Protected page

Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

From today's featured article 

AmericaGV.JPG

Freedom is an abstract concept invented by American politicians who needed a word that could convince people to let them do whatever they wanted and still get reelected. In its most basic form, freedom means everything people in America love, and everything people outside of America – especially terrorists, communists, and the French – hate. Let's say, for example, that I approach Martha Barlow, an American housewife with two children, as she pulls a warm apple pie out of her oven and ask her what she thinks of freedom. She'd probably say it's pretty darn great! In the next room her husband Joe, tired after a long but rewarding day at the office, is watching a baseball game and eating a TV dinner. Asked how he felt about freedom, he'd probably also say it's pretty darn great! Now, let's go next door to their neighbor's house, where the Gilberts, two French Muslim lesbians, live. Ask them about freedom, and what would they say? "Why, being French, Muslim, gay, and also socialist, which the sexy, sexy narrator previously failed to mention, I hold in my heart an unrelenting disdain for freedom, and I hope, but not pray because I'm also an atheist, for the day in which all the world is ruled by a single, oppressive communist regime. Now, if you'll excuse me, my partner and I need to go dress up in our maid outfits so we can engage in hot, godless, kinky lesbian sex." Mmmm, yeah. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Rod serling.jpg
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
  • ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
  • ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
  • ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
  • ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

In the news 

OSU Ryan Day championship trophy.jpg
only in ohio


Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • Ohio State championship win memes from Gen Alpha • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again

Recent deaths: Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Kansas City Chiefs Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer

On this day 

"I should've called it 'Around the World in Two Days', see if you can do *that* you perfidious wench!" - Jules Verne, probably

January 25: Shit January's Almost Over? Day

  • 1890 - Nellie Bly (Pictured) crosses the world in only 72 days, is faced with the nagging feeling that the stove might still be on the whole journey.
  • 1949 - The first Emmy Awards are televised, audiences everywhere smash their television sets for "growing an ego."
  • 1971 - Idi Amin wins upset election in Uganda after the other candidate is mysteriously shot forty-seven times in the back.
  • 1995 - The Russians almost launch their nuclear weapons after mistaking an atmospheric missile for a giant middle finger.
  • 1996 - The last man to be hanged in America, immediately regrets choosing to be hanged seconds after hanging.
  • 1998 - Pope John Paul II visits Cuba, condemns the country for its human rights abuses after a mojito he ordered took "too damn long" to arrive.

Picture of the day

Money Tree
 This "holiday" "season", instead of spending "your" money on "gifts", why not just "ductape" it to a tree, in the "forest", give your "family" a map, and hope they all "freeze to death"?

Image credit: Hindleyite
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Other areas of Uncyclopedia

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 38,780 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Main_Page&oldid=6346161"