (Lou Ferrigno as The Hulk); I Dream of Weenie (Eric Kramer as Thor); Avenge of This Nerd (Steve Levitt as Donald Blake); A Woman Scientist? (Lee Purcell as Dr. Margaret Shaw); J. Jonah Lameson (Jack Colvin as Jack McGee); and Thor's Drinking Problem.
Thor: I'm thirsty! Is there nothing to drink in this alchemist's den?! / I want a drink. Mead... or what you call "beer" will do. / I... need... to drink.
Beating a Dead Norse
The honest title for Hulk vs. Thor (1988) was ‘Beating a Dead Norse’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
You know, Banner's girlfriend Maggie has a superpower in this, too: ignoring red flags.
Shaw: (after seeing Banner half-naked next to a dog) David...!
Viewer's Comments[]
In memory of James Caan, please say: "I don't think. Neither do I speculate, assume or hypothesize." - Chase Temple
Please say, "Eat my hammer!" - Meme Lord
Please say, "I am more disappointed than a polar bear at a Seal concert" in your epic voice. - Zachary Gidwitz
Say "would you like fries with that?" - Josh Rettig
Say: "And his name is John Cena Dah Duh Duh Daaaah" - K's World of Cinema
Trivia[]
- The first comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to James Caan, an actor best known for playing Sonny Corleone in The Godfather and The Godfather Part II, as well as Walter Hobbs in Elf, who passed away on July 6, 2022, at the age of 82.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne