The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: Kiss Kiss, Bangs Bangs

The last few weeks of this show have been full of Bronwyn-focused drama, with her various conflicts with Lisa and Heather taking center stage. While Bronwyn has been great at holding our interest, I have missed the larger group dynamic between all the women of Salt Lake City — I want a fuller picture of their friendships and what keeps them all together in the first place. Luckily, this episode has everyone in one room and has gotten us closer to developing storylines between them all. I’m curious to see more about where they stand with one another and how the changes in allegiances and closeness will play out in later episodes. While the setting is a cute Audrey Hepburn–themed brunch at Mary’s, it felt more like cleaning house before we get to their Mexico trip, which has been teased as explosive and, thank God, husband-free.

Before getting to that, we get Heather and Lisa at … Kemo Sabe? What is the hold this place has in the Housewives universe? We first saw it in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills; does the Southwestern–themed hat store-bar have some deal with Bravo? Anyway, I love how the scene with Heather and Lisa plays out in tandem with Bronwyn speaking to Todd at home. The two debriefs mirror each other in a way that sets the scene for what goes down at the brunch in a way that makes me a bit sad for Bronwyn.

Lisa relays the gist of the trip to Heather, confirming she doesn’t care what happens with Bronwyn. For as controlling as I found Bronwyn on that trip, she came from a place of pain about her deteriorating relationship with Lisa. Lisa might also feel this pain, but the blame is placed only on Bronwyn. I understand Heather’s point that the SLC wives have been in the trenches together for seasons and that Bronwyn does not respect the trauma they all share from when Monica, the last new person, joined the group, which Heather later explains to Bronwyn at the brunch.

However, no one gives Bronwyn any grace for how difficult it must be to enter a friend group that distrusts new people. Lisa brought Bronwyn into that group, and she has a responsibility to help people understand where Bronwyn is coming from. So far this season, it’s been easy to forget Bronwyn is on the show because Lisa brought her in — and I think for that reason alone, Lisa should be pushing the group to better understand why Bronwyn has lashed out and put her guard up.

Bronwyn’s conversation with Todd bums me out, as do so many scenes between Todd and Bronwyn. Of course, when we see Todd, he is in his baseline mood of being annoyed and indignant. Dude, you are a willing participant on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City — live a little! He annoys the shit out of me and annoyed me even more by placing the blame for the trip not going his way on Bronwyn. In her reaction to his scolding, Bronwyn seems very small. I don’t say this because of the age difference, but it read like she is his child and she is being punished. For better or worse, a house husband has to at least form a level of understanding within the framework of what this show is about, and he simply doesn’t. I do like that, at least in her confessionals, Bronwyn can question Todd’s response to her. My most generous reading is that Todd is not someone who should be on TV and perhaps has a softer and kinder side his wife experiences when cameras aren’t in front of them, but it made me sad.

I understand many of you have turned on Heather for being annoying, and do not get me wrong, she is. I still missed her these last couple of weeks. I understand people’s opinions on Housewives change with the wind; I have flip-flopped on Bronwyn enough times. But it’s hard to deny she is important to this group. Maybe not in the queen bee way she seems to want so desperately, but we’ve been through a lot with her, and I see her value in making this show work. So much of what she tries to do does not land, which is funny.

For example: Ignoring Bronwyn upon her arrival when she was right beside everyone else made me laugh because it was so childish and made her seem more like a coward than a bad bitch. Just say hello like a normal person, loser. Again, I don’t need these women to always behave correctly, but that was a funny way to see an adult woman behave.

So much happened during this brunch. Mary’s rational and calm demeanor will never be normal to me. She has been the voice of reason so many times this season, and I will never get used to her being so lucid. I mentioned this before, but they used to treat her like an aging pet; even at her most crazy, she was not taken to task like the other women because it was a miracle she was there at all. But seeing her embrace everyone, from complimenting Whitney without any caveats to inviting Britani and declaring they should all do more to include her … who is this woman? It’s also not like she isn’t Mary M. Cosby anymore; she is still scathing and weird, but it’s employed differently. I had to pause when she revealed that Jared Osmond was sliding into her DMs. What on earth is happening? I think that made Mary more empathetic to Britani in a way, seeing that the man she is so hung up on is desperate enough to slide into Mary’s DMs. That is not something a normal person does. I found it interesting as well that Mary didn’t bring up the fact that she was married when talking about how weird it was for him to do that. Is this because Robert Sr. is so upset with production that he doesn’t want to be mentioned on air? It feels like it would have been a normal thing to say, which makes me wonder what exactly is going on in her marriage.

I do want to know what happened between Mary and Meredith. Meredith was once the person Mary tolerated the most consistently, but it seems like nothing is holding them together as friends anymore. Perhaps this is because of the friendship between Mary and Angie. I don’t think Mary was taking Angie’s side during the big Meredith-Angie blowup toward the end, but it’s becoming increasingly clear Meredith isn’t as close with anyone in the cast as she has been in previous seasons.

Meredith has been most consistent with how she cannot handle the arguments on this show at any level anymore. She’s a runner and blows up too quickly while also making it seem like she wants to move on. She’s been the one to keep these long-standing arguments present this season but runs away from them so often that it’s hard to understand which outcome she wants.

I’ll be the first to admit my pro-Angie bias, but I think she was just reiterating that Shawn wasn’t bringing up Brooks as a person and it was unfair for Meredith to make it seem like he was. It’s undeniable that Meredith’s been positioned as this LGBTQ+ ally while also bringing up a rumor that Shawn was gay, and that is hypocritical. Again, Meredith opened her mouth about it all to begin with; even if Angie came in too hot, it was cowardly to run off.

Heather going so hard and fast toward Bronwyn worried me at first. I can’t handle one more discussion about her and Bronwyn after this episode, and I know it will come up again. But Heather finally gets to the core reason why she has been behaving so weirdly towards Bronwyn. She is insecure and cautious, and to her credit, she has lost a lot of community over the years from turning on the Mormon church. I get how, even though it’s childish and embarrassing, she could see Bronwyn as a threat who will push her out of a group she has been through a lot with. And feeling excluded on a couples trip when you are single and don’t want to be must suck, regardless of how annoying you are. Bronwyn handled it all perfectly. Even if the solution is just to move forward and not think about Heather anymore, the beef ran its course. Lisa remains the luckiest person in the world. She played both Bronwyn and Heather to an extent, used them as pawns in her own power game — and got away with it all because they moved on. Classic Lisa.

I think episodes like this, where there’s no central conflict or fallout to witness, are necessary to move storylines along. We’ve reached the end of caring about Bronwyn and Heather fighting because we could only be so invested in two people who aren’t friends and never have been. I’m thankful this season seems to know when arguments are growing stale. I feared this group was splintering in a way that meant their being together would be inauthentic and overproduced, but I think homing in on these ladies feeling close to one another because of their shared history was a good call before we get to the second half of this season.

Snowflakes

• I love Angie so much. I love her saying that Abraham Lincoln had Versace plates. I understood what she meant: that the logo was on plates he owned. I still don’t think that’s true, but I believe it came from a place of truth within her heart. If Angie says he had those plates, he had those plates!

• Britani has no strategy for this show, which is beautiful. She just shows up and does whatever she feels like. I respect that.

• I think Britani, as inelegant as she is, does have a point about the wine. She does drink (and on camera), but why would Angie bring wine as a gift for a church night? Bad move!

• Whitney grabbing Meredith’s phone was weird, even if it was for volume. But Meredith’s delayed reaction and extreme anger was even weirder to me.

• Meredith’s fake bangs were really ugly, and I loved them.

• I think Bronwyn needs to stop bringing up what she paid for, even if she’s correct. You can’t flaunt how rich you are and get a necklace worth millions of dollars for your anniversary and then put people in coach for a flight. I’m sorry, but you can’t.