What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence or EI is the ability to understand and manage your own
emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of
emotional intelligence know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean,
and how these emotions can affect other people.
For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. After all,
who is more likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at his team when he's
under stress, or a leader who stays in control, and calmly assesses the
situation?
According to Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist who helped to
popularize emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
The more that you, as a leader, manage each of these areas, the higher your
emotional intelligence. So, let's look at each element in more detail and
examine how you can grow as a leader.
Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
1. Self-awareness
If you're self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your
emotions and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware
when you're in a leadership position also means having a clear picture of
your strengths and weaknesses , and it means behaving with humility .
So, what can you do to improve your self-awareness?
Keep a journal – Journals help you improve your self-awareness. If you
spend just a few minutes each day writing down your thoughts, this can
move you to a higher degree of self-awareness.
Slow down – When you experience anger or other strong emotions, slow
down to examine why. Remember, no matter what the situation, you can
always choose how you react to it. (Our article on Managing Your Emotions
at Work will help you understand what your emotions are telling you.)
2. Self-regulation
Leaders who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others,
make rushed or emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their
values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control.
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This element of emotional intelligence, according to Goleman, also covers a
leader's flexibility and commitment to personal accountability .
So, how can you improve your ability to self-regulate?
Know your values – Do you have a clear idea of where you absolutely
will not compromise? Do you know what values are most important to you?
Spend some time examining your "code of ethics." If you know what's most
important to you, then you probably won't have to think twice when you
face a moral or ethical decision – you'll make the right choice.
Hold yourself accountable – If you tend to blame others when something
goes wrong, stop. Make a commitment to admit to your mistakes and to
face the consequences, whatever they are. You'll probably sleep better at
night, and you'll quickly earn the respect of those around you.
Practice being calm – The next time you're in a challenging situation, be
very aware of how you act. Do you relieve your stress by shouting at
someone else? Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself. Also,
try to write down all of the negative things you want to say, and then rip it
up and throw it away. Expressing these emotions on paper (and not
showing them to anyone!) is better than speaking them aloud to your team.
What's more, this helps you challenge your reactions to ensure that they're
fair!
3. Motivation
Self-motivated leaders work consistently toward their goals, and they have
extremely high standards for the quality of their work.
How can you improve your motivation?
Re-examine why you're doing your job – It's easy to forget what you really
love about your career. So, take some time to remember why you wanted this job.
If you're unhappy in your role and you're struggling to remember why you wanted
it, try the Five Whys technique to find the root of the problem. Starting at the root
often helps you look at your situation in a new way.
And make sure that your goal statements are fresh and energizing. For more on
this, see our article on Goal Setting .
Know where you stand – Determine how motivated you are to lead.
Our Leadership Motivation Assessment can help you see clearly how
motivated you are in your leadership role. If you need to increase your
motivation to lead, it directs you to resources that can help.
Be hopeful and find something good – Motivated leaders are
usually optimistic , no matter what problems they face. Adopting this mindset
might take practice, but it's well worth the effort.
Every time you face a challenge, or even a failure, try to find at least one good
thing about the situation. It might be something small, like a new contact, or
something with long-term effects, like an important lesson learned. But there's
almost always something positive, if you look for it.
4. Empathy
For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful team or
organization. Leaders with empathy have the ability to put themselves in
someone else's situation. They help develop the people on their team,
challenge others who are acting unfairly, give constructive feedback, and
listen to those who need it.
If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your team, then show them you
care by being empathic.
How can you improve your empathy?
Put yourself in someone else's position – It's easy to support your own
point of view. After all, it's yours! But take the time to look at situations from
other people's perspectives. See our article on Perceptual Positions for a
useful technique for doing this.
Pay attention to body language – Perhaps when you listen to someone,
you cross your arms, move your feet back and forth, or bite your lip.
This body language tells others how you really feel about a situation, and
the message you're giving isn't positive! Learning to read body language
can be a real asset in a leadership role, because you'll be better able to
determine how someone truly feels. This gives you the opportunity to
respond appropriately.
Respond to feelings – You ask your assistant to work late – again. And
although he agrees, you can hear the disappointment in his voice. So,
respond by addressing his feelings. Tell him you appreciate how willing he
is to work extra hours, and that you're just as frustrated about working late.
If possible, figure out a way for future late nights to be less of an issue (for
example, give him Monday mornings off).
5. Social Skills
Leaders who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are
great communicators. They're just as open to hearing bad news as good
news, and they're expert at getting their team to support them and be excited
about a new mission or project.
Leaders who have good social skills are also good at managing change and
resolving conflicts diplomatically. They're rarely satisfied with leaving things as
they are, but they don't sit back and make everyone else do the work: they set
an example with their own behavior.
So, how can you build social skills?
Learn conflict resolution – Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts
between their team members, customers, or vendors. Learning conflict
resolution skills is vital if you want to succeed.
Improve your communication skills – How well do you communicate?
Our communication quiz will help you answer this question, and it will give
useful feedback on what you can do to improve.
Learn how to praise others – As a leader, you can inspire the loyalty of
your team simply by giving praise when it's earned. Learning how to praise
others is a fine art, but well worth the effort.
Key Points
To be effective, leaders must have a solid understanding of how their
emotions and actions affect the people around them. The better a leader
relates to and works with others, the more successful he or she will be.
Take the time to work on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation,
empathy, and social skills. Working on these areas will help you excel in the
future!
