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From today's featured article 

Englishlanguagefamilytree.jpeg

English is commonly thought to be a natural language, but is in fact a squishy, plastic middle ground between French and German that was constructed by God, with the help of illiterate sheep, to annoy the English. This strategy did not have the expected result; instead of annoying them as planned, it delighted them, as they now had a perfect device for weakening indigenous populations that they would not otherwise have been able to colonise. It was also used with homework to torture English and Welsh children alike into not being too soft.

English took in bits and pieces from all over the world as a result of repeated invasions of England before they received the language. These other preexisting languages were then integrated into their new one. Following the rapid expansion of the British Empire, the language suffered many invasions from various languages in conquered territories, to the extent that English began to completely reinvent itself every 1-2 years, which it still does to this day. Scientists are currently working on a solution, but it is doubted that any will be found before the language reinvents itself, and renders all previous research incomprehensible. It is also doubted that any proposed solution will be adopted, even if it did come to exist. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
  • ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
  • ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
  • ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
  • ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
  • ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?

In the news 

JimmyCarter.jpg
Only two years younger than Nosferatu. R.I.P.

Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football playoff with twelve schools! (not you, 'Bama) • Josh Allen / Lamar Jackson MVP "debate" • Golden Globe Awards

Recent deaths: Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) • Liberal Party of Canada • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow

Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • The New England Patriots' hope for the future

On this day 

Happy hour is at 8, not 7

January 9: Open Mic Night Day

  • 1838 - So there's this photo of a town I took and I don't have the colors for it. So I guess you'll have to imagine yourself in a colored dimension...
  • 1927 - Hey, guys. Gonna do some standup today. How's it going Denver, yeah, so my girlfriend, it's our, by the way it's our three year anniversary...
  • 1930 - The SUN. Clap. The LIGHT tears my HEART into STRANDS. Clap. My FACE, ENGULFED in SHIT. Clap. I am ALONE. Alone. Alone...
  • 1936 - Uh, you ever been, like, you ever been like on the bus, and like, uh, the uh.... So, this old dude, and he, and this was the funny part, he had den— dentures and I had a whole bucket of, oh God, excuse me....
  • 1942 - So the U-R-L is, A-R-Y-A-N dash promise, except there's, uh, two s's, dot R-U slash resources slash the truth about almond milk dot H-T-M, with no spaces, again, that's A-R—
  • 1950 - Women, can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em, amirite? You fuckers, you fucking millennial shitheads my shit is gold, I've been doing comedy since before you were a stain in your—
  • 1967 - 🎝Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.🎝 By now— who threw that!? Who threw that!?

Picture of the day

Wikimoon?
 Gosh, Wikipedia is starting to get a little too big...

Image credit: DaMenace
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