Godzilla vs. Kong is the 392nd episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 monster film Godzilla vs. Kong. It was published on April 6, 2021. It is 6 minutes and 6 seconds long. It has been viewed over 200,000 times.
Script[]
The following trailer is rated S for Spoilers. I mean, you can probably tell from the title that Godzilla fights King Kong, but we tell you who wins... if that sort of thing matters to you.
In a year where everyone realized we're at the mercy of nature, the world will sublimate that anxiety into watching a giant monkey fight a giant lizard, in a perfectly-timed release before we snap and/or kiss the mailman. I'm scared to see this in a theater. Not because of the virus; I've just completely forgotten how to interact with people.
Godzilla vs. Kong
You've been moderately pleased by all the Legendary kaiju movies so far (shows posters of Godzilla (2014), Kong: Skull Island, and Godzilla: King of the Monsters with a B+ CinemaScore); now, tune in for another bad-sober-good-with-a-buzz installment of the sloppiest franchise running, where character and timeline continuity is more of a suggestion, featuring characters they forgot to mention were related, characters they forgot to mention entirely, and characters who forgot they discovered the Earth was hollow in the last movie.
Dr. Stanton: The vortex was a tunnel into the hollow Earth! It doesn't matter; I knew I was right.
But one thing remains constant: absolutely no one watching gives a sh*t about any of it. Now make with the monkey fights! (shows Kong fighting some flying creatures) Ahh, that's the stuff...
Meet the humans of the Monsterverse, because I had to, so now, you do too. They're just here to yell at what's going on, even though there's no way any of them could possibly know that information.
Madison: This is why Godzilla attacked the Apex facility. They're trying to replace him.
Ilene: It's the axe. It's drawing radiation from the core like it's charging.
Bernie: Yeah, it could be a... psionic interface?
It's just some lit-up tubes, man; how would you know that? But don't worry; they all have a backstory, whether it's their dead wife...
Bernie: She was my rock. My truth.
...dead brother...
Walter: --what really went wrong on your brother's mission?
...dead mom, or... screw it, dead everyone...
Ilene: When the storm took over the island, it wiped out the native people.
...as they carry on the Monsterverse tradition of hiring great actors, then making them say stuff like this with a straight face.
Dr. Russell: Right now, Godzilla's out there and he's hurting people, and we don't know why!
Cringe as the overly-dramatic dialogue is way funnier than the intentional comedy of the film, as you follow along with the most obnoxious fictional character profession: the podcaster.
Bernie: Something bad is going on here. / --a vast corporate conspiracy.
Brian Tyree Henry rants and raves his way through the sharpest conspiracy theory jokes of 2007...
Bernie: --the Illuminati running shadow economies all to fund a hidden colony for the elite, I mean... / Water. They put fluoride in it.
...and Millie Bobby Brown returns as his Kaiju-Anon-in-training.
Madison: Theory is it makes you docile, easy to manipulate.
Plus, this... boy is also there, in this goofy subplot that could be completely cut without anyone noticing. You only need one group of humans to follow in these movies, okay? Everyone else is there to either be squished and/or cheer when Godzilla destroys their home.
With a title like "Godzilla vs. Kong", they better deliver on the fights, as they pit the titular titans against each other no less than three times. I mean, sure, Godzilla wins two out of three because... I mean, come on; look at the guy. (Godzilla roars) And yes, Kong spends more time on his back than Riley Reid. (montage of Kong ending up on his back) But the film will do everything in its power to make you root for the big hairy boy: he's friends with children, he loves snacks, and he's got Thor's axe. I mean, come on; the only endearing thing Godzilla does is destroy part of Florida. (Godzilla destroys a factory) But no versus movie would be complete without them joining forces at the end against a surprise third fighter...
Bernie: What the hell is that...?
Dr. Lind: What the hell is that?
Dr. Russell: What in God's name is that?
...Mechagodzilla...
Josh: That's Mechagodzilla.
...a giant Jaeger created to fight Godzilla, until he loses human control and... fights Godzilla (both Godzilla and Mechagodzilla fire beams at each other), causing the two beasts to team up against this manmade atrocity, and all three of them to team up against the city of Hong Kong. (montage of the creatures destroying Hong Kong) No wonder this movie is huge in China! (a Variety article with the title "China Box Office: 'Godzilla vs. Kong' Crushes With $70 Million Debut" pops up)
So see it on the biggest screen you can, which, for most of us right now, is our phone -- You know, it's probably best suited for one of those theme park rides with moving seats. (POV shot of a flying vehicle moving past Kong) Whee! -- that may not be the most intelligent thing you could be watching, but you know what? Neither are we, and we spoke this movie into existence back in 2014!
Past Epic Voice Guy (from the honest trailer for Godzilla (2014)): "From the company who has the rights to Godzilla, King Kong, and Pacific Rim -- so please, please, please do a crossover where they all fight each other and stuff --"
You're welcome...?
Starring: I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again (King Kong); Reptile Wins (Godzilla); Just Make Out Already, You're Perfect for Each Other! (Godzilla and Kong roaring in each other's faces); On Today's Show We're Gonna Reveal the Horrible Truth, But First I'd Like to Tell You About Squarespace... (Brian Tyree Henry as Bernie Hayes); Billionaires Shouldn't Exist (Demián Bichir as Walter Simmons); Mecha Lecha Hi, Mecha Hidey Ho (Mechagodzilla); The Chris Hemsworth of the Brothers Skarsgard (Alexander Skarsgård as Dr. Nathan Lind); Let Them Fi... (Shun Oguri as Ren Serizawa); Pre-Teen Titans (Kaylee Hottle as Jia); and Physics? (Kong leaping onto an aircraft carrier, destroying it)
Alike Titan's Punch-Out
The honest title for Godzilla vs. Kong was ‘Alike Titan’s Punch-Out’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Okay, not trying to kink-shame, but why are all these monsters always trying to spit in each other's mouths? That's not a thing real animals do; they learned this from watching people.
Maya: That's... gross.
Viewer's Comments[]
For Jessica Walter, say: "I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture" - Jorge Luz
Say "I was hiding under your porch because I love you..." - Killermike2178
Say: "At least they aren't making a 'Karen: and the Last Manager' movie yet." - Joe R M
Please say "I'm tired of these Motherboxes snakes in this Motherboxes plane" - masterYoshimistsu
Trivia[]
- This was the fastest Screen Junkies had ever put out an Honest Trailer for a new release since debuting in 2012, coming out only 6 days after the premiere of Godzilla vs. Kong, and beating the records previously set by Mulan (11 days), & Trolls: World Tour (1 month, & 9 days) respectively. It held on to that record until the release of the Honest Trailer for She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, which debuted only 5 days after its final episode was released.
- The first comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to Jessica Walter, an actress best known for playing Lucille Bluth on Arrested Development and Malory Archer on Archer, who passed away on March 24, 2021, at the age of 80.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet