Survivor 47 recap: Prepare for the Romeaissance

Attention, future contestants: There are a few basic rules to follow if you’re going to play Survivor.

RULE #1: Come on in when you are told to come on in.

RULE #2: When you are asked if you want to know what you are playing for, answer in the affirmative.

RULE #3: Make sure to really over-enthusiastically profess your undying love for any mobile phone, major motion picture, or fast casual dining chain that happens to pay enough money to shoehorn their product into a reward challenge.

And then there is RULE #4: When you are on the bottom of your tribe and someone comes to you with a plan that will keep you safe, agree to the plan. It doesn’t mean you have to follow the plan or not work behind the scenes to come up with your own plan to counter it. But when the people who hold your fate in the game in their hands present what they want you to do, nod yes, shake their hands, maybe even give yourself a stupid alliance name even though everyone knows the alliance is phony baloney, and wait until your confessional interview to explain why you have no interest in playing along.

Of course, Aysha did not do that. And now Aysha is out of the game. Make no mistake, I like the moxie. I support the fact that Asyha was not content to sit back and let the game play her, and she instead attempted to take a more active role in dictating the course of what was to happen at Lavo’s first Tribal Council. But there are battles and there are wars, and by not accepting defeat in the former and moving on to play another day, Aysha lost the latter.

But if there is anything I love on my favorite reality competition show, it is a player that shows us actual raw human emotion upon having both their torch and dreams snuffed, and Aysha certainly delivered in that department. “That really hurts,” she began while pointing directly as Kishan and Teeny after she was eliminated. “I’m not gonna lie.” And then she gave us glorious shades of Kellie Nalbandian as she tried to identify all the culprits. “Wow, was that you too, Sol?”

But the piéce de résistance was Aysha’s final two words, delivered with all the sarcastic disdain she could muster. “Good luck!” she told her Lavo tribe, clearly wishing them no luck at all, especially under the guidance of resident tribe camp pop & locker Rome.

I so much prefer Aysha’s raw and emotional exit to putting a brave face on things or trying to look like a good sport in defeat. NO! Show me you care! Show me your pain! Show me your suffering! And that’s not just because I feed on the misery of others like a Despair Vampire in the mold of one Colin Robinson. It is because it’s so much more honest and real. I want Survivor players where the game means something to them, and when that game is taken away, it hurts them.

And being the very first person voted out of your tribe has to hurt, especially when you are such a fan of the show. I’m glad Aysha allowed her guard to come down and showed us that. If only she had showed Kishan and Teeny something else in that conversation right before Tribal, she may not have suffered her fate, but the Survivor gods are cruel and have now claimed another victim.

Okay, let’s get into what else went down on episode 3 of Survivor 47 as we celebrate what can only be described as the new era Romeaissance.

Sue steams

 If you read our bold predictions for the season from the Survivor 47 cast, you will notice a theme — players were definitely intent on not sitting on their immunity idols after what happened on Survivor 46, with five players getting voted out with idols in their pockets. And this week’s episode began with Gabe essentially saying that was why he used his idol in his first Tribal after working so hard to get one good  for three Tribal Councils. We even got handy dandy flashbacks to Jem, Hunter, Tiffany, Venus, and Q at their lowest moments right after being blindsided… which I’m sure they totally appreciated.

What I was most interested in seeing this week, however, was how the other blindsided victim, Kyle, would react. If you watched last week’s amazing deleted scene, you saw that Kyle is a kind and gentle soul that needs to be protected at all costs. I was worried how he would emotionally process being out of the strategic loop on the vote, and it turned out he handled it… just fine! No worries! On to the next vote!

Contrary to what anyone thought, Kyle was not going to fly from Michigan to Baltimore to be Gabe’s limousine driver. (By the way, are stretch limousines still a thing? And if they are not still a thing, how are prom attendees expected to stand up through a sun-roof while holding a bottle of champagne and yelling “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” at the top of their lungs to no one in particular? And where exactly are all the Wall Street bros supposed to do their cocaine? Did no one think about these massive holes that need to be filled when they stopped making stretch limousines?)

If anyone was taking the vote personally, it was Sue, who just could not let it go that Kyle put her name on parchment — shutting Kyle down when he relayed the information to her that Gabe only wanted to take her to the end as a goat. Look, I get it. I mean, I don't get being so upset about catching a stray vote. That is playing emotionally and not strategically.

But I do get questioning the intel being provided. The guy just voted for you and now he wants to make it seem like he genuinely cares about your position in the game? Highly suspect. But kind of like Asyha with Kishan and Tenny, you don’t have to buy what he is selling. Sit there, nod, listen, say thanks for the info, and at least act like you want to work with the dude, because guess what? At some point, you may need to! That’s how games truly take flight. HEY-OH! You see what I did there? Take flight? Flight school? Flight school owner? Anyone? No? Okay, let’s just move on.

Sleep no more

There’s a scene from Attack of the Clones where Anakin Skywalker — or Ani, as he is sometimes annoying called — complains about how much he hates sand. “I don't like sand,” he tells Padmé. “It's coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.” First off, I can’t believe that line worked and somehow helped that petulant teen land a respected Naboo queen. Secondly, complaining about sand when you literally come from a sand planet doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You figure the guy would have had plenty of time to acclimate to the stuff while yelling “Yippie!” around Watto’s junkyard.

Whatever. There’s a reason why I am bringing up one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes from the Star Wars prequel trilogy. At first blush, it would seem that Rachel and Anika complaining about sleeping on bamboo is not so far off from a future Dark Lord of the Sith opining about all the worst properties of sand. But I do get it. Sleep is soooooo important out there, and ranks as one of the approximately 3,928 reasons I would never play Survivor — because I am the lightest sleeper in history and would basically not snooze at all on the island and then go insane and toss out the tribe rice or something.

The point is… they have a point! Sleep better, do better in the challenges and the game. Also, sleep better, and don’t get into absurd arguments about a clothesline. This entire scene was money as Anika and Sam both attempted to keep their composure while clearly wanting to murder each other. When Sam started swinging the machete to cut the line — and Anika told him he was doing it wrong — I half expected him to “miss” on one of his swings and hit something (or someone) else instead.

Speaking of Sam, I now love him. Don’t worry, fiancée — I’m not trying to steal your man. (That would be Sierra). I just love that Sam makes me feel better about my own terrible eating habits. Not only has the guy apparently never eaten a single vegetable in his entire life, but he has also never eaten pineapple or watermelon. Do you know hard that is to do? Like, that is actively going out of your way to avoid eating anything even remotely healthy. The best part of all, of course, was when he said he had “a” raspberry… once… maybe. Not raspberries plural, mind you, but rather a single raspberry. Again, maybe. I guess I don’t need to feel so bad about those three consecutive fried chicken sandwiches I ordered last weekend after all. Bless you and your crime scene of a digestive tract, Sam.

But Sierra is the one who was eating when it came to game play this week, somehow managing to convince Andy to give her his Shot in the Dark to guarantee that he would not use it and vote with her side against Anika and Rachel. This would not be the only sign of Sierra’s elevated game play, which we will get into a little later, but I do want to pause for the cause to weigh in on my main man Andy here for a second.

What at first might seem to be another palm-to-head social misplay was, I would argue, actually a good move by Andy. Shots in the Dark are tools in the game, and players have become increasingly aware that their power does not only rest in a potential get-out-of-jail-free card at Tribal Council. If Sierra and Sam got worried that Andy would play his SITD, maybe they would just say it wasn’t worth the risk and vote him out instead. But the guy on the bottom of the tribe just reassured the NOT IN A SHOWMANCE duo that he is on their side, and may have just solidified his place in the game as a result. Thumbs up!

Journey to nowhere

Oh, goody, the journeys are back. Regular readers know I am not a huge fan of these excursions. I get why they do them, but I don’t think the juice is usually worth the squeeze. (Speaking of which, do we think Sam knows what juice is?) Sometimes, at least, the contestants are faced with intriguing dilemmas or moral quandaries. Not this week.

Instead, Kyle, Anika, and Rome went and played a game of Pick an Item Out of a Bag. Sure, if they picked the Lose a Vote instead of the Advantage, they got to decide whether to go for double or nothing, but it was basically just a souped-up version of the always riveting Guess the Bamboo game from Ghost Island. (BTW, I still stand by Ghost Island as a truly inspired concept that was merely done in by poor execution, and I still remain a Ghost Island 2 supporter. Then again, I also liked Fire Tokens, so what the hell do I know?)

Anyway, Kyle and Anika both lost their votes and stopped there, while Rome won a Steal a Vote advantage and proceeded to tell us that they should rename Survivor 47 to Survivor: Rome… and considering my longstanding and well documented aversion to numbered Survivor seasons, I support wholeheartedly! Actually, what would be the best thing in the history of Survivor is if they did rename the season Survivor: Rome, and then Rome was immediately voted out, and yet they kept the name Survivor: Rome for the rest of the season anyway. (FYI, this is why I am not a producer on Survivor.)

I do want to take this opportunity to give some props to someone who was not even on the journey — Sierra. (I told you it was coming). After lying to the entire Gata tribe and saying she protected her vote, Anika than told the actual truth to Rachel… and Sierra. Sierra and Sam are seen as so close that people on the other tribes have already put them in a hot and heavy showmance, yet somehow Sierra has made Anika so comfortable in an all-women alliance, that Anika was here spilling the beans about lying to the men. That’s either a grave error in judgement by Anika or stellar social play by Sierra. Perhaps a little from column A and a little from column B.

Strategy sneak peek

I remain slightly peeved that Jeff Probst respectfully passed on my suggestion to begin every challenge — whether on sea or on land — with “Bring in the boats!” But I quickly got over that very public slight from the host after he explained the rules to this week’s water challenge. And why is that? Because we got a glimpse at the rarest of Survivor endangered species — the pre-challenge strategy sesh!

There are a few reasons why I love seeing tribes chat about who should do what in a challenge. For one thing, it’s an often fascinating window in an element of tribe dynamics we rarely get a chance to view. Usually, the challenge just begins and we don’t know why anyone is doing what. But with a strategy session, we not only learn the why, but we also see who was pushing hard to do something, and who backed off when pushed. I also love it because whenever they show it, that means that someone who put themselves in a hero position is inevitably doomed to fail.

I’ll be honest: This week, I thought that person was going to be Rome. No, that’s not right. I didn’t just think it, I was sure of it. As sure of that as I was sure that Betsy Bolan was destined to win Survivor: Samoa. But who can blame me on either count? In an alternate universe, Betsy Bolan is a two-time winner who also has done stints on The Traitors, Deal or No Deal Island, and Australian Survivor. And Rome was just so over-the-top insistent that it be him — talking about how mad he would be if it wasn’t, like a child blackmailing his parents with a temper-tantrum if they don’t pull into the Several-11 and buy him a Slurpee — that I just assumed he was about to fail spectacularly on a Tiffany Seely balance beam level.

In fact, Rome seemed so clearly set up for failure that I kind of didn’t pay much mind to when Andy said he would be good at all the stages of the challenge. (Narrator: He was not.) Poor Andy! Guy is finally getting his footing a bit — looking all amused as tribe mates argue about a clothesline — and then he goes and can’t get across the balance beam, repeatedly falling off into the water. Rough stuff.

It didn’t matter though, as Rachel — who alternates between the best and worst puzzle solver in Survivor history, depending on the challenge — worked with Anika to dominate the badass-looking Seahorse. After Tuku took second place, it was Lavo going to Tribal Council.

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Rome sweet Rome

There is no doubt about it: Rome is a definite person of interest this season. His amount of screen time— roughly 10 minutes for every 10 seconds Genevieve has received — would attest to that. But Rome has earned his screen time through an endless barrage of fascinating statements and actions. Like, say, the fish thing.

Rome proclaimed he wanted to break the Survivor record for most fish caught in a day. (Narrator: He did not.) And then, after discouraging anyone else from using the fishing equipment, he complained about not getting help, and then followed that up by eating half the fish himself and spitting fish guts on Aysha's back… as one does.

But what makes Rome so much fun to watch is the completely unwarranted cockiness, like when he tells us “If Boston Rob was the godfather, there’s got to be godson somewhere” because he is so confident he has fooled Sol… and then the camera cuts to Sol clearly not being fooled at all. It sounds like I am making fun of Rome, which I guess is at least partially true, but the truth is, I respect it! So many people come onto Survivor and are so cautious and worried about their image and how they appear, and Rome is just like SCREW IT! Rome is all in… on Rome! No hesitancy. No reservations. No shame. But what else would you expect from a former battle rapper who may or may not have faked his own death? I love it! And while he may not yet have won the game of Survivor 47, Rome has already won the secondary game that all contestants play — putting themselves in position to be asked back to play again. Put it down in Sharpie: Rome will be back.

However, while Rome may have been collecting idols and advantages, the true power in the tribe seems to rest with Teeny and Kishan. I dig an under-the-radar power duo who plays the middle to perfection — secretly controlling the game from the shadows. Last season, it was Charlie and Maria. This season, it is Teeny and Kishan. First, Teeny convinced Rome to target Sol instead of Aysha, and then when they didn’t like how Aysha responded to their last-minute conversation, they convinced Rome to switch back! That’s power. And that’s impressive. Also impressive? We actually heard from Genevieve at Tribal Council. Like, saying actual words! I look forward to hearing from her again in the month of November.

Okay, just a reminder before you make like Aysha and get out of here. We’ve got the full cast revealing their bold predictions for the season. Check it out to see who is already right and who is already wrong. We’ve got another food-related exclusive deleted scene, so make sure to give that a gander. Probst is weighing on all the big events of the week, and we’ll be chatting with Aysha as well, so keep your eyes peeled. Hopefully that will keep you plenty busy until I am back next week with another scoop of the crispy.