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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Wheeling Jesuit University (WJU) is a university located in Wheeling, West Virginia. Although it has been called "the Harvard of West Virginia", this is a great compliment: West Virginia is home to more Ivy League schools than any other state in the United States.

WJU is the youngest of the 28 Jesuit schools in the United States (29 if you count the Portland Institute for Fry Cooking). WJU is the center of a great deal of paranormal events, including UFO invasions, natural disasters, time travelling, emergence of superhumans, and other bizarre and foul-smelling things. WJU is particularly famous for its low-cost, high-volume lacrossetitutes; its output is comparable even to top Canadian institutions. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that I hear voices outside my room? (Pictured)

... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?

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In the news [edit]

"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence (Pictured)
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters
Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3-peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Hollow Knight: Silksong, and Deltarune Chapter 3 • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • Deaths from Myanmar earthquake • Tornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors • Disney fans re-watching the original Snow White to forget the remake

Recent deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers • Meghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Snow Broke and the 9-figure loss for Disney • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyesight and hearing • Val Kilmer

Upcoming deaths: Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • Your March Madness bracket and bank account • Tornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

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On this day [edit]

April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)

3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat.
1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO.
1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan.
1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day.
1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured)
2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China.
2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.

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Picture of the day

The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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